May I ask what you mean?
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True or false: single women are either arrogant and prideful or needy with baggage
- Thread starter KarenJeanLovesYHWH
- Start date
My apologies reading it, it looks like I may have gotten distracted while typing.
It means, although I’ve known this person for two years, they’re not who they seem to be on Sabbath or at Feast Days.
What I meant about this being an “ideal provision “ Is that being on a man’s property who could be here to help with things like leaky roofs or electricity going out or dog fights or anything that require a second pair of hands, is an ideal situation.
My post wasn’t just about the desire to have a husband but really my post is crying out to the Biblical Family and saying I need help. Us single women and widows need help and according to Scripture we should be helped. But we’re not. We’re forgotten about and avoided as soon as a man decides we’re ineligible for marriage and it’s not right. It’s hurtful. It’s unbiblical.
May I ask if this place you are staying is not a safe place to be?
Or do you just not approve of how this man is observing the Sabbath or Feasts like stated below?
Sorry, I’m just trying to understand your situation better.
It’s okay, thank you for wanting to have clear communication, that’s important so please ask.
We are physically safe but not verbally. We agree on Most doctrine and we’re on the same calendar so it’s not that kind of issue. Actually it’sa communication issue. I’m very thorough in communication and I set clear boundaries and expectations and unfortunately this man does not. Even when we try to communicate about something as simple as a gas can cap things turn into an explosion and I’m left thinking “what the heck just happened”… That was yesterday.
And I also want to be clear that this current situation I’m speaking of had no part in my creation of this post, our conversation is leading here but my original post was insured but a completely different conversation with a completely different man.
All polygamous men start as monogamous men, you can't count to two without counting one first!
But seriously, there are very few Godly men who actually believe polygamy is acceptable, and then go out and find a wife, and even fewer who achieve success after doing things in that order. If you're hunting for a man who already accepts polygamy, you're looking in a tiny pool that is spread very widely, and the likelihood of finding the right husband is incredibly slim. It is quite possible that there is no such man, or that there is but he does not believe in polygamy yet.
By far the more normal situation I have seen is men who find a second woman attracted to them, and them to her, and only at that point look into polygamy in order to figure out what to do about this real situation in their life, to find that this attraction was actually God telling them to marry that woman.
If you have an actual man in your life who you have developed feelings for, that is the first place to look. It may be that God wishes you to point him towards polygamy. You most certainly would not be the first woman to do so.
The vast majority of successful marriages meet in real life, not in an intentional search for a spouse. Edit: And the majority meet while at least one of them still believes firmly in monogamy only.
BiblicalLiteralist
Member
Paul wasn't the first reference I thought of when I made that mention. It was actually Matthew. I realize that not everyone is given to celibacy but only mentioned it for the sake of the argument that marriage is not a given nor a command for any, outside of the noted exceptions.
By force I simply meant that no one can force a man to take a wife and no woman can make herself the wife of a man. Only the man himself can acknowledge or anull that union. A man after YHWH will obey the command given him but it is still his choice to make. The choice lies with him and him alone.
While it is a possibility, I don't see it being a very common thing. Most men have problems getting a woman's attention in the first place, let alone get enough attention to able to set an unrealistic standard. I would see the lack of attention leading to the propsed scenario much sooner than that of to high of standards.
Also consider the high priests who are forbidden from marrying a non virgin. A high priest in this day would find it nearly impossible to find a wife. Wanting one or not he is not guaranteed one but must still operate in the standards set for him should he desire one.
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BiblicalLiteralist
Member
Joash comes to mind as a possible exception to this statement.
Fair point.
BiblicalLiteralist
Member
Not to be harsh, but this is a rather broad statement is it not? Is the man who allowed you to live on his property not caring for a widow and an orphan? Based off your responses you seem studied and assertive. Something that comes to mind for me from reading your responses if I were a prospective husband is, what happens when we disagree on an understanding of scripture? For example the calendar or sabbath timing, how do you approach resolution of things like that?
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And weren't you also given the camper to live in? Be wary of becoming like those who started to murmur because Yah was only providing mana to eat and they desired meat.
Absolutely, but God set those standards. My comment was made in reference to the standards people set for a partner for themselves. Cheers
Likely a good rule of thumb. Happy to be the exception...depending on how you couch it.
During my misspent youth I dated a girl a few times, she was nice but flighty in retrospect. She had a friend though who was Very deep and very intelligent. An excellent foil to my silly arrogant teenage self. The girl I was dating and her friend came to me with a proposition. Why not be both of their boyfriend?
You know teenage boys...I am going to say no as ludicrous scenarios play in my head? Month later the deep girl and I are inseparable and the flighty girl had just wondered off to a new flight of fancy.
