I did ask the OP a question trying to get back on the topic but she’s ghosted.
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True or false: single women are either arrogant and prideful or needy with baggage
- Thread starter KarenJeanLovesYHWH
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This thread...
...I just read through one and half page of real sentences, actually on-topic, and 5 pages of water.
...I just read through one and half page of real sentences, actually on-topic, and 5 pages of water.
I have messaged with her privately and she tends to comment inconsistently. I assumed it was due to the availability of a computer or phone, or being too busy at times to reply promptly.
Welcome to BibFam! That’s how we roll! The gems are well worth the digging though.This thread...
...I just read through one and half page of real sentences, actually on-topic, and 5 pages of water.
Also, if you asked three different people you'd probably get three different answers as to which parts of the thread were most worthwhile.
BiblicalLiteralist
Member
I think it should also be noted that no man is obligated to "marry" any woman with the exception of a few circumstances, and no one is owed anything nor deserves or is entitled to "marriage".
There are several bible references to the idea that it is better not to "marry" at all and should a man choose he alone is given the freedom to set his standards, and is the door keeper to "marriage", as he is the one who is held accountable to meet the requirements set forth for entering into a "marriage". Only the most high has the authority to override those standards, and force him to "marry" someone outside those standards.
Should he not find a woman that meets his standards it cannot be held against him if he does not "marry", as he is not commanded to anymore so then to be celibate.
The argument can be made that "marrying" a woman who desires it, but may not meet his standards, is the noble thing to do. The fact that the effort could be fruitless should be considered (1 Cor. 7:16) and a decision should only ever be made with great discernment.
We are commanded to care for the widows, orphans, and the poor. "Marriage" is not the only way to fulfill that command, especially as a community.
There are several bible references to the idea that it is better not to "marry" at all and should a man choose he alone is given the freedom to set his standards, and is the door keeper to "marriage", as he is the one who is held accountable to meet the requirements set forth for entering into a "marriage". Only the most high has the authority to override those standards, and force him to "marry" someone outside those standards.
Should he not find a woman that meets his standards it cannot be held against him if he does not "marry", as he is not commanded to anymore so then to be celibate.
The argument can be made that "marrying" a woman who desires it, but may not meet his standards, is the noble thing to do. The fact that the effort could be fruitless should be considered (1 Cor. 7:16) and a decision should only ever be made with great discernment.
We are commanded to care for the widows, orphans, and the poor. "Marriage" is not the only way to fulfill that command, especially as a community.
One thing that would be a concern is, if a guy who wasn't gifted to be celibate set standards outside the realms of reality for a wife and consequently couldn't find a suitable wife, who then fell into sexual immorality. The Bible is straightforward in the instruction regarding this; But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband (1 Cor. 7:2 ESV). Unless you are sure you can be righteously celibate, find a spouse. Sure, have standards for your potential relationships but keep them within the bounds of reality - and that goes for men and women.
Exactly! I wouldn’t say I have both feet on the ground but at 32 I can say I THINK I MIGHT have one foot on the ground, though jumping at times
I can see how you would get this from what you read but to be more accurate I would reword your statement to say “I need to be provided for by the terms life has brought through what ever current situation I’m in and I don’t care who provides it, until YHWH brings me to a husband, I need some help”
I personally quit having sex 3 years ago, shortly after I began following Messiah. I just wanted to point out that you used the words “biblical men” in reference to men wanting “untouched wives” while this is understandable I personally would choose to use the words “biblical men” when referring to those who wanted to fulfill the Scriptures commanding us to provide for the fatherless and widows. “ For what reward is there in loving those who are easy to love for even the heathen do that. “
I agree with this brother. In my experience it takes a minimum of a year to really know someone’s true colors but even then it takes at least 3 years to truly begin to KNOW someone, and EVEN THEN people change… dramatically or slowly.
And yes I do understand that one’s history makes a huge part of a marriage selection. Where one has come from and who their family is matters A LOT.
That being said I have a history that would leave me single until Messiah comes back. Ijs, while history matters, reborn creatures like myself need a chance to prove ourselves, not get discredited and discarded immediately.
