How much money should I be making before I get married?

[Aaron_D]

I am 26 years old and single. I know that having a family is expensive and I want to be financially responsible and not get married and have children before I can afford to. Right now I have a steady job and I make enough money to pay for the things that I need and to save a little bit. I could not buy a house or support a wife and children with my current income, and I think that it is unlikely that the income from my job will increase in the near future. I am looking into starting some kind of side business to increase my income, but I know that the outcome of that is uncertain. I am also concerned that mass inflation will continue and that I will be poorer in the future than I am now because of it.

So the advice I am looking for is how long I should wait to start seriously looking for a wife. I want to make sure that what I do is in line with scripture and that I will be able to fulfill all of my responsibilities to my family. The scripture that I found about being a provider is exodus 21:10-11 and 1 timothy 5:8 but other than that I am not sure what my financial obligations are to my wife according to the bible.

Do you think that I would be meeting my obligations to provide food, clothing, and shelter to my wife if her income to is required to help pay the bills?

I know that if I had several wives instead of one we could all pool our income together and better afford things. I am just not sure if it would be a good idea to pursue plural marriage for financial reasons.

 

[MemeFan]

I am 26 years old and single. I know that having a family is expensive and I want to be financially responsible and not get married and have children before I can afford to. Right now I have a steady job and I make enough money to pay for the things that I need and to save a little bit. I could not buy a house or support a wife and children with my current income, and I think that it is unlikely that the income from my job will increase in the near future. I am looking into starting some kind of side business to increase my income, but I know that the outcome of that is uncertain. I am also concerned that mass inflation will continue and that I will be poorer in the future than I am now because of it.

So the advice I am looking for is how long I should wait to start seriously looking for a wife. I want to make sure that what I do is in line with scripture and that I will be able to fulfill all of my responsibilities to my family. The scripture that I found about being a provider is exodus 21:10-11 and 1 timothy 5:8 but other than that I am not sure what my financial obligations are to my wife according to the bible.

Do you think that I would be meeting my obligations to provide food, clothing, and shelter to my wife if her income to is required to help pay the bills?

I know that if I had several wives instead of one we could all pool our income together and better afford things. I am just not sure if it would be a good idea to pursue plural marriage for financial reasons.

You should start looking now. You real issue is lack of optimism.

First of all, these is law which says you must where you are. You can find future wife and move somewhere else like Argentina or Dubai. And why do you assume no salary increase from current job is possible? Did you again assume your current usefullness is your maximal usefulness?

 

[MrB]

Plan ahead by all means but recognise you can’t plan everything
There is a place for trusting god to provide (opportunity’s and resources etc)

If I was to have received only what I wanted and planned for I would all the poorer for it.
I believe god has given me many opportunities that have been far more beneficial than I could have ever dreamed
Because I took a few risks I got real close to god some days
And I learned a few lessons that where of great value when I failed and suffered loss
Don’t wait until you think all is in perfect harmony before stepping forward
Wake up..Delay no more, start looking for a wife now!
Start building now..
Step forward now.

 

[FollowingHim]

You are very sensible to try and put yourself on a firm financial footing. However, do not delay looking for a wife. Don't put too much effort into looking, don't make it the major focus of your life, but keep your eyes open. Because if God gave you a wife today, you would make it work. The two of you will be a team and able to make it work together.

Do you think that I would be meeting my obligations to provide food, clothing, and shelter to my wife if her income to is required to help pay the bills?

Yes. Every woman works to help sustain herself. Some go out of the home and work for money to use to buy the things the family needs. Others stay at home and work even harder gardening, preserving food, mending clothes and so forth to directly provide the things the family needs. Most do a mix of both. If you meet a woman who expects you to provide everything for her and won't lift a finger to help, run away as fast as you can! You need a wife who is willing to work alongside you, not an entitled princess to bleed you dry. You, as the husband, provide an environment in which she will receive food, clothing and shelter - but she will most certainly be working to grow and cook that food, make or mend that clothing, paint and repair the shelter, and even earn the money to pay for some of it.

I had been married for 5 years by the time I was your age. And despite the fact that I married my wife when I was only a PhD student, she still never worked from the day we married. We just lived very frugally and were able to survive on my student stipend, until I graduated and got a job, by which time we already had our first child.

