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What causes the nightmares of polygyny?

raulus

raulus

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Male
You know, the ‘worst of’ scenarios that you’ve seen or heard. If you were a doctor for those one flesh unions, what would you prescribe to that body? What would you say would fix that? Is there always a cure? I like to think with the Lord Jesus all things are possible, and there is always a cure.

When it comes to years of depression, suicidal thoughts, selfishness, extreme and prolonged jealousy, departings, the regret of marriage, conditional love, neglect, favoritism, rebellion and stubbornness, scorn between wives, hatred towards wives, impatience, breaking up of families, etc.

What was the root cause that you could identify?
 
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Self centeredness/selfishness
 
Outside of personal growth and personal responsibility, I don’t see any.
 
Mono marriages that were solid before poly tend to remain solid. But the ones that had known or unknown problems before poly can go either way. Sometimes poly cures the problems and sometimes they get worse.

The biggest issues I've seen are first wives who were not committed to taking on a plural. I know of three divorces that followed a family going plural...my own family included.

Which is why I recoil at men who think they can beat their first wife over the head with Scripture and make her comply with their desire to go poly. Sorry men, it doesn't always work that way and you are welcome to be right all the way to the divorce court.
 
MeganC said:
Which is why I recoil at men who think they can beat their first wife over the head with Scripture and make her comply with their desire to go poly. Sorry men, it doesn't always work that way and you are welcome to be right all the way to the divorce court.
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What do you believe the reason to this is, since you’ve seen it firsthand. For Christian women who claim to love God’s Word, and Christ …

is it lack of faith in God(not believing in His Word)? Lack of loyalty/devotion to the man? Or feeling so betrayed and fearful, that the feelings trump both the faith, and the loyalty/devotion?

or any other reason that I haven’t thought of.
 
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The best thing you can do is not listen to friends and family that tell you are crazy, wrong, sinning. They will try to drive wedges into your union just like it was HaSatan himself.
 
JimC said:
The best thing you can do is not listen to friends and family that tell you are crazy, wrong, sinning. They will try to drive wedges into your union just like it was HaSatan himself.
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This is the second time I’ve directly been told this. Sad to hear, really. You’ve withstood the onslaught? Has anyone come back around to you?
 
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We do not currently live polygyny as i am still seeking a second wife, but the people we care about do know our beliefs. If I am blessed with a second others will know and some will decide to break fellowship with us but i am blessed by the fact that my beliefs and desires are more important to @MaryandJim than anyone else so she would not be swayed. We have broken fellowship with family members that did attempt to interfere.
 
JimC said:
We do not currently live polygyny as i am still seeking a second wife, but the people we care about do know our beliefs. If I am blessed with a second others will know and some will decide to break fellowship with us but i am blessed by the fact that my beliefs and desires are more important to @MaryandJim than anyone else so she would not be swayed. We have broken fellowship with family members that did attempt to interfere.
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To take another wife you have to really not care for other’s opinions of you. Having a fear of God and not men. Highly commendable. We are justified in what we say because of His Word, when we are judged. May your search be fruitful bro, glad your wife is on your side as well! Always a blessing to hear that.

“And fear not them which kill the body, but are not able to kill the soul: but rather fear him which is able to destroy both soul and body in hell.”
‭‭Matthew‬ ‭10‬:‭28‬

“God forbid: yea, let God be true, but every man a liar; as it is written, That thou mightest be justified in thy sayings, And mightest overcome when thou art judged.”
‭‭Romans‬ ‭3‬:‭4‬
 
southernphotini said:
Outside observation? Isolation. Wives living in the same house or at least in close proximity seem to be a factor for success.
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Good observation, haven’t thought about that. For most women, if not all, I think companionship is the greatest benefit to having more wives.
 
b_ce said:
Good observation, haven’t thought about that. For most women, if not all, I think companionship is the greatest benefit to having more wives.
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Well, it’s also easy to let your imagination run away with you with distance.

A certain reality show where the wives became more and more geographically distant over time until the marriages dissolved is an excellent example.
 
southernphotini said:
Outside observation? Isolation. Wives living in the same house or at least in close proximity seem to be a factor for success.
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I think this is a general indicator of success in marriage. In fact it is in the first mention of marriage in the Bible: "leave and cleave". Both @Foxlily and I have come to the conclusion that moving far away from her family was one of the best things for our marriage we ever did.
 
rockfox said:
I think this is a general indicator of success in marriage. In fact it is in the first mention of marriage in the Bible: "leave and cleave". Both @Foxlily and I have come to the conclusion that moving far away from her family was one of the best things for our marriage we ever did.
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Asking out of curiosity. Have you done same with your parents?

Is is hard to avoid babysitter services provided by grandparents.
 
MemeFan said:
Asking out of curiosity. Have you done same with your parents?

Is is hard to avoid babysitter services provided by grandparents.
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The dynamic isn’t the same.
She leaves the leadership of her father and comes under her new husband.
He comes out from under his father, but should already be in that process. It’s not an either/or thing for him.
 
steve said:
The dynamic isn’t the same.
She leaves the leadership of her father and comes under her new husband.
He comes out from under his father, but should already be in that process. It’s not an either/or thing for him.
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I'm more thinking that lack of parental inteference from both sides is reason for success.

@rockfox has confirmed lack of inteference fro. her parents. I'm interested was same from his side.
 
@MemeFan @steve We did move away from both; wasn't the intention, just how the American economy works. But it turned out for the better.

The dynamic is different with the men's parents. When a woman lives close to her family she slots into the matriarchal authority structure under her mother and/or sisters etc. Her loyalty and influence gets swayed to the family she was supposed to leave. With men's family it's towards the family she is joining. A father is much less likely to try and micromanage his son's family and if his mother does, well it's at least in keeping with the cultural expectations of that family which the husband was raised with and in theory, with her son's interests at heart.

That's my theory anyway. This is why men dread the mother-in-law so much. A lot depends on the family dynamics but the whole 'we moved to be closer to her family' is another example of the matriarchal backwardness of our culture. I virtually never hear the opposite.

I've had the opportunity to see a couple who had both mothers living with them. That was ugly.
 
rockfox said:
@MemeFan @steve We did move away from both; wasn't the intention, just how the American economy works. But it turned out for the better.

The dynamic is different with the men's parents. When a woman lives close to her family she slots into the matriarchal authority structure under her mother and/or sisters etc. Her loyalty and influence gets swayed to the family she was supposed to leave. With men's family it's towards the family she is joining. A father is much less likely to try and micromanage his son's family and if his mother does, well it's at least in keeping with the cultural expectations of that family which the husband was raised with and in theory, with her son's interests at heart.

That's my theory anyway. This is why men dread the mother-in-law so much. A lot depends on the family dynamics but the whole 'we moved to be closer to her family' is another example of the matriarchal backwardness of our culture. I virtually never hear the opposite.

I've had the opportunity to see a couple who had both mothers living with them. That was ugly.
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Make sense. Thanks.
 
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