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Gold Diggers

Y

ylop

Member
Real Person*
Here is another personal poly dilemma. When I first got married, I had potential but not many accomplishments due to my young age. I never even gave the slightest thought to the existence of gold diggers. Many years have passed, and now I am considering the possibility of a second wife, and am very concerned about gold diggers. The problem being this - I have a lot of accomplishments, and they are very public - business and property interests. It is blatantly obvious to any potential second wife that I am wealthy. And my original wife, who is not even slightly materialistic, is quite rightly concerned that the wealth that she and our children have is going to be lost to some sweet young thing who sees a pot of gold. And it sort of ties into another post I made about asking the father of the bride for his daughter's hand. To somehow overcome his litany of objections to polygamy, I thought I would outline my proven achievements in life. But then I am practically saying "I am gold, dig here". Any thoughts or suggestions?
 
First of all; congratulations on your success. I think all too often everything in life becomes a competition, and I believe it's important to be happy for others when they are successful.
Now with that said, the only suggestion I can make is this: Be careful where your heart is. All I read from your post is your worried about finding a Gold Digger. So more than likely you are going to find a Gold Digger.
They may be out there, but they aren't any of your concern. Your a successful Man/Husband who isn't superficial. You are looking for a Second Wife who will complement you and your family; concentrate, pray, and meditate on that.

Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. (Psalm 37:4)
 
The only thing I might add to what diasōzō said is that you need not seek a second or third or whatever. If God has put this on your heart that Pm is something you should do, He will bring her to you. What you need to do is be open to His choice for you and praying about it. I believe you will know when she comes along - in his time of course. MHO anyway, not having experience in this particular area to guide me, I fall back on my standard rule.

Dave
 
To add a practical consideration to the good advice here, ylop: assuming your marriage and property rights in Australia are similar to ours in the US, than your exposure is limited. Since you won't be getting a 'legal' second marriage, a second wife is pretty much at your mercy, materially. You are in control after death: I have added my second wife to insurance policies and a will, because I want to provide for her and our children, of course. But a second wife leaving a relationship would not have much legal recourse, at least in the US. And while married, well, as the head of the family, to be blunt, you are in charge of everything, including finances, right? So I don't see much of a concern here, for you or your first wife. Is it somehow different in Australia?


(For a rare case: some who considered bringing a second wife from overseas, and want to take a legal marriage to be able to do so (having already legally, but not Biblically, divorced their first wife) - I have heard talk of placing everything in the first wife's name. This, of course, could create it's own issues: since you are clearly stating you have a different level of trust with your wives. But it might be part of a solution.)
 
Thanks for all your advice. I should mention, fear of the gold digger is not my solitary concern about expanding my family. It is not even a concern directly related to polygamy, in the sense that if my wife should ever die (God forbid) I would face exactly the same issue. It is just that it is something my wife has brought up as an issue, and it seems quite valid to me. Actually I also think of the gold digger issue due to my business experience. My main employees are females aged 16-30, and I have employed a lot of them over the years. They all start off so cheerful and pleasant, then down the track some of them turn into vicious bitches that attempt to steal from my company, manufacture lies and make legal claims (ok it is rare but does happen and to switch to marriage imagine if you had a child with that person). I have to engage lawyers, paperwork, etc, win in the end but it is a huge time and money drain. So I cant help but see that possibility in a second wife.
Regarding property rights, Australian marriage law does acknowledge foreign polygamous marriages for the purpose of divorce hearings. I am confident that a polygamous 'wife' would be able to lay claim to at least some assets and ongoing payment, particularly if children were involved.
 
Good point, nathan7. This is a legal matter, and in Australia, where I also come from, living together for a long time is seen by the courts as similar to formal marriage, particularly if the woman has contributed work and money to the household. Some people prepare prenuptial agreements, but I suspect that marriage laws would override prenuptial agreements. A second wife does not marry her man, in the eyes of the law, but just lives with him, but if she lives with her man for a long time before breakup, the law, in Australia, is likely to treat her as if she were a legal wife.

Any lawyers out there?
 
ylop said:
Thanks for all your advice. I should mention, fear of the gold digger is not my solitary concern about expanding my family. It is not even a concern directly related to polygamy, in the sense that if my wife should ever die (God forbid) I would face exactly the same issue. It is just that it is something my wife has brought up as an issue, and it seems quite valid to me. Actually I also think of the gold digger issue due to my business experience. My main employees are females aged 16-30, and I have employed a lot of them over the years. They all start off so cheerful and pleasant, then down the track some of them turn into vicious bitches that attempt to steal from my company, manufacture lies and make legal claims (ok it is rare but does happen and to switch to marriage imagine if you had a child with that person). I have to engage lawyers, paperwork, etc, win in the end but it is a huge time and money drain. So I cant help but see that possibility in a second wife.
Regarding property rights, Australian marriage law does acknowledge foreign polygamous marriages for the purpose of divorce hearings. I am confident that a polygamous 'wife' would be able to lay claim to at least some assets and ongoing payment, particularly if children were involved.
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I think is is smart of a young lady to make sure her potential husband is in a position to support a family. In biblical days, you paid a dowry (like 7 years of work), for your wife. To make sure you don't just take her and dump her. If someone is willing to pay a dowry, that means he must have some REAL interest, and not just wants to "have fun".

