This has become hard. See my husband is for the lifestyle he is not christian i am, and i have no idea how to handle the situation. I have prayed and I continue to, the confusion is that if he is not christian is he doing the lifestyle for his personal gain. For me, I want to do whats right with the bible. I brought the subject up to my dad. He aparetly is against the idea but he said that its because God said to stop the marriage of multiples. I am at a stand still. I feel drawn to the lifestyle more than I have drawn to almost anything my whole life. I love children, I love God, and I love my husband. My husband is 12 years older than me and wants no more children we have one, she is 3 months old and I am ready for another already. So how do i break the mold of monogamy, in a holy way because I am so lost right now, we have a young women who has one son and one child one the way and she wants to meet us. I feel like i am holding back the meeting because of all of the above. Any advice on how to move forward? Also one more question the wives are they intmate with each other? Or, the husband ? I am so scared that if i break this mold that unless i have someone to suport me in my love of God that I may not be able to repair what i have done.
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New and confused
- Thread starter krystal
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Tndreamergal
New Member
Dear Krystal, I don't have the answers you seek as my experience is so much different than yours. But I do know Someone that does. Read your bible for yourself, read all the bible based material you will find on this site. Pray for not just yourself and child, but for your husband, your child, and the woman you are speaking to and her children, here and expected.
Do not move forward with this until you are secure in where you stand. From the experience I do have, that does not mean you are in a perfect place, but that you fully accept the place you are in.
There is so much of value in just praying, reading and learning. Join the ladies chat on Tuesday night, this week, not sometime, but right now.
And know that there are good folks that will pray with and for you to follow the path that God has intended for your life.
God is an Awesome God,
pat
Do not move forward with this until you are secure in where you stand. From the experience I do have, that does not mean you are in a perfect place, but that you fully accept the place you are in.
There is so much of value in just praying, reading and learning. Join the ladies chat on Tuesday night, this week, not sometime, but right now.
And know that there are good folks that will pray with and for you to follow the path that God has intended for your life.
God is an Awesome God,
pat
krystal said:
Your feelings are understandable, krystal. You can't just turn to your parents, or the friends you went to school or go to church with to ask.
However, we ARE here for you, and you are welcome to seek suppoirt, both in public questions like this and in asking more questions privately.
To answer your questions: First, I agree with TnDreamerGirl. Your dad is your dad, but no longer your head, since you are married. And your head, your husband, is not a Christian. That leaves you kinda on your own. So I strongly suggest getting involved with the Tue night Ladies' chat as well.
Second, I would like to suggest that you ask your husband to sign up here and become acquainted with some men here as well. There are a number who will be perfectly willing to befriend him whether he is a professing Christian or not.
Third, as to intimacy between wives, that is a loaded topic, and one which this forum does not address beyond saying that some families allow it, others do not, both using the Bible to defend their viewpoint. No-one that I know of requires it, nor claims that God does.
And finally, God came to save us with forgiveness while we were in fist-shaking rebellious WAR with Him. Do you not think He will forgive and help to set things straight if we mess up while trying to do right? *smile* So ... relax and enjoy the learning and friendship along your new journey.
Oreslag
Member
Well-said Cecil, and I second your thoughts on this matter.
Krystal, I particularly hope that Cecil's last paragraph brings the comfort I believe he intends. Our Lord redeems on a scale completely unfamiliar to us mere mortals, so there is nothing you are stuck in that He cannot overcome, nothing you've done or will ever do that He will not forgive (providing you seek His forgiveness in repentance upon His conviction within your heart), and finally; no way that you can lose His love, mercy, and grace apart from hardening yourself against these divine gifts.
Krystal, I particularly hope that Cecil's last paragraph brings the comfort I believe he intends. Our Lord redeems on a scale completely unfamiliar to us mere mortals, so there is nothing you are stuck in that He cannot overcome, nothing you've done or will ever do that He will not forgive (providing you seek His forgiveness in repentance upon His conviction within your heart), and finally; no way that you can lose His love, mercy, and grace apart from hardening yourself against these divine gifts.
PolyPride
Member
krystal said:
I will just comment on the question about 2 wives having sex and intimacy together.