Yes sir!!! Patience is key to all marriages and rushing to consummation is a mistake I’ve learned by watching others.
My sons father is dead but my daughters father is alive in prison and not in her birth certificate and will NEVER be in her life.
Because I have spoken with a number of women who have tried to justify their leaving of their ex because “he cheated”, and now she’s looking for plural. That one really leaves me scratching my head.
In reality a woman in that situation needs to return to her man with a humble attitude and ask to return to him. If her husband was abusive and she leaves because of that, scripture is clear that she is to remain unmarried or return to her husband. (One Scriptural caveat to that might be a non-believing abusive husband). Can an abusive husband repent and be a good husband afterwards? If he is repentant should his behavior be forgiven and forgotten? Maybe, maybe not, but the question is the same with a woman with a bad past.
Agreed
I can only speak for myself but According to Scripture, if my husband passes I would then present myself to his BELIEVING brother(s). However I would hope my husband has a plan for ALL of his wives before his passing so that we know what to expect when he’s gone.
How does that work in our time and our situations, should a woman be pushed to marry the first man who approaches her?
I don’t think a woman should have to marry the first man who comes along. She should marry the man she thinks will be a good husband to her. By the same token a husband has the option to marry a woman he thinks will be a good helper to him. If he marries a so called “rescue woman” that is his choice and an act of great kindness, but certainly not required.
This I can relate to because I’ve been single for 3.5 years and yet to be betrothed and it’s because just like the men, i am very cautious l and not rushing into anything. As it should be. That being said there doesn’t have to be a marriage to be a covering protection or provision
I’m going to agree with Mark C on this one. I’m looking for a husband.
I made this post to bring awareness to us single women who are out here scratching at survival and need help while simultaneously bringing attention to my very single self
It is worth mentioning that in each case you're speaking of, Paul goes on to admit afterward that he is writing that as an opinion and not a revelation from God. Paul was quite specific about stating what in his letters was from himself and what was from God.
While I would have to agree with marriage is not something one deserves or entitled to, it doesn’t take marriage to provide for the fatherless and widows, which is a Commandment that our community is failing.
My current understanding is this: These are the words of Paul whom I honor and respect as a human experiencing human emotions. I do not, however, believe this to be a prophecy or commandment directly from Elohim.
I would go further to say that The Most High IS our Standard and He doesn’t force anyone to do anything but rather requires us to carry our Cross. He requires us to follow Him and obey Him and if this is what you mean by “force” meaning making us do something we don’t want to do, it’s because He loves us and wants what’s best for ALL of His children. He sacrificed His Son for you, yet you have trouble sacrificing “…”? And when I say “you “ it’s not personal but rather i am referring to all reading this. Dying to the flesh and walking in obedience regardless of the chaos turmoil and strife this particular Path YHWH has us walking on brings…path in this comment referring to marriage but we could take this comment further and soul search. His yoke is east and His burden is light.
No, he is only commanded to meet the needs of this person should there be any that he could provide
”For how do you know, O wife, whether you shall save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you shall save your wife?“
Qorintiyim Aleph (1 Corinthians) 7:16 TS2009
I would definitely advise against marrying ANYONE simply based on the fact that they desire it. I think it’s human nature to have the desire to marry, Solomon is our greatest example of this mentality gone wrong?
And this is the epitome of this post. The heart of the matter.
Hm... This is true, technically. But it also lends itself to a situation where a woman would take advantage of a man by availing herself of his protection and provision while not yielding the due submission that comes from being a wife. This isn't an accusation, but it's an acknowledgement of a very real temptation.
I should also point out that if you're under a man's protection and provision, it's easy to end up wanting to marry him as well. Ruth and Boaz, anyone? I can say that from experience. I was taken in by the man who is now my Husband at a time when I had been rendered homeless, family-less and destitute thanks to the Russian Army "liberating" (sarcastic sneer evident) my family from their mortal struggles. It didn't take long after that before I was his.
