im not even sure if I’m doing this correctly. My si clerestory apology if I am not. I have a question or questions. My husband lead me to this site a few days ago and asked me to read some of it, apparently at some of your prompting. Within just a few short hours of reading the threads I came across who I k ew in all my heart was my husbands posts. My spirit sounded and it was very obvious as I read from post to post that it was my life being described and the advice was the same that he had been saying to me. I’ll be honest, I was more than furious to know this because I felt deceived. I had already asked in advance was he a member. I confronted the situation and he said if I had more questions to make a profile. I am hurt and I feel blindsided because I thought this was a topic we had laid to rest only to find he had been a member since first addressing this 3 years ago. Let me give you history: three years ago he presented me with the idea of this lifestyle because he had met someone. Rightfully so, I was destroyed. I did as he asked and researched all that he gave me. I even went as far as to speak with the girl. I knew this was not something I wanted. Shortly after, about 6 months later I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I went through chemo resulting in the loss of my presumable identity. During that time my husband and I were very close because my diagnosis was that of a rare type breast cancer. I was closer to God during that time than I had ever been. He was my comforter and my husband was my hero. Fast forward, I am cancer free now and have went from being a natural straight haired blonde to a curly brunette. I am grateful but this change has been hard because I am human. I am being watched like a hawk by my doctors because of the type I had. January of this year my husband came to me again and talked about the prospects of this lifestyle. I was in shock yet again because I thought this was laid to rest and that he had agreed that though he believed this was biblical, it was not something I had to do. I feel I am am being forced to submit to this regardless of my own convictions but he does not take into account anything I have to say. My life has been upside down since then. I feel betrayed. I feel extremely stressed which is a very huge thing I shouldn’t be under. Might I add that I am very much in the public eye through the school I teach at and the church we serve as counselors. There are far more to be affected by this should it become public knowledge. I have prayed reluctantly and receive, what I feel, is the same message though my husband disagrees. I feel strongly that his wants in this matter are self serving with no regard for what it will do to me, our family, our church, those we lead, my students, and to our adult children and grandchildren. I am afraid and concerned for the well-being of my husband and all he has accomplished as he has lead great ministries. I feel God would not want him to sacrifice all these people so he can have an additional wife. I have always tried my best to be the Proverbs 31 wife and love my husband. I study scripture daily and walk with the Lord so I am no laymen when it comes to this. I want real advice in both directions. Not just those that try to talk me into it. Please
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New and I need advice
- Thread starter JustUs2
- Start date
Well, first off, nice to meet you. 
I can tell you I'm not in plural marriage yet but I grapple with the doubts and anxieties regarding it. Including public thought, family rejection etc.. but I'd have to say there are other ladies more equipped to help you than I feel I am. I pray you find peace and God's glory to your recovery!
I can tell you I'm not in plural marriage yet but I grapple with the doubts and anxieties regarding it. Including public thought, family rejection etc.. but I'd have to say there are other ladies more equipped to help you than I feel I am. I pray you find peace and God's glory to your recovery!
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Whatup Justus.
You are by no means the only lady that shows up here with this kind of problem. Before I launch into the standard reply, I have to address this part realquick:
You.... might not be able to find that here. I'm sort of neutral about polygamy. I've seen it go in stupid directions more often than I've seen it succeed, I don't think it's anything like "God's intended Ideal For Christians™", and honestly think that most men are retarded for dipping into it because they are taking a master level test with apprentice knowledge I M O. This is the closest I can come to giving you a dissenting opinion.
That being said: It's cool that you've tried being a Proverbs 31 wife. But do you understand that as a follower of Christ, you're on the hook for being an Ephesians 5 wife as well? The bible says submit to your husband in everything, as unto the Lord. There is precious little to mitigate that. If perhaps he was asking you to do something sinful, I could see you pulling up short. But as you say, you are no layman. You know that it isn't a sin, or you would have listed that in your intro, yeah?
Furthermore... you've already said your husband is a great leader and your hero. And yet when he wants to lead somewhere you don't want to go it's self serving. Human nature is a wild ride, isn't it? God has to deal with that kind of thing all the time from us. Now your husband gets to feel the burn. Don't pity him, it's the life he chose.