Rumor has it that some wives in polygamy do engage in sex acts between each other. I'm not certain about the moral aspect of same-sex acts between women but since it's not a moral requirement then you don't have to engage in it even if you're in polygamy. One thing you can't do on biblical grounds is take it more serious than sex (more serious like a intimate romantic relationship like marriage) since marriage is between a man and a woman. If you feel like it would complicate or conflict with your comfort level then discontinue engaging in it or don't do it at all. This is more of a theological point.
From my personal standpoint, if there is to be any intimacy and behavior between the wives then it should only be on a social (friendship or sisterly companionship) level and not a sexual and romantic level. This helps to support the quality of the dyadic bond within each separate marriage of the polygamous husband. When that's not done then it doesn't have the feel or quality of a TWO person relationship(s) and the wife may as well belong to all the other wives, as well. Trust me, I'm a young male in my 20's and if I let my girlfriend have sex with other woman then it would turn the relationship into lust/sex driven and the romance and boundaries would be lost quite a bit. I ask myself why else would two women be having sex when they're NOT in a relationship if it aint just for sex and my entertainment? This is why most polygamous families that I hear about, like the Darger's and the Brown's, keep their sexual and even personal relationship details private within each marriage instead of opening up all of these details and behavior to all of the marriages involved in their polygamous family.
Hi Krystal.
Firstly, thank you for sharing your story. It is good to share our experiences, however imperfect; so that others might learn and hopefully you gain in the process.
I have never walked in your shoes so don't really know what is best for you.
But since you asked
1. Your husband doesn't want any more children; however you do; yet he wants another woman = that doesn't work for me. Children are part of a biblical family, it is not the building of a harem. To deny a willing fertile wife a child is not right for me, I could never do that. To add a new woman into that circumstance is fuel for the fire.
2. You are Christian and he is not. That is difficult but can be managed in many settings. But you are about to become social pariahs if you proceed down the polygamy path. You will need unity at all levels (physical, mental and spiritual) to remain together. Proceed at your own peril.
3. New woman has one son and another on the way = this woman is no more than 9 months out of a relationship = has closure been achieved on the past (and are we talking 1 or 2 fathers = not gossiping but rather is this a relational pattern). In other words, is this a clear break, with possibly the (i dont know the circumstances) required repentance and cleansing and rebuilding, or is this a hot swap?
4. Intimacy between wives - really the last of the concerns on this list, too many problems before that. But on this topic, I am guessing this woman is not a Christian. The lines are really getting blurred here then - what fellowship light and darkness etc.
Okay, food for thought there.
ylop
Firstly, thank you for sharing your story. It is good to share our experiences, however imperfect; so that others might learn and hopefully you gain in the process.
I have never walked in your shoes so don't really know what is best for you.
But since you asked
1. Your husband doesn't want any more children; however you do; yet he wants another woman = that doesn't work for me. Children are part of a biblical family, it is not the building of a harem. To deny a willing fertile wife a child is not right for me, I could never do that. To add a new woman into that circumstance is fuel for the fire.
2. You are Christian and he is not. That is difficult but can be managed in many settings. But you are about to become social pariahs if you proceed down the polygamy path. You will need unity at all levels (physical, mental and spiritual) to remain together. Proceed at your own peril.
3. New woman has one son and another on the way = this woman is no more than 9 months out of a relationship = has closure been achieved on the past (and are we talking 1 or 2 fathers = not gossiping but rather is this a relational pattern). In other words, is this a clear break, with possibly the (i dont know the circumstances) required repentance and cleansing and rebuilding, or is this a hot swap?
4. Intimacy between wives - really the last of the concerns on this list, too many problems before that. But on this topic, I am guessing this woman is not a Christian. The lines are really getting blurred here then - what fellowship light and darkness etc.
Okay, food for thought there.
ylop
Hi Krystal,
I have to agree with ylop. Many things need to be thought about and lots of questions need to be answered before you and your husband start looking to add to your family. My biggest concern for your family is that your husband, not being a believer, will not have a spiritual vision for the family. It will then be suseptible to Worldly desires and emotions. Truth is truth so it can be done but I think that it will only be a shadow of what God indended pural marriage to be.
That being said, I do hope we can be of support to you, and even your husband if he desires, thru this journey of finding out what God has for your family.
