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Need Advice
- Thread starter Knives88
- Start date
Jessica,
I’m glad you found us and that you were brave enough to post some questions that are important to you. These are good questions for sure and many women have and are dealing with these things as they contemplate and live plural Biblical marriage. I would encourage you to spend some time reading past postings regarding the subjects you have brought up. There is much to be said on each question and reading past posts can give you many points of view. It might take some searching but it will be worth it. I say this because it is hard to address all your questions in one post without posting “a book”. I do hope the ladies will at least address one or two questions that have been particularly important to them and share their thoughts with you, though.
As for the “all as one” in regards to sexual relationships, you will find the majority of families on this site do not live that way. It is a private subject for most families and thus we don’t tend to discuss it on a public forum. It is more for a private message (PM) with other members or the Private Forums, which are for approved members only. The degree of doing things together as a family really varies per family and their desires. You will need to talk with your husband about what he would desire his family to be like and what works for you. Then you can share this united vision with potential ladies and see if it fits well with them to live that way too.
My encouragement to you would be to take the time to work on your relationship with your husband and more importantly your relationship with God. Plural marriage, even just the idea, seems to bring up issues in both those relationships. It tends to push us to look inside ourselves as women and wives, and face our fears of abandonment and self-worth. This is by no means a bad thing but it makes a difficult journey at times. The reward is that if we are willing to let go of fears and grow in maturity, we can be a part of God moving in his people as he builds strong families, a strong Bride.
Taking the time to make some friendships here is a very good thing. It will give you the support of others who have gone before you or who are where you are. So how do you do that you ask. I would start by posting your thoughts or questions on threads that interest you and wait for responses, by PMing specific members who you feel a connection too because of their posts, and come to a Retreat to meet face to face. I also recommend the Ladies Chat if you would like to start getting to know some of the ladies on this forum. We mainly talk about general “life”, like having coffee with a friend but thru a chat room.
I would like to address your 5th question, about slowly easing into this lifestyle, the key word being “slowly”. I have been in the plural community for about 20 years now and I personally believe that too many families allow their emotions to take over when courting a potential wife. It usually leads to making emotional promises and having unrealistic expectations with the potential. I have seen too many families’ crash and burn because they were so excited about “the plural idea” and didn’t have much foundation for living the plural life. I do understand that God can move quickly at times and slower at others but I believe that having a “take it slow” mentality can benefit all involved. It takes time to really get to know people beyond their “best foot forward” phase. Take time to do that.
Of course, time spent in prayer and study of the scriptures are always good foundation building tools. Communication with your husband about your fears and desires is also important. Ask the Lord to strengthen that relationship.
See, I ended up writing “a book”! I hope something was helpful to you though. Please PM me anytime.
With hope for the future.
I’m glad you found us and that you were brave enough to post some questions that are important to you. These are good questions for sure and many women have and are dealing with these things as they contemplate and live plural Biblical marriage. I would encourage you to spend some time reading past postings regarding the subjects you have brought up. There is much to be said on each question and reading past posts can give you many points of view. It might take some searching but it will be worth it. I say this because it is hard to address all your questions in one post without posting “a book”. I do hope the ladies will at least address one or two questions that have been particularly important to them and share their thoughts with you, though.
As for the “all as one” in regards to sexual relationships, you will find the majority of families on this site do not live that way. It is a private subject for most families and thus we don’t tend to discuss it on a public forum. It is more for a private message (PM) with other members or the Private Forums, which are for approved members only. The degree of doing things together as a family really varies per family and their desires. You will need to talk with your husband about what he would desire his family to be like and what works for you. Then you can share this united vision with potential ladies and see if it fits well with them to live that way too.
My encouragement to you would be to take the time to work on your relationship with your husband and more importantly your relationship with God. Plural marriage, even just the idea, seems to bring up issues in both those relationships. It tends to push us to look inside ourselves as women and wives, and face our fears of abandonment and self-worth. This is by no means a bad thing but it makes a difficult journey at times. The reward is that if we are willing to let go of fears and grow in maturity, we can be a part of God moving in his people as he builds strong families, a strong Bride.
Taking the time to make some friendships here is a very good thing. It will give you the support of others who have gone before you or who are where you are. So how do you do that you ask. I would start by posting your thoughts or questions on threads that interest you and wait for responses, by PMing specific members who you feel a connection too because of their posts, and come to a Retreat to meet face to face. I also recommend the Ladies Chat if you would like to start getting to know some of the ladies on this forum. We mainly talk about general “life”, like having coffee with a friend but thru a chat room.
I would like to address your 5th question, about slowly easing into this lifestyle, the key word being “slowly”. I have been in the plural community for about 20 years now and I personally believe that too many families allow their emotions to take over when courting a potential wife. It usually leads to making emotional promises and having unrealistic expectations with the potential. I have seen too many families’ crash and burn because they were so excited about “the plural idea” and didn’t have much foundation for living the plural life. I do understand that God can move quickly at times and slower at others but I believe that having a “take it slow” mentality can benefit all involved. It takes time to really get to know people beyond their “best foot forward” phase. Take time to do that.
Of course, time spent in prayer and study of the scriptures are always good foundation building tools. Communication with your husband about your fears and desires is also important. Ask the Lord to strengthen that relationship.
See, I ended up writing “a book”! I hope something was helpful to you though. Please PM me anytime.
With hope for the future.
Dear Jessica,
My husband and I found this site when we discovered the truth about Biblical poly families, and were very encouraged by how well the people here know The Word. So we are here mostly for communication with other believers that share the interest of God's Word, but we have not yet been led in the direction of a poly marriage. So I am not in a position where I can help you with your questions, but I can and will pray for you and from the bottom of my heart want the best as I've had anxiety and know how difficult it is. God bless you!
My husband and I found this site when we discovered the truth about Biblical poly families, and were very encouraged by how well the people here know The Word. So we are here mostly for communication with other believers that share the interest of God's Word, but we have not yet been led in the direction of a poly marriage. So I am not in a position where I can help you with your questions, but I can and will pray for you and from the bottom of my heart want the best as I've had anxiety and know how difficult it is. God bless you!