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Top Down or Bottom Up - Making Biblical Marriage Work

Ylop,
Mine is a "REAL BIBLICAL FAMILIES", though there is just one wife at this time. Not all poly families are Biblical families, and not all Biblical families are polygynous. A Biblical family is more about character, order, love and relationship to Christ.

I have also noticed that the men who are actually living the poly life are too involved to post often.
 
John.

Congratulations on your real biblical family. I like to think I have one too!

I can hear from plenty of the one-wife variety biblical family any day of the week where I live. The think I was kinda hoping from this forum was to hear from a few of the 2+ kind.

ylop
dead horse flogger
 
ylop
dead horse flogger
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Doesn't that paint a picture! :lol:

I know what you mean about hearing from those who are "living the life and walking the walk". Theory is interesting, but when some surgery is afoot, we want a graduate of medical school, with experience.

Thankfully for those of us in preparation, we have the Bible that has the foundational principles and the first steps to get us started.
 
Ylop, for us, as I said earlier, it is not theory. The way things have come together for us has been directly related to the Great Commission work. The blessings that I have are directly rooted to the fact that our meetings, times getting to know each other reciprocally, and service all took place in the work of the gospel. The hearts and minds on our end have grown together through the work, labors, and trials of ministry in the gospel. If more men would get involved in the wok of the gospel more things like this would fall in place for men. The failure of men to focus on the gospel has from what I can see led to a failure in men's ability to be greatly attractive to women who were designed by their Creator to desire men who greatly desire Christ and his word and work. I was not per se looking for anyone but just busy working the fields of the gospel and God brought the beloved blessings to me. Too, as Pastor John said of Matthew 6:33, God will meet out needs when we are busy for the gospel. I can testify to that truth. I think there would be more men being blessed in this way if they were "sold out to the gospel," or "fully surrendered" to use the terms of Pastor Whitten.
 
Hi Dr Allen. Yes thanks for once again sharing with us the importance of the great commission. I believe that perspective is now fully expounded within this topic.

Anyone else care to share on the original post?

ylop
hard of hearing
 
Ylop, you are welcome. Oh, by the way, as for the "original post" comment, if I somehow failed to say it earlier, the GC approach is a top down approach as I see it. God the Father to God the Son and God the Holy Spirit to the man who goes forth making disciples according to the biblical standards of calling people to faith through love and then maturing them into those godly character traits of Christ.
 
Yes in general.

Anyone else care to comment on 1 versus 2, or perhaps should I make an inflammatory comment about US foreign policy in an attempt to get this post locked?

ylop
clanging cymbal
 
Isabella said:
Thank you ylop for responding. Personally, I can't think of anything worse than being in a marriage in which the husband says he is not satisfied....perhaps it is that dissatisfaction and desperation that turns single women off?

B
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Amen sister!
 
John Whitten said:
I am personally convinced that the biggest hindrance to accomplishing Biblical, Christian, plural marriage is our lack of or unwillingness to be fully sold out to God. Too often, I hear men and women lamenting their lack of success and displaying a measure of dissatisfaction in God's performance on their behalf. Where is our joy and peace with God? Ought we not to resign ourselves to joyfully accept God's provision for us and give Him the praise and thanks due Him as Lord? Matthew 6:33 is quite complete on this issue,
"Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things shall be added unto you."
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When we put Him first, He is free to provide for us, that which He in His infinite wisdom and grace, knows is good for us. Remember Garth Brooks' song, "Some of God's Greatest Gifts Are Unanswered prayers"?

Let us not make plural marriage our main goal. Let us serve God with our whole heart and therefore make us more worthy of a spouse. Let God give that which He desires for us, that we may do it well.
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John, you just put words to something I have been feeling since my break up that I didn't really have the words for. I have spent a lot of time sitting on the sidelines waiting for what I think I want to just fall into my lap. I was given some great advice on another thread about discipleship and I was just telling a pro-poly friend today how I'd like to not worry so much about 'finding a husband' as I do about becoming the woman of God that I want to be, and how I think that having a married, Christian woman who is walking the walk as a mentor could greatly help with that. And to just trust in God's timing and that He will provide for me the husband I've always dreamed of..WHEN IT'S RIGHT. I was essentially scoffed at. He said, "Your husband can help you with all of that some day." I will always be a work in progress and my husband will absolutely help shape me into a better woman, but I don't have a husband right now. I have an amazing God who wants to romance me and change me and mold me into a better woman. I think it's a huge disservice to myself and everyone around me to ignore God's desires and focus on my own.

It's a bit hard for me to choose either of the options mentioned because I don't see much of what I know to be God in either of them. Maybe the issue is that I don't know enough of who God is to make that judgement.

And again, Amen:
donnag said:
Isabella said:
Thank you ylop for responding. Personally, I can't think of anything worse than being in a marriage in which the husband says he is not satisfied....perhaps it is that dissatisfaction and desperation that turns single women off?

B
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Amen sister!
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Andria thank you very much for sharing. You have an excellent attitude and I am sure that the right relationship will come your way in the fullness of time.

