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What do I do?


I hope you will not be offended by what I am about to say, but this may be one of the most important issues you will face in this life, so you do NOT want to make a mistake. So, here goes...

First you need to change your name on this web site. God tells us in His Word that we are in no uncertain terms NOT supposed to give in to fear of anything but Him. Therefore, you need to stop admitting that you are ‘scared’ and obey God in this matter.

Secondly, if what you say is true that you are almost ready to give up on God over this thing, you need to think again. Your eternity hangs in the balance here. Do you really want to give up eternity over this issue? Are you willing to risk being destroyed in the lake of fire over feeling good in the flesh for a short time? I would hope not. I want to make two contrasting lists and ask you which one you want to be a part of:

God Satan

Love Hate
Blessing Cursing
Goodness Evil
Selflessness Selfishness
Giving Jealousy/Envy
Light Darkness
Faith Fear
Peace Torment
Gentleness Bitterness
Eternal Life Eternal Destruction

It is yours to choose. God will not choose for you. If you love God, you MUST obey Him and He says to submit to your husband. Even by your own admission, your husband is trying to obey God and the Word. Can you say the same? If not, then the answer is clear. You asked what if your husband is wrong. Well, if he is, then God will deal with Him. You just need to decide whom you will obey, God or Satan and your flesh? Eve made the wrong choice. Do not make the same mistake, because a wrong decision on your part will have eternal consequences. You have already admitted that the scriptures support your husband. There are many witnesses on this site who support this truth. Deciding to do the right thing takes courage. You cannot do it yourself. Do what these fine people have said and pray for strength. God will give it to you. All you need to do is choose whom you will serve, Jesus or the enemy and your flesh. The choice is yours. Choose wisely. I have prayed for you.

Deuteronomy 30:11-20 -

The Choice of Life or Death
11 “This command I am giving you today is not too difficult for you to understand or perform. 12 It is not up in heaven, so distant that you must ask, ‘Who will go to heaven and bring it down so we can hear and obey it?’ 13 It is not beyond the sea, so far away that you must ask, ‘Who will cross the sea to bring it to us so we can hear and obey it?’ 14 The message is very close at hand; it is on your lips and in your heart so that you can obey it.

15 “Now listen! Today I am giving you a choice between prosperity and disaster, between life and death. 16 I have commanded you today to love the LORD your God and to keep his commands, laws, and regulations by walking in his ways. If you do this, you will live and become a great nation, and the LORD your God will bless you and the land you are about to enter and occupy. 17 But if your heart turns away and you refuse to listen, and if you are drawn away to serve and worship other gods, 18 then I warn you now that you will certainly be destroyed. You will not live a long, good life in the land you are crossing the Jordan to occupy.

19 “Today I have given you the choice between life and death, between blessings and curses. I call on heaven and earth to witness the choice you make. Oh, that you would choose life, that you and your descendants might live! 20 Choose to love the LORD your God and to obey him and commit yourself to him, for he is your life. Then you will live long in the land the LORD swore to give your ancestors Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.”

Revelation 21:7-8 -

7 All who are victorious will inherit all these blessings, and I will be their God, and they will be my children. 8 But cowards who turn away from me, and unbelievers, and the corrupt, and murderers, and the immoral, and those who practice witchcraft, and idol worshipers, and all liars—their doom is in the lake that burns with fire and sulfur. This is the second death.”


Be blessed,

Dr. Ray
 
Can you tell me how to change my name? I haven't quite figured it out. Would it be easier to set up a new account perhaps?

I am still praying, and I am still scared. I will probably always be a little bit scared, especially when stepping into new territories. Thank you for the insight though. It does help.
 
