Hello Ladies Question for all of you

[BandEStensaas]

I had posted on dating guidelines and I am new here. My hisband and I have been seeking for a few years now and he started talking to a young woman we see as Maybe a potential at some point about six days ago. The person who responded said I am controling because I know the conversations the two of them are having and because their text messages are forwarded to me.

My husband and I pretty much had the same set of rules for our own courtship. Am I being unreasonable in having them follow the same guidelines my husband and I did before getting married?

Emotionally, I will admit it has been hard the last five or six days with seeing and hearing him talk to another woman about his work day and his desires for a larger family and more children and what he sees as goals for the future. Am I dealing with jealousy? Yes, I know I am but my husband is so wonderful and he's been extremely supportive when I have said heu I am feeling a bit left out and jealous and has walked me through why I am feeling that way.

 

[Poodles]

Perhaps, have your husband’s email and texting only be shared if it has anything to do with you and your relationship to him. He is not the same man you married years ago and so your courtship will be different for them. It sounds as though, maybe, he is building a relationship between them. After that is settled, then, assuming you have already met her, you can work on a relationship with her. It also sounds as though he is more loving to you and letting you know that you are his first love and will always be that. His marriage to her will be different than your established marriage.
It is perfectly normal to feel jealous of her and the reality of another marriage in the home. I posted my take on ‘a First Wife’s Syndrome’ found on the forum list. [Hope that would help you having these feelings]
You posted: ‘My husband and I pretty much had the same set of rules for our own courtship. Am I being unreasonable in having them follow the same guidelines my husband and I did before getting married?’ This courtship is totally different than yours was, He is older, she is thinking of joining a marriage as a second wife, you are more set in your ways, and it is a different time. So their rules of courtship could be quite different than yours was.
Let time elapse to continue to get used to the idea of sharing your husband with another woman who will love him as you do. Their love will be different, but the same in intensity. You must remember that there will be a ‘honeymoon’ stage they will go through, but after that dies down, your marriages can blossom, knowing that each loves that man and you can learn to love and to work with the 2nd wife. Hang in there, it is so rewarding in the end, hopefully you will have someone to be your best friend who will share the chores, watch the children, help in the caring of your hubby, and someone you can talk to!
Hopefully you all love Our Lord, and that will strengthen the ties between all of you. Our prayers are with you that you will follow His way for your lives.
With love and prayers,
Mariechen (Poodles)

 

[BandEStensaas]

Thank you very much. You have given me much to think about. My heart even though mentally prepared is not following my brain. My brain says he loves me and is the best provider and husband I could ever have been blessed with.

Perhaps as time goes by I will loosen things up a bit. For right now I just want to protect him from hurts and other things a long the way.

I know that at some point I need to trust he would never hurt or disrespect me in any way as far as his conduct goes.

I guess in some ways I just fear some single woman coming into our family gettingto know,love, and care for her. Then she leaves. I don't want to see my husband hurt or our children hurt.

This young woman actually reached out to me first and asked If it was ok that she and asked If she could talk to Bryan and see If there is a connection. She is super sweet, and I don't want to sending her running

 

[Elisheba]

One thing I constantly have to work on is not being legalistic. For me legalism means making a rule that isn't clearly stated in the Scripture. So when David asks Avigayil to be his wife, I doubt he had even talked it over with his wife. He just knew a righteous woman when he saw one. The truth is that we can't protect from all the hurts that will happen in life. We are only in control of who we trust to get us through. It sounds like you have a great husband and you have the Creator. Talk to the Father, He is right there wanting to help you through...he helped me with just what you are talking about.

 

[BandEStensaas]

Thank you Ladies,

My husband and I just got done with a lengthy talk. I made the decision that she needs to be open to communicate without him for fear of what my reaction may or may not be. I have agreed to not see any more text messages or emails unless they pertain to me directly. I feel that after much thinking and praying about it I want any potiential to feel like they aren't judged or that they feel that I am wanting to be in control. Ultimately, my husbands headship is what matters.