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IshofNesei

IshofNesei

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Hi everyone! I'm a recent seminary graduate/baby pastor in a rather conservative (by current American standards) church body. I'm happily married and we're blessed with some children. As for my story, there's not much to tell; there were no sudden lightning bolts of realization nor any sort of "tower experience." Rather, as with so many things, I came to finally see what the Scriptures teach concerning marriage slowly--painfully slowly, in fact.

Briefly, for me, the road began about three years ago with an exegetical assignment on man and woman in Christ; for various reasons the subject simply grabbed me and has refused to let go. Fast-forward years'-more study on the topic, and a few weeks ago, I found myself actually praying that the Lord would grant me the gift of a second wife.

I'd been lurking here for a little while so I figured I'd go ahead and register, perhaps interact as I've done free time...also, in order to snag some of the memes!

I've not much more to say at the moment, but I'd appreciate any prayers you might offer on my and my family's behalf.

The Lord bless and keep you!
 
Welcome!
As a pastor, you are a bit of an anomaly in accepting this truth.
 
Hi and welcome to this exciting world of discovery. Being blessed with more than one wife (or for some, even suggesting acceptance of it) seems to guarantee a need for a sudden change in ministry. But we survive and thrive as our Lord directs our path, albeit in ways we could never imagine.
 
Thanks for getting real with us right off the bat, @IshofNesei !
 
Welcome @IshofNesei! You're going to have a very interesting pastoral career realising this truth right at the beginning, but that is a good thing - God probably has great things planned for your life. Difficult things but greater as a result of that difficulty... :)

Although I've never been a "pastor", I have been in a lesser church leadership & preaching position before, which I was removed from over this issue, so I have an idea of the difficult position you are placed in. But I would strongly recommend getting to know @frederick, he's the most experienced person in this area who's actively on the forum.
 
@julieb & @FollowingHim

To clarify a bit, perhaps even reassure you both, I've zero intention of doing anything in the foreseeable future except executing my duties as faithfully as I am able. The American Church (broadly speaking) has many problems; even in the so-called "conservative" bodies, such as mine. In my opinion, marriage is only one-such issue. (To add another level of complexity, I am also firmly conviced that ALL doctrine is interwoven; A both relies-upon as well as informs B, these both flow from and back-to C, and so on.)

I suspect that the last thing the Lord's people need is for me to go about throwing theological hand grenades at them. That is to say, the only thing that will begin to fix these issues will be the Word-preached, taught, and applied to them (and myself!) over time.

To be more specific, using the wider doctrine of marriage as example, the Lord didn't toss me straight into His teaching on polygyny. Instead, first, he led me to wrestle with the absolute bare-bones of man and woman in Christ, then how this flows from Gen. 1-3, then through the rest of Genesis, and on and on and on.

Long and short, it took me years of rather intense study on this topic-alone to get to where I am. How much longer then will it take folks who have normal jobs and families and lives to arrive at the same place? I guess the way I figure it, unless we're talking *actual* heresies then I ought try to be as patient in teaching as Christ has been with me.
 
Welcome! It's nice to have you here. It's also especially nice to hear from a pastor that understands these things (and is honest enough to admit it).

I will pray for you, your wife,.and the church you pastor. May the Lord Himself bless you all.

I've got a couple questions if you are willing. The first one is about patriarchy. I really consider polygamy to be an implication or extension of patriarchy, a sub-topic of patriarchy, with patriarchy being the more important principle. It sounds like you understand polygyny within the the larger Biblical framework of Covenant and male female relations. Am I correct in assuming that?

The second question pertains to you potentially taking a second wife. Do you consider polygyny to be acceptable for an elder/church pastor?

I understand polygyny to be lawful for men in general, but am not 100% certain about polygyny for church elders, based on the "husband of one wife" passages from 1st Timothy and Titus.

I think the main point is that the man is to be a faithful covenant keeping husband, and not a man who breaks faith with the wife of his youth.

I do wonder however if perhaps there might be another aspect. The elders lead the family of God, and perhaps wouldn't be able to do that and also have the time and ability to lead a large multi-wife, many child, patriarchal family of their own.

I do know several pastors that have large (6-7 child) monogamous families. Who knows but perhaps two wives with a similar number of children might potentially be easier? I can't really see a man with three wives and fifteen or more children leading well both his family and the church. I'm just wondering.

Also, I'm curious about your particular church background (Baptist, Assembly of God, Presbyterian/Reformed, Nazarene, Methodist, Charismatic, Lutheran, etc) if you were willing to share.

I totally understand if you prefer not to at this time. Discretion is important, especially in your situation.


Once again, welcome
 
GroomOf5Wise said:
Welcome! Glad to have you! If 3 years is painfully slow, I wonder what 4+ is? Lol
Click to expand...
Heh. 3ish years of study... after about a decade of prolegomenal shifts through various times and events of my life.

I use "painfully slow" only as a description primarily because so, SO often I'd dig in my heels on various points until my Shepherd's rod came down hard/often-enough that I'd finally relent (at least, for the next mile or so).

So painful and slow in the way that a donkey's journey can be slow and painful for them due to their own stubbornness.
 
Bartato said:
Welcome! It's nice to have you here. It's also especially nice to hear from a pastor that understands these things (and is honest enough to admit it).

I will pray for you, your wife,.and the church you pastor. May the Lord Himself bless you all.

I've got a couple questions if you are willing. The first one is about patriarchy. I really consider polygamy to be an implication or extension of patriarchy, a sub-topic of patriarchy, with patriarchy being the more important principle. It sounds like you understand polygyny within the the larger Biblical framework of Covenant and male female relations. Am I correct in assuming that?

The second question pertains to you potentially taking a second wife. Do you consider polygyny to be acceptable for an elder/church pastor?

I understand polygyny to be lawful for men in general, but am not 100% certain about polygyny for church elders, based on the "husband of one wife" passages from 1st Timothy and Titus.

I think the main point is that the man is to be a faithful covenant keeping husband, and not a man who breaks faith with the wife of his youth.

I do wonder however if perhaps there might be another aspect. The elders lead the family of God, and perhaps wouldn't be able to do that and also have the time and ability to lead a large multi-wife, many child, patriarchal family of their own.

I do know several pastors that have large (6-7 child) monogamous families. Who knows but perhaps two wives with a similar number of children might potentially be easier? I can't really see a man with three wives and fifteen or more children leading well both his family and the church. I'm just wondering.

Also, I'm curious about your particular church background (Baptist, Assembly of God, Presbyterian/Reformed, Nazarene, Methodist, Charismatic, Lutheran, etc) if you were willing to share.

I totally understand if you prefer not to at this time. Discretion is important, especially in your situation.


Once again, welcome
Click to expand...
Several of Israel's Judges were polygamous men with huge families and were still chosen by God to lead His people. 🤔

Maybe I'm answering my own question? ☺️
 
Bartato said:
I understand polygyny to be lawful for men in general, but am not 100% certain about polygyny for church elders, based on the "husband of one wife" passages from 1st Timothy and Titus.
Click to expand...
That has been discussed at length somewhere in these forums.
Suffice it to say that “mia” is also translated as first in other passages, so that argument doesn’t hold any water
 
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