• Biblical Families is not a dating website. It is a forum to discuss issues relating to marriage and the Bible, and to offer guidance and support, not to find a wife. Click here for more information.

From Staff Forum rules

FollowingHim

FollowingHim

Administrator
Staff member
Real Person
Male
In order to make it much clearer for users what is and is not appropriate on this forum, and also to make moderation considerably simpler, these are the rules of the forum. Most of this is not new, it's the same general etiquette we've observed forever, but it's written down here now for clarity.

RULES
  • This is a forum for Christians to interact, in love, and discuss marriage and scriptural matters in a respectful manner.
  • Access to any part of this site is a privilege, and this privilege can be taken away.
  • Access to the site may be restricted or removed due to breaches of the below guidelines, or for any other reason that the ministry staff consider valid.
  • REMEMBER: This is, first and foremost, a marriage ministry. It is NOT a debating site, although deep discussion is allowed also. It is critical that we maintain a loving, relaxed atmosphere, where both men and women feel comfortable sharing about their marriage issues, and seeking advice. For this reason, very intense debates may at times be stopped by moderators purely for the reason that the debate is damaging the general atmosphere for other users, even if the participants have not technically violated the below rules.
  • Every comment should:
    • Be on the topic of the original post
    • Add something of value to the discussion
    • Be respectful of others
  • Stay on topic. If you have a topic you wish to discuss that is not the topic of the original thread, start a new thread (feel free to post a link to the new thread in the original one). Some friendly chat is fine, and encouraged, but whenever it detracts from the discussion the person who started the thread wished to have, it should be taken elsewhere.
  • Use clean and respectful language. No nudity or other vulgarity.
  • Particularly respect the original poster of a thread. We hold a wide range of views, and can find different things offensive. Where you know the original poster has particular issues they hold dear, bear these in mind and if necessary modify your speech to ensure they personally feel you are speaking respectfully.
  • Don't make personal attacks against other members, or forum staff. If you have a concern about an individual, these concerns should be taken to moderators in private.
  • Don't copy and paste large amounts of content from other websites or previous posts. Post a link instead.
  • Don't take over the discussion. Let other people share their views also.
  • Do not attempt to impose your views on others, or dominate conversation to the point that others' views cannot be clearly expressed also.
  • This is not a dating website. We encourage people to get to know each other in person, and provide the public forum, chat, private messages and even in-person retreats to facilitate this. But get to know each other on the public forum first, and only make private contact with people you are genuinely forming friendships with already on the forum. Inappropriate use of this forum's resources will result in access being removed. Inappropriate use includes, but is not limited to:
    • Men sending public or private messages to every new single woman who signs up (other than responding with a simple non-suggestive welcoming message to an introductory thread begun by the woman herself).
    • Men contacting other men's wives in any way that could be perceived as a romantic approach.
    • Women sending private messages to large numbers of men or other existing family members.
    • Approaching anybody underage romantically (with "underage" defined as "younger than the legal age of consent in the jurisdiction of either party to the conversation").
    • Any other behaviour that appears to be predatory or inappropriate, whether or not it was intended that way. If it would give someone the wrong impression of this forum's membership, or otherwise turn people away, it is forbidden.
    • If multiple individuals report that a person could be a danger to others (e.g. they are not who they say they are, have a history of abuse, or are likely to break up families rather than integrate into them), and staff are comfortable that these concerns are valid, this individual will have their access restricted for the safety of others.
  • Be honest. Everyone is welcome to use anonymous usernames etc to preserve privacy, and to choose not to give any information they want to keep private. However if a person dishonestly presents themselves as a largely fictitious identity, or as someone other than themselves, the account will be banned. This forum is for real people to discuss real matters honestly, deceptive identities will be presumed to be scammers, timewasters, or people with other impure motives.
    • Each person may have only one account. Having multiple accounts is considered dishonest. The administrator may merge multiple accounts that belong to one person.
  • Work with, not against, the moderators. If you are concerned that a post breaches these guidelines, DO NOT engage in an argument with the person who posted it. Rather, click the "report" link at the bottom of the post, and a moderator will deal with it. Don't argue with the moderators on public threads. Nobody is perfect, even moderators will make mistakes, if it's a minor issue then ignore it. If you have any genuine, serious concerns about moderation decisions, discuss this with the moderator concerned or with other staff in private.
MODERATION POLICIES