It is like Joyce Meyer says, you may feel fear, (which, as Mark said earlier, is a demonic spirit) but you must not give in to it. Joyce Meyer has a good little book that you can get from most Christian bookstores that is called, "Do it Afraid". You can start with that. She also has several tape/CD series dealing with anxiety and fear. You should avail yourself of these as well. Never admit your fear, as the devil will only play on that. The spirit of fear is a small demon and if that is all that it takes to keep you outside the will of God, the devil has won and you lose. If you step out in faith in spite of the fear, (which is why God allows this devil, or any other demonic spirit for that matter, to operate in the earth, in order to see if you will obey Him in spite of your feelings) God will meet you there and get you through whatever circumstance you face. Just remember that everything you overcome is a new step up on the stairway to heaven. On every new level that God takes you to, there will be a new set of challenges and a new set of stronger demons to resist you. These things are tests for you to grow in the Lord. If you take each new step of faith by deciding to progress instead of being stuck in fear or regressing, you will begin to walk in victory. Before long you will be running and then you will take off and fly with the eagles. It is a process, but the path to perfection in Christ is a narrow one that is hard to find and difficult to stay on. Few will truly find it and most who do find it, will get off of it when they are faced with a situation that they do not like, (which is the case with you here). Those who are determined and set their forehead toward God like flint and do not give up, will with the grace or power of God through Christ and the Holy Spirit, breakthrough in victory and receive the crown of life in Christ. I know, as I am on this path and near the end. I also had to overcome the spirit of fear and have to rebuke it every day and sometimes more than once. Now I am not afraid of the devil, he is afraid of me. You too can have this level of victory in your life. Joyce Meyer's teachings are a good place to start. When you are ready to graduate to higher levels, then you can get my book and teachings from the web site God had me put up. Mine are free. You can get them at http://www.perfectchristian.110mb.com. These range from beginner to graduate level Christian topics. If you have an open mind and heart and ask God to help you understand and operate in these things, you too can walk in the power of God. Then the devil will be afraid of you as well. I can show you how to get 'plugged in' to the power of God, where there is no need to fear and victory is assured.

Remember that love is a decision, not a feeling. Feelings are fickle and will generally lead you down the wrong path. True good feelings will FOLLOW the decision and action of walking in love. Jesus said in John 14:15 that if you love Him, you will obey Him. This is the only way that we can truly show our love for God, by obedience to his Word, in spite of how we feel. God has commanded us NOT to fear anything except Him. Also, in that Word, He says to love other humans, even our enemies. This is one of the ways that we know that we have become perfect like God, if we put aside our desires in obedience to God's Word and show love even for those who hate us,(Matthew chapter 5). This is what Jesus did. You are NOT called to lay down your life for disobedient Christians or your enemies, but you must show them proper respect as they are made in the image of God. You ARE called to lay down your life for OBEDIENT Christians, (John 15:13-14 and others). The message of the cross is - to love God with all your being and love your neighbor as yourself, (vertical and horizontal components). Do this and live forever. PERIOD.

I am not certain how you change your name. Please send a message to the administration and ask. Let me know if I may help further.

Be blessed,

Ray
 
My intial reaction is that this particular woman may not be the one for both of you. When God opens a door like the proposal of polygyny it is difficult but never half open. I think the fact that you do not like this woman is a door shut by the Lord to you because you don't care for her all that much. Ask your husband if there's a possibility that you could try dating other woman. It seems this current woman was a selfish choice by your husband. You should obey as he should listen to your concerns. Leaving him is not the answer the Lord is guiding you to. That is the work of the Devil putting false hopeless solutions in your mind. Realistically would you be happy without him and leading a jealous hatefful vengeful life knowing another woman was with your husband or would you rather do your best because you love him and need him?
 
I just saw this thread for the first time just now. Does anyone know what has happened? Have we lost this family? Name changed? Peace occured?
 
Cecil,
I emailed with her for a while and I haven't heard from her in a few months. I will email her again to check on her. Thanks for the gentle reminder.
 
