First, a sort of preamble and disclaimer:
I have had an uneasy relationship with the the FLDS, which in the last two years has become more friendly as I have gotten to know them. Make no mistake, I do not regard the FLDS as remotely Christian. The LDS and their offshoots are not, if sincere, believers. It's as simple as that. Having said that they are a laboratory for polygyny as it interacts with the rest of this country. For the most part, they have tried to mind their own business and this is unsatisfactory to the busybodies on the outside. I have likened it to Lot in Sodom. The crowd outside simply doesn't want to leave well enough alone and demands conformity with what is going on outside the "Righteous Man's" house. They want in, they will not take "no" for an answer.
There are practical effects in polygyny that we must account for when trying to interact with society. One practical effect is that wives leave. In this country, when wives leave they usually take their children with them. They usually get them. Invasive courts then come calling and demand money of men, and they demand money in relationship to income. In other words you can't "out earn" the needs of a departing wife who has children. The courts see you as needing to provide a certain minimal amount of support, but after that, they see you as owing your departed wife (and her children) a lifestyle similar to yours, so your child support amount goes up with regard to how much you make. You have only to look at Antonio Cromartie (recently signed to a huge multi million dollar contract) to know that you can't out earn the needs of the mothers of your children.
Cromartie has fathered 7 children with 6 women in 5 states.* It's important to know that THIS is how the rest of the world views us, as versions of Antonio Cromartie. Cromartie had to get a half million dollar advance on his 2010 salary with the New York Jets to clear up his child support obligations, which are geared to match his income, not his children's actual needs. He made $1.7 million last year. In his tax bracket, he probably paid half that in taxes (or more) and a
half million in PAST due child support. I'm guessing after lawyers, Cromartie isn't living on much. When his NFL career runs out, the man is in deep trouble.
Back to the FLDS:
The San Angelo Standard-Times - Frederick Merril Jessop, owes about $170,000 in child support to a woman with whom he had eight children before she left the FLDS, the woman’s attorney said.
Natalie Malonis, representing Carolyn Jessop, said the decision for child support was reached in September, although the order had not been put in writing.
A hearing was held Thursday so that 51st District Judge Barbara Walther could sign the order and enforce the child support payments rather than wait for the signatures of the FLDS member’s attorneys.
'We made an oral agreement,' Malonis said about the September hearing. 'The next step was a written order.'
Malonis said that she wrote up the oral agreement in December but that she could not get the signature of the attorney for Frederick Merril Jessop.
'It’s important because without that written order, we can’t enforce the child support,' Malonis said."
Jessop has other children. He's being nailed for child support of $2350 a month and arrearages of $148,000. What does Natalie Malonis say will happen to Fred if he doesn't pay? That he is going to jail.
We are going to get legalized polygamy/polyamory. When it happens, it's going to be "democratic" in nature, not Biblical, provided of course we do not get in front of the issue and try to work it out. Right now, already, the leaving of a wife is a destructive event that I personally, didn't really survive. I have had no new children since that time. I have not owned a home. I am dominated by debts.
Cromartie and Jessop show us what happens when an informal polygyny blows up. In Cromartie's case it was just fornication that produced children, in Jessop's case, it was marriage with commitment on his part. In both cases the only solution is really to hide your money and leave the country or your life is effectively over.
Just imagine this. You have 3 wives. Two decide they are "Lesbian" and/or "bisexual." Believe me this can happen. You try to find the prohibition to lesbian behavior in the scriptures. It is not (at least), OBVIOUS in the Torah. It's there, but that's not the point. Two sinful women (all men and women are sinful) can take 6-8 children of yours, and enslave/imprison you in jealous money grubbing vengeance for the rest of your natural life. You can delete the "lesbian" or "bisexual" issues and one or two of your wives can still destroy you.
Your remaining wives and children are impoverished. You may never repay the debts.
This is why I say it
must be legal. One reason is that it will be whether we participate in the process or not. In saying it must be legal, I'm saying what we do must be legal. There must be a place where we can approximate in a legal way, what it is that we do in a way that is closest to the Biblical fashion as possibe. We need to find a way to get in front of the issue and control the train wreck that is about to happen so that we survive.
If we ally with the "polyamory" crowd for legality, it's going to be an "egalitarian" vision that we get, and that will not work.
I propose the following is the best plan for us.
Go to court (best in a state or the district of Columbia) where same sex marriage is now legal by legislative act. There are reasons for this because of the declared purposes of the legislation. Get a polygyny declared legal by a court decision on the basis of those existing laws.
Be READY with "marriage contract" proposed legislation, so that when the state comes crying for a solution, you have one.
Get legislation passed that amounts to legalizing rather broad "religion friendly" prenups. In other words, if I and my adult wives wish to live in an arrangement where I "own" the marriage as a sort of business, and the custody of my children with them is predetermined in the agreement, then so be it. The state will want some equity in their views. For instance, if I am shown to be abusive to my children, they will want to break my prenup. They will want my wife to be able to "cash out" so that they don't put her on welfare roles (at least that will be the rationale). They will want "no fault" ability for any spouse to leave the "marriage."
What you're going to get is either more Jessop/Cromartie situations, or worse, if you don't get on the legalization train, and try to steer it, or at least, control the wreck that is coming.
Certainly looks like it... And those who "don't know their Rights don't have any", any more than those who are willing to "trade essential Liberty for a little temporary security" do.