I need advice

[a virtuous woman]

I need help to think about this better. I have been the second wife for seven years now. I have come a long way when it comes to dealing with jealousy. I no longer get jealous when I see my husband and sister-wife share a hug or kiss, and when they go out, I'm content with being at home. My room is also under theirs, and I don't care if I hear them having sex. Things like that used to bother me a lot. I have difficulty when I usually have an activity or, say, a show/movie that my husband and I share, and he wants to watch or do said activity with my sister-wife and not include me. I don't mind them doing stuff without me, but I also like having things I only share with my husband.

This is what happened tonight. My husband said something about going to a movie, and my sister-wife was like, "go to a movie? I'd rather go to sleep." Our husband then looks up a movie, and Nope is playing. Now my husband and I have gone to all the Jordan Peele movies together, and I love watching them with him because I enjoy seeing his reaction to what happens in the movie. My sister-wife didn't even know who Jordan Peele was or had seen any of the other movies. We then watched the trailer, and I got excited. So he was saying that we could all go tonight, but then he changed his mind and said no and we would go tomorrow. Now, my Mondays are very busy, and I don't have time to go, so he said, " Well, you don't have to go, and you can just take the other kids later." He also said they would take their daughter to it, so it's not like it's a date. I know he wants to take her tomorrow because it's her day off, and usually she works, and I don't.

I'm getting very upset over it, and it's really bothering me. I feel silly for this being really important to me. My husband has already got upset with me about it and told me to stop. I get the same way when he watches a show we share together without me; whether she is involved or not, it doesn't matter. I guess I just wanted someone to share watching things with, and it feels special. Anyways thanks for reading if you have any words of wisdom or advice, I appreciate it.

 

[FollowingHim2]

If it's bugging you, you'll probably find there's a deeper reason behind it. It's not about a movie. Your mission (should you choose to accept it ), is to figure out what that issue is.
For example, is it that you don't feel like you get enough one on one time with hubby?
Or that you don't have special things that only you and hubby do together?
Or is it hormonal?
Figure that out, then have a calm talk with hubby about it so you can both figure out if it's possible to change that, or to work out how to help you accept what is.

 

[MeganC]

This may sound weird but my advice is for you and your sister-wife to leave your husband at home with the kids and you two go out and do something together. Because the real problem is you two need a better relationship. If you two get along then you'll both have a better relationship with your husband because he won't have to resolve your competing interests.

 

[a virtuous woman]

If it's bugging you, you'll probably find there's a deeper reason behind it. It's not about a movie. Your mission (should you choose to accept it ), is to figure out what that issue is.
For example, is it that you don't feel like you get enough one on one time with hubby?
Or that you don't have special things that only you and hubby do together?
Or is it hormonal?
Figure that out, then have a calm talk with hubby about it so you can both figure out if it's possible to change that, or to work out how to help you accept what is.

That's a good point. I have been racking my brain all day, trying to think what it could be. I think MeganC could be on to something, though. I get more time than my sister-wife because she works around 30 hours a week and sometimes on weekends; however, I am spending a lot of time with my two younger girls. I'm watching the kids while my husband is in the office or working around the house; he's a disabled veteran pursuing another master's degree that will help him bridge the gap to a doctorate.

This may sound weird but my advice is for you and your sister-wife to leave your husband at home with the kids and you two go out and do something together. Because the real problem is you two need a better relationship. If you two get along then you'll both have a better relationship with your husband because he won't have to resolve your competing interests.

I agree with you. It's been tough getting the chance to spend enough time with her. Currently, she works a lot while I stay home and is writing her dissertation so she can get her doctorate. So when she's not at work or working on school, I try to give our husband and sister-wife the time they need together. So I do think you nailed it because it's bringing up past experiences I had sharing my best friend with her boyfriend. I'm staying at home with the kids, and the only adult interaction I get is with our husband and little conversations I have with my sister-wife in passing. We have a good relationship but don't get to spend much time together recently. When they are together a lot during the weekend, mostly I feel like all I do is watch babies and have little to no time talking to someone who can share a conversation. The other five kids are always so busy.

 

[Hisdaughter]

If it's bugging you, you'll probably find there's a deeper reason behind it. It's not about a movie. Your mission (should you choose to accept it ), is to figure out what that issue is.
For example, is it that you don't feel like you get enough one on one time with hubby?
Or that you don't have special things that only you and hubby do together?
Or is it hormonal?
Figure that out, then have a calm talk with hubby about it so you can both figure out if it's possible to change that, or to work out how to help you accept what is.

I completely agree with your advice. Find out the root cause and then pray about it. Then you can calmly talk to your covering about it.