• Biblical Families is not a dating website. It is a forum to discuss issues relating to marriage and the Bible, and to offer guidance and support, not to find a wife. Click here for more information.

I First heard of plural marriage when...

Yes Ma'am!!! :)

So it's 2008 and I'm watching TV one day and the news is about the raid on the FLDS ranch in Waco. Everyone else was all shocked-face about the polygamy and I was fascinated with the idea that none of the women had to be alone with a man. That was a big deal to me then and to some extent it still is. The FLDS have bad taste in fashions :p but at least they looked clean and their kids looked happy aside from the storm troopers in their homes.

That got me interested in poly and when I got my computer for my 18th birthday I started looking around. Dating sites were a bust because all I got was a lot of pictures of men's private parts. Amazing that these men can't figure out why women don't like them!

I found the SacPoly Yahoo group and mostly lurked...hate to say like I did here for a long time too. I met some people for coffee and then visited with two couples. In both cases it seemed like the men were all down with the idea and their wives not so much. o_O

Then I met Christie and we had coffee like two or three times. Then I visited the house. At that time the family was Steve, Shari, and Christie and Shari's three daughters and Christie's boy. After that I moved in as a helper but that was really like a chance to see if everyone liked me and if I was okay with everything. And I was. And here I am! :)
In 2008 I was researching the raid for a persuasive essay I had to write for college. I went in with an anti-stance and came away quite confused. ;)
 
In 2008 I was researching the raid for a persuasive essay I had to write for college. I went in with an anti-stance and came away quite confused. ;)

After it was all over the raid was just a waste of time and a massive violation of civil rights. o_O
 
Nice theory, but it hasn't exactly worked out that way for Starlit. Why? Because the statistics are incomplete. I'm going to have to multiply it all by 100 to make this work in sensible numbers, bear with me:

Starting with 10,000 male and 10,100 female babies, assuming your numbers are correct, there are 3900 men and 6200 women interested in Christian marriage.

Of those, 95% are only interested in monogamous Christian marriage, leaving a generous estimate of 5% who would consider polygamy. 195 men and 310 women.

If these 195 men first married randomly among the 6200 women interested in Christian women, only 5% of them happened to marry one of the 310 women who would consider polygamy. Leaving 10 men who are in a position to take a second wife without breaking their current family.

And of those, only 10% will actually admit that they think that way, most will keep their mouths shut so they won't get kicked out of their church. Leaving 1 man who is openly seeking a second wife.

So, the 6200 women seeking a Christian man have a:
3900 / 6200 = 63% chance of finding a monogamous Christian man to marry.
Not great odds, hence why there are so many single Christian women in the church.

If every Christian man was willing to take multiple wives, they'd have a:
3900 / 3900 = 100% chance of finding a monogamous or polygamous Christian man to marry. There'd be no single women in the church except for those who chose to be single.

But in reality, since most Christians reject polygamy, they have a 1/3900 = 0.02% chance of marrying a polygamous Christian man.

Which is the reality for Starlit. The odds might be poor to find a monogamous husband, but they're even worse to find a polygamous one.

Now those statistics are all a load of nonsense based on highly simplistic assumptions and numbers that both of us pulled out of the air (lies, damned lies and statistics etc), but even if out by a major factor they serve to illustrate a point.

The only way to change this situation for women like Starlit is to increase the proportion of Christian men willing and able to pursue polygamy. And that's a very long and slow process.
Excellent partial analysis, @FollowingHim2. If I ever write a book about all this, I'm going to ask you to be a contributor, because you produced a statistic I'd never thought of -- and it really does impact those women who come to the conclusion that they want to be in a plural family.
 
Excellent partial analysis, @FollowingHim2. If I ever write a book about all this, I'm going to ask you to be a contributor, because you produced a statistic I'd never thought of -- and it really does impact those women who come to the conclusion that they want to be in a plural family.
That was @FollowingHim 's post. Trust me, if someone was going to spend time working all that out, out of the two of us it wouldn't be me lol.
 
