I have been selfish and it didn't do my family any good

Discussion in 'Family Issues' started by Kevin, Dec 7, 2017 at 10:25 AM.

  1. Kevin

    Kevin Esteemed Member Male

    I've been doing alot of reflecting and praying. It was just revealed to me that I have been selfish. Jessica can no longer have children. We looked at adoption and it didn't seemed feasible. Because of this we got involved in a few children's ministries and orphanages. The fact that she can't give me children doesnt change my love for her but it did put blinders on me when it came to plural marriage.

    I made a list of things that I needed in a second wife. One of the most important to me was that she wanted kids. This caused me to dismiss a few women ,who had a servants heart, who would have made good wives and wanted to be wives, because they couldn't have kids. I didn't stop to think of how much good it would do for them. They wanted kids but could have any (give me more). We have children, we could have shared with them. They would have got to share the love for a child that is in them and my children would have been blessed with more love. I told myself it was what I needed but in truth it was my own selfish desire to get what I wanted.

    I guess I made this thread in the hopes that everyone will look at their reasoning behind wanting a plural marriage. We talk about single moms and who's eligible and not, but we don't seem to talk about how we can use plural marriage to glorify G-d much beyond headship. There are a few families here on the forum I think got it right. It's not only about enlarging their family, making things more financialy sound, or filling roles in the family. Which are all good reasons. Its about opening our families up to those who need something from our family. It's about finding a way as a family to serve the Kingdom, to glorify G-d through good works and ministry as a family. Thats my thoughts and opinion anyway.
  2. Slumberfreeze

    Slumberfreeze Esteemed Member Male

    I love this, and I love you. Thank you for sharing this.
  3. andrew

    andrew Administrator Staff Member Male

    You die to the single life to start a married life. You die to the life of a married couple to start a family. You die to monogamous family life to have a plural family. And eventually we learn how to die to the independent family life (I'm talking particularly to the men here...) to figure out how to learn the tribal life.

    You're on the right track, Kevin. Just keep doing what you're doing....
  4. frederick

    frederick Well-Known Member Male

    Thanks Kevin, and I second Andrew's comment; just keep doing what you're doing. Finding a wife is good and obtains the Lord's favour. Children are His blessing.
  5. Mikki G.

    Mikki G. Well-Known Member Female

    Oh my gosh. I love this. Kevin I completely understand where ur coming from. I cant have children without help. So for me at first I was hell bent on being in a PM just for the reasoning of having children for my husband cause I myself cannot gwt pregnant on my own. My thought was "oh lets add a second wife so she can gice my husband the children that I am not able to have".

    After months of thinking like this I was in a way verbally slapped by God. He showed me that this is not how I should be thinking. He showed me my selfishness and brought me to a point of.... "Hey its ok that I cant habe kids. I still have so much to offer not only my husband but any wives that we may take in the future.

    I want to share my husband because I want my hopeful future sister wife to feel the love that my husband gives to me, for her. I want my hopeful future sister wife to feel the love of our family for her. I want to share my family with her. Though we have only one child (my step daughter) we have so much love to gice to others. And I want to share the love in my heart with others. That's where I am cpming from now.

    Thank u Kevin for sharing this. It was a great thought.
  6. joe88

    joe88 Active Member Male

    That's such a great comment to bring up, Kevin. Thank you for having the courage to put it that way. My journey has led me to a similar place of having to confront my thought patterns as well. Where I am now, I believe God may say to many of us that He wants us to cultivate the marriage He has given us and to work on His kingdom, not our own. In order to minister in areas He may want us to go, it may entail remaining as we are, even as we recognize the rights of others to enjoy what God has given them in their homes and ministries.

    If the real possibility of marital expansion presented itself, it would seem to me that the primary qualifications for any additional wife would be her willingness to submit herself both to Him (God) and to him (her husband) and to add value to the existing family, while the family commits to adding value to her life. In other words, the commitment of all parties must be to seek righteousness before God personally and to cooperatively maintain a godly home. For many of us however, I believe that God wants us to focus on glorifying His kingdom right now -- either as singles or couples, some of us without children, some of us with adopted children, and others of us with a few or many children of our own.
  7. cubanito

    cubanito Well-Known Member

    Yes, offering something to others, some stability, advice, anything positive God wants us to do or be for others. We have been through several phases and realized this after a while. When we were actively searching we didn't find because we were searching our will. We shouldn't expect any thing, just hope we can serve and do His good will. It is rewarding when we can. Things happen when we don't expect them, on His time not when we want.
    We have seen this. After we gave up our will.
    Curtis Gerhart and rustywest4 like this.