Not starting off a polygamamist obviously, but the unusual start did open the topic. Happily deep girl had also read a bit of Heinlein so we discussed the situation in those terms and she read more as we continued to discuss the concept. We both concluded that standard polygyny made the most sense and that any other variation did not seem realistic and was just icky to consider. She was fine with it, I was fine with it. It was less an explicit goal then than later when we decided it was a good idea.
So, it was on the table on day one as it were. Best to start as you intend to continue to my mind in so many areas of life
I don’t believe your comments to be harsh at but rather respectfully inquisitive which, on my end, is welcomed
. You know you’re right it is a pet Brian statement and definitely over generalizing. The situation is personal and yesterday was a pretty emotional day for me, my apologies.
To answer your question, yes the man allowed me to move in his property in exchange for work, which included 3 3.5 hour trips of unloading all his belongings into a storage and then coming on the property that has two houses set to 0 Callie because drug addicts have turned this place into a homeless camp so that work also included picking up TONS of trash and debris. Which by the way I enjoyed all of this, I love working and moving and doing jobs that make huge differences right away. I would rather do stuff like this than clean peoples homes. Anyways I’m saying that to say, it’s not like I was just have something I worked for it, as it should be! There are a few things this particular man has done to be kind, but without going into every detail, in this situation I believe I was asked for way too much in exchange for a place to park my camper and plus into an extension cord. Not trying to sound ungrateful but at my previous place, it was only $400 for rent for a month and I had full hook ups. I was struggling to pay rent and so I didn’t really have another choice. But there are so many more details to this story I’m almost regretting even bringing it up but I’m saying all this to say, he didn’t do it because I’ma single mother and need help, he did it because he didn’t have anyone else to help him move or get this place cleaned up… and now I see why.
To answer your next question, I’ve never been married but I did work for a ministry and while under the headship of that ministry I do what they believe. For example, my current understanding is that a day starts when the sun comes up but the ministry does not…. I follow what the ministry does because they are my headship and if I didn’t differently it would cause confusion and chaos. Another example is I believe the duck to be in the swan family therefore making it unclean, I will not eat the duck because it doesn’t affect anyone else if I don’t. This is the approach I believe I would take with my husband. Whether I believe differently or not doesn’t matter as much as whether I obey the House rules and expectations and guess what, if that means my husband wants me to eat duck sure, I will eat the duck if it means keeping peace. I will however not disobey Scripture to a certain extent. I will not eat pig to keep the peace. I will not break Shabbat to keep the peace (actually maybe to a certain degree I would but that would be a rare occasion ). I would not bow to idols to keep my husband happy/at peace. When I worked for the ministry I took responsibility of things even when things weren’t my fault, similar to a manager if a business, I took orders without question and completed every task given to me. OH! Here’s an example. Two years ago Day of Atonement we had a gathering and of course most of us were fasting and wearing sackcloth. Well the schedule said Oneg to break the fast that evening after sunset. Well about an hour and half before sunset I was asked to cook dinner for everyone (that was part of my duties). And for the first time in my career there I questioned “are you sure you want me to do that?” And His response was “yes no one is going to be cooking for the Oneg and everyone is going to be hungry and there isn’t going to be food.” So I said yea and I went and made enough food to get 60 people. For those who aren’t familiar with the Scriptures it says paraphrasing “anyone who does work on this day shall be utterly cut off from their people “ so this was a huge deal for me but I obeyed because at that time he was my headship.
This opened up some soul searching for me so thank you
Yes i was given a camper by my previous headship at the ministry through a donation. In fact I’ve been given three campers over the course of two years one from another single woman and one from a monogamous couple. And i have to admit you are correct, i may sound like I’m murmuring and ungrateful because of this post but that’s not the case… althoughi have found myself in that place several times in this walk. I am so very grateful for the blessings YHWH has bestowed upon me
And yes i realize i am very broken and have lots to work on. I’m not pointing the finger while simultaneously claiming i have no fault. I made this post to bring awareness to the men that even if a woman is not a fit for marriage, maybe you can/should still offer some form of support, even if it’s just passing or tapping with her to help her figure things out or just offering an open line of communication should she ever need anything.
I’ve been chewed up and spit out by this world brother and i find myself in a place of need a lot and it is not fun and it makes me think of all the other women like myself… it makes me think of the other young boys and children being raised in a home out of order, hence my desire to have a women’s ministry of sorts. The work is plenty but the Harvesters are few.
The boys out here need the men. My son needs a mentorship of some kind that i can’t give him. And you would think after being in a ministry for two years that someone would have come along and recognized the need and take him under their wings but nope. My son has had a few experiences with a couple men who have given him their time teaching him how to build a fire, use a knife, throw a spear kind of thing and those moments both of us cherish. But to have that experience for a brief moment it almost brings grieving. There is so much talk about how toxic it is for a woman to be raising a boy by herself but yet i don’t see any of those same men jumping at the opportunity to be a “big brother” or “uncle” or even a “minister” to these young boys of the single mother. Recognizing a problem but doing nothing to fix it.