Perhaps I should explain the dissatisfaction thing a bit more. I am very satisfied with my wife who is a wonderful women. I am not dissatisfied with her. I also have a bunch of bright-eyed children who are great. I am not dissatisfied with them. Yet my personal makeup is that I am always wanting to improve things, make them better, expand, grow, push the envelope. That is just me, and nothing to do with them. I tried to explain earlier, it is the kind of drive that pushes people into new frontiers. I dare say many of the immigrants to the USA over the centuries have had that motivation. And within the USA, when they expanded westward. I enjoy working, setting goals, achieving them, then setting new ones. Might seem crazy to some. Variety is the spice of life.

ylop
gathering more fans with every post :oops:
 
hehe.. no judgement from me, ylop :) you wouldn't be the first or the last to be misunderstood on a forum, me included. It's still a nice discussion.
 
I was in a "ministerial marriage" for almost 14 years, and the pain of ministering while living with someone who is perpetually dissatisfied is dreadful. Having been a "ministerial choice," was a loneliness I would wish on no one, even though there was "fruit" in our ministry. I really never expected to marry again, let alone be truly happy, but I always expected to minister the gospel irrespective of my marital status. I did, and I am glad that I did. I just never knew that there could be so much more.

Steve and I went to the mission field about two years after we were married, and while we ministered then and do to this day, I can say from experience that a ministerial marriage is a poor substitute for the real deal, and I would recommend it to no one. The contrast between being in a ministerial marriage and ministering through our marriage, both together and apart is huge.

Now, mind you we have had our moments, but what we have found has been that making a marriage into a vehicle for worship is the best of all worlds, top down or bottom up. It certainly is never boring, I'll tell ya that much, and not for the faint of heart!! ;)

I, too am in the "theoretical" state, my dear Ylop, and my time is spent "mucking my stall," i.e., getting my junk of all types cleaned out of my life so that whoever does indeed join our family will have the smoothest transition as possible. While I would never wish divorce on anyone, all of it was worth it, and God has indeed used it for good.

Truly much has been added to us as we have sought the King and the Kingdom, but it has been a wild ride, that' s for sure! :lol: The best is yet to come, as Corrie ten Boom's beloved Papa used to say......
 
What in the world is a "ministerial marriage"? or "ministerial choice?"

Now the working for the gospel together in a union is indeed the Great Commission approach, the people working and laboring in the fields come together and coalesce in heart, mind, and mission for the Lord and as they do they often are drawn by providence into a cohesive covenant bond with love for the Lord and one another.

But those terms ministerial marriage is a combination that I've never heard of and by the way it was contrasted with the other idea it sure makes me curious as to what you mean by that set of terms. It almost sounds like it means that a minister chooses a mate because of some obligation or out of some motive other than seeing and having the heart to serve and love because of the love born in one's heart by the Lord for the other. Gosh if that is going on out there in the fields as a common approach then some are really confused. Is it something like where a minister picks someone just to fulfill a position or something? I've heard of deontological ethics before but that is simply missing the boat if that is what some are doing under the guise of ministry, i.e. choosing someone merely for an obligation or duty and not because of an inner motive of love to serve the Lord and one another in love.

Or by those terms is it ministers who just pick someone so they can just merely have someone with them in their church or religious organizational aspirations?

I'd love to hear more about what this "ministerial choice" idea is and where it came from or what is exactly is. Sounds like another one of those clouds and covers that the enemy uses to disguise the real deal of seeking first the Lord's kingdom and his righteousness.
 
Hi blugrniz4u. Thank you so much for your post; and I sense an element of 'been there done that' in your words. 17 years would have to be close to a record holder here, and I would love to hear some more practical details of your life. Any scraps of info from your table gratefully received.

ylop
gentile dog
 
Ylop,

I owe you an apology. You already mentioned what it was that you were after in this thread, ie input from veterans rather than theorizers, and I re-opened the sidebar. Glad you finally got a response from a 17 year poly vet. Sorry, bro.

Keith, you described it well, and it is more common than you think.
 
Hi alit53. Great to hear from you, thanks for the apology but it wasn't really needed. I found your post pretty interesting. I wasn't disatisfied in the slightest (see it isn't a permanent state). But you are quite right, it was comments like the 17-year vet that I was chasing. ylop.
 
1. Top Down - develop the biblically correct theory of marriage, design all the rules, protocols, systems, etc; then go looking for women willing to fit into that mould. Or should I say squeeze into that mould. Or rather, attempt to squeeze into that mould and then pop back out.

Or

2. Bottom Up - a more pragmatic, trial and error approach. Within a very broad biblical framework, work out marriages based on what real-life women will actually be prepared to do.
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Of the several cases of failed plural marriages that I am familiar with over the past year or less, none of them are the result of squeezing in and then popping out of the mould. Rather, it is the "too" broad of framework, that is "not" Biblical that is responsible for the failure. When I go to the kitchen for a drink of water, I am only successful if I have a vessel for drinking that gives structure to the water (water conforms to it's environment, even if it is the floor). I am in almost daily contact by phone with two plural families, both are more successful than the average monogamous family in regard to peace, happiness and love. I speak to both the men and the women. These two families are at different ends of the spectrum of age, economics and geography (in USA). The only things these two families have in common is strong "godly patriarchy", Biblical standards for marriage and a love for the Lord. They are all great folks who epitomize Biblical, plural marriage. They both, adequately demonstrate the benefit of having the structure to help shape the marriage. I find it very helpful to have a recipe when baking. I am so far, successful in producing a cake when I start out with the prescribed ingredients and excel when I put them together in the prescribed manner and then find it quite tasty when baked at the recommended time and temperature. Yes, men can bake cakes, just don't expect me to get to the decorating stage. :lol:
 
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