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Hey there, new to the forum!

NickF

Seasoned Member
Real Person
Male
I'm Nick, raised Baptist/NonDenominational, and used to think PM was wrong, but realized soon after studying for myself that not only was I being lied to in church all those years, but it was actually God blessed. (holy runon sentence batman)

Been married for 13 years this upcoming October, we have 3 amazing sons together and have been raising them to be Godly young men. I'm sure everyone is proud of their children but just as a testimony to my wife and my marriage and life, I'll brag a bit. Everyone who meets our kids kind of just observes with their jaws a little slack and looks wonderingly at us and invariably says something to the effect of "How are they so good, so obedient, so polite, and helpful?" or "I don't like most kids but can I have yours?". They are turning into amazing young men. They're 11, 8 1/2, and 7. We homeschool, both my wife and I were homeschooled as well.

My wife is a wonderful woman, amazingly beautiful, dutiful, a good keeper at home, meek, a great mom, loves to keep a clean and orderly home (a little too much at times). She was 17 when we married with her family's permission and blessing. (Funny story there for another time, both sets of parents conspired to get us together). She grew up with the life goal of being a keeper of the home, homeschooling mom and wife. Very conservative Christian upbringing, southern baptist, her grandfather was and is still a preacher and he married us in the church she grew up in. She went directly from her father's house to mine. Rocky first couple years while we learned to live with each other in wisdom and understanding. We've had ups and downs as all married couples do. Lots of people have remarked that we are poster child perfect couple (eyeroll, if they only knew). She is the light of my life and I love her deeply.

I always thought that Polygynous living might be a possibility although figured she would never be ok with it. But to that end I made sure that our wedding vows adhered to what I thought was biblical and true. Copied word for word from our wedding video.

I Nicholas, promise to love, sustain, and bless you as Christ loves the church, so I promise to love you, I will lay down my life daily for you. I promise to lead you wherever God leads me. And I will do so with gentleness and patience. Washing you in the Word until death do us part.

I Catie promise to love encourage and care for you as the church is to love Christ to put him first and follow his leadership I will follow you and submit to your leadership for our family. I will be your help-meet until death do us part.

With that part of the introduction. My purpose here is to learn and seek Godly counsel. I've felt an increasing desire and pressure to gather more wives under my care and protection. These are uncertain times, I am diligently preparing my household to weather the cultural and economic storms I see on the horizon. I would be so pained to see Godly young women suffering under the yoke of a garbage man if times were to get real tough and the only option is garbage or starve. It breaks my heart now to see so many jewels in the rough being wasted, glorious garments sitting on a shelf being wrinkled and moth eaten with disuse and waiting for a good man to come to them. In our little church alone there are two great young women in their 20's still remaining pure and faithful, but there are no good men. One of them had an engagement broken off because the spineless boy in his 20's had a mother who didn't like her so he broke it off. Poor thing dodged a bullet thankfully. It's a problem all over this nation, spineless grown boys with no guts, no discipline, and no vision.

I am a professional ecosystems engineering consultant and travel all over the USA helping individuals and even large multinational corps to design and implement sustainable ecosystem solutions that restore healthy balance to the environment, as well as design out depression proof farms and homesteads. Fitness is important to me, and a fit healthy spouse is very important as well. I believe the man is the head and responsible for his household. That children are to be trained up, not beaten up, or shouted up. That children (kids in the home, not adults) should be in subjection to their parents with all gravity. That a woman should be in subjection and reverence her husband. And that a man is to love and provide for his wives and children. Among other responsibilities of course. I believe the KJV is the Word of God to English speaking peoples. And that Jesus is God, equal with the Father and the Holy Spirit, he came to earth, took on flesh and died for us as a sinless man. Atoning for us and is now seated at the right hand of the Father, interceding for all those who believe on Him and His finished work for us. (amen and amen)

*I'll stop preaching, sorry*

I have a great relationship with my wife, but I feel like life could be so much more and have more fulfillment if I could show my love to more wives. As a teenager I was preparing and reading everything I could get my hands on about marriage and communication. The fruit of those labors is a wife who says her "love tank" is perpetually full. And I feel like I'm just coasting, barely tapping the accelerator. This isn't enough of a challenge. And she's super steady and chill, it would be nice to have a bit more spice in my life. I need more help with multiple small businesses and the homestead activities. I could be bringing in so much more money but I'm spread too thin to grow my multiple business ventures. We stopped having children because I almost lost her with the birth of my last son and it terrified me. I'd like more children but I can't lose her, I fear it would break me or the wound would be deep enough to cripple for at least a time. I'd love to have more children but not if it means being a single dad. Although that wouldn't likely be for long because I've had a few women approach me in the past couple years. Testosterone optimization therapy saw me put on 20# of muscle this past year alone. I'm more ready to take on the world than I have ever felt. And that comes across positively to women who are surrounded with soyboy video gamers. What I'm saying is my market value has gone up and is continuing to go up.

