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in love...

steve

Seasoned Member
Real Person
Male
a couple of other threads have gotten me thinking about the idea of who/what we are really in love with when we have the feeling that we are "in love" with someone.
a study that i read about some time ago (and i may be wrong on some of the details, but the general idea is here) was one where people were shown pictures of a young girl holding a rock as if to throw it at a dog. in one picture it is a very pretty, neat-as-a-pin girl and in the other picture it is a dirty, unkempt girl in ragged clothing. the participants are shown the pictures separately and asked to give their opinion about why the girl might throw the rock. what mostly was felt by the observers was that the clean, pretty girl was defending herself from the dog and that the dirty, unkempt girl was throwing the rock out of meaness.
perception, with no facts to go on, is what people believed.

take a used car, if the cars appearance is great it is more often assumed that its running gear is in good shape. conversely, a dirty car with a couple of parking lot dings and scrapes just doesn't feel like it will be dependable.

ok, so get to the point, steve. :D
when we feel something about another person, that feeling is based upon our perception of them. how well do we really know them? in reality our feelings are based upon our assumptions about them, the image of them that exists in our minds.
it is easy, not to mention fun, ;) to impute things that we want to see in another person upon them. when we sometimes find out later that they did not match up to what we thought about them. do we feel decieved, or do we recognize that we wanted them to be someone that they were not?

before this becomes too much of a downer, many testamonies have been given about finding a treasure in a person that someone thought they knew, but in fact did not. in these cases perception hindered what could have been an earlier blessing.

and then there is YHWH's perception. sometimes we give Him little to love about who we are and much to love about who we can be. something that i heard once long ago; "YHWH loves you just the way you are, and too much to leave you that way!"
 
Preach it, Bro!
 
I found most times in life people "CHOOSE" whom they willl or willl not love. And maybe perception comes in to play with that. People don't fall in and out of love, they choose who they will love.
 
Love questions to stir the pot.

Do men and women love in the same manner?

Is love necessary before marriage? Or after?

Is love on or off? By this I mean do you either love someone or not? Or is there a gradient and in a plural relationship could you love someone more than another? If so is that bad? If bad, then is it better to not love less..at all?

If you are loved less, or feel so, is this a basis for dissatisfaction? How would a person that seems to love you less go about correcting this? Or is reaonable or even possible to correct?

Is not loving someone or being loved yourself a reason for divorce?

Is love a stand alone emotion or is it overlapped into familiarity, habit, chemistry, etc. And if it is overlapping then is this bad or just a fact?

Where does love come from? Is it's source from within ourselves, from God, naturally occurring?

Many have said "I love" and later say "I no longer love". Does this mean it started wrong, went bad, never existed, etc.

Is God mandated to follow one's love quests? By this I mean, is God obligated to provide a blessing or a curse to a love relationship whether or not God originally approved or started it?

And naturally following the previous question. Where does God fit in? At the start, added after the start, and if love ceases, does God undo something?
 
What I find interesting about love is this:

Our Father asks all men to loves their wives.... but to women it always says to respect and honor your husbands. I do not recall seeing anywhere in the bible for women to love their husbands as a commandment in the same way that it calls for men to love their wives. (Please correct me if I'm wrong) Maybe because our Father knew the two most important requirements of each marriage partner is this:

Women need love more than they need honor and respect. Men need respect and honor more than they need love..... * EDIT * FOR THE FEMINIST... If a man is loving a woman as Christ loves the church, than it is easy for a woman to in return honor and respect that man. OR VISE VERSA, If a woman is pouring honor and respect onto a man who in return loves her as Christ loves the church it is inevitable that the woman will ultimately love that man if she did not initially love him from the beginning.

I find that in a relationship it's easy for a man to love his wife as Christ loves the church when the woman is respecting and honoring her husband in the way that she honors and respects God. When the two are combined, it creates Gods perfect combination for a successful marriage. But I must add, that seems easier when said than done..... :)
 
cdonport said:
Women need love more than they need honor and respect.

I think I may just faint......
Do you honestly think you can love someone you can't even respect? And how on earth do you define honour? To honour is to respect, esteem or behave courteously towards. Do you think you can love a man who treats you dishonourably? What a load of balderdash!!!
Abusive husbands would love that idea!


Men need respect and honor more than they need love..... If a woman is pouring honor and respect onto a man who in return loves her as Christ loves the church it is inevitable that the woman will ultimately love that man if she did not initially love him from the beginning.

Or perhaps it is just a realisation that in ancient times, women were often given over in marriage to men whether they loved them, wished it or not. Love was never a requirement for ancient marriage, as any of the learned people here will tell you, marriage was a contractual arrangement and was often arranged by family. So, telling these women to respect and honour these men they may not love, makes sense, it may be harder for women to love these men, than men to love the women. Most marriages now are love matches and both parties expect, love, respect and honour as a bare minimum I should think.

Bels
 
I think you ladies missed the point. I"m saying this when the MAN IS LOVING THE WOMAN AS CHRIST LOVES THE CHURCH AND ONLY IN THAT SENSE. I was not speaking of when a husband is being abusive, neglectful, and such. OBVIOUSLY, in that case, how could anyone stay in such a situation. That DOES NOT represent GODS love.

