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Jealousy
- Thread starter Jim
- Start date
First a holy man will see where he is jealous in his life and seek to correct that. He will look for ways to give of himself to others and in service to others and he will express true praise and gratitude for others around him, even for spiritual leaders around him. By doing this he will set a tone for a life of giving of himself and displaying the opposite of jealousy and control. Many men who refuse to be accountable and connected to other spiritual men and who do not care about truly giving to help others in need they will often breed jealous women and prideful women.
Second, a wise man will examine the big picture and he will start addressing it in other areas incrementally in her life as he teaches her to see it, to fight against it, and to repent of it. The problem normally arises when a man tries to tackle the elephant of jealousy all at once, and often that is even done in regard to polygyny. That is a dumb move to go that way all at once. What he should do is look for smaller areas. For example maybe a man is joined to a woman and he sees some issues. Maybe she sees her home or her car or her money as hers and she does not like giving it to others as she wants to control it. Begin there. Or maybe she talks about other ladies after a get together and gossips about them and you notice it is really because she is insecure or jealous of what they have. Begin there and little by little talk about it. Pray with her over it. Talk about it from the word. Help her to see it and most of all call her to repentance, not with a mean tone or with a bad attitude but in mildness and gentleness. By doing this over time the sin of jealousy will be cut back in the heart and it will little by little be put away until what was once an elephant is not a gnat and is something manageable.
Second, a wise man will examine the big picture and he will start addressing it in other areas incrementally in her life as he teaches her to see it, to fight against it, and to repent of it. The problem normally arises when a man tries to tackle the elephant of jealousy all at once, and often that is even done in regard to polygyny. That is a dumb move to go that way all at once. What he should do is look for smaller areas. For example maybe a man is joined to a woman and he sees some issues. Maybe she sees her home or her car or her money as hers and she does not like giving it to others as she wants to control it. Begin there. Or maybe she talks about other ladies after a get together and gossips about them and you notice it is really because she is insecure or jealous of what they have. Begin there and little by little talk about it. Pray with her over it. Talk about it from the word. Help her to see it and most of all call her to repentance, not with a mean tone or with a bad attitude but in mildness and gentleness. By doing this over time the sin of jealousy will be cut back in the heart and it will little by little be put away until what was once an elephant is not a gnat and is something manageable.
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Anonymous
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Jim wrote,
In our culture we deem jealousy a negative and undesirable trait. Yet, one of the first attributes we are told about God is that He is a jealous God (Exodus 20:5). Later, Paul declared that he was jealous over the Corinthians with a godly jealousy (II Corinthians 11:2). I don't think we want to describe our Lord or His servant Paul as having negative or undesirable traits. What we need to understand is that jealousy like fire is good in its proper application, but when used improperly can be destructive and dangerous.
Jealousy in its proper application is the act or emotion of a possessor and protector. Our Lord is jealous over His name, character, creation and the redeemed. Paul was jealous over the Corinthians, who he considered his spiritual children. He had led most of them to Christ and taught them. In both of these instances, both the Lord and Paul had possession or authority over that which they were jealous. They both operated in protection mode for those under their care and possession. This is good and right. God and Paul are our examples. In the law given to Moses for Israel, there was a test to be administered if a man was jealous over his wife and feared she had been unfaithful. The test may seem insignificant to us and we may think it silly, but it was a serious matter. I only mention this to point out that, no where in the explanation of this test is the husband criticized for exercising jealousy (Numbers 5).
Jealousy becomes a problem when one exercises jealousy over someone or something that does not belong to them. Hence, God is correct being jealous over that and those that belong to Him, but we would be in error being jealous over God in anything. Paul would be correct in being jealous over the Corinthians, but they would be in the wrong to be jealous over him. When we take this principle into the marital realm, a husband would be right to be jealous for his wife/wives and children, but it would be wrong of wives or children to be jealous over the husband or father. The reason for this is that wives and children do not have control over the husband/father. Husbands and fathers have control or authority over their families as designated by God in His design for the family. Mothers would be correct being jealous for their children (as long as it doesn't conflict with the father), but children should not be jealous over the mothers. When wives behave jealously toward their husbands, they are in essence behaving as if they have authority and/or control over the husband, which is contrary to God's design for the family. Such behavior is in direct conflict with the Biblical principle of headship as taught in I Corinthians 11.