That's our story. Yours will be different. I just mention our story to show that you can live frugally on a meagre income especially as newlyweds. Two people really aren't that expensive, if your wife is working she'll pay for herself, while if she's at home she can do many things to help you live really cheaply and survive on your income. Also, babies cost hardly anything - their milk is free, then they eat next to nothing for the first few years, you just need a few secondhand clothes and some nappies. Children do get more expensive later especially once they reach their teenage years, but that's a few years away, you've got time to prepare - and to train them to not be too expensive!

There's a balance of course, being cautious is good, but you sound over-cautious. Nothing's ever certain in life, it's always risky, and that makes it exciting! Have faith. Find what God's plan is for you - including finding who God wants you to marry - and then just go do it. Make it work as you go.

“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."

 

[PeteR]

If she loves you while you are poor.. life is just better as you build future together... yes, you are responsible, but it is a together journey to build and grow in all areas, including finances.

 

[phaedrus]

I agree with @PeteR and @FollowingHim don't reject a woman now just because you don't make much money. Men tend to rise to their requirements and not to their desires. You'll figure it out.

 

[frederick]

I am 26 years old and single. I know that having a family is expensive and I want to be financially responsible and not get married and have children before I can afford to. Right now I have a steady job and I make enough money to pay for the things that I need and to save a little bit. I could not buy a house or support a wife and children with my current income, and I think that it is unlikely that the income from my job will increase in the near future. I am looking into starting some kind of side business to increase my income, but I know that the outcome of that is uncertain. I am also concerned that mass inflation will continue and that I will be poorer in the future than I am now because of it.

So the advice I am looking for is how long I should wait to start seriously looking for a wife. I want to make sure that what I do is in line with scripture and that I will be able to fulfill all of my responsibilities to my family. The scripture that I found about being a provider is exodus 21:10-11 and 1 timothy 5:8 but other than that I am not sure what my financial obligations are to my wife according to the bible.

Do you think that I would be meeting my obligations to provide food, clothing, and shelter to my wife if her income to is required to help pay the bills?

I know that if I had several wives instead of one we could all pool our income together and better afford things. I am just not sure if it would be a good idea to pursue plural marriage for financial reasons.

Hi @Aaron_D, it's great to have another young man join the forum.

I can understand your concerns with the way things are going in the world, but none of us knows what will happen tomorrow. Proverbs 27:1 Do not boast about tomorrow, For you do not know what a day may bring forth. Sure, make plans and keep your options open. Don't place limits on what God might do or how He might providentially enable you to provide for your household. We have a good God who does amazing things for those who love and serve Him.

I was young when my first wife and I married, and we had a baby on the way within a couple months. Until all our children had left home, my wife was never employed outside the home, but she added greatly to our financial situation doing the sorts of things @FollowingHim writes of above. When we needed extra income, I took on extra work and we were happy with God's provisions for us. But our expectations were realistic and by living very modestly we had sufficient for our needs. Practice living modestly now, stay out of debt, and be faithful in all you do. Shalom

 

[FollowingHim]

@Aaron_D, I think it is obvious that @theleastofthese completely misinterpreted what I was saying by reading it with her own personal biases in mind, and @Ruth Elizabeth just went along with this misunderstanding. I was not writing to them, but to you, and am fully confident that you will have understood it correctly from the beginning. So I'm not going to take the time to reply to them - it's pointless as I don't think you'll have this misunderstanding to begin with, and I really don't want to clutter this thread with such a tangent. @NickF, @steve and @CatieF have adequately responded already and I'd like to end it there and get back to talking to you.

If you have any questions about any of the advice you have received just ask.

 

[NickF]

I am 26 years old and single. I know that having a family is expensive and I want to be financially responsible and not get married and have children before I can afford to. Right now I have a steady job and I make enough money to pay for the things that I need and to save a little bit. I could not buy a house or support a wife and children with my current income, and I think that it is unlikely that the income from my job will increase in the near future. I am looking into starting some kind of side business to increase my income, but I know that the outcome of that is uncertain. I am also concerned that mass inflation will continue and that I will be poorer in the future than I am now because of it.

This is a good and candid assessment, kudos for that. I would however challenge the assumption that you could not support a wife. When first married, there are no children presumably. This leaves you both able to pursue income outside the home, or leaves her available to take care of the short list of housekeeping chores needed every week. She could be working on the side business, or you could be building a side business now that could be handed mostly over to a new bride while you were away from the home working.

