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Stop Looking For A Wife: You Won't Find One

I like your ideas, I’ve had similar thoughts. But my thought was having the father give the blessing (or fathers) and have a wedding feast. It only seems fitting to have ‘Party Time’ at a once in a lifetime event. Plus, girls dream about such things. Not guys, as my brother told me, it’s HER wedding, not mine. I was there just to say ‘I do’.
 
I see your point about having her father present in order to show transfer of her headship and a celebration feast. After all a wedding feast is where Christ turned water to wine.
My thought was more along the lines of what could replace the whole "conquering empress" ceremony as @Elijahsfire coined it in a previous post. And I was just throwing a quick thought out there.
 
Mage said:
I see your point about having her father present in order to show transfer of her headship and a celebration feast. After all a wedding feast is where Christ turned water to wine.
My thought was more along the lines of what could replace the whole "conquering empress" ceremony as @Elijahsfire coined it in a previous post. And I was just throwing a quick thought out there.
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Ya, I liked your comments. After studying PM and marriage over the last several months, I’ve come to realize we’ve been sold a bill of goods, and not from God.
 
Mage said:
@KatyBeth and I were talking the other day about how weddings should be since the current concept is absolutely ludacris. In the church we attend every once in a while during the service a blessing on something is inserted. Example would be the congregation's new officers come up before the congregation, a prayer is said to ask God to help guide them, a quick blessing is given on them, they return to their seats, and the service continues.
We were talking about how this should also be how weddings are handled. Something quick and simple during the service. The pastor says a prayer for each of them to be guided in their positions within the family and a quick blessing is given and they return to their seats.
Boom. Done.
Then if they want to serve cake during fellowship time after the service then that would be in place of the current elabrate reception party nonsense.
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Saves $ too.
The outrageous celebrations of some could easily pay for a down payment on a house....and then some.
 
You could have a wedding at a BF retreat, surrounded by people who accept you, just invite key family members who you'd like to have there too. It's been done before. And there are no shortage of choices of men well suited to officiate it. Just a suggestion.
 
EternalDreamer said:
I'm not single but, in terms of the topic (of making a wife/husband and of the marriage ceremony part)...

This is something I've been thinking about with my second wife.
She's South Korean, and thankfully has been raised in that much more traditional culture than most American women. Many of the ideas of submission and following and so on just come naturally to her, and I've had to 'train' her very little to those general concepts...instead the teaching has been about ME, and MY household (and poly life in general), rather than 'wifely' stuff. So, that has been a blessing. But my point is that it will be easier or harder for some (men and women) to become the spouse they are meant to be, but I think that is based not just off personality but largely culture. Find someone who HASNT been poluted and brainwashed by our western culture and you'll have a much easier time of it.

As to the marriage ceremony, same thing sadly is true there as here. She and I are married in the God sense of the term, but she still misses the cultural construct of a big wedding ceremony. For her it isn't the ceremony that is important but the party, the community. Personally I've never been one for 'groups', and my general distaste for the American church makes the idea make my skin crawl. But I also see the value in 'proclaiming' ourselves to the world, and publically hearing support from those who support us (so that the world doesn't just see our committment, but sees our circle's committment to protect and encourage us). Right now she is finishing residency at a Christian program that would likely kick her out if we 'went public', so we are waiting until she has finished to do any public ceremonies. But what will it look like? I'm not sure. A part of me wants to make her girlish dreams come true and give her a big wedding with all her family and friends and a big party, and only skip out on the 'officiated by a pastor' and traditional vows part. I'd do the vows ourselves instead and sort of 'MC' the thing ourselves. But the other part of me worries that doing the big party will only encourage people to judge us and discourage her from marrying into a poly family MORE, rather than being encouraging. Hmmm...
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This post is a good example of the pro's and con's of societal pressure.

On the pro side: a ceremony acts as the public's and families approval for the relationship, a testimony they are for the couple and there to help.

On the con side: while you have traditional girl, because she was raised in a different culture, beware: stories abound of men who had what you have and rapidly lost it when she was exposed to the toxic teachings of our mass media and direct societal influence. If you don't protect and affirm those submissive/following impulses, they will fall away. And faster than you could imagine possible.
 
rockfox said:
On the con side: while you have traditional girl, because she was raised in a different culture, beware: stories abound of men who had what you have and rapidly lost it when she was exposed to the toxic teachings of our mass media and direct societal influence. If you don't protect and affirm those submissive/following impulses, they will fall away. And faster than you could imagine possible.
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Ok, this is terribly crude, but it so perfectly illustrates that point that I can't help posting it:
 
Actually, I think this video is the preceding context for the above one. It's really interesting to watch, he makes a lot of great points on the financial motivations of marriage & divorce etc, in his characteristically crude manner - it's funny, but deadly serious at the same time. Shows why he proposed the "bush bitch" solution above.
Comedy is often the only place in Western society that you can get away with telling the truth.
 
Love and money don't mix....ha ha!:eek:
 
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