There is no scriptural grounds for jealousy between sister wives, since the husband does not belong to either, but both to him. Jealousy is a problem when unauthorized people attempt to exercise control. A wife's proper role is to be submissive to her husband and subject to his leadership, not controlling.
Actually Jim, I believe jealousy is entirely a control issue. I write this knowing full well that I may not be addressing the specifics of your question, but hopefully it will relate.
In our culture we deem jealousy a negative and undesirable trait. Yet, one of the first attributes we are told about God is that He is a jealous God (Exodus 20:5). Later, Paul declared that he was jealous over the Corinthians with a godly jealousy (II Corinthians 11:2). I don't think we want to describe our Lord or His servant Paul as having negative or undesirable traits. What we need to understand is that jealousy like fire is good in its proper application, but when used improperly can be destructive and dangerous.
Jealousy in its proper application is the act or emotion of a possessor and protector. Our Lord is jealous over His name, character, creation and the redeemed. Paul was jealous over the Corinthians, who he considered his spiritual children. He had led most of them to Christ and taught them. In both of these instances, both the Lord and Paul had possession or authority over that which they were jealous. They both operated in protection mode for those under their care and possession. This is good and right. God and Paul are our examples. In the law given to Moses for Israel, there was a test to be administered if a man was jealous over his wife and feared she had been unfaithful. The test may seem insignificant to us and we may think it silly, but it was a serious matter. I only mention this to point out that, no where in the explanation of this test is the husband criticized for exercising jealousy (Numbers 5).
Jealousy becomes a problem when one exercises jealousy over someone or something that does not belong to them. Hence, God is correct being jealous over that and those that belong to Him, but we would be in error being jealous over God in anything. Paul would be correct in being jealous over the Corinthians, but they would be in the wrong to be jealous over him. When we take this principle into the marital realm, a husband would be right to be jealous for his wife/wives and children, but it would be wrong of wives or children to be jealous over the husband or father. The reason for this is that wives and children do not have control over the husband/father. Husbands and fathers have control or authority over their families as designated by God in His design for the family. Mothers would be correct being jealous for their children (as long as it doesn't conflict with the father), but children should not be jealous over the mothers. When wives behave jealously toward their husbands, they are in essence behaving as if they have authority and/or control over the husband, which is contrary to God's design for the family. Such behavior is in direct conflict with the Biblical principle of headship as taught in I Corinthians 11.
There is no scriptural grounds for jealousy between sister wives, since the husband does not belong to either, but both to him. Jealousy is a problem when unauthorized people attempt to exercise control. A wife's proper role is to be submissive to her husband and subject to his leadership, not controlling.
Pastor John wrote:
IMHO, the reason our women (first wives, to use the pagan-Greco-Roman-Catholic term "wife") have a problem with jealosy is because thay have been taught from the time they were knee-high to than Bildad the Shoe-height ( :lol: ) that they would grow up and become the only wife of some man. To use a couple of phrases from Tom Shipley's blog (and I like them so much I stole them
) little girls are taught to think like this: "for I the LORD thy wife am a jealous wife" and "Thou shalt have no other wives before me. " <http://www.newcovenantpatriarchy.com/index.php/weblog/C6/>
Just as most of us men had to go through an intellectual and emotional process to shed the false monogamy-only doctrine we have been taught all of our lives, so, to, must our ladies. Due to the differences between men and women, the ladies often have more of an emotional than intellectual process to go through than do we men. (That is not a criticism of women; rather, it is just as much a fact as are the physical differences between us.) And as Dr. Allen said:
So the best advice I can offer is to pray, pray some more, and then pray. When you are done with that, pray yet again. Then, pray, and start helping your lady work through the problem of misplaced jealousy.
Oh, did I say that we need to pray about this?
I agree with you, John. Your post is right on target.
