Meet my sisterwife- Jane Doe. She has ridden the roller coaster of my emotions over the last year and a half. At times I have hated her, other times I have been hopeful about my friendship with her. She has brought out the ugliest parts of my heart and caused me to have many sleepless, tearful nights. Just the idea of her has brought me to my knees and sorrow to my heart. She has been the source of the questioning if my husband and even if God loves me. She has made me question my womanhood, and whether I am a good wife and mother.
How is it that "someone" can cause so such destruction in my heart and completely shake my world when I don't even know if she exists? I guess, just the idea of her and my husband's hope and desire for her exists, thus she does too.
Over the last year and a half, I have faced many of my emotions head on. I haven't let many of them hide and my heart has come a long way in this journey. Yes, I still have bad days, yes I still cry on occasion, BUT they are far less and I get over them way faster. I no longer feel like my world is completely shattered, that my hopes are utterly destroyed. I can still see a future where my husband loves and takes care of me- even if someone else is in the mix. I am not less if she gets nights with him or they bring a baby into the world. Yes, I can still cry over it here and there, but no, I'm not worthless in his eyes.
I'm sure a new wave of emotions will come up when Jane Doe actually has a real name, a face and emotions of her own! Ha! Until then, Jane and I are slowly coming out of the mud. The future isn't as dark as it once seemed.
How is it that "someone" can cause so such destruction in my heart and completely shake my world when I don't even know if she exists? I guess, just the idea of her and my husband's hope and desire for her exists, thus she does too.
Over the last year and a half, I have faced many of my emotions head on. I haven't let many of them hide and my heart has come a long way in this journey. Yes, I still have bad days, yes I still cry on occasion, BUT they are far less and I get over them way faster. I no longer feel like my world is completely shattered, that my hopes are utterly destroyed. I can still see a future where my husband loves and takes care of me- even if someone else is in the mix. I am not less if she gets nights with him or they bring a baby into the world. Yes, I can still cry over it here and there, but no, I'm not worthless in his eyes.
I'm sure a new wave of emotions will come up when Jane Doe actually has a real name, a face and emotions of her own! Ha! Until then, Jane and I are slowly coming out of the mud. The future isn't as dark as it once seemed.
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