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General Victim Mentality

Nope!

I think the reason it gets attached so deeply in the scenario of plural is because a husband makes the choice to walk this path and in return it feels like he is choosing to make the wife suffer the pain of it intentionally. (At least that’s how it felt in my mind). It’s that feeling of someone choosing to doing “wrong” to you that creates the victimhood. It’s over-coming that he isn’t doing anything wrong to the wife (breaking the years of cultural conditioning/ church mindset through the husband’s steadfast love and patience and God’s help) when it clicks and makes his choice not as painful.

If it rains in a play date, that out of everyone’s control.

Not sure if that makes sense, I’m trying to dig into my own brain and emotions to figure out why I felt the way I did lol.
 
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rockfox said:
Ok so serious question (if you don't mind me picking apart your brain, if you do then you don't have to answer)... I'm trying to relate the emotion thing to the victim thing. Thing happens -> negative emotions -> feel like a victim. No logic necessary for that to occur. But does that chain of mental events happen for everything bad? Like, do you feel like a victim if it rains outside the day you had a play date scheduled?
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Some years ago I started some training in counseling , I find the psychology is really interesting
As I remember it goes like this...thing happens->feel like victim ->negative emotions
Emotions are the result not the driving force (usually but not always)
Victims have lost their power and thus control
If you have power and control you don’t feel like a victim
Nobody thinks they have power or control over the weather but it not going the way they want wouldn’t help.
When you realise you can have some power or control back in a situation it’s liberating
Sometimes it just a different perspective of what power and control is that’s needed

Some people claim victim status and in doing so abdicate their power and control to somebody else

That’s the simple version of what I remember , it was a while ago
There’s a bunch of other psychology that links to it maybe lookup Karpman drama triangles.
 
MrB said:
Some years ago I started some training in counseling , I find the psychology is really interesting
As I remember it goes like this...thing happens->feel like victim ->negative emotions
Emotions are the result not the driving force (usually but not always)
Victims have lost their power and thus control
If you have power and control you don’t feel like a victim
Nobody thinks they have power or control over the weather but it not going the way they want wouldn’t help.
When you realise you can have some power or control back in a situation it’s liberating
Sometimes it just a different perspective of what power and control is that’s needed

Some people claim victim status and in doing so abdicate their power and control to somebody else

That’s the simple version of what I remember , it was a while ago
There’s a bunch of other psychology that links to it maybe lookup Karpman drama triangles.
Click to expand...

I'm suspicious of that given the modern obsession with 'power and control'. But there might be something to it in this context.
 
rockfox said:
How do you think we should get her out of the victim mentality? And do you think doing that would lead to her overcoming a stubborn refusal to assent to polygamy?
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I think it is great that you want to help and that the men are thinking that way. I would suggest that if she is a married woman it is her husband's job to correct or lead her not the other men on the forum. Now with that said, for a woman to see this life in practice, how men relate to their wives, talk about their wives and deal with situations is a great way to help... teaching by example. If she sees men stubbonly forcing the issue out of brute headship, she will resist because she will most likely be fearful of the influence that will be on her husband.

rockfox said:
Second to women here...did any of you come into the idea of polygamy feeling like a victim? If so, how did you overcome it? What affect did overcoming it have?
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The first time I came to the realization that this was most likely going to be a part of my life I wept and mourned! So I'm not sure I felt like a victim more like I am second.... appropriate I would say. Yahweh is who directed me to this through scriptures not a husband and I was in prayer/conversation with my God. He is a perfect gentleman and guided me through to the point of acceptance. I can say I hurt for my spiritual sister's who are struggling with this life and pray they receive Shalom.

rockfox said:
what can our wives do, who are on board with poly and headship or whatever, do to protect themselves from allowing the victim mentality to creep in and poison their thinking? Especially as conflict rises with sisterwives entering the picture and causing them to doubt this change.
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Be Patient and loving with your wife, ladies, respect and trust your husband's! You will all make mistakes, we all will. Husband's allow your wives time with their poly minded girlfriends they need that time to vent and if they are true women of God they will love each other through the transition. Women can be the best source of encouragement to each other and help outside of the marriage. Thwarting the naysayers and negative influences. I am not sure you can 100% but if you are loving her and respecting her as you are commanded to, be open with her talk to her about what you are learning on your journey allow her to be a part of the process instead of it being thrust on her. You (husbands) have heard God in this journey and revelations have been given to you. Most likely you have thought about this and researched this for quiet some time before talking to your wife. Please don't expect that just because you say this is what God has revealed to you and this is now what is going to happen. Her knee jerk reaction will always be one of resistance. It might take her twice as long as you to get where you are. Pray for her and be patient!

Anyway that's my .2cents
 
Wifeofhisyouth, you have a done a wonderful job explaining the things that a wife goes through. Sadly, there are some husbands that just can't wrap their head around it. They don't have a problem with it, so why does the wife?
 
notforme said:
Wifeofhisyouth, you have a done a wonderful job explaining the things that a wife goes through. Sadly, there are some husbands that just can't wrap their head around it. They don't have a problem with it, so why does the wife?
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Because men and women are not the same. We think different, we communicate different, we perceive things differently. It's like speaking a different language. Not all husbands and wives are able to wrap their heads around those differences in their spouse, or even in themselves sometimes.
 
rockfox said:
Because men and women are not the same. We think different, we communicate different, we perceive things differently. It's like speaking a different language. Not all husbands and wives are able to wrap their heads around those differences in their spouse, or even in themselves sometimes.
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It’s actually proof that we need wives to be complete.

Neither is complete without the other.
I’m so unbalanced that I need two of them. ;)
 
rockfox said:
There you go, it's not that I'm crazy for wanting a second wife; it's that the lack of a second wife makes me crazy! I need balance.
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Now you’re talking :)

Just don’t marry a Democrat, they bring their own brand......
 
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