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Becoming financially responsible

D

DiscussingTheTopic

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I think some jobs are easier to keep if you have a spouse to help you when you come home, because the jobs are very stressful and hard enough to deal with without dealing with the problems of not being married.

But at the same time one is not ready for marriage before they are financially ready.

So some people might not be financially ready for marriage before marriage. How can this be dealt with as the marriage seems to be needed for the finances but the finances for the marriage?

I am oversimplifying it is not exactly as I said, but how do you deal with that problem and did I explain it adequately?
 
Hello DTT, I appreciate the sentiment that such an individual needs to show themselves responsible but doesn't that fly in the face of taking care of the "widows and orphans in their affliction" found in James? The vast majority of single mothers find themselves in lower economic status than that of married women and thus highlights the requirement for those of us pretending to have a "true religion" to care for them.
If on the other hand we are referring to men, then I personally think that they should have some trade or technical ability or education to fall back on in order to provide for a family. I remember my parents' dismay when a cousin went into the military to become a "tank turret mechanic" because that did not equate to many occupations in the outside world. I know that many industries have outsourced well-paying careers and even quite capable men find themselves in need of re-training to something else- that's a different story.
In other words, we men need to be more than beer and netflicks every night if others need our help. "For with the same measure ye meet withall it shall be measured to you again" (I hope I quoted the correctly).
Maddog
 
DiscussingTheTopic said:
So some people might not be financially ready for marriage before marriage. How can this be dealt with as the marriage seems to be needed for the finances but the finances for the marriage?
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Both of my marriages occurred at times when I was not "financially ready". In the second case, I was in the process of losing my house, and we spent about half of our first year together living in a shop with no kitchen and only a half bath.

*shrug*

I didn't and don't worry that either wife married me "for my money". We muddled through together, through good times and bad. Along with the storage / shop, there have been times when that meant a 5-bedroom house with a pool in an exclusive area of town, or a 5000 sq ft Geo Dome, 7 bedrooms, 4 full and 2 half baths on a hillside with a view or 2 months camping in a house that a lawyer friend slowed up the foreclosure on so we could have a roof over our heads.

My conclusion? If you truly find the right one to marry, marry her. Then go to the latter half of Matt 6, and take it seriously. Tell God your needs, thank Him for supplying them, and watch him do just that. Do, of course, be prepared to fill a more active role than sitting on the couch watching netflix. But it will be His provision.

The old saw is true ... you can't live on love. But Love, the divine stuff, will take you an awful long way, and tends to provide the rest of what you two (or three or ...) need.

Good luck, Carl
 
How can this be dealt with as the marriage seems to be needed for the finances but the finances for the marriage?
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men, if the marriage is needed for the finances..............forget it and come up with a new plan. having a wife to care for the home is a luxury, earn it! :)
 
steve said:
How can this be dealt with as the marriage seems to be needed for the finances but the finances for the marriage?
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men, if the marriage is needed for the finances..............forget it and come up with a new plan. having a wife to care for the home is a luxury, earn it! :)
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Well, I don't think you really understand what I am saying at all.
 
You know, I have met some men who were financially prosperous, but should never marry....never.

And, I have friends right now that are in plural situations, where the funds are extremely limited, but the wives are happy, the kids are happy, and the husband is a leader in the home.

So, my answer is, it depends!

I am not saying to anyone to not take finances into account, because the Bible makes clear the need to plan and prepare.

It does seem, however, that someone who is better off financially actually has other skills already in place that make him a candidate for plural marriage. Some of those same skills are needed for both.

Another important element that I think needs to be taken into account, and that is faith. Sometimes, it is a step of faith to get married in a monogamous relationship, how much more in a plural one? As a single person, I have to operate in the realm of faith to remain chaste and keep a good attitude about God's leading.

I have been to Africa, and met dirt poor, grass-hut living, families using dung for fuel who were living for Jesus, God providing every need, and there will be three or four wives and a dozen or so kids tagging along. In fact, these families view their wealth in the NUMBER OF CHILDREN rather than THE AMOUNT OF GOLD they have. They were definitely living by faith, not finances.

Just some ideas to think about......


Doc
 
DocInMO said:
It does seem, however, that someone who is better off financially actually has other skills already in place that make him a candidate for plural marriage. Some of those same skills are needed for both.
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I do not disagree generally but also

It does seem, however, that someone who is better off maritally actually has other skills and resources already in place that make him better as an employee which he would not if he was unmarried.
 
DiscussingTheTopic said:
It does seem, however, that someone who is better off maritally actually has other skills and resources already in place that make him better as an employee which he would not if he was unmarried.
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the grass always looks greener on the other side of the fence :D
many times maintaining the essential relationship in a marriage competes with being that good employee. been there, done that, but currently am much blessed :D
 
Some good ways to save money.

1. Someone in the family learn to cut hair.
2. Do not eat out so much.
3. Do not have cable or satellite TV unless needed for internet.
4. Learn to dress warmer or cooler and not rely so much on central heating and AC.
5. Plan shopping trips and do not run to the store for single items.
6. Usually it is cheaper to fix the car you have rather than buy another one (not always though)
7. Do not have a phone land line unless needed for internet.