With hope for the future,
Julie
I have to agree with ylop. Many things need to be thought about and lots of questions need to be answered before you and your husband start looking to add to your family. My biggest concern for your family is that your husband, not being a believer, will not have a spiritual vision for the family. It will then be suseptible to Worldly desires and emotions. Truth is truth so it can be done but I think that it will only be a shadow of what God indended pural marriage to be.
That being said, I do hope we can be of support to you, and even your husband if he desires, thru this journey of finding out what God has for your family.
With hope for the future,
Julie
Krystal,
Good gravy, girl, there is a lot on your plate, so much so that it is absolutely clear that the One whose wisdom which is far, far above, is pure, peaceable, and easily to be entreated is the only One who can bring you through this. Anyone who knows me that the thing I ALWAYS encourage anyone in any trial, ( let alone the crucible in which you find yourself,) to do is to cultivate a lifestyle of worship, and a familiarity with Him that has nothing at all to do with all the stuff swirling around you. Even Jews in WWII death camps found that seeing places of beauty that they had remembered as children helped them, let alone what it would have been like for them to invite the Messiah into those places.Cling to His Word, both written in His book and personally delivered to you by His gentle voice, and may your Heavenly Father tenderly lead you in this fragile time.
Good gravy, girl, there is a lot on your plate, so much so that it is absolutely clear that the One whose wisdom which is far, far above, is pure, peaceable, and easily to be entreated is the only One who can bring you through this. Anyone who knows me that the thing I ALWAYS encourage anyone in any trial, ( let alone the crucible in which you find yourself,) to do is to cultivate a lifestyle of worship, and a familiarity with Him that has nothing at all to do with all the stuff swirling around you. Even Jews in WWII death camps found that seeing places of beauty that they had remembered as children helped them, let alone what it would have been like for them to invite the Messiah into those places.Cling to His Word, both written in His book and personally delivered to you by His gentle voice, and may your Heavenly Father tenderly lead you in this fragile time.
Thank you all for the replys. I am trying to help my husband believe more. In the last year we have made progress, were just not all the way there in his belief. I understand that prayers take time. We are a work in progress as many are. I forgot last night was ladies night sorry but baby is teething and had a hard time. I will set a reminder in my phone for next tuesday. I have stopped most contact with the women who wants to engage into our life, for many reasons. She is not a church going person. She is not open to it. She is married still, with a 2 year old and she is only 2 or 3 months pregnant. I have no idea on the father situation. I feel we need to wait on the plural marriage until my husband is more secure with our relationship. I know I want to be with him forever I will not leave him, no matter what. I said my vows and I fully believe in them. So, now it is about compromise, and working it out. I have asked him to join the site and he said no but Gods still working on him and me to make us what we need to be.
Krystal,
First off I want to say that I will add you to my list of prayers and pray for you and your husband. Take it slow and don't try to force or rush anything. You'll get there soon enough. All in good time my dear sister.
Secondly, this may be tough to chew on, but it needs to be said. If the other lady is married then both you and your husband need to stay completely away from her in regards to romantic relationship. That is definitely not a road that you and your husband want to go down. I won't go into a detailed scriptural analysis here, but if you want more information on why you should stay away from such a situation, scripturally speaking, then we can explain more specifically. Just know that fooling around with a married woman is somewhere you don't want to go.
In closing I would like to say bravo for sticking by your vows. Continue to stand firm in your commitment and your covenant.
Yahuweh bless you and keep you.
First off I want to say that I will add you to my list of prayers and pray for you and your husband. Take it slow and don't try to force or rush anything. You'll get there soon enough. All in good time my dear sister.
Secondly, this may be tough to chew on, but it needs to be said. If the other lady is married then both you and your husband need to stay completely away from her in regards to romantic relationship. That is definitely not a road that you and your husband want to go down. I won't go into a detailed scriptural analysis here, but if you want more information on why you should stay away from such a situation, scripturally speaking, then we can explain more specifically. Just know that fooling around with a married woman is somewhere you don't want to go.
In closing I would like to say bravo for sticking by your vows. Continue to stand firm in your commitment and your covenant.
Yahuweh bless you and keep you.