I think that to decrease the risk, the young lady in question should have a serious and keen interest in the Bible and the things of God. Meaning, she should be evidently spiritual, and concerned about the things of God. Maybe in the beginning she is not, but different girls may react in different ways, when presented with the Bible. I would not marry a person who reluctantly accepts the Bible, or what it says. I think you would be able to tell, which women are spiritual, and which don't care. If a girl doesn't care about God, or about the Bible, she's not eligible for a Christian.

I think that if you do take a second wife, she deserves immediately to be acknowledged as an heir, as well as her children. If you take, let's say, a 20 years old lady as a wife, who may have claim to some of your property if separation occurs, she does deserve to have such a claim, because by being with you she is forsaking all other opportunities of being with someone else. She's basically (if she's being genuine) putting her life in your hands.

I think that if you select well and wisely, and your second wife never abandons you, and she entered the relationship being sincere, and genuine, and not to take advantage of you, she deserves to be a substantial heir (which understandably, your first wife may be reluctant to allow).

But if someone cohabits with you, just in order to get money off you and then divorce you, you should talk to a lawyer, to see her potential of harming you.

If a younger woman gives you a child, of course she should have a claim to your fortune. But you don't want a heathen to mother your children, but rather a good, honest, faithful christian. I think a faithful Christian would be unwilling to divorce, in the first place.

I think the potential for a girl to damage you financially is limited. I don't think you should sleep with a girl who has not agreed to be a wife for life.

I think the agreement should be very clear, before you enter a marriage. And before entering a marriage, I think the EMPHASIS should be on discipling the girls in the Bible, and in the things of God.

I think that the objective, rather than marrying them, should be to help them strengthen their relationship with God, to help them be better, even if they end up marrying someone else. Their best interest should be sought, above your desire to have them. I believe that if you are able to support them and their children, and provide godly guidance for them and their children, which otherwise may be hard for them to find, it is very possibly in their best interest to marry you. But their relationship with Christ should be the primary goal. I think that after a while of discipling them, you would be able to see who has a good heart, who is reliable, and who isn't.

Of course, no man (or woman) should be fully trusted, but over a period of time, you get to know people better.
 
I have edited this post as I believe I was wrong. I guess I need to mature more as a Christian and see things through Jesus eyes.
 
Hi David and AussieGuy30.

Great to see some people reading my old posts. The topic of gold diggers is still fresh and relevant to me.

I have come to the realisation that any potential covenant partner will be aware of my situation, it is impossible to hide everything, and that is just the way it is.

For David, in line with what you said, any additional covenant partner automatically gets lifetime support, that is a given for me.

For AussieGuy30, thank you for the advice however I think you should re-read my post to the woman you mentioned. I repeat my comment that it is better to be inclusive than exclusive. There is nothing in her original post that excludes her from the faith. And if you look at God's relationship with humans in the OT and NT, it is far more family and headship based than our modern obsession with individual decisions and personal relationships with Christ. Not that you can neglect those things of course, but a Christian family head does have some kind of covering on the rest of the family. And just because someone does not spend all Sunday morning waving a tambourine, they may still be a Christian, but perhaps at an infant stage of their faith journey.

Anyhow, if the lady in question was interested she would need to read my profile and then just take a ticket and wait to hear from my PA :lol:

So AussieGuy30 have no fear, I am extremely cautious. Actually I am even more careful about someone who professes their faith in an overt manner; based on my past life experiences. I prefer to see someones behaviour over a period of time, as talk is cheap.

ylop
 
ylop said:
Actually I am even more careful about someone who professes their faith in an overt manner; based on my past life experiences. I prefer to see someones behaviour over a period of time, as talk is cheap.

ylop
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Thats great to hear. Definitely a wise way to see if the individual is actually a believer. Just watch them over a period of time and take your time when making a decision.

I sincerely wish you all the best
 
I think that if a young sweet beautiful Christian marries you, and takes good part of your property for your children that she gives you, it's ok.
What would not be ok is if some girl just marries you or has a child with you in order to later divorce or separate, and get a piece of the pie.

So as long as she remains for life with you, and gets benefits from that, I think it's ok. But if she separates, and gets your money, it's not ok. So it should be someone who clearly hates divorce and has a good record of conduct. A good guide, I think, is Proverbs 31. A hardworking, faithful woman.

Another good option is keeping just one wife :mrgreen:

I think that if churches are not properly discipling women and preparing them for a situation like they would have by joining your family, you are left with the task of sowing, so that you reap, later. Because if churches are not sowing and raising the kind that you want, where are you going to reap them?

But if you have too many business obligations, I see how it would be hard to become a "sower" of the Word.

One time I met a (kind of) FLDS girl who was 16, and I was 28, and she said she would be ok marrying me, or even marrying a 50 years old man. (I was surprised). But she has that strange religion...

Maybe if Christians could evangelize FLDS, and Centennial Park, good could come out of that.
 
I have edited one of my previous posts on this thread as I believe I was wrong.
Thanks for your words of wisdom all, especially to the mature crowd with more wisdom and experience

God bless!
 
Sir BumbleBerry wanted to say something about Gold Diggers.

He says they're welcome to come around his family, so long as they FIND some. The family could USE it! :eek: :roll: :lol:
 
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