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Mating in Captivity

How true that is Zec. Thankfully, for me, my wife and I were very committed to a future marriage while we were young and I was going through my most vulnerable stage sexually. She's a bit younger than I am by a few years so there were about 4 years where I was in a committed relationship before she was old enough to get married. I was committed to her so disciplined myself against chasing anyone else, and she was too young to fool around with.
I'm so thankful that it was that way now because otherwise I think I would have been quite the man whore during those early years. I can associate with those lustful feelings entirely. Now I don't follow astrological signs as that is witchcraft, nor do I subscribe to the idea that you can know your horoscope from them, but am amazed at how closely the personality traits align within the astronomical "gates". I fall into the Scorpio/jaguar "gate" which basically means one is likely to be both saint and sinner. Now I'm definitely no saint and definitely a sinner, and yet so thankful that He has with the temptation made a way of escape and that He still chooses to utilize imperfect vessels to do great things through!
 
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I don't have time to completely clarify my point, but just wanted to pop in and say this:

@Joleneakamama, I think you and I are pretty much on the same page. I'll stand by what I said, but will have to come back tomorrow or whenever to unpack it. Just wasn't happy with Halstrom's way of expressing that point.

ZecAustin said:
When suddenly I could have other women (within the Biblical framework) a lot of the desire was mitigated. I may be displaying flaws in my own character though.
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Not a flaw in your character; it's a flaw in the system. More on that as time permits.
 
I haven't checked in for a while but I read all of the posts and I love the different points of view!

And I'll add one more.

After I married into my family (I didn't just marry a husband!) it was like about six months later when Steve and I got to talking and he opened up to me about why he liked poly. First, he grew up in it and while not all of his siblings stayed in the church or did poly he felt drawn to it. He was honest that he enjoys having more than one woman in the house for sex but that he also gets a big satisfaction of making us pregnant and then having a big family. This last year was one of those times when three of us were pregnant at the same time and he was wonderfully attentive and affectionate with us and that seems kind of strange if you knew him. He's like the old fashioned man who doesn't get upset by rattlesnakes, angry bears, or that kind of thing but then he gets all tender and mushy when he hears there's a new baby on the way!

For me I love his attention and I guess to be honest I don't take it for granted because it's not like he can't go elsewhere. It's also really flattering that after seven babies he doesn't see my flabby baby flab or boobs that look like roadmaps sometimes he just sees the mother of his children and he thinks I'm sexy! I mean how can you not love the man???

And I love my sister wives and we're blessed that we don't deal with a lot of the problems that other families have to deal with. A lot of that is due to our husband being the Biblical head of the house and settling problems when he sees them instead of letting them fester.

So yes he is in it for the sex (so am I sometimes!!!) but it's not just that and I see that all the time.

Hugs to you all!

Megan
 
ZecAustin said:
Alright but I'm not marrying a woman I don't want to have sex with.
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Seriously! Paul said it is better to marry than to burn. Marraige is about sex. If all you want is to "shepherd", become a pastor. I want to be a good husband, i want to lead and provide, and (gasp!) have sex! Sex in marriage is not unspiritual, dirty, or wrong... It is something God commands. It is beautiful, bonding, something from which God brings our greatest blessings (children). Remember when He said "be fruitful and multiply"? I'm down with that! ;)
 
MeganC said:
And I'll add one more.
After I married into my family (I didn't just marry a husband!)
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Personally, I couldn't agree with you more... God bless you, Friend!
 
ZecAustin said:
Can it be a little about the sex?
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Umm part of the reason I got married was to have sex.. its not only about that, but still is important, in my opinion :)
 
Hello, I am new here. My exhusband got it all the time at home. Whenever he wanted it he got it. He still went on the wander for sex with others. I even let him do what he wanted with me. We enjoyed making love to each other, but he still went on the hunt. Not sure why.
 
ValleyVA said:
Hello, I am new here. My exhusband got it all the time at home. Whenever he wanted it he got it. He still went on the wander for sex with others. I even let him do what he wanted with me. We enjoyed making love to each other, but he still went on the hunt. Not sure why.
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Welcome @ValleyVA glad to have you. Sorry to hear that part of your story. Would love to hear more about you in our introduction section and give folks a chance to welcome you. Also the ladies have a chat on Tuesday nights
 
ValleyVA said:
Hello, I am new here. My exhusband got it all the time at home. Whenever he wanted it he got it. He still went on the wander for sex with others. I even let him do what he wanted with me. We enjoyed making love to each other, but he still went on the hunt. Not sure why.
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Hi, ValleyVA, and welcome to the BF forum!

There's not much specific we can say about your husband's specific behavior without more information, but in general terms, the desire for sex is an appetite, and like all appetites requires a certain amount of self-discipline to avoid becoming an addiction and causing problems. Like a morbidly obese person who just can't quit eating, or an alcoholic who can't quit drinking (or even slow down), some guys (and gals) just repeatedly give in to their desire for sexual self-gratification even as they realize they are basically out of control. Or what usually happens is there is a fair amount of insisting that they are still IN control, even as people around them are shaking their heads, until something finally happens that causes that person to realize they have lost it.

Anyway, very sorry to hear your story, but glad you're here.
 
ZecAustin said:
Can it be a little about the sex?
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I think polygamy is about the sex in the same portion that monogamous marriage is about the sex.

Hopefully it is not not about the sex. I mean if you do not want the sex you are probably not polygamy material and you well end up frustrating your ladies.

On the other hand, if it is all about the sex, well there are problems with that too. The difference in polygamy is that it is about the whole person, and their life, not just the sex.

But I am preaching to the choir I am sure.
 
Slumberfreeze said:
I think my heart (assuming I actually have one) is leaning towards care for unmanned females. Sheep need shepherds and there are so few shepherds that can see beyond their own desires.
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If Christian marriage is Ephesians 5 (Christ and the Church) I think the ideal for Christian males is to be ready, willing and able to meet the needs (spritual, emotional, physical (both sexual and practical living needs)) of any female whom God gives to you to care for. The sex drive is useful to help motivate you to perform this role and to meet her needs.

So basically, it is not really about your needs at all. As a Christian God is our portion. I think this is a key point in what separates Christian marriage from secular or what I would call sociological marriage.
 
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andrew said:
... but is anyone really defending the idea that all men crave multiple sex partners (by God's design), can't help it (presumably also by God's design), and their first wives just have to get over it? Can we not agree that that's not an optimal approach to this life?
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I do think that men, in general, desire multiple sex partners (by God's design). I think he designed men this way to better fulfill the role he created for them. He may be called upon to fulfill multiple sex partners. I think polygamy would be more common if our culture was different.

I do agree that this is not license. Men can help it. Behavior is always by choice. (This reminds me of the gay argument about being "born that way" - does not matter: behavior is always choice).

Specifically it is not license for fornication or adultery. And it is foolish to be guided by your sex drive instead of the desire to honor God.

First wives having to get over it is a more complicated question. Clearly the less she has to get over it the greater your chance of success and a happy home, but there may be times when she does have to get over it. For example, levirate marriage was not optional. In that case, the first wife would have to get over it.
 
I don't disagree with what you said, but you're not responding to what I said in the quote. I said "crave" and "can't help it".
 
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