charles.pirkle
New Member
How do I go about bringing it up to our kids that we're talking about bringing in a 2nd wife?
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Telling the kids.
- Thread starter charles.pirkle
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GloryGirl
Member
Re: Telling the kids.
That depends on the kids' personalities, ages and situations. We had been watching the show Sister Wives with the kids and started talking about the concept with our 7 and 14 year old boys. We talked about what we were learning in the Bible with the older one. With the younger we asked him his thoughts. These were steps taken over several weeks, as we investigated things. When we'd made up our minds that it was feasible, we told them where we stood on the issue. That we would accept it if God brought another wife to our family. We told them what we expected of them in relating to another 'mom' too. If they had been younger, or if I was talking to their older sister, who no longer lives at home, the process would have been entirely different.
That depends on the kids' personalities, ages and situations. We had been watching the show Sister Wives with the kids and started talking about the concept with our 7 and 14 year old boys. We talked about what we were learning in the Bible with the older one. With the younger we asked him his thoughts. These were steps taken over several weeks, as we investigated things. When we'd made up our minds that it was feasible, we told them where we stood on the issue. That we would accept it if God brought another wife to our family. We told them what we expected of them in relating to another 'mom' too. If they had been younger, or if I was talking to their older sister, who no longer lives at home, the process would have been entirely different.
charles.pirkle
New Member
Our oldest is 9 and the youngest is about to be 4. Our possible number 2s only daughter is too young to know the difference.
charles.pirkle
New Member
I guess there's no way other than to start takling about it slowly.
Re: Telling the kids.
Our children are all 6 and under, but we've just really talked to them about people in the bible and how some had more than one wife. We've also discussed with them people we know. Some aren't married, some have one wife, some two or three wives. We've also talked about single parent families and I've had to explain that ("How did she get pregnant without a husband?" Lol!). So it's just about mentioning that families come in all shapes and sizes. Sometimes people have one child, sometimes two, sometimes more. You never quite know how your family is going to change.
If you have another woman that you are courting and have her around at the house with your children a lot then they will just accept her as part of the family and won't be so shocked when you mention that she's now going to be you wife and be moving in.
Our children are all 6 and under, but we've just really talked to them about people in the bible and how some had more than one wife. We've also discussed with them people we know. Some aren't married, some have one wife, some two or three wives. We've also talked about single parent families and I've had to explain that ("How did she get pregnant without a husband?" Lol!). So it's just about mentioning that families come in all shapes and sizes. Sometimes people have one child, sometimes two, sometimes more. You never quite know how your family is going to change.
If you have another woman that you are courting and have her around at the house with your children a lot then they will just accept her as part of the family and won't be so shocked when you mention that she's now going to be you wife and be moving in.
charles.pirkle
New Member
That really helps. Thank you!!
Re: Telling the kids.
Wait til you had something to tell them. If you're open about the topic they'll pick most of it up by osmosis.
Wait til you had something to tell them. If you're open about the topic they'll pick most of it up by osmosis.
Re: Telling the kids.
We started talking about this with our children when our oldest was about 8 or 9. One thing we have done as a family for years is read the Torah section by section as a family. As we go through it we are really open about what is being talked about, so there are many opportunities to talk about how interesting it is that Abraham, Jacob, David... had more than one wife. My children always thought another woman/Mom figure sounded great!
We started talking about this with our children when our oldest was about 8 or 9. One thing we have done as a family for years is read the Torah section by section as a family. As we go through it we are really open about what is being talked about, so there are many opportunities to talk about how interesting it is that Abraham, Jacob, David... had more than one wife. My children always thought another woman/Mom figure sounded great!
charles.pirkle
New Member
While eating breakfast yesterday our youngest says the he had a dream that he had a little sister and another mom. I'm guessing that God is already preparing him.
GloryGirl
Member
Re: Telling the kids.
Charles, that's great.
I completely identify with what FH2 said. We did talk about the concept and our oldest wasn't thrilled, but when he learned who the lady we were interested in is, he just settled right into it and they both just expect her to be here as often as possible. When the older one sets the table, he checks to see if he should set a place for her. They know that we're all just friends right now and they never really bring it up, except last week when the oldest announced that he was sure that his father's courtship would be successful as soon as we found out that my husband's job here would last an extra year.
Charles, that's great.