My time was freed up when I was newlywed at your age. Catie brought a great deal of assistance to my budget with her frugality and hard work. She was not a financial drain, and I was foolish enough to not encourage her to do anything to help bring in any income. She was BORED out of her mind home alone all day. She got all her work done quickly and then had to figure out what to do to keep herself occupied the rest of the day.

So marrying will in all likelihood always be a better prospect from a financial perspective than remaining single. Just cooking and cleaning frees a single man up to get more work done after and before his off site duties.

So the advice I am looking for is how long I should wait to start seriously looking for a wife. I want to make sure that what I do is in line with scripture and that I will be able to fulfill all of my responsibilities to my family. The scripture that I found about being a provider is exodus 21:10-11 and 1 timothy 5:8 but other than that I am not sure what my financial obligations are to my wife according to the bible.

Don't wait. I'd be looking yesterday. And I would NOT make polygyny a topic of conversation, and definitely not a deal breaker. Women are far more emotional than logical. *sorry ladies, that's not a dig at you, just a slightly humorous coincidence* I mean no offense LOL

Worry about getting a single good woman, and if you show yourself to be faithful with the one, maybe God will saddle you with more troubles, er, um I mean blessings (jkjk)

Do you think that I would be meeting my obligations to provide food, clothing, and shelter to my wife if her income to is required to help pay the bills?

Does anybody rationally think that women for the past several thousand years got married and did absolutely nothing to bring any income to the family? These women weren't working in the vineyard to make a family income? Helping shepherd a flock? Making clothing whereby she clothed her whole household in scarlet? Proverbs 31 anyone?

No, scripture does not require a man to leave his family, be the servant of another man (employed away from home) so that he can provide for all the needs of his wife sitting at home eating cheesecake and watching soap operas. Women for all of recorded history helped with all the household chores, cared for children, taught their children, helped raise food, and oftentimes assisted in other income producing business activities. Some even had their own businesses buying and selling land and vineyards, being merchants, etc...

I wish I were encouraged to do what I felt was best for my wife and me when we first married. We would have been making over 150K a year combined in our first year together rather than being dirt poor. What a boon that would have been!

I know that if I had several wives instead of one we could all pool our income together and better afford things. I am just not sure if it would be a good idea to pursue plural marriage for financial reasons.

The chances of you ever obtaining a second wife are minute at best. Don't even think about making plans for today as if you were going to have several.

The rest of the men have already given a tremendous amount of excellent advice. You would do well to heed them.

 

[NickF]

@FollowingHim, would you be able to split off this discussion to a new thread? I'd like to discuss this idea:

Why would a woman help fulfill a man's role when needed as well as her own, and on top of that, be required to share and submit to her husband as well. When she can do all of that alone and not have to submit to or share with anyone.

It seems to be the root of the misunderstanding and I think it would be very profitable to really dig into it. Trying to do quotes on my end would be very time consuming and confusing. Or maybe I'm a computer dunce.

 

[FollowingHim]

Certainly. I think it's an important discussion to have, I just agree with you that it's a tangent from this particular thread. I'll shift all the posts I think relate to that other matter over to a different thread, and to be clear that I'm not being dismissive of you @theleastofthese, I'll respond to you over there.

Edit: New thread:

Whose responsibility is it to earn money?

Moderator note: The first 15 posts were originally in the below thread, and have been separated to allow two different lines of discussion to be pursued with clarity. Check the original thread also to understand the context...

www.biblicalfamilies.org

 

[Bartato]

@Aaron_D
I'd also encourage you to seek a wife (and not obsess about polygamy). Most men will probably never have multiple wives, and that is fine. Monogamous marriage can also be awesome!

I had no assets, and a fairly low income ($9.50 an hour in 1999, or $17.91 in today's inflation adjusted dollars) when my wife and I got married. We also lived on a very low income for several years early on when I was a graduate student. We will celebrate our 25th anniversary in a couple months.

The Lord has always provided for us.

Find a young woman that is cheerful, hopeful, and frugal. Find a woman that really loves you, and really wants to be with you. Find a girl that loves Jesus more than Starbucks.

Finding a good woman is a far more serious concern than finding enough money to live on. The older you get, the fewer of these wonderful women will be around. They all get snapped up. Go find one.

My 22 year old niece recently married her 21 year old husband. They are poor, but seem to be doing fine.

Be bold! Times are hard, but it isn't the first time that has happened. Trust the Lord! He will make a way for you.

 

[Bartato]

You didn't mention debt. I hope you are debt free. That makes a huge difference.

