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How to love your wife (like Christ loves the church)

How about the marriage bed? My number one goal is to make sure my beloved has achieved as much satisfaction as she can bear and cries uncle. I purposefully delay my gratification until she feels she has achieved hers to her satisfaction. I'm not talking faked stuff either. You can't fake physical reactions. I'll leave it at that. Is that possible all the time? No. Life and kids prevent that as a nightly goal, but it happens more than not. And to be honest, my own satisfaction is almost a forgotten thing sometimes when I see she has been SERVED well. Sure, its an ego thing, but it truly is a love via servant thing. It all comes back to me and more outside the bedroom, though.
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Think about how that incident went down:
Yeshua: "I'm going to wash your feet"
Peter: "No, don't wash my feet"
Yeshua: "I'm going to wash your feet"
Peter: "Not just my feet, wash my hands and face too"
Yeshua: "I'm going to wash your feet"
Peter: "Yes master"

That's a great illustration of servant leadership. He was acting as a servant, but choosing to do so as a leader. It was he who decided exactly what he was going to do, and he did exactly that, regardless of anyone's objections. Having a wife and seven children and washing all of their feet at Passover last year, I am well aware of the range of reactions that different people can have to that - nevertheless they all got their feet washed whether they wanted to or not! :)

Stellar!
 
Seems like I'm late to the party but I feel the need to throw my 2 cents in. Servant leadership is a biblical principal. Servant leadership is sacrificing the wants for the needs. If someone in my household, I include those who look to me for guidance and instruction therefore submitted to my authority, have a need I will sacrifice my wants (not needs) to provide their needs. Why? Because my needs are the needs of my household and my household's needs are my needs. Expand this out to the assembly. Yeshua says its the second greatest commandment "You shall love your neighbor as yourself." You wouldn't deny yourself your needs.
 
Seems like I'm late to the party but I feel the need to throw my 2 cents in. Servant leadership is a biblical principal. Servant leadership is sacrificing the wants for the needs. If someone in my household, I include those who look to me for guidance and instruction therefore submitted to my authority, have a need I will sacrifice my wants (not needs) to provide their needs. Why? Because my needs are the needs of my household and my household's needs are my needs. Expand this out to the assembly. Yeshua says its the second greatest commandment "You shall love your neighbor as yourself." You wouldn't deny yourself your needs.
I’m sorry, but a servant is required to put the wants of the person served above their own wants.
You are describing selfless service, but not servant service.

Mark 10:44 (KJV) And whosoever of you will be the chiefest, shall be servant of all.
This is a hyperbole. We are to serve, but who are we truly servants of?

Colossians 4:12 (KJV)
Epaphras, who is [one] of you, a servant of Christ, saluteth you, always labouring fervently for you in prayers, that ye may stand perfect and complete in all the will of God.

2 Timothy 2:24 (KJV)
And the servant of the Lord must not strive; but be gentle unto all [men], apt to teach, patient,
 
I’m sorry, but a servant is required to put the wants of the person served above their own wants.
You are describing selfless service, but not servant service.

Mark 10:44 (KJV) And whosoever of you will be the chiefest, shall be servant of all.
This is a hyperbole. We are to serve, but who are we truly servants of?

Colossians 4:12 (KJV)
Epaphras, who is [one] of you, a servant of Christ, saluteth you, always labouring fervently for you in prayers, that ye may stand perfect and complete in all the will of God.

2 Timothy 2:24 (KJV)
And the servant of the Lord must not strive; but be gentle unto all [men], apt to teach, patient,

Yeah I agree. I think many here have the right concept but are using the wrong term to describe it...
 
I’m sorry, but a servant is required to put the wants of the person served above their own wants.
You are describing selfless service, but not servant service.
Wants vs needs. I think in any given situation you could inject either term.

When I was young, we were one of the last families to get one of those new COLOR TVs. There was seven kids so Dad took care of food, clothing and shelter first. He finally got us a Sears Silvertone color tv. Bonanza came alive.

Later, Dad went out and bought me a bass guitar, bass and guitar amp, PA system and microphones. (A band was breaking up) it was a want but I think a good investment. I’ve been playing for nearly 50 years.

Dad used wisdom in these decisions. Wants vs needs? Depends on the time of life you’re in.
 
Wants vs needs? Depends on the time of life you’re in.
You can only survive a few minutes without air.
Put that need at one end of the spectrum and an insane desire, say ten billion dollars or a perpetualy young body, at the other end of the spectrum. Everything falls somewhere along the spectrum. Some things are more want than need, and vice versa.
But the principal remains, a servant is required to service the wants of his/her master before satisfying their own needs.
And yes, every servant has a master, it crosses the line when, in pursuit of being a servant leader, you make your family or congregation,etc. your master. As opposed to YHWH being your master and you serving the others in your service to Him.
 