Life is tough. In this world you'll have tribulations. God could have you fed to lions for His Name, but instead you got cancer and a husband who is interested in poly. Maybe you'd prefer the lions. If I'm being honest, if I had the opportunity to choose just how I'd have to take up my cross, I'd have picked some different ones than God has chosen for me as well. Our lot is our lot. Your husband is your husband. Put your faith in God and follow your hero. Don't make it harder than it has to be, because that is just about all you can do, is make it difficult. You can cross your arms and dig in your heels, but I've yet to see the marriage that was improved by that. If your husband is making a mistake, then it's his mistake. Ride that ride WITH him, and support him with a smile. Don't just position yourself to say "I told you so". I've yet to see the marriage that was improved by that either.
Paul was told by prophets that he would be bound hand and foot in Jerusalem in every city he went to, and yet he went, and it wasn't outside of God's will. If indeed God was telling you the high cost that you will pay for this, steel yourself, prepare yourself. Few people pay any less if they are committed to following Jesus.
You are by no means the only lady that shows up here with this kind of problem. Before I launch into the standard reply, I have to address this part realquick:
You.... might not be able to find that here. I'm sort of neutral about polygamy. I've seen it go in stupid directions more often than I've seen it succeed, I don't think it's anything like "God's intended Ideal For Christians™", and honestly think that most men are retarded for dipping into it because they are taking a master level test with apprentice knowledge I M O. This is the closest I can come to giving you a dissenting opinion.
That being said: It's cool that you've tried being a Proverbs 31 wife. But do you understand that as a follower of Christ, you're on the hook for being an Ephesians 5 wife as well? The bible says submit to your husband in everything, as unto the Lord. There is precious little to mitigate that. If perhaps he was asking you to do something sinful, I could see you pulling up short. But as you say, you are no layman. You know that it isn't a sin, or you would have listed that in your intro, yeah?
Furthermore... you've already said your husband is a great leader and your hero. And yet when he wants to lead somewhere you don't want to go it's self serving. Human nature is a wild ride, isn't it? God has to deal with that kind of thing all the time from us. Now your husband gets to feel the burn. Don't pity him, it's the life he chose.
Life is tough. In this world you'll have tribulations. God could have you fed to lions for His Name, but instead you got cancer and a husband who is interested in poly. Maybe you'd prefer the lions. If I'm being honest, if I had the opportunity to choose just how I'd have to take up my cross, I'd have picked some different ones than God has chosen for me as well. Our lot is our lot. Your husband is your husband. Put your faith in God and follow your hero. Don't make it harder than it has to be, because that is just about all you can do, is make it difficult. You can cross your arms and dig in your heels, but I've yet to see the marriage that was improved by that. If your husband is making a mistake, then it's his mistake. Ride that ride WITH him, and support him with a smile. Don't just position yourself to say "I told you so". I've yet to see the marriage that was improved by that either.
Paul was told by prophets that he would be bound hand and foot in Jerusalem in every city he went to, and yet he went, and it wasn't outside of God's will. If indeed God was telling you the high cost that you will pay for this, steel yourself, prepare yourself. Few people pay any less if they are committed to following Jesus.
First I’d like to say, it is still against the law where I live so having any extra wives would be against the law of the land. 2nd, forcing me to do something I do not necessarily believe is Gods original design is not appealing to me. I have many reasons to debate why I believe He allowed it to happen but I’m sure you’ve all heard those. I firmly believe I am going to be the sacrificial lamb lead to be slaughtered here. How can this be appeasing to the Lord if it kills me or at the very least destroys us both? True this may be his cross to bear but it seems like he’s the one getting his cake and eat it too because I’m not totally convinced this is a move of love. Actually, I believe he is in denial about his reasons. When he met the girl three years ago it ended in adultery and almost total destruction of our family. He originally said in January that he would back off and accept that it may never happen and that if it was Gods will present it to me. I believe, like scripture, let your yes be your yes and your no be your no, mean what you say. He swears that he has not been talking to anyone else, which I take a swear pretty seriously so if he’s lying that’s bad, yet I can’t help but wonder why he’s pushing so hard. I’ve asked him many questions only to receive a question as an answer. He leaves me in complete confusion and confusion is not from the Lord. Actually if I’m confused, I make no moves because the only result I’ve ever experienced from this is bad. Original design was one man and one woman, why would avoid not want us to model his original design? We don’t live in a time where women need protection from biblical situations women were placed in. And, God has used me in very powerful ways. Why would he want my husband to shut all of that down so he can live his dream. It all seems insulting to me like my mission isn’t worth anything and I wasn’t made as his helpmate but his extra and when he’s bored he can take another wife.