Just a few.
 
Today's financial community doesn't always fit into a 1950's mold, neither should polygamy be required to. It isn't necessarily a necessity for the man to support the a huge family plural marriage relationships can create. It is difficult to make it these days on a single income, and let's not discredit a woman's education and use in a positive way, to community.
Take in consideration, it may be more advantageous for the husband to stay at home because of physical disability, and or ability to lead his household. Seeing the husband is a cornerstone so to speak of the household, it may be advantage for him to be at home, and available for ongoing domestic needs.
Currently I am in a career transition. My 501c3 and the new work it will do for the benifet of community, is I believe G-D ordained. Men at bare minimum need G-D's ethics and Spirit and temperament to be the leader. And preferable vision.
The "ideal model," may not be ideal. But G-D makes a way.
 
Joe Picker said:
But G-D makes a way.
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When Yah’s plan is being followed, He will make a way.
When people act presumptuously, doing things for Him, Yah is under no obligation to provide and often doesn’t.
 
Every so often I read someone’s plan of economic gain based upon having multiple wives. I have yet to read a good testimony about how it worked out.
Not naming names, but one of the testimonies on this thread hasn’t been a positive story.

Can multiple wives and lots of children be a part of a thriving business plan?
Of course, but they aren’t the basis for it. It’ll only work with a business plan that is already thriving with just a man or a man and his first wife.
 
So Steve, basically you are saying it doesn't matter how good of a spiritual leader a man is. If he can't provide for whatever reason, he shouldn't be married. Even though we live in a time when women have near equal opportunity in the work place, and their gender may be more appropriate for the work unconditionally, to follow the man plan. Business as you call it.
Having a family is not a business.
There are single mothers that don't equvalate a good man by income, and instead need a man for spiritual and domestic order.
But, if a man claims to be a businessman, it should be proven and established.
 
Joe Picker said:
So Steve, basically you are saying it doesn't matter how good of a spiritual leader a man is. If he can't provide for whatever reason, he shouldn't be married.
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Exactamundo!
EVERYBODY is in business, most people are just not awake enough to realize it.
The basic thing that people sell is their time, example being a night watchman.
Another is selling your labor, digging ditches cleaning houses/offices.
When you sell what you have acquired in the space between your ears is when it gets more lucrative.
Ones character very much affects the price of what you sell, you may have valuable knowledge in your head, but if your work ethic stinks you won’t find a good market for your value.

Wives are our help to assist us, not labor units or profit centers to be rented out.
Yes, many compromises are made in that regard, but the man who is looking for wives to be his support is on the wrong path in my opinion.

Prove me wrong with your life, not with your theories.
 
I have two wives that work very hard.
They add incredibly to the value of the Kingdom, but their efforts pay not a dimes worth of rent. I bust my tail to pay the bills, but their successes are on the ledger in Heaven that has my name at the top.
My success is what is done for the Kingdom, because without me doing what I do, they couldn’t minister as they do.
 
steve said:
Exactamundo!
EVERYBODY is in business, most people are just not awake enough to realize it.
The basic thing that people sell is their time, example being a night watchman.
Another is selling your labor, digging ditches cleaning houses/offices.
When you sell what you have acquired in the space between your ears is when it gets more lucrative.
Ones character very much affects the price of what you sell, you may have valuable knowledge in your head, but if your work ethic stinks you won’t find a good market for your value.

Wives are our help to assist us, not labor units or profit centers to be rented out.
Yes, many compromises are made in that regard, but the man who is looking for wives to be his support is on the wrong path in my opinion.

Prove me wrong with your life, not with your theories.
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@steve what incredible insight! Makes me want to work harder for Him and my husband by being a better helper, serve him, family and others God puts into our life!
 
Joe Picker said:
Even though we live in a time when women have near equal opportunity in the work place
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Over-equal actually. Young women are over-paid on an apples to apples basis and can access lucrative forms of employment men can't. At the same time everyone from grade school to college to corporations discriminates against men now. It's really hard for a woman to get fired. Really easy for a man.

steve said:
Wives are our help to assist us, not labor units or profit centers to be rented out.
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So it's not ok for wives to be profit centers to rent out but it is ok for men to be profit centers to rent out? That's just men as beast of burden again. Whether a wife works in the home or outside of the home, she's still working, still a labor unit.

This idea that men go off to work while women run the house and care for the children is a 20th century artifact of industrialism. A perspective that only sees paid employment as 'providing'. Before that most people lived and worked together as a family. The man who spends his time working for the man is leaving things wanting back home just the same as a woman who goes to work instead of staying at home.

If you look at Prob 31 you get a more balanced perspective. She works in the home and out of the home.
 
rockfox said:
So it's not ok for wives to be profit centers to rent out
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I didn’t say that, I am saying that marrying wives in order to be able to rent them out is the wrong path, in my opinion.
 
steve said:
I didn’t say that, I am saying that marrying wives in order to be able to rent them out is the wrong path, in my opinion.
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If that's your only motive you're going about it wrong. Their employer makes more money off them than you do. You'd do better to just start a business and get employees.
 
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