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What Are The Challenges?
- Thread starter Doc
- Start date
Is this new? I think it is really good to have this section.
Oh gosh where to start?
Finding a people who want you and not just someone to fill a role.
People taking the time to know you and not making sure you fit their checklist of ‘suitable wife’ requirements.
Being treated as if you were on a job interview.
Realising that the first wife doesn’t actually want this life but has been told she has to accept it.
People getting too sexual early on.
People slating other couples they see as a threat.
People ‘claiming’ you even after the most basic communication.
Pressure
harassment if you turn someone down.
I can probably think of more if you give me some time.
Bels
Finding a people who want you and not just someone to fill a role.
People taking the time to know you and not making sure you fit their checklist of ‘suitable wife’ requirements.
Being treated as if you were on a job interview.
Realising that the first wife doesn’t actually want this life but has been told she has to accept it.
People getting too sexual early on.
People slating other couples they see as a threat.
People ‘claiming’ you even after the most basic communication.
Pressure
harassment if you turn someone down.
I can probably think of more if you give me some time.
Bels
Lysistrata
New Member
I found a lot harsh judgment regarding divorce. As a single mother and divorcee, I would suggest approaching many of the people on this site with caution. You will be questioned about why you divorced and who initiated the divorce. You will be made to feel that you have no right to seek a father and husband by some in this forum. There is more legalism and less forgiveness from many who accept polygyny. Apparently the blood of Christ covers all sins EXCEPT a divorce initiated by a woman. Note that many on this site are believers and are loving and truly hoping to provide a good and loving home for single mothers and their children, but be cautious of legalistic
Single women need to be cautious or they will find themselves being treated like second class citizens rather than a wife. They also run the risk of being booted to the porch if the first wife changes her mind about polygyny. Remember ladies, the first wife holds legal claim to his children, home, and retirement. Promises from a seemingly spiritual and loving man can go by the wayside when the fit hits the shan. Men are practical and will weigh their decision if they are forced to choose between wives. Many will not stand by their principles. Second wives have no legitimacy and can be dumped without consequences other than a little heartache. Caution, caution, caution!
I agree with Isabella. There is a lot of pressure from couples if you do make a connection. I have heard that single women who are open to being a second wife are rare. My advice to couples seeking a wife... quit seeking and let a woman brave enough to make contact have a little room to breath. Men, you come on too strong. Ladies, as a single woman who has been in contact with numerous women who are seeking sister wives, we can tell when you are being real and when you are being manipulated like a puppet on a string by your husband. Poly people, accept that there will be distinct relationships between all members of a union.
Single women be aware that many on this board feel that women are obligated to follow their husbands lead and allow another woman into their lives even if they are unhappy about it. There is a good chance that they have been promised that they will be the one only until death do they part. Wives may seem pleasant and agreeable until you are actually someone who may take her husbands attention from her and her children. It is not fun to be the object of another woman's heartache and jealousy. Women can be ugly and vindictive when they are backed into corner. Human nature. I know that we are all supposed to holier than that but...
Single women need to be cautious or they will find themselves being treated like second class citizens rather than a wife. They also run the risk of being booted to the porch if the first wife changes her mind about polygyny. Remember ladies, the first wife holds legal claim to his children, home, and retirement. Promises from a seemingly spiritual and loving man can go by the wayside when the fit hits the shan. Men are practical and will weigh their decision if they are forced to choose between wives. Many will not stand by their principles. Second wives have no legitimacy and can be dumped without consequences other than a little heartache. Caution, caution, caution!
I agree with Isabella. There is a lot of pressure from couples if you do make a connection. I have heard that single women who are open to being a second wife are rare. My advice to couples seeking a wife... quit seeking and let a woman brave enough to make contact have a little room to breath. Men, you come on too strong. Ladies, as a single woman who has been in contact with numerous women who are seeking sister wives, we can tell when you are being real and when you are being manipulated like a puppet on a string by your husband. Poly people, accept that there will be distinct relationships between all members of a union.
Single women be aware that many on this board feel that women are obligated to follow their husbands lead and allow another woman into their lives even if they are unhappy about it. There is a good chance that they have been promised that they will be the one only until death do they part. Wives may seem pleasant and agreeable until you are actually someone who may take her husbands attention from her and her children. It is not fun to be the object of another woman's heartache and jealousy. Women can be ugly and vindictive when they are backed into corner. Human nature. I know that we are all supposed to holier than that but...