Might I also add, or does it matter, that I am not in childbearing years and he cannot have anymore children. Our children are grown and we have grandchildren. I’m not sold that this isn’t a midlife crisis. It was never brought up before we married or during u til 3 years ago.
I hear you. It's always fun answering these because it turns into a spaghetti mess right away. I'm gonna ask you to bear with me a bit, because there's a lot packed into what you just said, but I have to sort of pick them out one by one.
Nice. Literally none of the 10 commandments are appealing to me, so.... same team? I'll get to the original design thing in a mo
Said every martyr ever? Why all these christians go around avoiding death is starting to make my teeth itch. Understand this: to take up the cross is to come to terms with your own death. If it has ever been less than this, your cross has always been more metaphorical than it was intended to be. Paradoxically: when you accept your death is the inevitable and likely outcome, it will severely lessen your anxieties about lesser things, which will lengthen your life.
I mean, you understand you don't sound like someone who knows what submission is about? You are listing reasons why you think his motives are unfit and his directions are inappropriate. Imagine the cowboy who has to defend his actions to his horse every time he wants to go off the beaten path. Imagine the captain whose crew mutinies whenever he sets a new course. Lodge your complaint if you must, but then drop it and follow where he leads.
Hmmm. As in he slept with a married woman? Just checking definitions. I have no reason to believe we'll automatically be using the same terms.
Oh I get it. He's a complete A-hole. You're coming in loud and clear. I'm gonna go on record and say that he's having a hard time being a strong and effective leader in your marriage and you are having a hard time being a submissive wife on your side. My own opinion is that poly is a terrible idea for people like you two. He hasn't properly trained the one he's got, by all appearances. What you have to work on isn't your husband, it's you yourself. You've overcome so much in your marriage but you've still not gotten submission under your belt. When were you gonna get around to that? How much longer do you suppose you have? Heaven is forever, but all the chances you get to improve yourself are right here and right now.
Either you're a nudist vegetarian or you understand that something changed after the garden and after the flood and we can't really go back.
It's concerning to me that you think you're either above or beyond being insulted. Jesus answered not a word when He was being led to the slaughter. His servants demand that they be treated with respect and will humble themselves on their own terms or not at all. Your whole situation is on fire, if you stand proud you will be humbled. If you humble yourself you will be exalted. You know the answer, you just don't like it. The answer stands where it stands either way.
I'm not sure who that would matter to. Not me, at any rate.
So, Utah then? Sad story. Not a huge predicament, I suppose. Moving to a different state will be a mercy when compared to radically changing your family right where you live. If Sarai, Rebekah, and Leah and Rachel can leave their situation to follow their weirdo husband around, so can you.
Nice. Literally none of the 10 commandments are appealing to me, so.... same team? I'll get to the original design thing in a mo
Said every martyr ever? Why all these christians go around avoiding death is starting to make my teeth itch. Understand this: to take up the cross is to come to terms with your own death. If it has ever been less than this, your cross has always been more metaphorical than it was intended to be. Paradoxically: when you accept your death is the inevitable and likely outcome, it will severely lessen your anxieties about lesser things, which will lengthen your life.
I mean, you understand you don't sound like someone who knows what submission is about? You are listing reasons why you think his motives are unfit and his directions are inappropriate. Imagine the cowboy who has to defend his actions to his horse every time he wants to go off the beaten path. Imagine the captain whose crew mutinies whenever he sets a new course. Lodge your complaint if you must, but then drop it and follow where he leads.
Hmmm. As in he slept with a married woman? Just checking definitions. I have no reason to believe we'll automatically be using the same terms.
Oh I get it. He's a complete A-hole. You're coming in loud and clear. I'm gonna go on record and say that he's having a hard time being a strong and effective leader in your marriage and you are having a hard time being a submissive wife on your side. My own opinion is that poly is a terrible idea for people like you two. He hasn't properly trained the one he's got, by all appearances. What you have to work on isn't your husband, it's you yourself. You've overcome so much in your marriage but you've still not gotten submission under your belt. When were you gonna get around to that? How much longer do you suppose you have? Heaven is forever, but all the chances you get to improve yourself are right here and right now.
