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How to help men have chests.

steve said:
Interpretation:
Stop talking because it interferes with their ability to talk about themselves.
😉
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😆 Nick did make a good point, it applies to women as well. I've just had more experience with it when talking to men because that's who I'm trying to date lol. It's a buzz kill listening to them talk about what type of soil they're using in their garden for three hours straight when we're just trying to get to know each other.
 
LovesDogs said:
It's a buzz kill listening to them talk about what type of soil they're using in their garden for three hours
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My guess is that he would be feeling awkward and uncomfortable and is talking about a subject that he knows well just to fill the empty spaces. Sometimes known as babbling.
Ask him a diverting question. As long as you remain silent, he will feel the need to fill the void with words, any words.
 
steve said:
My guess is that he would be feeling awkward and uncomfortable and is talking about a subject that he knows well just to fill the empty spaces. Sometimes known as babbling.
Ask him a diverting question. As long as you remain silent, he will feel the need to fill the void with words, any words.
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Could definitely be the case at times however I'm always asking questions and talking when I meet new people. Some just like to go on and on about their single interest to the point that even their own wives leave our conversation as well because she's like "here he goes again, I've heard this a thousand times" lol. That's the situation my advice was more geared towards avoiding.
 
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LovesDogs said:
😆 Nick did make a good point, it applies to women as well. I've just had more experience with it when talking to men because that's who I'm trying to date lol. It's a buzz kill listening to them talk about what type of soil they're using in their garden for three hours straight when we're just trying to get to know each other.
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I’d say that’s getting to know someone!
 
LovesDogs said:
I'm the same way which is strange because it's so nice when you're comfortable enough to just enjoy being silent with someone but yeah us extroverts literally feel like it's our sworn duty to fill the silence.
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Yes! It’s so hard be the social glue that keeps all of the boring, morose people engaged with the outside world! I wish they would acknowledge and appreciate our sacrifice!
 
The Revolting Man said:
I am the poster boy for this. I assume if someone is quiet they must want me to talk. I’m not sure why I assume silence must be filled but I do. Nature abhors a vacuum and extroverts abhor a pause in the conversation.
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Police interrogators use this very tactic. They will stay silent and wait for the suspect to fill that space with talking, and hope that they confess or say something that can be used against them. It works surprisingly well.
 
The Revolting Man said:
Yes! It’s so hard be the social glue that keeps all of the boring, morose people engaged with the outside world! I wish they would acknowledge and appreciate our sacrifice!
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Perhaps a monument is in order?
FollowingHim2 said:
Police interrogators use this very tactic. They will stay silent and wait for the suspect to fill that space with talking, and hope that they confess or say something that can be used against them. It works surprisingly well.
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Lol i'd hate the silence so much that i'd be confessing to things I didn't even do just to fill the void!
 
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FollowingHim2 said:
Police interrogators use this very tactic. They will stay silent and wait for the suspect to fill that space with talking, and hope that they confess or say something that can be used against them. It works surprisingly well.
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Here's how you respond to the police and their questions:

 
Maybe a slight redirect might be closer to what I'm looking for.

What has induced you to be a mentor to young men in the past?

What stories do you have about how you found or developed a discipleship relationship with a fellow man, whether you were the mentor or mentee?

E.G. I was debating 2 Catholic priests at my local coffee shop, when one of their cousins came by and saw I was making a line of argumentation he'd never heard before and became intrigued. He learned that this is coffee shop is my "remote work office" and stopped by later out of curiosity. I provided answers that were stronger, more scripturally based, and more cohesive than anything he'd heard in Churchianity and it attracted him. I was able to provide answers to many of his problems.

Elements of note. Consistency of being at the same place regularly over time. Interacting with the community. Strong study of scripture. Willingness to take social risks with boldness. And having enough mistakes under my belt to help another.
 