I've brought up the idea of Polygny, and at first she reacted with fear, disbelief, sadness, inadequacy. But I gently over the course of a few months spoke about it in small increments, she even has brought up the topic a couple times but in a negative context. She is reading through the bible for the first time this year and is seeing instances already. Even showing me screenshots of ads she's getting scrolling instagram (a screenshot of a polygamy dating site). She believes that it is scripturally permissible but has told me "I could never deal with sharing you". She doesn't believe/understand that men and women love differently, and the comparison to loving multiple children doesn't click (or she doesn't want it to be true). She's currently emphatic against, and gets upset at the idea of a second wife.

Sorry, didn't intend to make this a huge book of a post, but I'm this far already so maybe I should just wrap up...

I am praying that either God will remove this desire in me and allow me to be satisfied with what I already have, or that He will soften her heart and turn her fears and doubts into joy and earnest expectation. By no means do I think this is the right time to seek a second wife. I need to have my first not only on board with the idea but helping me seek and vet potentials. So I need counsel and prayer in how to get from here and now, to a day when the wife of my youth is looking with and for me with joy and hope in her heart. (Babe, if you're reading this I love you more than you can understand or imagine, and you are enough to satisfy me, I just have so much more to give)

So that's my story or at least part of it. Sorry for the excessively long post.

Feel free to PM me or comment below, or Admins/Mods please let me know if I need to break this up into an intro and a second post.

In Christ - Nick
 
Lovely introduction! Welcome to Biblical Families! :)
I read many intros here from men in a similar place. I was the one that brought it up with my husband over 20 years ago. Even without a negative view of poly I could see how it could be challenging from an emotional perspective. But really, us women can have a difficult time as only wives too.
My hubby would like more children too, but doesn't want to wear me out by bearing them. We have nine.
If your wife is ever interested in talking to other women about the subject, there is a true wealth of godly women here willing to share their journeys and struggles....and successes!

I hope you are both blessed as you work on walking where He leads.

P.S. Love your biblical vows too!
 
Welcome to Biblical Families!

That was a great, well rounded introduction to help us get to know you, thank you.

You said a lot of 'I' statements in why you want another wife, what she can give to you. It would be worth thinking about that and switching it up to what you can provide another woman. How can you bless her? How can you help her? What can you offer her?

We have a ladies chat on Monday nights, 7.30pm eastern time. The chat is at the top of the page. Your wife is most welcome to join us. She will need her own account to do so though. We are completely willing to chat about PM, but it's also a 'get to know each other' time, sort of like having a cuppa together. For what it's worth, she is not the first woman to feel this way! There are women on the chat who have gone through the exact same thing.
 
You said a lot of 'I' statements in why you want another wife, what she can give to you. It would be worth thinking about that and switching it up to what you can provide another woman. How can you bless her? How can you help her? What can you offer her?

We have a ladies chat on Monday nights, 7.30pm eastern time. The chat is at the top of the page. Your wife is most welcome to join us. She will need her own account to do so though. We are completely willing to chat about PM, but it's also a 'get to know each other' time, sort of like having a cuppa together. For what it's worth, she is not the first woman to feel this way! There are women on the chat who have gone through the exact same thing.
Good point! Didn't really figure it was too relevant to the introduction since I'm not really looking right now, and any change like that would likely be at least a year or two down the road. It would take Divine intervention to change that timeline if PM ever happens for us. But I can offer everything my current wife is enjoying, a full heart, a man who adores her, protection, a home, future security and more love and affection than she can handle.

If my wife comes around to the idea enough to be comfortable chatting with you ladies, you can be sure I'll be encouraging her to join up and talk with ya'll. I'd love to bring the family to the August meeting but that'll probably be way too soon for her. She moves slow and I don't want to overwhelm or spook her. I'm in no rush. Gotta be God's timing, not mine.
 
Welcome, awesome intro!
 
Shalom, Shalom, @NickF welcome to the board. Great introduction. Looking forward to interacting.
 
Hi Nick and welcome to our little corner of the poly-scape. I enjoyed reading your intro, and your vows, and understand exactly where you are coming from. However, my journey into having two wives may be a little different and much faster than yours as I had come in to contact with a woman who would want to be my wife. Interestingly, I have another who wants to become my wife but I don't think it will work, however it tells me there are women out there as potential additional wives. As you walk this journey, keep in mind God made women with a desire to be monogamous - to have only one man - but He made man with a desire for more than one woman. This pictures our relationship with God; we are to love Him alone and serve no other god. Women have been lied to and brainwashed into believing men should be like them; monogamous, and not like God who sets His love on many. Shalom brother and I'm looking forward to reading more of your posts.
 
As you walk this journey, keep in mind God made women with a desire to be monogamous - to have only one man - but He made man with a desire for more than one woman. This pictures our relationship with God; we are to love Him alone and serve no other god. Women have been lied to and brainwashed into believing men should be like them; monogamous, and not like God who sets His love on many.
I agree with you on all that. All it takes is reading scripture thoroughly. It's honestly boggling to think people can read the Word and not understand this simple truth. Scripture is replete with examples.
 
Welcome, @NickF. I thank you for the breadth of your introduction. It always helps the rest of us to know as much as possible about the new people who show up here. I'm grateful that I don't have to start off with you playing guessing games as I try to read your mind! My prayer is that you and your wife find a way to attend the upcoming August retreat in Tennessee. We just had one in Alabama last month and were witness to two families who are newly struggling with this as well -- and most of the rest of us are just old-timers at struggling with it!
 
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