Independence Day: Free to Follow Him
Hi Girls,
Ah, yes, the list. But most of all, my heart surrendered at the altar of my perfect Lord, Jesus Christ. My list looking for a husband was not in every aspect His list, exactly. God’s list was not completely conformed in my husband’s life– and still is not yet. So check your list against the Word. Check it under the fountain of grace, and the recognition that His list for your husband looking for a wife might not yet be conformed in your own life– yet. In fact, most of the construction project in my own life involves the leadership of my husband as my head in Christ.
What is a biblical list for looking for the perfect man for you? The 7 P’s: He will be, as Jesus is to the bride of Christ (Ephesians 5:22-33)...Priest/Pastor to your family as he washes you with the Word, Provider of food, clothing, etc., and seed for children, Pursuer of you with a desire for your response and following, Protector of the family, Perfect in the covering of Christ (He died for him, and imbues His righteousness to him, producing spiritual fruit through an imperfect human), Pure in his motives, and Prince, a gentleman caring for you in your feminity, laying his life down for you. As he has come to Christ, and walked with Him for some time, God will begin to work these aspects into him through daily Bible study and prayer. The potential will have begun to be shown by his words and deeds, observed over time, in both guarded moments (a date, when you try to put on your best manners) and unguarded (group situations, stressful moments, trials). Nowhere does it say that he as your husband is to ask your permission for going in the direction God is leading him. He is your leader, not vice versa. God does not ask believers for their opinion in His grand, loving plan, which may include things which defy logic or our understanding of what’s right and true.
What is the biblical list for him looking for you? 7 blessings a man receives from his Christian wife, as the bride of Christ is to Jesus (Proverbs 31): He can trust her with everything he owns (vv. 11-12); whatever the Lord provides through her husband, she magnifies (vv. 14-16, 19-22, 24); she shows strength and dignity without being conflicted in her God-given role (vv. 17, 18, 25); she smiles at the future (v. 25); she is not afraid of adversity (vv. 21-22); she is easy for her husband to lead; therefore, she upholds his calling (v. 23); and she is spirit-filled (vv. 26, 30, 31). As you have come to Christ, and walked with Him for some time, God has begun to work these aspects into you as well, through daily Bible study and prayer. Your suitors will be looking for existing fruit in your life, and the potential for more in the future.
In the meantime, who is your spiritual leader? Your father, your pastor, or an elder in the body? You need to be personally submitted to a godly man now, who will help you search the scriptures, learn, and pray over potential suitors, while you practice being the godly wife you hope to become. If you can’t commit to following a godly man now, you won’t have peace doing it for your husband later. Your leader will make decisions at times, which will not be ones you would have chosen. Same with a soldier and his captain. Same with an employee with his employer. And a child and his parent. There is no democracy in God’s ideal order of things. It’s not following if you always agree; it’s mere temporary partnership, doomed to dissolve at the first disagreement, or worse, destroy other marriages around you as they see your conflict and they are tempted to follow. We can be free in Christ to “adorn the doctrine of God our Savior in every respect” (Titus 2:10), by our choosing to subject ourselves to our husbands. I know the context is regarding bondslaves and their masters, but the part about being subject, “to rank under” is the same as Ephesians 5. God does not contradict Himself in Ephesians 5:21 when He says to “be subject to one another.” If you take that to mean humbling yourself as in Philippians 2:4, it will show what all Christians are to do: lay down their own selfish desires for each other. In marriage, as in the church, God’s order is ideal. It is not eradicated. That would be anarchy.
So how do you distinguish godly suitors, some who would homeschool, others who would not? Those who would keep to organic foods, those who would eat a Big Mac? Same as fellow believers in the body. You may gravitate to some with similar personal convictions, but you are to show grace as it has been shown to you. Am I going to hell if I eat a Big Mac? If I have my baby at home? Is my husband? Let us hold Christ, and Him crucified as our essential. God can use a man who goes in a particular direction, despite my take on it.
God will speak to you on the particulars, but once He’s confirmed His choice (which once again, may defy some items on your pre-conceived list), follow whole-heartedly and wait to see the glory of God overcome all.
Your husband is instructed to try to understand you and be sensitive to you and your needs (1 Peter 3:7), but that verse comes after six very explicit verses on you obeying him without fear. The whole chapter needs to be our marching instructions on a daily basis, remembering that Jesus entrusted Himself to the God who judges rightly.
Do I hold other believers spiritually hostage by my personal convictions? “Therefore let us not judge one another anymore, but rather determine this– not to put an obstacle or a stumbling block in a brother’s way.” (Romans 14:13) I shouldn’t become a vegetarian because I might make my Seventh Day Adventist friend stumble. But I could make her stumble if I tell her she’s not saved because she’s a vegetarian (or vice versa, she with me). As I looked for a husband, I took time walking alongside him, to see if God would knit our hearts (and our convictions) together. He was open to homeschooling, which I was excited about before I met him. He also believed in letting God determine the number of children in your family, a completely new thought to me. God confirmed that to me. I had to prayerfully ask when I found one dissimilar conviction, could I submit to him, and find the good in it? When the answer was yes, and the overall answer to whether he was the one God had already chosen for me was yes, I knew I could continue to submit myself to God and my husband whenever more dissimilar convictions inevitably would come. It was all about could I rank under him overall, not point by point.
“A house divided against itself cannot stand.” We are freest when we follow Christ. Our marriages are freest when we follow our husbands. God bless you in your waiting.
Love, Deanne
VERY long, lol! I am going to be raising kids, sharing a bed, spending time, money, energy, love, and cooking with and for this person you know they better be someone who not only has Christ (yes it is actually the number one concern) but also thinks somewhat similarly about having and raising children and all that other good stuff I mentioned above, not to mention I have to get along with any current or future wives and they have to have Christ too! feeehuuuww! Now I think I have to see Christ in them and see that they would be understanding and loving towards me as well as all children and women in family. Now, finding someone that fits you takes discernment. For example, you could have a guy who loves Christ and is very Godly but he would not refuse that his wife have a home birth or home school. That would disqualify me from being that person's wife! Also maybe he has an abominable diet (burger king every morning on the way to work, etc.!) That is not happening in my family. :roll: So see there are many other considerations. I am a very flexible person that is willing to learn from my husband and grow in many ways but I couldn't be with someone who I have grown beyond in many ways because that would make it harder for me to respect my husband and reverence him as the bible commands. Why make it any harder on yourself. If marriage cannot improve your life then it is better to stay as you are like Paul said. Anyway, sounds like I'm never getting married huh? lol 