NickF said:
This is good advice in general when dealing with anybody, but especially women.
People like to talk about themselves. Anybody reading this can try it for themselves. Meet a new person and just ask questions, lead them to talk 90% about themselves and give very few details about your own life. I did this in college as an experiment and asked her friend to informally interview the girl I just had the date with.

She was asked:
-How well we got along
-How much we connected
-How well she felt she knows me
-How good the conversation was
-If she wanted to go on another date
-Then asked simple questions about me

She talked about herself the whole time, found out next to nothing about me, felt a DEEP connection, we got along splendidly, felt she KNEW me very well, we had amazing conversation and wanted to see me again. All because she talked about herself.

This is borne out in people's interactions with their therapist. They almost all report a feeling of deep connection with a therapist despite knowing nothing about the person's private and personal life. It's all because of the deep and pervasive personal information communicated that creates the connection.

So shut up, hold eye contact and ask her about herself. Ask what she thinks about things, how she sees herself, what those things make her feel like, how the events in her life made her feel. Commiserate with the bad parts, mourn with the mournful parts, rejoice with the joyful parts.

While this isn't exactly on the list of "studly" masculine traits. It's severely lacking on the part of most people in general and can turn a moderately low "studly" man into "dreamy and fascinating".

After trying things like that I was described as "intense", and our time together as "intimate and deep".

Women want to be heard, even if half the time they have stupid ideas on how many dogs is reasonable. :p
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This all reminds me of How to Win Friends and Influence People. One of the fundamental takeaways I got from that book when I first read it was that people aren't interested in you, they're interested in themselves. The extent to which you can authentically show interest in others is the extent to which they like you.
 
A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyse a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects.

— Robert Heinlein
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One of my favorite authors
 
Do hard things. Do them until you want to quit. Keep going and don't quit. Rinse and repeat. At some point you realize that most of your limitations are self imposed. Confidence comes from knowing who you really are and what you're actually capable of doing. Those two things come from hours of getting your butt kicked and coming back for more--preferably with a grin--until you're good enough to not get your butt kicked.
 
DawoodSaar said:
Howdy folks!

I've been mentoring a young man, aged 19, who just recently came to Christianity in the last few months. I've definitely given him a completely different trajectory than the mainstream already.

I've told him my story of going Hebrew-Roots-ish, how so much of Christian dogma is dogdoodoo, and presented significantly clearer views on about every major point of debate still ongoing in Christendom.

But one area I can't teach is that which I lack myself. How to be a stud! To gain that gravitas of masculinity. The likes of Jordan Peterson only take one so far, and information on scriptural approaches to work-ethic are rare. So, I open the floor to both manly sasquatches and and the cryptozoologists (ladies) who follow them; what manners maketh man?

(Not looking necessarily for debate, but more a list of best things to focus on for masculine development. Thanks!)
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Taking charge of situations. Being loud. Aggressive. Keeping your women in submission.
 
A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyse a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects.

— Robert Heinlein

I'm saving that! Thank you, @rockfox !!
 
DawoodSaar said:
Maybe a slight redirect might be closer to what I'm looking for.

What has induced you to be a mentor to young men in the past?

What stories do you have about how you found or developed a discipleship relationship with a fellow man, whether you were the mentor or mentee?

E.G. I was debating 2 Catholic priests at my local coffee shop, when one of their cousins came by and saw I was making a line of argumentation he'd never heard before and became intrigued. He learned that this is coffee shop is my "remote work office" and stopped by later out of curiosity. I provided answers that were stronger, more scripturally based, and more cohesive than anything he'd heard in Churchianity and it attracted him. I was able to provide answers to many of his problems.

Elements of note. Consistency of being at the same place regularly over time. Interacting with the community. Strong study of scripture. Willingness to take social risks with boldness. And having enough mistakes under my belt to help another.
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Was this an attempt to return to the OP? 😂😂

Welcome to BibFam where the points don't matter and the titie isn't necessarily what the thread is about.... 😁
 
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