Either you're a nudist vegetarian or you understand that something changed after the garden and after the flood and we can't really go back.
It's concerning to me that you think you're either above or beyond being insulted. Jesus answered not a word when He was being led to the slaughter. His servants demand that they be treated with respect and will humble themselves on their own terms or not at all. Your whole situation is on fire, if you stand proud you will be humbled. If you humble yourself you will be exalted. You know the answer, you just don't like it. The answer stands where it stands either way.
I'm not sure who that would matter to. Not me, at any rate.
Thank you for coming here, reading, sharing your story, and being open to input. Please allow me to share something from my heart...
My husband has made me do many things I did not like; hard things which led to much pain and suffering. It has cost me jobs, my house, friends, family, church fellowship, and more. A couple years ago he overturned years of hard work by moving me half way across the country. Our family has still not recovered from that. And no, none of that had to do with polygamy. I can't even begin to express the amount of suffering we've endured, even to the point of challenging our faith.
But I went through it anyway because I made the choice to submit to him; and that means no matter what I think or what the cost is. I chose to follow him, to be his bride; how can I do anything else?
My husband's name is Jesus Christ.
I'm sure it is harder for you, your husband has made mistakes and hurt you. Yet I'm also certain he loves you; he stuck with you through many hard times when others would have left and was there for you when you needed him most. He is still the same man who was your hero.
Are you willing to be his hero too? Are you willing you love him?
I mean, really love him with the Christ-like self-sacrificial love we are to show to one another? By saying you want the best for him and will embrace his vision and desires as your own? Can you agree with God that he who finds a wife finds a good thing?
My husband has made me do many things I did not like; hard things which led to much pain and suffering. It has cost me jobs, my house, friends, family, church fellowship, and more. A couple years ago he overturned years of hard work by moving me half way across the country. Our family has still not recovered from that. And no, none of that had to do with polygamy. I can't even begin to express the amount of suffering we've endured, even to the point of challenging our faith.
But I went through it anyway because I made the choice to submit to him; and that means no matter what I think or what the cost is. I chose to follow him, to be his bride; how can I do anything else?
My husband's name is Jesus Christ.
I'm sure it is harder for you, your husband has made mistakes and hurt you. Yet I'm also certain he loves you; he stuck with you through many hard times when others would have left and was there for you when you needed him most. He is still the same man who was your hero.
Are you willing to be his hero too? Are you willing you love him?
I mean, really love him with the Christ-like self-sacrificial love we are to show to one another? By saying you want the best for him and will embrace his vision and desires as your own? Can you agree with God that he who finds a wife finds a good thing?
First off, let me say, your feelings are well taken here. And those feelings are understood. On this site, I have had many agree with me and some disagreements. These guys and gals are fairly astute when it comes to the scripture and some are very good about pointing out errancies. With that said, decide now if you want to know what scripture says or if you only want to vent. If you only wish to vent, then close off the rest of this text. This is a case of do you want the red pill or the blue pill? (Reference to the movie ‘The Matrix).
The words Original Design, you used that twice in your opening remarks. The scripture, to the best of my knowledge, never uses that phrase. As far as the first marriage, yes you are correct in that it was between only one man and one woman. So far I have no problem with that line of thinking. But, I also would like for you to understand, there was only one man and one woman on the planet. So, yes, the one man, one woman marriage is correct.
As I understand and have studied, the percentages of monogamous marriages vs polygamous marriages are about 90-10, depending on the statistics you read. So, 90% of all marriages are monogamous. Monogamous marriages are also sanctioned by God. As you read the scriptures, in no relationship of plural marriage was the plural marriage a sin. If you believe it was, you’ll have to provide scripture reference for that. The problem is, there are plenty of references to support plural (polygamous) marriages. So be ready for scripture based references in replies.
I won’t go much further at this time, but I wanted to make sure you want to get into this dialogue. It will be easier to turn your head and never discuss this again. The truth is there for you, and as the scripture says, the truth will set you free, but it’s a hard pill to swallow when it goes against teachings you grew up with.
On a personal note, I made a vow to my wife to cleave to her only. Until she releases me from that vow, I’ll keep it. However, that does not impede me from teaching the scriptural truth about marriage. And I intend to teach that truth from about a year ago on. Back to my analogy, if the truth is too big of a pill to swallow, close your eyes and walk away. No one will think the worse for you.