I completely identify with what FH2 said. We did talk about the concept and our oldest wasn't thrilled, but when he learned who the lady we were interested in is, he just settled right into it and they both just expect her to be here as often as possible. When the older one sets the table, he checks to see if he should set a place for her. They know that we're all just friends right now and they never really bring it up, except last week when the oldest announced that he was sure that his father's courtship would be successful as soon as we found out that my husband's job here would last an extra year.
Re: Telling the kids.
Watching Sister Wives with the kids around is a great conversation starter and a good way for the kids to kind of get an idea of what the concept could look like as well. Certainly got our youngest excited about the idea.
Watching Sister Wives with the kids around is a great conversation starter and a good way for the kids to kind of get an idea of what the concept could look like as well. Certainly got our youngest excited about the idea.
charles.pirkle
New Member
Guys I really appreciate all of your assistance in this matter.
Re: Telling the kids.
We just kind of came to the revelation slowly over time, and our kids were around while we talked and researched. I didn't want to have to constantly be pulling the wife away for private conversations and such. Seemed like too much work. I did accidentally spill the beans on who we were interested in because I thought they'd already guessed, but they weren't exactly shocked.
We just kind of came to the revelation slowly over time, and our kids were around while we talked and researched. I didn't want to have to constantly be pulling the wife away for private conversations and such. Seemed like too much work. I did accidentally spill the beans on who we were interested in because I thought they'd already guessed, but they weren't exactly shocked.
Re: Telling the kids.
CP, you can get into this indirectly, and probably should rather than wait until you're ready to announce an engagement or a marriage. In most cases you can get into it through bible study, or a "did you know?" type of discussion of how having more than one wife used to be pretty common and is okay with God. Let them get used to that idea before they have to deal with the practical application.
I think FH also mentioned just having your prospective second around the house a lot will familiarize the children with her and hopefully lead to a situation where they really enjoy having her around and would welcome the opportunity to have her around more.
And I just mentioned this in another thread, but given your location on the ground you might consider coming out and visiting my family some weekend, or whenever you can get away. Might even kill two birds with one stone, as in using "we're going to go visit some new friends of ours, and they're a little different" as a reason to get into a discussion about how hardly anybody in our culture lives like this anymore but that doesn't mean it's wrong in God's eyes.
CP, you can get into this indirectly, and probably should rather than wait until you're ready to announce an engagement or a marriage. In most cases you can get into it through bible study, or a "did you know?" type of discussion of how having more than one wife used to be pretty common and is okay with God. Let them get used to that idea before they have to deal with the practical application.
I think FH also mentioned just having your prospective second around the house a lot will familiarize the children with her and hopefully lead to a situation where they really enjoy having her around and would welcome the opportunity to have her around more.
And I just mentioned this in another thread, but given your location on the ground you might consider coming out and visiting my family some weekend, or whenever you can get away. Might even kill two birds with one stone, as in using "we're going to go visit some new friends of ours, and they're a little different" as a reason to get into a discussion about how hardly anybody in our culture lives like this anymore but that doesn't mean it's wrong in God's eyes.
charles.pirkle
New Member
Thanks Andrew. I sent you an email earlier. I hope it went to the right email..lol..
Re: Telling the kids.
We have also had this discussion ‘how to tell the kids’. They have realized from family Bible readings and following the parsha that the Torah has commandments about two wives. They also realized that many patriarchs of the Bible had more than one wife. So I think that just hearing these things in the Bible starts them thinking. Then when the time comes it won’t be such a shock. And shows like Sisterwives is probably another way of exposing them to it.
We have also had this discussion ‘how to tell the kids’. They have realized from family Bible readings and following the parsha that the Torah has commandments about two wives. They also realized that many patriarchs of the Bible had more than one wife. So I think that just hearing these things in the Bible starts them thinking. Then when the time comes it won’t be such a shock. And shows like Sisterwives is probably another way of exposing them to it.
Re: Telling the kids.
I'll second the invite idea from Andrew. I think our experience in introducing the concept to our children has been extraordinarily easy because of our interactions with the Benders.
Kids in that age range may do better to see a Komodo dragon than to have it scientifically explained to them. Same applies to family concepts. We avoided the TV shows... Too many things I didn't want them to learn from the shows.
I'll second the invite idea from Andrew. I think our experience in introducing the concept to our children has been extraordinarily easy because of our interactions with the Benders.
Kids in that age range may do better to see a Komodo dragon than to have it scientifically explained to them. Same applies to family concepts. We avoided the TV shows... Too many things I didn't want them to learn from the shows.