I commend you on this. This is a really big deal. A woman that shows a pattern of behavior of sexual activity after following messiah and becoming born again while not being married, is a huge red flag. I personally would not marry a woman who exhibited this type of behavior. It’s a big deal.
I see this type of behavior among single women who are supposedly Christ followers and it irks me to no end. Stop it. (Not you, them). Do you want a Bible believing husband or don’t you? If he hasn’t committed to you in marriage stop giving your body to them and save that as a gift to the one who will be your husband forever.
And now the gritty Truth of reality springing forth!
This therein lies the problem. Women using and taking advantage of men is the harsh reality we live in. I find myself questioning where this line should be drawn in the sand.
I can only speak for myself as I have found my mind and heart work very differently than most women. However I am the same in the sense that for what ever reason some men I just automatically submit to no questions asked. Obey commands without question and I learn what is expected before being asked very well. But then some men I just can’t listen to AT ALL. The rebellious woman raises up with the left eyebrow. Just being honest but like I said, when I submit, I REALLY submit.
I am a very communicative person and I NEED CLEAR BOUNDARIES/GUIDELINES/RULES/EXPECTATIONS.
When I find myself in a situation here are some questions I begin to ask myself
I ask myself some of these questions
“How do I solve this problem”?
“Am I asking for too much”?
“Is this An appropriate thing to ask for “?
“Is this person someone I can ask for this need or should I ask that person instead”?
“How can I prevent this from happening again”?
That being said I have found myself under a few different headships of sorts, none with the intent of marriage. One was a boss/employee relationship where I regarded the man as my employer. We later became close friends and our relationship dynamic changed and the boss/employee Provision not only remained but became stronger through tribulation and trust.
Another was a spiritual covering where when dealing with spiritual warfare, prayer and counsel into my personal life. Not to mention paying over my son and amounting us .I could reveal the ugly dirty Truth without worry of exposure rejection or betrayal. Covering a woman in prayer is y far the most powerful form of provision of all and WE ARE FAILING in this.
The most recent form of headship I have been under has been with a single man that I’ve known for two years.
I 
decided it was okay to move onto this man’s property. I thought it would be safe since I’ve known him and he’s even on leader ship of sorts at a local congregation. Our original agreement was that I would help him on his property in exchange to park my camper here and that he would be our headship and covering in the sense that we would help each other the same way a married couple might help each other. No clear boundaries or rules. Needless to say it’s been a nightmare and people are not the same at home as they portray themselves to be. That being said this would be an ideal provision in my current situation. So now what? I find myself in a position of need and I have to start asking myself the previously mentioned questions.
The Scriptures PROMISE ME I WILL BE PROVIDED FOR. And He ALWAYS comes through, YHWH ALWAYS provides.
I can personally testify to this as well. I did “catch feelings” for both men who offered there headship to me. Neither of them desired marriage with me at first but after long term provision emotions started to form. Unfortunately I was dealing with monogamous men or this would not have been an issue. While this is a very valid point, the emotions of a woman being provided for are really “unimportant” for lack of a better vocabulary word here r it’s true. The emotions of a woman can be destructive to herself and others and if this be the case it may be time to move on from each other or maybe given a chance? Regardless this fact shouldn’t prevent someone from being willing to provide for a woman while she is in her “waiting period “.
I am so happy for you Achoti
may your Union be Baruk
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Then I'll offer the same suggestions I give to single men desiring a wife, or married men desiring a second. These observations are universal and not gender specific. Doesn't matter if we're talking about a woman or a man. None of this is specific to you because I've never even met you, know practically nothing about you.
I'm going to write out some things hard to accept and internalize. These are spoken out of love but they might feel harsh. The truth is sometimes hard to hear, but sweet lies will never produce lovely fruit. The harsh pruning and cutting away of garbage lies will produce healthy new growth and fruit good for eating.