 

[FollowingHim]

Find a young woman that is cheerful, hopeful, and frugal. Find a woman that really loves you, and really wants to be with you. Find a girl that loves Jesus more than Starbucks.

You can test her frugality before you marry her. When we were dating, I invited Sarah to a dance, and she needed a dress for it. I gave her my bank card, told her the pin number, and sent her off alone to buy a dress. She bought what must have been the cheapest one in the shop. That proved she was a keeper. It was risky, as I had very little money myself, but highly worthwhile!

You didn't mention debt. I hope you are debt free. That makes a huge difference.

From your perspective, being debt free is far more important than having a decent income. Your income could vanish tomorrow (car crash and you lose your legs...), or increase (you might get a promotion). It's fickle. Debts however are solid and don't disappear, the bank will keep hounding you until the day you die or repay them. If you have no debt, you can sleep peacefully knowing that your income can fluctuate and you'll still be ok. Also seek a wife who does not have debt, for the same reason.

 

[steve]

Also seek a wife who does not have debt,

That is a huge indicator of the future, although many good women have been sold a bill of goods about going into debt for their education. Take a hard look at the reason for the debt.
Too many come out of college with huge debt, but want to be stay at home wives.

 

[Asforme&myhouse]

Finding a good woman is more important than your financials. The woman you marry will have far more impact on your financial future than your current job ever will. Marry a good woman and you will be just fine no matter what your current financial situation is. Marry a bad one and you will never be able to get ahead, even if you were stacking cash like Walter White. Trust me, I know from experience… I’ve had both.

In case you’re wondering, I’m still married to the good one. We started with nothing but each other and God has blessed us greatly!

 

[Aaron_D]

And I would NOT make polygyny a topic of conversation, and definitely not a deal breaker.

I would not bring up polygyny when I first met someone. If I got to know a woman and she became a serious prospect for marriage I would want to talk to her about my beliefs before we got married.

The fact that polygyny is not a sin is important to talk about even if I only want to have one wife. I cannot really be the head of my household if my wife will try to stop me from taking other wives and will divorce me if I do.

So I would consider it a dealbreaker if she was not okay with polygyny.

What I want to avoid is a marriage that appears traditional and conservative but where I am just a figure head and my wife is really in charge.

 

[frederick]

What I want to avoid is a marriage that appears traditional and conservative but where I am just a figure head and my wife is really in charge.

Being the leader is something you will need to establish very early on in your relationship and then maintain as time passes. We all want to see our wives happy, so we need to avoid the problems that come with catering to her happiness.

 

[FollowingHim2]

When we were dating, I invited Sarah to a dance, and she needed a dress for it. I gave her my bank card, told her the pin number, and sent her off alone to buy a dress. She bought what must have been the cheapest one in the shop. That proved she was a keeper.

Because it wasn't a dress lol. The dresses were way too expensive for my liking, so I bought a skirt and a top that when put together looked like a dress. Much cheaper.
And this is how women save you money. It's about the viewpoint that they have.
Another example is that I didn't buy a wedding veil. They were much too expensive. I got a 'holy communion' veil. Same thing. Not quite as long, but basically same thing. It was a 10th of the price.
Our house is full of furniture and odds and ends that don't match. We either were given them or found them free somewhere or bought them second hand. The only new things I bought for my babies were some clothes (got a load of them second hand too), and a few toys (once I got past 5 kids because then they actually wear out lol).
It's mindset, and that's what you're looking for.

 

[Asforme&myhouse]

Because it wasn't a dress lol. The dresses were way too expensive for my liking, so I bought a skirt and a top that when put together looked like a dress. Much cheaper.
And this is how women save you money. It's about the viewpoint that they have.
Another example is that I didn't buy a wedding veil. They were much too expensive. I got a 'holy communion' veil. Same thing. Not quite as long, but basically same thing. It was a 10th of the price.
Our house is full of furniture and odds and ends that don't match. We either were given them or found them free somewhere or bought them second hand. The only new things I bought for my babies were some clothes (got a load of them second hand too), and a few toys (once I got past 5 kids because then they actually wear out lol).
It's mindset, and that's what you're looking for.

My wife is the same way. This @Aaron_D is the mindset you want to look for in a woman. It tells you so much more about her than just her frugality. It shows that she thinks things through and uses good judgment. It shows she’s a team player and that she is willing to make sacrifices of her own wants to make things better for the whole family. That’s the kind of mother you want to choose for your future children.


@FollowingHim that was a clever test!