IMHO, the reason our women (first wives, to use the pagan-Greco-Roman-Catholic term "wife") have a problem with jealosy is because thay have been taught from the time they were knee-high to than Bildad the Shoe-height ( :lol: ) that they would grow up and become the only wife of some man. To use a couple of phrases from Tom Shipley's blog (and I like them so much I stole them
) little girls are taught to think like this: "for I the LORD thy wife am a jealous wife" and "Thou shalt have no other wives before me. " <http://www.newcovenantpatriarchy.com/index.php/weblog/C6/>Just as most of us men had to go through an intellectual and emotional process to shed the false monogamy-only doctrine we have been taught all of our lives, so, to, must our ladies. Due to the differences between men and women, the ladies often have more of an emotional than intellectual process to go through than do we men. (That is not a criticism of women; rather, it is just as much a fact as are the physical differences between us.) And as Dr. Allen said:
So the best advice I can offer is to pray, pray some more, and then pray. When you are done with that, pray yet again. Then, pray, and start helping your lady work through the problem of misplaced jealousy.
Oh, did I say that we need to pray about this?
Thanks brothers! Dr Allen, I agree that a leader should lead by example. Jealousy does rear it's ugly head in many different situations and we can use each one of them as an opportunity to learn from. John I agree with you also, jealousy does have boundries. An underlying issue could be control, but it can also be fear (fear of loss). I have addressed the fear issues, but I now realize that there could be control issues as well. The way we think does control the way we react, and our society has brainwashed many women with a fairytale idea of marriage.
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Anonymous
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Most of the time, in humans, it is not Godly. Lets be honest. It is insecurity, distrust (maybe with good reason), also it can be caused by external things, such as does he still love me even though my body is heading south?
Its an uncomfortable emotion. Men,, you have the ability to make it better or worse. It must be addressed dd
Its an uncomfortable emotion. Men,, you have the ability to make it better or worse. It must be addressed dd
Malinda, as John said in his post, the emotion of jealousy comes from someone in a position of headship or as John said, a possessor and protector. MOnurse mentioned how jealousy type feelings can be caused by insecurity, but the Lord defines jealousy differently. The world, because of its rejection of God and His word, has taught us a different way to THINK about right from wrong.Therefore the way we might FEEL about something, could in fact be entirely wrong. How we THINK determines how we FEEL, and how we FEEL influences how we ACT. I didn't quote John's entire post so please read it. He helped me to better understand it and explains it much better than I can.John Whitten said:
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Anonymous
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Malinda, jealousy is an emotion. If it causes anger, bitterness, pettiness
and other negative results, it is never from God. Satan can take it and run
with it to our detriment. Satan is into breaking up families, that is probably one of his specialties. We must not give him any place to put a roadblock in our path. Godly jealousy is strong and protective to his own. It is not
difficult to discern. Does it produce fruit or angst. Are we being protective or is it the other way. Do we feel good about it? or not so good dd
and other negative results, it is never from God. Satan can take it and run
with it to our detriment. Satan is into breaking up families, that is probably one of his specialties. We must not give him any place to put a roadblock in our path. Godly jealousy is strong and protective to his own. It is not
difficult to discern. Does it produce fruit or angst. Are we being protective or is it the other way. Do we feel good about it? or not so good dd
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Anonymous
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Isabella wrote,
Nope. Not quite right. Jealousy from a man or woman upstream in authority is improper use of jealousy. Jealousy downstream by either a man or woman is appropriate. Improper use doesn't have to be Satanic. People have enough skill at wrong doing all on our own. Will Satan stimulate improper behavior and take advantage of our personal weakness? You bet, he doesn't miss a chance to use our behavior as his resource.
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Anonymous
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From the OP.
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Anonymous
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Sorry, What I am meaning to say is that godly jealousy or proper jealousy is the motivation for someone to protect, preserve, care for and secure those that are under his or her umbrella of influence. What we commonly consider jealousy is really envy and/or covetousness with a few other negative, destructive ingredients thrown in. I am a bit cloudy today, but I hope I have expressed my thoughts clearly. If not I will try again tomorrow.