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Prayer and financial help for divorce trial

Thankyou @rockfox for giving us all a necessary kick in the backside (although we might jump in different directions as a result of that kick, the kick itself was valuable!).

I have been praying for @DeathIsNotTheEnd, but have been lax in saying so publicly here to encourage him, for which I apologise. However my lack of response has been because I simply didn't know what to say. I am unable to comment from a position of experience. But I continue to pray.
 
rockfox said:
That's right @Kevin and I'm going to shame you again. You're throwing him under the bus because he's not perfect and didn't live up to your standards in life. I see this out there every single time without fail. If a woman divorces or is divorced, she's treated as a victim and helped. If a man is divorced or divorces, he's the perpetrator and had it coming. If we're not better than that here we're no better than the world.

Christians like to talk a big game about helping people but they always seem to find a reason why people in need are to blame for their troubles and shouldn't be helped.

You don't want to give him money, fine. But it's the dearth of emotional and prayer support evidenced that really disgusts me. Whatever role is his mistakes played in leading him here, many men don't make it through this sort of trial alive and he needs our prayers and emotional support.

I don't care who I'm offending here, I'm sick and tired of seeing Christians abandon and blame men when their wives decide to torpedo their marriage. I speak up because Mark deserves better than that, because I want people to know we're better than that. If we don't support our own in their worst trials what good are we.
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Didn't shame me, you did help me work through the reason I wasn't able to pray for him in your attempt to get others to conform to what you think should be done. Id been trying to pray for him since before the thread. I'd did pray for him at the the end of my post, before that I presented him with options and the fact that he's not blameless in the situation and that he's been receiving bad council. That no matter what the outcome he has a chance to correct any mistakes that he made. That God is going to strengthen him if he lets Him. That's not throwing him under the bus, it was attempting to get him to open his eyes. If what i said offended you idc, it was honest and from my heart. There's been times in my life that I wish people would have been honest with what they were seeing. It would have taken less time for me to make a course correction instead of having to wait until the father stepped in to smack me upside the head a few times. Instead I had people around me telling me it's not my fault and enabling my bad desicions.
 
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rockfox said:
I do not believe that the cause is hopeless.
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Nor do I think the cause is hopeless. Certainly, more men would win if more men would fight, but I can also guarantee you that two other things would occur if more men would fight:

1. A much greater number of men would be ground up by it; and
2. Many more children would be further harmed by being put in the middle of Wars of the Roses.

We fight best by living lives that demonstrate that the worldviews behind the assumptions that children are always better off with their mothers are houses of cards. And it's also the case that, even when one is fighting for a cause, those on the front lines need to be exemplary in regard to demonstrating that they deserve to win their battles. Having been there myself in the arena of fighting for custody (which included two significant attempts on my life on top of the loss of years of my life, thousands of dollars of debt and ultimately the turning against me of both of my children), I certainly empathize with DeathIsNotTheAnswer, but I think it borders on cruel, given his circumstances, to send him out as cannon fodder for the sake of the cause writ large of neutralizing the unfair disadvantage men experience in family courts.

@rockfox, please let me say this, though: I do honor your position on this. I believe you and I are perhaps arguing apples and oranges. Thank you for the respectful manner in which you've been discussing this issue with me and with others. I took issue with your position that the response of other individuals was inadequate, but I don't doubt your sincerity, and I've really been enjoying reading your contributions lately.
 
Keith Martin said:
Nor do I think the cause is hopeless. Certainly, more men would win if more men would fight, but I can also guarantee you that two other things would occur if more men would fight:
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The "fight" would be best won during the courtship. Second best, during early marriage, waiting till the divorce court is a last resort and often a losing option.

Too often men are blind-sided. They do not realize until too late, that there was a battle to win.
 
Keith Martin said:
Nor do I think the cause is hopeless. Certainly, more men would win if more men would fight, but I can also guarantee you that two other things would occur if more men would fight:

1. A much greater number of men would be ground up by it; and
2. Many more children would be further harmed by being put in the middle of Wars of the Roses.

We fight best by living lives that demonstrate that the worldviews behind the assumptions that children are always better off with their mothers are houses of cards. And it's also the case that, even when one is fighting for a cause, those on the front lines need to be exemplary in regard to demonstrating that they deserve to win their battles. Having been there myself in the arena of fighting for custody (which included two significant attempts on my life on top of the loss of years of my life, thousands of dollars of debt and ultimately the turning against me of both of my children), I certainly empathize with DeathIsNotTheAnswer, but I think it borders on cruel, given his circumstances, to send him out as cannon fodder for the sake of the cause writ large of neutralizing the unfair disadvantage men experience in family courts.

@rockfox, please let me say this, though: I do honor your position on this. I believe you and I are perhaps arguing apples and oranges. Thank you for the respectful manner in which you've been discussing this issue with me and with others. I took issue with your position that the response of other individuals was inadequate, but I don't doubt your sincerity, and I've really been enjoying reading your contributions lately.
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So these are questions of strategy, which I find very interesting and fruitful. But I've already distracted this thread enough as it is so I'd suggest a new thread.
 
I'm so sorry you are going through this. I pray Hashem gives you Shalom and comfort and strength you need for this battle. People can be mean in a divorce. But remember the child. It is harder on them then the parents. I totally understand neither person should do what is happening. But pray and ask Hashem for guidance and to give you and your wife you have strength to over come this. My prayers are with you all. Shalom
 
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