I already know what scripture says about all of it. I mentioned earlier I have studied it. I have no issue with someone who wants to live it. I do however feel uncomfortable with being forced into something I did not sign up for. I like that you said you have cleaved to only your one wife. That’s where a lot of this betrayal I feel is coming from. I have mentioned this to him actually.
I have considered this lifestyle and I would personally embrace it. But I have a life time ahead of me. And, unlike my youth, I seem to have much more patience than when I was young. To put it plainly, I’m in no hurry to make any mistakes. I want my wife along for the ride. (She already knows it’s biblical)
The ladies on this site are something else. They are awesome!!! I would suggest you reaching out to them. I could name a few, but it’s not my place. But they are special ladies. Kinda check out their posts and see which ones you’d like to talk to and private message them. Even if you don’t agree with them, you would gain a perspective your not likely to get at your home church. Informed decisions are best. And these ladies will be biblically based in their opinions and answers.
You sure decided a lot from a blurb about me when you truly know nothing about how we even got here. A horse would never walk off a cliff no matter how many times he beats it. Yes, I know the definition of adultery and I used it correctly. I even vetted several women after that to see more and more deception. The whole thing was tarnished from the beginning. I say I’m not sure that the intentions are completely pure and I have reason to say that without just blasting him.
My question should have been more clearly focused: should I be forced to do something he did not say before he made vows to me forsaking all others?
My question should have been more clearly focused: should I be forced to do something he did not say before he made vows to me forsaking all others?
B
BeingHeld
Guest
Justus2,
Welcome to BF.
I am a first and only wife at this time. My husband and I were led to poly over 6 years ago together. I was on board, or I thought I was until someone of interest came along. My heels dug in and I was kicking and screaming. I went through every step almost every woman on this forum will say they have had a similar experience. BUT, I knew in my heart of hearts I married my husband to follow him, no matter where. No matter what. Doesn't mean that type of submission is easy. I went through a great deal of struggle, but the struggle i realized was not with my husband, it was with MY mind and heart and God. It was about my insecurities, fears and my faith. That's the only things I should ever have to worry about, because if I am growing in my faith, I am right with God. And God created us to submit to our husbands as they continue to love us. And believe me as you figure that out, your husband will love and respect you more and more everyday as he sees your growth in your faith.
I get you, really I do. BUT...I love my husband more than myself. Being a helpmate is not an equal position to your husband. You can say you have accomplished much, but that is about you and I'm sure your husband was right there with you. Either you support his place as the patriarch in your family or you dont.
Do you want to live the rest of your life feeling you being right and upsurping his authority and his obligation to God is more important OR do you want the love and support of your husband in this new lifes journey? If you lost all the worldly things you have now, that "you've" accomplished, where would you be? Your husband should be you're heart and soul. He loves you and will take care of you no matter what. All the bumps in the road, all the hurdles you will have to endure, he will still be there.
To begin, he will need to be patient, help you feel secure in your love and you two will become stronger together if you allow yourself to work with him instead of against him. This takes time, sometimes A LOT of time (in my case), but oh my...the rewards I have received from God and my husband.
God only calls very very special woman to be able to support their husbands in this. We too are older, all children are grown and we have grandchildren.
The ladies are here to support you in your journey. All the ups and downs. We have used each others shoulders to cry on, to laugh with and oh so many hugs. I wish you could have an opportunity to meet some, even if they aren't in a plural marriage yet. They are so compassionate. These women are a blessing and I hope you will be open to them.
Welcome to BF.
I am a first and only wife at this time. My husband and I were led to poly over 6 years ago together. I was on board, or I thought I was until someone of interest came along. My heels dug in and I was kicking and screaming. I went through every step almost every woman on this forum will say they have had a similar experience. BUT, I knew in my heart of hearts I married my husband to follow him, no matter where. No matter what. Doesn't mean that type of submission is easy. I went through a great deal of struggle, but the struggle i realized was not with my husband, it was with MY mind and heart and God. It was about my insecurities, fears and my faith. That's the only things I should ever have to worry about, because if I am growing in my faith, I am right with God. And God created us to submit to our husbands as they continue to love us. And believe me as you figure that out, your husband will love and respect you more and more everyday as he sees your growth in your faith.