Public forums:
  • Any breach of the above guidelines will result in a formal Warning from the moderators.
  • If you receive the following number of warnings within the space of 30 days, you will be restricted as follows:
  1. No consequence.
  2. No ability to post on the forum for 48 hours.
  3. No ability to post on the forum for one week.
  4. Permanent ban from the entire forum (also lose access to private messaging, chat etc. Can never log in again).
Private messaging: (updated February 2022)
  • New members may send and receive private messages with staff members only. This means that a new member can immediately approach the staff for confidential marriage support, or to discuss breaches of these rules.
  • Once a member has interacted on the forum a certain amount, they will become able to contact, and be contacted by, any other forum member. This delay is intended to protect newly signed up ladies from receiving unwanted attention, and reduce the risk of spammers and scammers from abusing the private message facility.
  • Inappropriate communications as outlined above are completely forbidden. However, to allow confidential marriage support, private messages are truly private and staff do not read them. So from the point that this restriction is lifted, we have no control over or knowledge of what communications you may receive. If you receive inappropriate communications, please report these to staff.
  • The penalties for inappropriate communications are as follows:
  1. Suspected inappropriate behaviour: Lose ability to initiate private conversations. Can still respond to messages from others. Examples: Anyone who is contacting large numbers of people in a suspicious manner (possibly as a scammer), or a man who messages most new single woman who sign up. The pattern of behaviour is suspicious but the motive is unclear.
  2. Confirmed inappropriate behaviour: Lose all access to private conversations and chatrooms. Example: Someone whom trusted forum members have interacted with online or in real life, and have come to the clear conclusion that this individual could be a danger to others and should not have the ability to solicit contact through this forum.
  3. Very serious concerns: Permanent ban from the forum.
 
Last edited:
Please note that these rules were initially written months ago, and have been under discussion for a long time. They are not in response to any particular recent debate that may have occurred.

In the past, we have disciplined users using a "post approval" system, which meant that people who were misbehaving had every post screened by moderators, and posts would not appear until they had been manually approved. This was a high workload for moderators, and was a great nuisance for anyone being disciplined also, because sometimes a post might not be approved for many hours and conversations are very difficult under these circumstances. These new moderation policies do away with post approval, for everyone's benefit. Instead, anyone who is consistently breaching the rules will now be banned from the site temporarily (see above), to give them a chance to cool off and come back when they're ready to discuss things in a more appropriate manner. This is far simpler for moderators to administer, and also better for users. Usually when someone's angrily ranting, they really do just need to be told to take a couple of days to cool off - and by the time they return, the argument they were having is often old history that is easy to stop at that point.

Feel free to ask for clarifications on anything here that is not clear. Some parts may be worded poorly and need clarification, I'd be glad to clear up anything. The point of these rules is not to suppress conversation, but simply to make everything clearer for all involved.
 
Now that these rules have been published, the penalties for breaching the rules can be applied directly by moderators without needing an administrator to do anything technical, and we have the largest moderation team we have had ever (@Verifyveritas76 , @aineo and @Mojo), I will be stepping back as much as possible from actively moderating posts. If you have any moderation requests, please approach one of them in the first instance. They will deal with post reports also.

If you have any concerns about moderator decisions, please bring these to me for a second opinion. I will strive to not moderate posts in the first instance, so that I can offer a neutral perspective in the case of any disputes (I might still step in when something needs serious attention and I'm the only staff member online, but I intend to intentionally pull back as much as I can).

Then, if you have any concerns about my decisions, take these concerns to @nathan.
 
rockfox said:
Hopefully you'll still be gracing us with your commentary.
Click to expand...
Of course. I just want to try and not be the first person to jump in and discipline people, so I'm not the first person people get upset at, so I can then be in reserve as the person they can complain to... Whether I can resist the temptation to jump in though, that's the difficult question!
ZecAustin said:
It seems like this new system needs a trial run....
Click to expand...
It's already happening - but not on you, surprisingly. :)
 
It might be helpful to provide a primer on how to navigate the website.

how the member title promotion system works.
how to make a reply
how to make multiple replies in the same reply... or highlight multiple quotes in a reply.
how to post a link
how to post an intra-site link
how to make the @whoever embed in the post
search instructions
???
for the newcomers and for some of us less computer savvy users of the forum.
 
