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Did we just kill the phoenix?

LOL. Well put Cecil. It does take 3 for PM! :lol:
And thank you all for your prayers and encouragement. They have helped me a lot. My DH and I continue to pray on this and seek His will for the next step. There continues to be a struggle and issues that need addressing, but for the first time in a long time, I am beginning to feel hope. Not a hope that things will go my way, just an overall sense of hope. Hubby and I were able to have a long, serious and open talk the other day. It brought a lot of healing to our relationship. Anyways, as promised, I just wanted to give an update to things happening with this. I consider this site and its members to be an online family and I appreciate you all. Thank you again for your support and prayers.
 
I found myself, digging up bones and decided to post an update for those that followed my story/posts...It has been an amazing and painful last few months. I am so happy to report though that God has held us through the storm and hubby and I are standing firmly on the other side. :) After several months of tears and fights and struggles, I found myself at a point of which I felt I could truly reach out to my DH and former SW and offer the forgiveness and closure I (as well as her I assume) needed. I put my thoughts to paper and e mailed her a 3 page letter detailing what was on my heart and that I wanted her to know I had forgiven her for everything. It saddened me that her response was what I expected and not what I hoped for. After talking with my DH and praying over it more, we agreed that pursuing a relationship of any kind with her would only be damaging.
But in the end, I was still able to find closure, peace and forgiveness that had eluded me since we met. I find each day drawing me closer to God and His will for us. I am now filled with a peace and absolute joy that I know can only come from Him. My DH and I have even been able to discuss the topic of PM once more and are starting to really learn about the "path of PM" and what it really takes to do it in accordance with God's will. I am finding myself more and more in a place that I feel comfortable with the idea that this may still be a path God wants us on. Something that I swore would never happen again. :) Well, that is all really. I just wanted to say thank you to those that have prayed for us and those that took the time to call and minister over the phone with us. It meant more than words can say and has made all the difference. Thank you all.
 
I honestly hate to do this considering the time that has passed and that everyone has moved on from the post... But it has been on my mind and heart a lot lately and I finally decided to give in and write this post. Let me start by saying that everything I have posted is true. With that stated I also want to make it known that there were certain things left out of my postings. I had chose to leave out certain things for many reasons, mostly being sake of brevity and not wanting to seem slanderous as my then SW had a sign on to BF also.
But now that time has passed and I can speak on this objectively and clearly, I feel the need to share more. The main reason is because of the friendships that I have began to grow on here and because I don't want others that are seeking knowledge to read my posts and be mislead in any way. Really all that needs to be shared can be done so in bullet points and I was long winded enough in my previous posts. :)
-Yes, we rushed into the relationship and quickly took our eyes off of God and what HE wanted for us. I will not deny that.
-We (the hubby and I) pursued and committed to the relationship with my SW with the intentions and beliefs that we were establishing a PM.
-My SW however, never saw or treated the relationship in this light. Looking back with that famously clear hindsight, we now know that she saw a chance to get her foot in the door and pursue my husband. So she took it. She only ever wanted the hubby to give her another child. She had known him since high school and still carried feelings for him. She believed that she could play along with the PM idea and just have me removed when the time was right.
-It was later made known that she, although serrated, was still married to her first husband and had no right (spiritually speaking) to be pursuing or marrying another man.
-It was also revealed that during our short time together, she was not even faithful to my husband and was having an affair with her room mate. She also continued to sneak out to bars with a friend and hook up with other men.
-I know that it was stated in my previous post that I had made the hubby choose between us. I should have stated that more clearly..what had happened was that I had caught her children sexually acting out with my daughter. This came after finding out about her marital status, affair with the room mate, drug dealing and usage. I went to my husband and explained that this was not something we could continue as it was clear that this was not the PM we had thought it was or intended it to be. I had believed till that point that this was all things that could be repented of and changed. Even her children acting the way they had with mine. When she was confronted, she yelled at the hubby and I and made serious accusations against me and my parenting of her children and my own. She went on to yell at hubby and say the most disrespectful and demeaning, things. It was made clear to my husband at this point that I was correct. She did not view this as we did and had no intention of ever doing so.That was when he told her that this was not what it was supposed to be nor would it ever be and asked her to leave.
As I stated in my most recent post prior to this one, I reached a point of forgiveness and when I reached out to her, she still offered no remorse or acknowledgement of her wrong doings in the relationship. She only wanted us to be able to resume the relationship 100%. This further showed me that this would not ever be what I had hoped. So, like I said before, I was just hoping to get this off my chest and try to set the record a little more straight. The post was more for myself than anything so thank you for allowing me to indulge. I do hope that some of you who seemed to think ill of us in the beginning for this, can see differently now. I do understand completely where those of you were coming from with your comments and I respect them. If this does not change your views or opinions on us or the situation, I am ok with that too. I just needed to set things as right as possible for my sake as well as those that stumble across this from time to time. God bless you all.
 
irishprincess09 said:
- My SW however, never saw or treated the relationship in this light. Looking back with that famously clear hindsight, we now know that she saw a chance to get her foot in the door and pursue my husband. So she took it. She only ever wanted the hubby to give her another child. She had known him since high school and still carried feelings for him. She believed that she could play along with the PM idea and just have me removed when the time was right.
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OMG this is exactly what happened to us. No wanting a child, just to pick up an old relationship and remove me at the first chance, which explains why she would never work at developing any sort of friendship with me at all. It hurts us still now, even though we 're-visit' the situation almost daily, examining what we didn't see but should have. Mostly I get frustrated for not being able to truly understand why someone would do that in the first place. I guess I just don't relate to trying to sabotage a successful marriage.