I've told my story both at gatherings and in more than one place here at the website, but given that this is asking a specific question, I'll just do a, for me, summary of the beginning years:
  • My father disputes this, but I started teaching myself to read when I was shy of 4 years old (he claims I was just sounding out vowels and consonants -- and didn't know what I was saying, out loud or in my mind -- but he has never had an explanation for how I could also be using the words I was learning in sentences; oddly enough -- ha ha -- my second son taught himself to read at age 5 and then a year later was teaching his 4-year-old brother how to read; all I did was read to them; the younger one started talking before he was 8 months old, so I guess this is just some hereditary thing; anyway . . . ) and was reading big books out loud to teenagers and adults by the time I was 5.
  • The first book I read cover to cover was the Bible. I started reading it in the car in June in California just after finishing Kindergarten in Cupertino. (That time I skipped a good bit of Numbers and most of Kings and Chronicles, so several months later I made myself read just them, because I wanted to be able to say I'd read every word.) I finished the summer in North Tonawanda NY, spending some time each day reading aloud from the Bible to a couple of gorgeous teenage girls who were fascinated that I could actually read (now, if my Dad had accused me of pretending to read just to keep those girls close enough to ogle, at least that would have hit close to the mark). I took the Bible with me to Wurlitzer Elementary each day and read when I was done with my assignments, which was usually about the time the teacher finished explaining how to do them. I finished that project just as we were all beginning to take up our Dick and Jane books.
  • It didn't escape me even that first time that several very important and holy men in Scripture had had two wives, and none of them had problems described that came close to the problems my mother and father already had in their marriage, so I just accepted that it was legitimate to be married to more than one woman. I might have slightly wondered why I never met a family with two or more wives in it that first time, but it didn't sink in enough to cause me any distress.
  • In the summer between 1st and 2nd grade (this was 1961), I re-read the Bible all the way through this time without skipping the boring parts. In September, I had a new Sunday School teacher, so I asked her why we never talked in Sunday School about men having more than one wife (blank stare), whether Lutherans were allowed to do it ("No!"), followed by inquiring into which Protestant denominations might find it acceptable ("None that I know of!), and why no one seemed to have more than one wife in the New Testament ("Well, maybe that's why Jesus didn't get to have any wives, to make up for all the sin in the Old Testament!"), after which I was basically sent to the Principal's office (which in this case was the Pastor's office), a practice with which I had already become familiar in 1st grade at regular school. This ended up being the day I decided to become a pastor myself (which lasted until I was a senior in high school, when my then-pastor informed me that Christ being Resurrected was a myth), and I'm sure it had everything to do with the fact that, even though he very strategically never answered my question about no extra wives in the New Testament, at least he didn't pull the old shades over my eyes like almost every subsequent 'man of God' by telling me that it was abolished somewhere in there -- and he emphasized that the Sunday School teacher must have been overly flustered but had been entirely wrong about Jesus Christ being punished for any specific sins of the past but instead had laid down his life to absolve all the sins of every believer.
  • I did some more reading here and there of the Bible but didn't do any further comprehensive reading of it until my next cover-to-cover in Summer 1963.
  • Prior to that I had my first poly experience (did I mention that I never went through latency?; you'll have to look it up, if not). Second grade was kind of dry ground for me as far as girl action went, but in 3rd grade I ended up with a sweet girlfriend who was both a Roman Catholic and an identical twin. My parents ultimately forbade me from associating with her or her sister because of my parents' abhorrence of Catholicism, but that was months later, and in the meantime, the two twins started pulling tricks on me so that I would often not know who was which, and, because we were just in 3rd grade and never got around to actually discussing anything, I'm really not sure to what extent either of them ever became aware how long I very eagerly played along as if I didn't have a clue -- because I was quite enamored with both of them.
So, the first time I heard of Biblical plural marriage was in 1959 the summer before Kindergarten, and the first time I realized that it was something I wanted to do was in 1962 with the twins. I have given up on it altogether more than once, but since then I have never stopped knowing that it was something I desired to participate in.

My father -- I know, he keeps popping up in this story -- would probably also say that I was aware of plural marriage even earlier than all that, because he had been hinting to me for years back then that the extra woman who was always 'visiting' at one of his brothers' house was actually a second wife, and that had begun back before I was born, beginning during the pregnancy of my oldest cousin on that side of the family, back when my uncle and his wives were all just turning 17, in 1950.
 
