How to help men have chests.

[MeganC]

I read Eric Metaxas' book 7 Men and I just ordered his Letter to the American Church. I've been doing a bit of a study with the 7 Men book with our kids and we're on Dietrich Bonhoeffer today.

Metaxas has some remarkable things to say about men and faith that go back to character.

 

[Bina]

Everyone sees what happens to a young man between pre-military service and post training. When he has learned "how" to take life, he develops the immediate confidence to protect said life. (note I'm saying confidence, not wisdom)

IMHO, the quickest thing a young man can do to gain that confidence is to get the training in how to be a warrior. To become physically strong and capable will by natural course impart the deep conviction that he actually is capable. When he internalizes that understanding, he becomes confident. Of course a man can get to the same degree of confidence other ways, but speaking as a father of sons. They are being trained in how to be warriors. It is better to be a warrior in a garden, than a gardener in a war. They will be trained to be confident around members of the opposite sex. That word train is important, it means exposure to the hazards, and consistent drills and working out of the means and methods needed to control, mitigate, and navigate the hazards.

The confidence to engage and push through obstacles in life depends on mindset. You develop that mindset over time and exposure.

DO HARD THINGS. Get knocked down physically and mentally, and practice getting back up again, KNOWING you're about to get knocked down AGAIN.

Train for a half ironman competition. Build muscle, train with weapons, learn a topic and debate it, accomplish something.

A weak mommas boy who's full of fear and self loathing will lash out and attack when confronted. A confident warrior of a man will smile and walk away calmly because he knows 4 ways to end the life of the person pushing the conflict. Women pick up on that body language extremely well. That kind of confidence and self assurance is not something that can be faked or acquired any other way.

Good stuff here.

 

[Keith Martin]

Nick did make a good point, it applies to women as well. I've just had more experience with it when talking to men because that's who I'm trying to date lol. It's a buzz kill listening to them talk about what type of soil they're using in their garden for three hours straight when we're just trying to get to know each other.

Probably so, but I would contend that far more important things are in order than whether a woman is pleased with the course of the conversation. Even when she experiences a buzz kill and consequently loses interest serves a greater purpose, because it's likely an indication that she's unwilling to and/or incapable of following and supporting one's vision.

 

[Keith Martin]

Could definitely be the case at times however I'm always asking questions and talking when I meet new people. Some just like to go on and on about their single interest to the point that even their own wives leave our conversation as well because she's like "here he goes again, I've heard this a thousand times" lol. That's the situation my advice was more geared towards avoiding.

I do hear you, @LDremoved, but, even though it's even possible that the other wives are disrespectfully rolling their eyes, one thing of import to note is that they are still his wives, which means that, despite the fact that, in their perspectives, they're reacting with boredom, they married this man and they continue to choose to remain with him.

As men, we can make the mistake of expecting the women in our lives to fully appreciate, understand and equally join us in our missions, but that's a mistake, because at least 95% of women simply aren't equipped to be able to join us on that level. That's why women are to be the helpmeets of men. A women's strengths are most actualized when she perfects her ability to identify male leaders without ever being capable of duplicating or even fully comprehending how those male leaders can accomplish what they're capable of. A man "droning on about his single interest" may just be him providing evidence the best he knows how to produce it that he's a man who will do what he says he'll do no matter how much others complain that it didn't tickle their fancies.

One of the most common mistakes women make in the dating/courting process is (a) failing to remain focused on the necessity of identifying if a man is worthy of following, and consequently (b) operating under the illusion that the purpose of dating is for men to prove that they will make their women the center of their universe.

As women, you are entirely dependent on the existence of men in your life, so your task is to identify a man who will best provide you with what you're dependent on -- rather than testing him to see if he will demonstrate how much he'll be willing to twist himself into a pretzel to treat you like a queen.

 

[Keith Martin]

This all reminds me of How to Win Friends and Influence People. One of the fundamental takeaways I got from that book when I first read it was that people aren't interested in you, they're interested in themselves. The extent to which you can authentically show interest in others is the extent to which they like you.

I attended a Dale Carnegie seminar in 1974 (conducted by someone else, obviously), and I can't remember it well enough to quote the man, but I swear, in response to someone's question about just what you're saying that it doesn't even matter if you're actually authentic; your target just has to believe that you are. The point of the advice was to develop the appearance of authenticity. Totally turned me off, but in retrospect and with less youthful idealism, I have to admit he had a point.