Jim an Apostle said:
It might be helpful to provide a primer on how to navigate the website.

how the member title promotion system works.
how to make a reply
how to make multiple replies in the same reply... or highlight multiple quotes in a reply.
how to post a link
how to post an intra-site link
how to make the @whoever embed in the post
search instructions
???
for the newcomers and for some of us less computer savvy users of the forum.
Click to expand...

Just to add to this - I'd like to know how to post a PDF that can be opened by someone who is not signed in as a member. No, I don't mean a PDF that is located at a URL, but rather a stand-alone PDF. Yes, people who are already members can open any document when signed in, but I've tried it before - inserted a PDF into a post and then signed out and could not open it. I just get a message that I can't do that and need to sign in. That is not helpful to curious people who are just surfing through and might benefit from a PDF's contents, but can't access it. It would be great if when desirable, documents can be made to open for all so that casual surfers could see contents without signing up. They may just not be ready for a sign-up yet and miss out on something of benefit. Maybe this is now doable and I just have missed how it's supposed to work. Help please anyone?
 
Last edited:
Jim an Apostle said:
It might be helpful to provide a primer on how to navigate the website.

how the member title promotion system works.
how to make a reply
how to make multiple replies in the same reply... or highlight multiple quotes in a reply.
how to post a link
how to post an intra-site link
how to make the @whoever embed in the post
search instructions
???
for the newcomers and for some of us less computer savvy users of the forum.
Click to expand...

And how to insert photos in posts from the internet or from your local computer. The latter is counter-intuitive compared to the former.
 
Regarding the primer that was mentioned above, this would be a project anyone could undertake. I agree that there would be benefit to this, and there are lots of folks on this forum who are very comfortable with the site and able to do it. I’d say anyone could start a thread on tips and tricks to better navigate and use the forum.
 
I second that. Anybody who feels they could write such a thread, please do so, and when we see it one of the mods can "pin" it so it stays top of the list where newbies will see it.
Also, if you do this, any post in the thread may be edited by a moderator or myself if we see a need to clarify or correct anything. So if you see a message "edited by a moderator", don't worry that you might have said something inappropriate, they'd just have be collaborating to make it clearer.
 
FollowingHim said:
In order to make it much clearer for users what is and is not appropriate on this forum, and also to make moderation considerably simpler, these are the rules of the forum. Most of this is not new, it's the same general etiquette we've observed forever, but it's written down here now for clarity.