Last edited:
I've told my story both at gatherings and in more than one place here at the website, but given that this is asking a specific question, I'll just do a, for me, summary of the beginning years:
  • My father disputes this, but I started teaching myself to read when I was shy of 4 years old (he claims I was just sounding out vowels and consonants -- and didn't know what I was saying, out loud or in my mind -- but he has never had an explanation for how I could also be using the words I was learning in sentences; oddly enough -- ha ha -- my second son taught himself to read at age 5 and then a year later was teaching his 4-year-old brother how to read; all I did was read to them; the younger one started talking before he was 8 months old, so I guess this is just some hereditary thing; anyway . . . ) and was reading big books out loud to teenagers and adults by the time I was 5.
  • The first book I read cover to cover was the Bible. I started reading it in the car in June in California just after finishing Kindergarten in Cupertino. (That time I skipped a good bit of Numbers and most of Kings and Chronicles, so several months later I made myself read just them, because I wanted to be able to say I'd read every word.) I finished the summer in North Tonawanda NY, spending some time each day reading aloud from the Bible to a couple of gorgeous teenage girls who were fascinated that I could actually read (now, if my Dad had accused me of pretending to read just to keep those girls close enough to ogle, at least that would have hit close to the mark). I took the Bible with me to Wurlitzer Elementary each day and read when I was done with my assignments, which was usually about the time the teacher finished explaining how to do them. I finished that project just as we were all beginning to take up our Dick and Jane books.
  • It didn't escape me even that first time that several very important and holy men in Scripture had had two wives, and none of them had problems described that came close to the problems my mother and father already had in their marriage, so I just accepted that it was legitimate to be married to more than one woman. I might have slightly wondered why I never met a family with two or more wives in it that first time, but it didn't sink in enough to cause me any distress.
  • In the summer between 1st and 2nd grade (this was 1961), I re-read the Bible all the way through this time without skipping the boring parts. In September, I had a new Sunday School teacher, so I asked her why we never talked in Sunday School about men having more than one wife (blank stare), whether Lutherans were allowed to do it ("No!"), followed by inquiring into which Protestant denominations might find it acceptable ("None that I know of!), and why no one seemed to have more than one wife in the New Testament ("Well, maybe that's why Jesus didn't get to have any wives, to make up for all the sin in the Old Testament!"), after which I was basically sent to the Principal's office (which in this case was the Pastor's office), a practice with which I had already become familiar in 1st grade at regular school. This ended up being the day I decided to become a pastor myself (which lasted until I was a senior in high school, when my then-pastor informed me that Christ being Resurrected was a myth), and I'm sure it had everything to do with the fact that, even though he very strategically never answered my question about no extra wives in the New Testament, at least he didn't pull the old shades over my eyes like almost every subsequent 'man of God' by telling me that it was abolished somewhere in there -- and he emphasized that the Sunday School teacher must have been overly flustered but had been entirely wrong about Jesus Christ being punished for any specific sins of the past but instead had laid down his life to absolve all the sins of every believer.
  • I did some more reading here and there of the Bible but didn't do any further comprehensive reading of it until my next cover-to-cover in Summer 1963.
  • Prior to that I had my first poly experience (did I mention that I never went through latency?; you'll have to look it up, if not). Second grade was kind of dry ground for me as far as girl action went, but in 3rd grade I ended up with a sweet girlfriend who was both a Roman Catholic and an identical twin. My parents ultimately forbade me from associating with her or her sister because of my parents' abhorrence of Catholicism, but that was months later, and in the meantime, the two twins started pulling tricks on me so that I would often not know who was which, and, because we were just in 3rd grade and never got around to actually discussing anything, I'm really not sure to what extent either of them ever became aware how long I very eagerly played along as if I didn't have a clue -- because I was quite enamored with both of them.
So, the first time I heard of Biblical plural marriage was in 1959 the summer before Kindergarten, and the first time I realized that it was something I wanted to do was in 1962 with the twins. I have given up on it altogether more than once, but since then I have never stopped knowing that it was something I desired to participate in.

My father -- I know, he keeps popping up in this story -- would probably also say that I was aware of plural marriage even earlier than all that, because he had been hinting to me for years back then that the extra woman who was always 'visiting' at one of his brothers' house was actually a second wife, and that had begun back before I was born, beginning during the pregnancy of my oldest cousin on that side of the family, back when my uncle and his wives were all just turning 17, in 1950.

Keith,
You have fascinating stories.

Like you, I saw it reading the Bible.
Eventually the churchian excuses against it fell away. I also googled "Christian polygamy" one time. That was also influential, but came from reading the Bible.
 
Keith,
You have fascinating stories.

Thank you.

Anyone who has concluded that I just make all of them up should understandably be forgiven.
 
Thank you.

Anyone who has concluded that I just make all of them up should understandably be forgiven.
I think you are just the type of fascinating adult that precocious children grow up to become. :)

Funny how you talked about polygyny with your Lutheran Sunday school teacher. I'd bet she never heard what Martin Luther said about it back in the day.
 
I think you are just the type of fascinating adult that precocious children grow up to become. :)

Funny how you talked about polygyny with your Lutheran Sunday school teacher. I'd bet she never heard what Martin Luther said about it back in the day.

And neither did I until this century; I guess I should have read the Table Talks a lot earlier!
 
Back
Top