Well, you learn and move on don't you? We are now focused on our upcoming 31st anniversary and celebrating so many great years together!That's good enough for us.

Thank you for your post. I appreciate it.
 
mmmmmmmm

[that is the noise of ylop busy contemplating renewing monagamous vows]

ylop the cautious
 
Ylop - you make me laugh. :) thank you.

Donnag- my heart aches for you knowing that you can relate to my situation. Congratulations on your upcoming anniversary! That is so awesome. :) I have started reading a book that another BF friend gave to me. It is called, "Loving God with All Your Mind" by Elizabeth George. I would highly recommend it for all women following God. Especially those that battle their minds, thoughts and emotions on a daily basis. Feel free to message me if you ever need to vent or talk. I love getting to know others that share in the belief of PM (hence why I am here I spose!) lol.
 
Is Elizabeth George the one who has seven sister wives, last count, and is like this brilliant lawyer?
 
Not unless there is another Elizabeth George who is also a famous ladies' author. Elizabeth George is most noted for her work: "A Woman After God's Own Heart."

Her many books can be found here:

http://www.elizabethgeorge.com/george/books.asp

She teaches at the Evangelical Seminaries of Talbot Theological Seminary and the Master's Theological Seminary, two solid schools but not per se in line with polygyny.

However, not unless she has refrained from speaking on it, this Mrs. George would not be pro-polygyny.

When you mention the Lawyer aspect were you thinking of the woman who wrote: Winning the Marriage Lottery (Andriana Blake)? She was lawyer but I don't recall her being one of seven so maybe that is not who you were thinking of.

Elizabeth Elliot too is a famous author for women. She wrote one book called, "Let Me Be a Woman." In that work she briefly noted her experiences among those in polygyny in the tribes and how it worked. But she never said much more on it. I'm trying to think of all of the Elizabeth's that have written in the field of Christendom but I can't think of any who would fit that description.
 
ylop said:
mmmmmmmm

[that is the noise of ylop busy contemplating renewing monagamous vows]

ylop the cautious
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Just don't date any old girlfriends or have them take a polygraph test OR better yet- don't rush into things!
 
You all make me smile, thank you. I think too that one of the larger problems aside from someone trying to usurp for there own purposes was that before this journey we did not have an understanding of the structure of biblical marriage and the patriarchal aspect involved in it. I know there are those who have a tendency to be judgmental and have seen in this light an example of me possibly being to "squishy" of a husband where my wife is concerned, but let me assure you that hindsight is 20/20 and what appears one way is not always as it is. I have been prone in the past to make certain concessions of authority to my wife out of what I viewed as being compassionate or attentive to her needs and feelings. In our journey learning about Patriarchal Family structure and how God intends the family to look and be structured I have come to an understanding that there are some areas that I am not to concede to her and that in doing so I am actually being more loving and providing better for her emotional growth because she needs and craves in some respect that authority and guidance that comes from "laying down the law". This at times is contrary to my nature because I like to guide by example and teach through letting her make her own choices and then picking her up when they are not the right ones, but I am finding in myself more and more that balance of showing and standing firm when needed. Life is about learning who we are called to be and those who are going to be critical and judge or bash others with out knowing the whole story will do so because that is there nature, but hopefully that is an area of growth in there life where God is working with them. My advice to anyone looking to learn more about pm and a biblical based family is you should start first with learning what is needed to build a healthy image of Patriarchy in the family, and then in implementing that, whether or not you are called further into pm, you at least have the structure needed to make the family work as God intended.
 
Loclorin said:
You all make me smile, thank you. I think too that one of the larger problems aside from someone trying to usurp for there own purposes was that before this journey we did not have an understanding of the structure of biblical marriage and the patriarchal aspect involved in it. I know there are those who have a tendency to be judgmental and have seen in this light an example of me possibly being to "squishy" of a husband where my wife is concerned, but let me assure you that hindsight is 20/20 and what appears one way is not always as it is. I have been prone in the past to make certain concessions of authority to my wife out of what I viewed as being compassionate or attentive to her needs and feelings. In our journey learning about Patriarchal Family structure and how God intends the family to look and be structured I have come to an understanding that there are some areas that I am not to concede to her and that in doing so I am actually being more loving and providing better for her emotional growth because she needs and craves in some respect that authority and guidance that comes from "laying down the law". This at times is contrary to my nature because I like to guide by example and teach through letting her make her own choices and then picking her up when they are not the right ones, but I am finding in myself more and more that balance of showing and standing firm when needed. Life is about learning who we are called to be and those who are going to be critical and judge or bash others with out knowing the whole story will do so because that is there nature, but hopefully that is an area of growth in there life where God is working with them. My advice to anyone looking to learn more about pm and a biblical based family is you should start first with learning what is needed to build a healthy image of Patriarchy in the family, and then in implementing that, whether or not you are called further into pm, you at least have the structure needed to make the family work as God intended.
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We would all be wise to remember this:
1 “Judge not, that you be not judged. 2 For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you. 3 And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? 4 Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me remove the speck from your eye’; and look, a plank is in your own eye? 5 Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye. - Matthew 7:1-5
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Your vulnerability throughout the posts is appreciated. It brings to life something that many have dealt with.
 
Loclorin, thank you so much for sharing your heart. It is encouraging to know that even husbands ;) can learn and grow! May the Lord bless your family for all your "hard work".
 
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