You can only survive a few minutes without air.
Put that need at one end of the spectrum and an insane desire, say ten billion dollars or a perpetualy young body, at the other end of the spectrum. Everything falls somewhere along the spectrum. Some things are more want than need, and vice versa.
But the principal remains, a servant is required to service the wants of his/her master before satisfying their own needs.
And yes, every servant has a master, it crosses the line when, in pursuit of being a servant leader, you make your family or congregation,etc. your master. As opposed to YHWH being your master and you serving the others in your service to Him.
Right. Which is where the understanding of what serving someone the way He wants us to, vs serving them based just off their wants, comes in to play. Something simple like my wife loves Mexican food, that is a want that mostly doesnt hurt or upset anyone, so though it is not a need I can serve God by serving her want in that case. But if my first wife wants, (even says she needs to feel loved) for me to not spend time with my second, then I cant very well 'serve' her in that, can I? So there is definitely a difference :)
 
Right. Which is where the understanding of what serving someone the way He wants us to, vs serving them based just off their wants, comes in to play. Something simple like my wife loves Mexican food, that is a want that mostly doesnt hurt or upset anyone, so though it is not a need I can serve God by serving her want in that case. But if my first wife wants, (even says she needs to feel loved) for me to not spend time with my second, then I cant very well 'serve' her in that, can I? So there is definitely a difference :)

Dude you have the right concept but this isn’t serving it’s just being nice...

Right concept. Wrong terminology...
 
You are describing selfless service, but not servant service.
They go hand in hand. Yeshua set the example then told us to follow him. So we try to follow His example thus leading by an example of selfless service.

Yeshua also set the example of sacrifing His wants, He didn't want to die and asked for another way, but submitted for our needs of salvation. He did this for the assembly just like a husband is to do for His family.

We can disagree about the terminology all we like and that is fine as long as we don't use that to justify ignoring the Teaching that Yeshua gives by example.
 
Im also not sure what you mean that is just 'being nice'. What part?
Mexican food...

Again the disagreement we are having is all just terminology. Probably not worth the continued energy...

my problem with the term “servant leader” is that most “Christians” have a completely unbiblical definition of what it means. To me it’s like a toxic term that can lead men into the wrong thinking based on the common definition...

I’m not accusing you of that but I just think a different term is better for the sake of those reading here but not posting much who are still learning. And I know for a fact there are some doing just that...
 
Seems like I'm late to the party but I feel the need to throw my 2 cents in. Servant leadership is a biblical principal. Servant leadership is sacrificing the wants for the needs. If someone in my household, I include those who look to me for guidance and instruction therefore submitted to my authority, have a need I will sacrifice my wants (not needs) to provide their needs. Why? Because my needs are the needs of my household and my household's needs are my needs. Expand this out to the assembly. Yeshua says its the second greatest commandment "You shall love your neighbor as yourself." You wouldn't deny yourself your needs.
Hey! I know you. You're Kevin. Where have you been?
 
Thanks mojo.



So is that simply an example of the way you serve, or would you think it wrong if you didn't make sure she got gratification first?



Maybe so. But I'm a little more sympathetic to the boys; especially since the church is really good at working from birth to make sure boys don't become men. And just as a practical reality, not every man has enough of an alpha personality to be able to counteract acts of servitude.
Example, nothing more.
 
Hey! I know you. You're Kevin. Where have you been?
I have my hands in alot of jars right now so I've been really busy. Im going to try and pop in at least one a week.
 
Think about how that incident went down:
Yeshua: "I'm going to wash your feet"
Peter: "No, don't wash my feet"
Yeshua: "I'm going to wash your feet"
Peter: "Not just my feet, wash my hands and face too"
Yeshua: "I'm going to wash your feet"
Peter: "Yes master"

That's a great illustration of servant leadership. He was acting as a servant, but choosing to do so as a leader. It was he who decided exactly what he was going to do, and he did exactly that, regardless of anyone's objections. Having a wife and seven children and washing all of their feet at Passover last year, I am well aware of the range of reactions that different people can have to that - nevertheless they all got their feet washed whether they wanted to or not!

Nice. That is very perceptive.
 
That's a great illustration of servant leadership. He was acting as a servant, but choosing to do so as a leader. It was he who decided exactly what he was going to do, and he did exactly that, regardless of anyone's objections. Having a wife and seven children and washing all of their feet at Passover last year, I am well aware of the range of reactions that different people can have to that - nevertheless they all got their feet washed whether they wanted to or not! :)

Excellent point.
 
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