I get you, really I do. BUT...I love my husband more than myself. Being a helpmate is not an equal position to your husband. You can say you have accomplished much, but that is about you and I'm sure your husband was right there with you. Either you support his place as the patriarch in your family or you dont.
Do you want to live the rest of your life feeling you being right and upsurping his authority and his obligation to God is more important OR do you want the love and support of your husband in this new lifes journey? If you lost all the worldly things you have now, that "you've" accomplished, where would you be? Your husband should be you're heart and soul. He loves you and will take care of you no matter what. All the bumps in the road, all the hurdles you will have to endure, he will still be there.
To begin, he will need to be patient, help you feel secure in your love and you two will become stronger together if you allow yourself to work with him instead of against him. This takes time, sometimes A LOT of time (in my case), but oh my...the rewards I have received from God and my husband.
God only calls very very special woman to be able to support their husbands in this. We too are older, all children are grown and we have grandchildren.
The ladies are here to support you in your journey. All the ups and downs. We have used each others shoulders to cry on, to laugh with and oh so many hugs. I wish you could have an opportunity to meet some, even if they aren't in a plural marriage yet. They are so compassionate. These women are a blessing and I hope you will be open to them.
Riddling confession finds but riddling shrift. I can only go off of what you've said. Like how I don't know anything about adultery until your response, and nothing about his vow until now.
So listen. You want a real answer about this, but if your husband really is a member than I suggest that you both reach out to a member of the forum that is respectable. Hopefully not anyone who is just a cartoon character. I'm certainly not going to judge your husband's leadership style just on the testimony of his understandably upset wife. This is the internet and people tell lies. Wives lie about husbands and husbands lie about wives.
What's more, I am loathe to tell a wife what her husband should do, and hate telling a husband what his wife should do. The fruit of the spirit is self-control. The only person that you can really control is you.
@JustUs2 blessings, and welcome to the crucible.
What you have only begun to find out is that this topic, even if never actually practised, is a fire that will test you and your husband unlike any sanctifying work the Father has yet walked either or both of you through. The mere fact that it has been seriously introduced into your marriage guarantees that the depths of both your hearts will be mined by the Father and, if you let Him, He will burn out the dross. If you walk away, well, that also exposes the depth of your heart.
At this point, the Father is far more concerned with you, than your ministry. This did not surprise Him, though like most of us, it surprised you. Now it is time to be the student with the rest of us as He leads us in learning something that apparently this generation of believers is supposed to learn and understand.
We love you and are here to support, encourage, listen, prod and when necessary, give a hard word to. We have walked in your moccasins and have ridden or are riding the rollercoaster you now find yourself on. Let go, look to Yah and understand, you have been selected to walk through a fire few will be blessed to experience.
Praying for you.
What you have only begun to find out is that this topic, even if never actually practised, is a fire that will test you and your husband unlike any sanctifying work the Father has yet walked either or both of you through. The mere fact that it has been seriously introduced into your marriage guarantees that the depths of both your hearts will be mined by the Father and, if you let Him, He will burn out the dross. If you walk away, well, that also exposes the depth of your heart.
At this point, the Father is far more concerned with you, than your ministry. This did not surprise Him, though like most of us, it surprised you. Now it is time to be the student with the rest of us as He leads us in learning something that apparently this generation of believers is supposed to learn and understand.
We love you and are here to support, encourage, listen, prod and when necessary, give a hard word to. We have walked in your moccasins and have ridden or are riding the rollercoaster you now find yourself on. Let go, look to Yah and understand, you have been selected to walk through a fire few will be blessed to experience.
Praying for you.
Jennifer she may not have the ability to start a pm yet. Because she is too new on the forum... you however should be able to start one with her...
I think after five posts she can PM. Ought to be at or over that threshold...
I will PM her. Thank you for letting me know. I thought she might be interested in hearing why a woman would want this and how she may be able develop those desires over time too. I don't expect every woman to think like me, but maybe there are aspects they haven't considered yet, simply because of hurt or long held beliefs.
My advice is to take deep breaths. You're panicking and that's a terrible state to face a problem in. Polygyny is a fabulously difficult topic for wives to digest. You described yourself as his helpmeet but even if he's wrong and in sin your actions aren't helping either one of you.
You have been presented with an opportunity to be a next level wife. The women who can embrace the truth of what God says about marriage embark on a whole new level of spiritual adventure. I think most of them would tell you its worth it.