RULES
  • This is a forum for Christians to interact, in love, and discuss marriage and scriptural matters in a respectful manner.
  • Access to any part of this site is a privilege, and this privilege can be taken away.
  • Access to the site may be restricted or removed due to breaches of the below guidelines, or for any other reason that the ministry staff consider valid.
  • REMEMBER: This is, first and foremost, a marriage ministry. It is NOT a debating site, although deep discussion is allowed also. It is critical that we maintain a loving, relaxed atmosphere, where both men and women feel comfortable sharing about their marriage issues, and seeking advice. For this reason, very intense debates may at times be stopped by moderators purely for the reason that the debate is damaging the general atmosphere for other users, even if the participants have not technically violated the below rules.
  • Every comment should:
    • Be on the topic of the original post
    • Add something of value to the discussion
    • Be respectful of others
  • Stay on topic. If you have a topic you wish to discuss that is not the topic of the original thread, start a new thread (feel free to post a link to the new thread in the original one). Some friendly chat is fine, and encouraged, but whenever it detracts from the discussion the person who started the thread wished to have, it should be taken elsewhere.
  • Use clean and respectful language. No nudity or other vulgarity.
  • Particularly respect the original poster of a thread. We hold a wide range of views, and can find different things offensive. Where you know the original poster has particular issues they hold dear, bear these in mind and if necessary modify your speech to ensure they personally feel you are speaking respectfully.
  • Don't make personal attacks against other members, or forum staff. If you have a concern about an individual, these concerns should be taken to moderators in private.
  • Don't copy and paste large amounts of content from other websites or previous posts. Post a link instead.
  • Don't take over the discussion. Let other people share their views also.
  • Do not attempt to impose your views on others, or dominate conversation to the point that others' views cannot be clearly expressed also.
  • This is not a dating website. We encourage people to get to know each other in person, and provide the public forum, chat, private messages and even in-person retreats to facilitate this. But get to know each other on the public forum first, and only make private contact with people you are genuinely forming friendships with already on the forum. Inappropriate use of this forum's resources will result in access being removed. Inappropriate use includes, but is not limited to:
    • Men sending public or private messages to every new single woman who signs up (other than responding with a simple non-suggestive welcoming message to an introductory thread begun by the woman herself).
    • Men contacting other men's wives in any way that could be perceived as a romantic approach.
    • Women sending private messages to large numbers of men or other existing family members.
    • Approaching anybody underage romantically (with "underage" defined as "younger than the legal age of consent in the jurisdiction of either party to the conversation").
    • Any other behaviour that appears to be predatory or inappropriate, whether or not it was intended that way. If it would give someone the wrong impression of this forum's membership, or otherwise turn people away, it is forbidden.
    • If multiple individuals report that a person could be a danger to others (e.g. they are not who they say they are, have a history of abuse, or are likely to break up families rather than integrate into them), and staff are comfortable that these concerns are valid, this individual will have their access restricted for the safety of others.
  • Work with, not against, the moderators. If you are concerned that a post breaches these guidelines, DO NOT engage in an argument with the person who posted it. Rather, click the "report" link at the bottom of the post, and a moderator will deal with it. Don't argue with the moderators on public threads. Nobody is perfect, even moderators will make mistakes, if it's a minor issue then ignore it. If you have any genuine, serious concerns about moderation decisions, discuss this with the moderator concerned or with other staff in private.
MODERATION POLICIES

Public forums:
  • Any breach of the above guidelines will result in a formal Warning from the moderators.
  • If you receive the following number of warnings within the space of 30 days, you will be restricted as follows:
  1. No consequence.
  2. No ability to post on the forum for 48 hours.
  3. No ability to post on the forum for one week.
  4. Permanent ban from the entire forum (also lose access to private messaging, chat etc. Can never log in again).
Private messaging:
  • When first signing up, you may only receive and respond to private conversations initiated by others. After interacting on the site for a period of time, you will automatically receive the ability to initiate private conversations with any member. But this is a privilege that can be easily revoked.
  • Moderators can apply the following restrictions, as they deem necessary, depending on the severity of concerns:
  1. Suspected inappropriate behaviour: Lose ability to initiate private conversations. Can still respond to messages from others. Examples: Anyone who is contacting large numbers of people in a suspicious manner (possibly as a scammer), or a man who messages most new single woman who sign up. The pattern of behaviour is suspicious but the motive is unclear.
  2. Confirmed inappropriate behaviour: Lose all access to private conversations and chatrooms. Example: Someone whom trusted forum members have interacted with online or in real life, and have come to the clear conclusion that this individual could be a danger to others and should not have the ability to solicit contact through this forum.
  3. Very serious concerns: Permanent ban from the forum.
Click to expand...
Thank you for the outline and to all the mods for what you do in attempt to keep us safe from predators. I dont know that I have thanked you before so please accept my sincere thanks for all you do.
 
FollowingHim said:
Public forums:
  • Any breach of the above guidelines will result in a formal Warning from the moderators.
  • If you receive the following number of warnings within the space of 30 days, you will be restricted as follows:
  1. No consequence.
  2. No ability to post on the forum for 48 hours.
  3. No ability to post on the forum for one week.
  4. Permanent ban from the entire forum (also lose access to private messaging, chat etc. Can never log in again).
Click to expand...
Due to a conflict between a couple of scripts, people who were temporarily restricted (ie steps 2 and 3 above) were being incorrectly publicly labelled as "Banned". I apologise for any confusion this may have caused (particularly over the last couple of days). I have made some changes that should ensure that people are only labelled as "banned" if they are truly banned (ie step 4).
 
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