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Prayer request Meeting the Pastors

Gary Slaughenhaupt

Gary Slaughenhaupt

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Well my wife has been threatening to leave me over my belief in the morality of plural marriage despite that she has known this for ten years now. We haven't talked about it since that first time but something about informing her what I was doing on this site triggered her. Anyway, one night I woke up at 2AM thinking about Paul's admonishment in 1 Corinthians 6 If any of you has a dispute with another, do you dare to take it before the ungodly for judgment instead of before the Lord’s people? So Sunday night we are meeting two of the pastors and an elder. Please pray that I can speak the right words with the right tone. Thanks.
 
Gary Slaughenhaupt said:
Well my wife has been threatening to leave me over my belief in the morality of plural marriage despite that she has known this for ten years now. We haven't talked about it since that first time but something about informing her what I was doing on this site triggered her. Anyway, one night I woke up at 2AM thinking about Paul's admonishment in 1 Corinthians 6 If any of you has a dispute with another, do you dare to take it before the ungodly for judgment instead of before the Lord’s people? So Sunday night we are meeting two of the pastors and an elder. Please pray that I can speak the right words with the right tone. Thanks.
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I've not been in this situation, so can't give solid advise. I would say less is more. Don't speak, or "incriminate" yourself. Treat it like a deposition. Give yes or no answers, but no details or follow up. Perhaps even receive their questions, but tell them you will answer at another time.

The track record around here is that it doesn't end well, even if you are just exploring and not acting on this doctrine.

Prayed.
 
Gary Slaughenhaupt said:
Well my wife has been threatening to leave me over my belief in the morality of plural marriage despite that she has known this for ten years now. We haven't talked about it since that first time but something about informing her what I was doing on this site triggered her. Anyway, one night I woke up at 2AM thinking about Paul's admonishment in 1 Corinthians 6 If any of you has a dispute with another, do you dare to take it before the ungodly for judgment instead of before the Lord’s people? So Sunday night we are meeting two of the pastors and an elder. Please pray that I can speak the right words with the right tone. Thanks.
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Going before the "Lord's" people in regards to biblical marriage is not known to turn out well, but praying you succeed.
 
A colaborer in this journey sent me these verses this morning as a reminder that our battle is a righteous one! May Yah give you wisdom and sustain you against the traditions of men.

“Wash yourselves, make yourselves clean; Remove the evil of your deeds from My sight. Cease to do evil, Learn to do good; Seek justice, Reprove the ruthless, Defend the orphan, Plead for the widow.
Isaiah 1:16‭-‬17 NASB
https://bible.com/bible/100/isa.1.16-17.NASB

We are, by definition, seeking justice and pleading for widow and orphan.
 
Gary Slaughenhaupt said:
Well my wife has been threatening to leave me over my belief in the morality of plural marriage despite that she has known this for ten years now. We haven't talked about it since that first time but something about informing her what I was doing on this site triggered her. Anyway, one night I woke up at 2AM thinking about Paul's admonishment in 1 Corinthians 6 If any of you has a dispute with another, do you dare to take it before the ungodly for judgment instead of before the Lord’s people? So Sunday night we are meeting two of the pastors and an elder. Please pray that I can speak the right words with the right tone. Thanks.
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I don’t think this verse is talking about marital disagreements.
 
PeteR said:
No, my point is that his cause is righteous, therefore endure the persecution that comes with it. Be strong and stand knowing that he is acting in accord with God's Word.
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I agree with you, and with his motive. However, I think injecting an another man into one’s marriage as an authority figure to decide who is right between a man and his wife, can be very destructive.
 
Asforme&myhouse said:
I agree with you, and with his motive. However, I think injecting an another man into one’s marriage as an authority figure to decide who is right between a man and his wife, can be very destructive.
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I totally agree with you for pretty much every marital situation, but when she is fixin to walk out the door, a last-ditch effort is justifiable.
Appealing to the authority that pastors don’t legitimately hold has it’s own perverse humor. And then, it may backfire on him if they agree with her that he is too perverted to be married to her fine self.
 
If you glance at this before the meeting (not sure what time it is for you):

Keep the focus on Christian theology as a whole. This is a sideline issue - make sure it is clearly kept in context. 99% of your views, including everything that is essential for salvation, are probably views they would consider acceptable. This is a minor opinion that you've held for 10 years without it affecting your marriage. Would it be just for a wife to leave her husband over any other minor theological disagreement?

Try to argue polygamy from scripture and this will be a disaster (so don't push it yourself - but shoot down any argument they make against it as succinctly as possible to dismiss it and get back to a big-picture discussion, don't follow the rabbit-trail for half an hour). Keep polygamy in perspective in their minds, as just one opinion among millions of potential opinions, and this could work out ok.
 
FollowingHim said:
If you glance at this before the meeting (not sure what time it is for you):

Keep the focus on Christian theology as a whole. This is a sideline issue - make sure it is clearly kept in context. 99% of your views, including everything that is essential for salvation, are probably views they would consider acceptable. This is a minor opinion that you've held for 10 years without it affecting your marriage. Would it be just for a wife to leave her husband over any other minor theological disagreement?

Try to argue polygamy from scripture and this will be a disaster (so don't push it yourself - but shoot down any argument they make against it as succinctly as possible to dismiss it and get back to a big-picture discussion, don't follow the rabbit-trail for half an hour). Keep polygamy in perspective in their minds, as just one opinion among millions of potential opinions, and this could work out ok.
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Thank you for this advice and this is what I am aiming for. I am framing it as one tradition out of several that I have let go of. I want to avoid a debate and prayerfully consider that my dear wife is being at least understandably emotional but unreasonable.
 
I am in no means an expert, so do what you will with this 'suggestion.' Read it, and disregard if you want...

Try to imagine how she is feeling. If the topic came up once ten years ago, (which i am assuming is the case, since you said you hadn't talked about it since that first time) how is she to know it is something you still believe in, or a path you would want to follow.

She probably feels hurt. Betrayed. Like she isn't enough. Maybe she thinks that you've been hiding more, maybe she thinks you have someone lined up and waiting... I am the one who brought up PM in our home and I STILL have most of these thoughts from time to time. I'd suggest appealing to her emotional needs as well. Assure her that she is still important to you, that you still love her, that PM isnt going to 'replace' her, etc.
 
Gary Slaughenhaupt said:
While the meeting went better than expected and they genuinely seem to want to help in restoration. It was weird being profusely thanked for coming in though. Now the waiting for the conclusion begins. Thanks so much for your prayers and input.
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Do you think these men were truly looking to intervene for restoration, not condemnation? Could they have actually been sympathetic to your side?

If so, that's encouraging!
 
Mojo said:
Do you think these men were truly looking to intervene for restoration, not condemnation? Could they have actually been sympathetic to your side?

If so, that's encouraging!
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That is the impression I got but I have a wait and see attitude. I have known these men for 23 years, taught their children as they have taught mine.
 
cnystrom said:
Praying for you.

It really comes down to if your wife truly wants to follow God, or not, because the instruction is clear and as plain as day: "A wife must not leave her husband" (1 Cor 7:10).
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She read past that to:11 But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.
 
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