And i know my words may sound harsh as well but please know that i am only speaking from my own perspective and this is my attempt at communicating respectfully while being assertive.
I should have written “monogamy only”
This is not very encouraging
you would think a woman seeking to be a multiple wife would be quicker to find a spouse but I’m learning very quickly that is not the case.I have considered being a first wife, although i do not prefer this role i am not fully opposed to it either.
Attraction vs logic. I can marry a man I’m not necessarily attracted to in order fulfill a logical scenario. Looks and sex and attention are Vanity and can get us into some terrible situations. You can’t look at a person and see their Spirit, at least with the natural eye.
I’ll put it
Curious if you’re still together today or if you know where she is.
Polygyny was one of the main reasons i was asked to leave the ministry. And apparently at Passover this year they were telling everyone at check in that Polygyny is not even allowed to be discussed
Interesting statement. I find it often people say things like this but i know quite a few couples that have met and got married from Facebook and other social media group chats like signal and telegram. The one that really bothers me is when people say “no one rescuing souls or bringing people to Messiah through Fakebook”… well actually Facebook bright me directly to Messiah, i passed go i passed up jail i even passed up the $200 and ran Straight to Him!!
Praise YHWH!
Unfortunately we are not in contact and were not after several months of her having wondered off.
I never really understood it honestly.
It was just casual teenage dating. Afternoon at the dollar movies, walking and hand holding in the mall and lunch at the food court and a trip to six flags level of relationship. I don't know that either of us ever got past the point of just thinking the other was fun to be around, that it ever reached the stage of being a legitimate crush as it were.
I do know that she was irritated with wife after a few months because of the apparent longevity of our relationship. I suppose the idea was alien to her for some reason. I suspect she has grown up by now and would be glad that we are still together...well, I hope so at least.
Would have been amazing to have started as my adult self realized I should have lived my life at the outset but she would not have been the right person to have helped built that sort of family.
In retrospect I imagine I should have pursued plural marriage from the start as my wife was very much the right sort to embrace a sister wife but at the same time, while I know I was once that kid and have memories of being him, I am very much not that boy now. So it is difficult to beat myself up too much about my own failures from that time in life given that I am no longer that guy. Living and learning.
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We all are broken and have lots to work on. Luckily we have a heavenly master who is working in and through us to perfect us daily.
Have you reached out to Kaleb House? They're close to MO and specifically have a ministry that cares for women and children. I've done some work for them this year and will be in the future as they have need.
Our Story | Kaleb House
www.kalebhouse.org
Feel free to PM me, I can put you in touch with some of the people in the organization.
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I really appreciate you thinking of me in this regard and I’ll send you a pm for the contact info, at the very least I can speak to them to see if this is YHWH’S direction. I do MUCH BETTER in a structured environment. My hesitancy is that I’ve started a cleaning and junk hauling company here in the Branson Springfield Ava area and YHWH has blessed me with a decent income and clients that depend on me. That being said if need be I could very well leave on the drop of a dime should the right situation come up so yeah, I’ll send you a pm and see how it goes.We all are broken and have lots to work on. Luckily we have a heavenly master who is working in and through us to perfect us daily.
Have you reached out to Kaleb House? They're close to MO and specifically have a sister ministry that cares for women and children. I've done some work for them this year and will be in the future as they have need.
Our Story | Kaleb House
Feel free to PM me, I can put you in touch with some of the people in the organization.
Well, by coming here you've joined the club of people who know what it's like to be kicked out of churches for discussing polygamy!Polygyny was one of the main reasons i was asked to leave the ministry. And apparently at Passover this year they were telling everyone at check in that Polygyny is not even allowed to be discussed
But it's very interesting that this issue has been raised so often that they have to actually tell people not to talk about it. I wonder how many private conversations that warning prompted, how many people actually talked about it who never would have if there wasn't someone at the door telling them not to? Such a strategy can very easily backfire!
I should also suggest - let's not argue about the theological side of this statement, I respect your convictions and even hold some of them myself - but by restricting yourself to Torah-focussed ministries you may be missing the people that God would have you meet. So the local Torah ministry has given you the boot. Have you gone to any other churches, or are you just waiting for the "perfect" congregation that aligns with what you already believe about scripture? You don't need to actively talk about polygamy, honestly I wouldn't - that is a conversation to save to have with a very specific man should you feel God prompting you to do so. You're looking for local friendships and local support, hopefully ultimately a husband. So you should meet the locals. Anyway, it is entirely possible that five years from now you will have a different understanding of scripture, just as your understanding today is different to what it was five year ago, so don't let your present convictions limit you. You might be going to meet a husband who changes you more than you are yet anticipating!
I'd suggest keeping your Saturday sabbath, then start the week by visiting a local church on a Sunday morning before you start work. We did that for many years and it's great. It means you truly get a Sabbath rest with your family that is not broken up by going to meetings.