I appreciate your posts. As a divorcee myself, I can both empathize and sympathize with your concerns.
As a divorced person, I know that the blood of Christ covers me and my past. My former wife has remarried and moved on. However, there are times that I will come under condemnation by some (not BF members), regarding the issue of divorce.
As it relates to those of the forums, I think that folks browsing the Singles Issues forum should sit up and take notice. What things are you saying, doing, or implying that is engendering condemnation in others, especially as it relates to the issue of divorce?
Before this breaks out into a discussion on divorce, let's just stop right there and realize a few things:
1) Divorce happens
2) There is forgiveness with God no matter WHAT your view on divorce is
3) The show must go on!
REGARDING YOUR OTHER CONCERNS
As a board member with BF, it disappoints me when I hear that some genuine people seeking quality information are being harassed, ridiculed, and diminished. We would all do well to gather as much INFORMATION FIRST before we run headlong into judgement and condemnation.
For the record, the leadership of BF takes a very serious position against such activity. Unfortunately, we are usually only made aware of the situation after the fact. At that point, the seeker has either moved or has closeted themselves, and the culprit is free wreck someone else's relationship in the future.
There are TONS of good people here on the forums....many are like family to me. If you ever get a chance to attend a retreat or meetup, you will find out that those who make that commitment to community take a whole different approach to issues such as these. However, I also realize that there are 'lurkers', and maybe even 'stalkers' on the forums as well. We do our level best to weed them out, but we need forum users to REPORT ABUSE. That is the only way we can prevent it from being repeated.
Off my soapbox now!
Doc
As a divorced person, I know that the blood of Christ covers me and my past. My former wife has remarried and moved on. However, there are times that I will come under condemnation by some (not BF members), regarding the issue of divorce.
As it relates to those of the forums, I think that folks browsing the Singles Issues forum should sit up and take notice. What things are you saying, doing, or implying that is engendering condemnation in others, especially as it relates to the issue of divorce?
Before this breaks out into a discussion on divorce, let's just stop right there and realize a few things:
1) Divorce happens
2) There is forgiveness with God no matter WHAT your view on divorce is
3) The show must go on!
REGARDING YOUR OTHER CONCERNS
As a board member with BF, it disappoints me when I hear that some genuine people seeking quality information are being harassed, ridiculed, and diminished. We would all do well to gather as much INFORMATION FIRST before we run headlong into judgement and condemnation.
For the record, the leadership of BF takes a very serious position against such activity. Unfortunately, we are usually only made aware of the situation after the fact. At that point, the seeker has either moved or has closeted themselves, and the culprit is free wreck someone else's relationship in the future.
There are TONS of good people here on the forums....many are like family to me. If you ever get a chance to attend a retreat or meetup, you will find out that those who make that commitment to community take a whole different approach to issues such as these. However, I also realize that there are 'lurkers', and maybe even 'stalkers' on the forums as well. We do our level best to weed them out, but we need forum users to REPORT ABUSE. That is the only way we can prevent it from being repeated.
Off my soapbox now!
Doc
Lysistrata
New Member
I was too negative! 
Even the men who are too ambitious in their pursuit are usually good men! They just get over excited! The ladies are wonderful ladies also. They just find themselves stepping into a new realm and needing the support of their husbands. Ironically, there is almost a certain pressure on married women to actually pursue single ladies for their husbands. Men are terrified of looking like philanders and so they send their ladies out ahead of them. I find it humorous and unique to poly people!
The ones who condemn because of divorce are only a few. We know those few from their posts on this forum. Women can read posts and pick and chose whom to contact! No worries!
I was just listing some challenges that single poly friendly women may face. The benefits of poly marriage for singles far outweigh the bumps in the road!
I am looking forward to hearing of some of the challenges that single men face as they search for poly friendly wives!
Even the men who are too ambitious in their pursuit are usually good men! They just get over excited! The ladies are wonderful ladies also. They just find themselves stepping into a new realm and needing the support of their husbands. Ironically, there is almost a certain pressure on married women to actually pursue single ladies for their husbands. Men are terrified of looking like philanders and so they send their ladies out ahead of them. I find it humorous and unique to poly people!
The ones who condemn because of divorce are only a few. We know those few from their posts on this forum. Women can read posts and pick and chose whom to contact! No worries!
I was just listing some challenges that single poly friendly women may face. The benefits of poly marriage for singles far outweigh the bumps in the road!
I am looking forward to hearing of some of the challenges that single men face as they search for poly friendly wives!