I'm speaking of BIBLICAL LOVE. Not of abusive fleshly love. I was also stating what I've read from the Bible as God calls for MEN TO LOVE THEIR WIVES, and for WOMEN TO HONOR AND RESPECT THEIR HUSBANDS. I only gave my opinion as to why He created it that way.
 
I think I may just faint......
Do you honestly think you can love someone you can't even respect? And how on earth do you define honour? To honour is to respect, esteem or behave courteously towards. Do you think you can love a man who treats you dishonourably? What a load of balderdash!!!
Abusive husbands would love that idea!

PLEASE show me where on earth it says that in my comment!! :( Did you TOTALLY miss MEN SHOULD HONOR THEIR WIVES AS CHRIST LOVES THE CHURCH....?? How did you equate that with a woman loving a man who treats her dishonorably?
 
cdonport said:
PLEASE show me where on earth it says that in my comment!! :( Did you TOTALLY miss MEN SHOULD HONOR THEIR WIVES AS CHRIST LOVES THE CHURCH....??

Yes, I missed it, since what you wrote was:

cdonport said:
Women need love more than they need honor and respect. Men need respect and honor more than they need love..... If a woman is pouring honor and respect onto a man who in return loves her as Christ loves the church

What I want to ask you is, doesn't love, whether it is Biblical or not, come with respect and honour? Because I should think that it near impossible to love someone who you do not respect and honour.

How did you equate that with a woman loving a man who treats her dishonorably?

Quite simply actually, you said women need love more than respect and honour, I disagree as, taking that to its logical conclusion a man can claim to love his wife but can still treat her disrespectfully and it be considered okay by your standard, it may not be a correct way to love, but people do it nonetheless, think of teenagers for example, they may love their parents but are often found to be swearing that they hate them and are very often disrespectful. If a woman gets beaten by her husband but he then cries, says he is sorry and loves her with all his heart...........is he lying? Or does he love her but just not respect or honour her? Do you understand why this is problematic?

Bels
 
I think we're respectfully speaking two different languages. I'm speaking in terms of biblical Christian Love. I think you are speaking of worldly and fleshly love. I am speaking as a Christian. Therefor, I didn't write my response to refer to the dysfunction and disrespect of un- Godly love...
 
cdonport said:
I think we're respectfully speaking two different languages. I'm speaking in terms of biblical Christian Love. I think you are speaking of worldly and fleshly love. I am speaking as a Christian. Therefor, I didn't write my response to refer to the dysfunction and disrespect of un- Godly love...

Wow I hate to get into a disagreement "NOT" but speaking as a fellow Christian, Christ wanted us all to love each other in every way for as stated in 1 John 4:7-8 King James Version (KJV)
7 Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God.
8 He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love.

So what is more important truly than love for all, if not, most importantly, husbands and wives. I believe there are many men who would also disagree that they need respect and honor more than they need love and I know every woman in the world would disagree with the fact that they need love more than respect and honor. To love could mean that you hold someone or something in high esteem which could translate as respecting or honoring them. Therefore they are all interconnected. I feel that your argument is flawed because to Christ love is love no matter who it is between. What could be more Biblically Christian than that. I suppose we could poll the members here, all of whom have a belief in Christ and are therefore Christian, and see if all the men and women truly feel that way in relationship to their own Christian feelings regarding love and their marriage.
 
i think that men are commanded to love because that is what is hardest for them to maintain. it is easy for me to respect and honour my wife and fail to choose to love her.

i also believe that women can love w/out respecting and honouring a man. thus the requirement for them to choose to honour and respect.
the reality is that the police blotters are filled with cases of women who love and stay with men that they cannot possibly respect.


what all of this has to do with the post beats me :D
i should have named it "perception....."
 
cdonport said:
I think we're respectfully speaking two different languages. I'm speaking in terms of biblical Christian Love. I think you are speaking of worldly and fleshly love. I am speaking as a Christian. Therefor, I didn't write my response to refer to the dysfunction and disrespect of un- Godly love...

I am sorry but this does not make any sense. Is Biblical Christian love, love without respect and honour? Are women commanded to respect and honour without Biblical Christian love? Otherwise your point ....just does not make sense.

However....what Steve posted above makes sense....perhaps it is all in the telling?

B
 
Yes!!! Thanks Steve. That is exactly what I was trying to say :) I guess it was all in the wording.
 
Until the terms are defined, the argument will continue.

What does the Bible mean when it says, "Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the Church and GAVE himself for it"?

It means that the man is willing to give his life for his wife, not just physically dying for her, but dying to himself (his own wants and needs) for her best interests. This definition automatically rules out selfishness, abuse, and lack of honor for his wife.

What does it mean for a woman to reverence her husband? She looks upon him with honor and respect, knowing that this man, who loves her so much, will take care of her and do what is best for her. If a man is loving a woman like that, you know she's going to love him back eventually!
 
sola scriptura said:
Until the terms are defined, the argument will continue.

What does the Bible mean when it says, "Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the Church and GAVE himself for it"?

It means that the man is willing to give his life for his wife, not just physically dying for her, but dying to himself (his own wants and needs) for her best interests. This definition automatically rules out selfishness, abuse, and lack of honor for his wife.

What does it mean for a woman to reverence her husband? She looks upon him with honor and respect, knowing that this man, who loves her so much, will take care of her and do what is best for her. If a man is loving a woman like that, you know she's going to love him back eventually!


Yes! YEs! YES!!! That is what I'm talkin' about! You said it waay better though :lol:
 
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