For all first-wives having problems accepting this lifestyle, you are not alone. I know you feel that way because you are so caught up in the merry-go-round of emotions common to all first wives. Honestly, these feelings get better over time IF they are dealt with now. A lot of your feelings of rejection, abandonment, loss of everything you held dear, loss of your hope for the future and your expectations of growing old together, etc. are simply dealt with, but not easily done. What I mean is it is simple in the understanding, but difficult to do (and consistently do when they come back to haunt you).
First things first: Cry out to God. Ask Him for forgiveness for your anger, frustration, blowing up at your husband, feeling sorry for yourself, and for doubting God's plan for your life. Seriously, seek God's guidance. In God's plan for husbands and wives, husbands are in charge, and they make the final decision. So, we must listen to them and change our behaviors to suit the new plan for your marriage, from that of monogamous to that of polyginy.
Secondly: realize that feelings are neither right nor wrong, they just are. Your response and behaviors to those feelings are right or wrong. You must take every feeling apart, examine it and decide if you want to keep it or not. Make a list of pros and cons for each feeling, is it worth reacting to?
Thirdly: you know how you are feeling, but what is she feeling? She is coming into a happy home, one that is several or many years old, and she doesn't know what to expect. Both of you love the same man and he loves each of you. She could be experiencing the same emotions you are. So, you both should put your best efforts forth to find ways to get along.
Fourthly: set boundaries. Figure out your sleeping arrangements, sharing household chores, yardwork, childcare, shopping, cooking, etc. Don't criticize each other, don't speak badly about each other, pray for one another.
Fifthly: everything rests on your husband's shoulders. It is up to him to love each of you enough to help you through this time. He needs to be close to the Lord, praying daily, seeking God's guidance. He needs to set aside at least one night a week to take each of you out for a date night.
The reality is that you have two monogamous marriages under one roof. Each is separate but you have to interact graciously with each other in order for the house to run well. Thus, you must communicate with her daily. We found that family meetings helped. Also, Bible studies helped as well.
Whenever there is a change in your life, you will need time to adjust. When a new baby comes to the home, older siblings need time to adjust and often it takes a lot of time for them to do that. When your husband gets a new job miles away from your home, and you have to move, that takes time. Life is full of changes, and we must be willing to adapt, to be flexible, to accept what is to be with patience, love, and kindness. As Christians, we must live our lives with grace and humility, waiting on God, seeking His Guidance and His Will for our lives. Seriously read Chapter 13 in First Corinthians in the Bible. Try to emulate those Fruits of the Spirit. Your life will change, you will be able to control your mind and emotions, and you will experience peace.
Our husband would talk with each of us to see what we needed in our lives to get along with the other woman and would calmly come up with solutions to our problems. Now, we all talk together about everything. We, my sister-wife and I, shop often and always together. We have Bible study every night. It is possible to have a wonderful life in this lifestyle. You just have to trust God, your husband, and your sister-wife (this will come with time). If you can have open communication with her, the two of you together can work with your husband as a three-strand rope in the kingdom of God.
First things first: Cry out to God. Ask Him for forgiveness for your anger, frustration, blowing up at your husband, feeling sorry for yourself, and for doubting God's plan for your life. Seriously, seek God's guidance. In God's plan for husbands and wives, husbands are in charge, and they make the final decision. So, we must listen to them and change our behaviors to suit the new plan for your marriage, from that of monogamous to that of polyginy.
Secondly: realize that feelings are neither right nor wrong, they just are. Your response and behaviors to those feelings are right or wrong. You must take every feeling apart, examine it and decide if you want to keep it or not. Make a list of pros and cons for each feeling, is it worth reacting to?
Thirdly: you know how you are feeling, but what is she feeling? She is coming into a happy home, one that is several or many years old, and she doesn't know what to expect. Both of you love the same man and he loves each of you. She could be experiencing the same emotions you are. So, you both should put your best efforts forth to find ways to get along.
Fourthly: set boundaries. Figure out your sleeping arrangements, sharing household chores, yardwork, childcare, shopping, cooking, etc. Don't criticize each other, don't speak badly about each other, pray for one another.
Fifthly: everything rests on your husband's shoulders. It is up to him to love each of you enough to help you through this time. He needs to be close to the Lord, praying daily, seeking God's guidance. He needs to set aside at least one night a week to take each of you out for a date night.
The reality is that you have two monogamous marriages under one roof. Each is separate but you have to interact graciously with each other in order for the house to run well. Thus, you must communicate with her daily. We found that family meetings helped. Also, Bible studies helped as well.
Whenever there is a change in your life, you will need time to adjust. When a new baby comes to the home, older siblings need time to adjust and often it takes a lot of time for them to do that. When your husband gets a new job miles away from your home, and you have to move, that takes time. Life is full of changes, and we must be willing to adapt, to be flexible, to accept what is to be with patience, love, and kindness. As Christians, we must live our lives with grace and humility, waiting on God, seeking His Guidance and His Will for our lives. Seriously read Chapter 13 in First Corinthians in the Bible. Try to emulate those Fruits of the Spirit. Your life will change, you will be able to control your mind and emotions, and you will experience peace.
Our husband would talk with each of us to see what we needed in our lives to get along with the other woman and would calmly come up with solutions to our problems. Now, we all talk together about everything. We, my sister-wife and I, shop often and always together. We have Bible study every night. It is possible to have a wonderful life in this lifestyle. You just have to trust God, your husband, and your sister-wife (this will come with time). If you can have open communication with her, the two of you together can work with your husband as a three-strand rope in the kingdom of God.