Be valuable. I see lots of men who strongly desire a second wife but they don't have their first relationship in a healthy state. Prove yourself capable of handling the smaller thing before expecting to have more. I see lots of women strongly desiring marriage but they aren't even taking care of themselves, how can a valuable man expect her to care for something else if she can't or won't even take care of herself? Be faithful with the small things first. No woman in her right mind should want to marry a man who is going to be dead weight. She should want to marry a man who is going to be a good leader, who has proven somehow that he can and does have what it takes to get the job done. Likewise no man in his right mind should want to marry a woman who is going to drag him down and hinder progress in the mission God has given him. So work on being valuable to the kind of man you hope will take you as a wife. The best way to figure that out is to ask those types of men what they want in a prospective wife. And then work on becoming a fitted/suited helper to that kind of man.
Physical Health: Guys/gals if you're overweight, work on your physical health. Slow and steady progress. Focus on healthy lifestyle choices rather than numbers on a scale. If the scale or photos are showing fruit you don't want, then use that to inform your choices and make positive habitual changes.
Ladies, please understand if you don't take care of your body, you're proving you will not take care of any of the rest of his property. If you're obese or overweight then you're proving to a prospective husband that you do not have self discipline. A woman who requires you to drag her through life is dead weight and will not be a blessing to a family. Obesity proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that a person has priorities completely out of whack. It takes a little time and self control every day to regulate the quantity of calories going in, and an hour of simple walking or bodyweight exercises on the floor to be fit and healthy. Look at before and after images of women who've lost weight. It's astonishing how a 3 will turn into a 7 with a healthy bodyfat percentage.
Men, if you're overweight you're proving to prospective women that you lack the self control to manage yourself. How are you going to manage a whole household if you can't manage yourself?
Financial fitness: Be frugal, don't overspend. Prove to a prospective husband that you won't be a financial burden with frivolous spending and debt. Progress not perfection.
Mental health: Do things daily that will help you be a healthy and valuable member of a team. Get outside and do something good, walk in nature where you can smell green things growing and hear birds singing. Focus on a healthy sleep pattern, cut out social media and destructive habits.
If you want to attract a mate, be valuable.
I know poly is going to be something God expects of me for my life. So I'm working on my value. I have two successful businesses, I walk/run 3 miles a day, I maintain a healthy physique without being obsessive about it. I study the Word, I am constantly learning and working on my personal development. I'm constantly working on my leadership abilities and communication skills with my wife and sons. I'm always trying to be a better husband and father by assessing my failures and making actionable changes weekly. Always be working on making yourself valuable. A good man will look for someone who will add value to his household. Who will help everyone else in his tribe/clan. It's only after he has a large and stable system going that he will have the ability to take on a bigger risk or a heavier burden in a woman who is more of a rescue operation.
I want to be a valuable man so I can add valuable women who will help me build a family that will be successful, healthy and strong! I want to see my sons build wealth and large families.
From a man's point of view, my first priority is the safety, security, and providence of what God has given me. My wife and children. Everyone else comes second. So if there are two options out there, one woman is relatively trauma and baggage free, who will bring value and help to my house; and a second who is laden with trauma and baggage who will bring difficulty and trouble to my house... It would be irresponsible and downright foolish to take the second (all other factors being equal).
Think of it like an employer and employee. Interviews are done to assess who will be a good addition to the company. You're not going to hire the drug addict alcoholic who can't show up to work on time. You're going to hire the prospective employee who is bringing value to the team. Habitual life choices for decades that consistently yield bad fruit is a major red flag.
I'm not saying you must be perfect. I'm not saying you must fix yourself before you can be married.
I am saying the most valuable men will require the most valuable women. So it takes self reflection and honest assessment. Be brutally honest with yourself. What is holding you back from attracting a top tier man? What line items on that list are things you can actually change. If men universally want 20 year old virgins and you're not either of those, you obviously can't change those things. So focus on the things you CAN change and improve. A 40 year old fit, feminine, soft, joyful and helpful woman is far better than a smoking hot 20 year old lazy, bad attitude, self absorbed good-for-nothing. It's not all about looks. Character and attitude are major factors.
If you're working on what men value, then you will attract a man. If you aren't succeeding, then find out what is holding you back and change it.
Very interesting take that I hadn’t thought of before. There’s a lot to unpack there.