Personality & Rejecting Polygyny

[rockfox]

The discussion on Job took a sideline into why some people reject plural marriage...

I think there is still some ingrained feeling, perhaps brought about by our cultural upbringing, that plural is still a little bit icky

In think the biggest two drivers of opposition to polygamy (by men) are 'not bucking tradition and thus othering myself' and 'fear of women'. But @Asforme&myhouse is onto something there which I'd like to discuss.

I have noticed in Christian discussions of sexuality that many of the strictest commentators show a very strong disgust impulse (think rejection of anything beyond missionary or adherance to the Madonna/whore dichotomy). This can probably be culturally conditioned; i.e. parents/churches/tradition teaching sex as icky or to be avoided. However I suspect the biggest driver of this is personality variation.

Speaking in Big 5 personality terms, higher disgust sensitivity is correlated with:

• higher neuroticism
• lower openness to experience
• higher in agreeableness
• higher in conscientiousness

You can see how that fits into opposition to polygamy. But it also presents problems in appealing to our target market so to speak.

The higher in agreeableness/conscientiousness also means they'll be less likely to buck tradition and is also correlated with religiousness; as is neuroticism. Political conservatism is also correlated with disgust sensitivity.

This goes a long way to explaining both the split between Christian Polygamy adherents and polyamory folks and the difficulty the polygamists have in spreading their beliefs among Christians.

The idea above of people 'not bucking tradition and thus othering myself' has to do with the idea that opposition to polygamy (or any non-traditional belief) isn't based on scripture or tradition per se but on identity. A community has a certain set of practices/beliefs that define them. And if you transgress those, even based on scripture, all you're doing is demonstrating you're not one of them. You're 'othering' yourself.

Well a high disgust sensitivity applies not just about bugs and such but also to 'the other'. That poly is primarily associated with Muslims and Mormons and not David and Jesus only amps up this dynamic.

Why does this all matter?

Well, knowing that someones opposition to you is rooted in their inborn personality will help you relate to them with compassion rather than simple judgementalism. It can also help you understand which lines of argument will not work with a person if you understand their personality.

It's also obvious above how this plays into outreach efforts. So another question to consider is: how can we take what we know about personality to craft a message about biblical marriage that they'll find more amiable?

I also expect that studies on Big 5 personality will show that the personality types of woman who make the best wives will also be more adverse to polygamy and the inverse as well: those most willing are the least able to form lasting marriages. And this can give you information for who to select for a partner or what problems to be ready for in the one you picked.

 

[andrew]

Brilliant. More posts and threads like this, please!

 

[Cap]

So the question is, how do you go about finding this information out about individuals you are communicating with? Should one of the questions you ask someone on a conversation is, what personality type are you? Serious question.

What is the best way to interpret another's personalty?

 

[rockfox]

So the question is, how do you go about finding this information out about individuals you are communicating with?

First of all, know thyself. Go take the different personality tests. I referenced Big 5 here, which is the most scientifically valid (if you can find a psychometricly valid test; Jordan Peterson has one). But the myers-briggs is useful too (I like 16 personalities).

Second, learn about the different personality types and their meanings and how to deal with being too strong or weak in any area. This will help you recognize these traits in other people, help you improve yourself, and help you lead your future wife to improve herself. If you already have a first wife, there is your guinea pig. If you can't get her to take it or work on improving herself well then maybe you need to slow down on the second wife thing.

Third, don't make it a job interview. Make it fun like, "Oh look at this neat thing I found on the net! Here is my results, what are yours?" It helps if you're prone to a little unpredictability or doing off the wall, or fun things on an impulse. There is a balance here but generally speaking, boring is bad. Now if you're interacting in an online dating marketplace where its pretty much a meat market it might not be too disjoint to just ask them to take it. But it helps if you already have your own results in your profile.

Keep in mind also people aren't numbers on paper. How they handle themselves and their shortcomings matters as much as what those are.