Not knowing your circumstances in terms of finances etc. But I personally feel that in your family situation, it might be desirable to have each wife live separately. Then have outings and other socials with the three of you. You will have your own space and be less threatened. At the same time the wives will have an opportunity to slowly get to know each other. Overtime the wives might decide to move in under one room. But again that might never happen. Being "forced" together is in my opinion not good either. Anything "forced" is in my opinion "Satanic" my Heavenly Father would never "force" me. He has given all of us Agency. But understand that agency always comes with a price. Wives are to follow their husbands but as sweetlisa stated, the husband has to sacrifice yes even give his life (as our Lord did) when required. Women, in my opinion are never to follow a man to hell so to speak. Nor be a door mat. But in righteousness, he is the head of the family. Hope this late response helps.

Robert
 
It sounds like to me your husband is exercising unrighteous dominion over you. It is impossible to bring another woman on board when the initial "foundation" relationship is not functioning properly. I believe it should be the womans choice as to who she is married to. I think a good woman deserves a good man and she should have the man of her choice. But that she should be submissive to the man as long as he is following God. If the man is not a true Patriarch and simply wants to be married to two or more women without understanding the true reasons for such, he has no right to do so. He must understand that women are not like cars to be bought and sold at will. If he doesn't have enough respect for you to read and understand your feelings on the matter, then He doesn't deserve you or any other woman. He must also understand that not all women are cut out to be plurally married. Its a very hard thing for a woman to share her intimacy with another. Tell him to live the law of consecration, or having all things in common with a neighbor whom he dislikes. He should let the person have full access to his tools, computer, truck and all his intimate things (not his wife), and then see if he don't feel the same way. Maybe he would do it maybe not, probably not. If he can't do it, then he has no right whatsoever to ask you to let him sleep with another woman. But if he is persistant you should probably leave him and go be with someone who wants to be monogamous. At least your life would be happier and you wouldn't have to try and change him into something he is not. Good luck.
 
In a perfect world this might be the case, but we are dealing with imperfect humans. Scaredwife is actually being a Godly wife by not leaving him. Yes he has made mistakes and has sinned but that doesn't necessarily make leaving him the best choice for anyone. Submission is one of the things that Godly wives take on when they get married. The concept isn't "submission as long as he does things my way" it is submission as he submits unto the Lord. A woman in submission to her husband must ultimately trust God that He is leading the husband.

Just to take this one step further, a husband should always take his wives' perspective into consideration, but ultimately the decision rests on him.

And one more point, here the second wife is already there. She has already been accepted into the family and made a wife. If what cheyamypet says is true, then should this man go back on his committment to her and abandon her?

Scaredwife has made a decision to work through this with her husband and the new wife. I have absolute and total respect for the decision she has made and for the process she is going through.

SweetLissa
 
hmmm I wish I could write something helpful. What you husband is saying is true. However spirit of law doesn't alow us to lean on that alone. In my opinion seek god in this matter.
If she is the most funtional in her family but is still unfunctional, the first pressing thought was (what would a divorce do to her) I can in no way agree with divorcing a woman aspecialy if her husband loves her. I am so sorry that you are going through this. I want to talk with the first wife befor entering into a marriage. I can see where you feel betrayed. I am praying for you. Hope god reviels himself to you.
 
i don't understand....i thought this site wasn't supportive of force poly. But from what i'm reading everyone is encouraging scaredwife to learn how to deal with it and that her husband doing poly despite her rejections is acceptable.
And no where in the scripture does it say that a wife should follow her husband into sin. What if he is not being called to poly and not following god's will but wanting this because of his secret fleshly desires.

"...fulfilling the desires of the flesh and of the mind and were by nature the children of wrath, even as others." EPH. 2:3
it basically says that there are people that are not doing what God wants. they are doing what their flesh and their mind wants and not always what god wants. they try to claim its god, but its not. why would god call the husband to poly, but not the wife?

my dad grew up where women had to submit to their husbands choices of adding wives. he does not practice that and i think that a woman should submit, but only as long as she KNOWS it is GOD'S will and not her husbands.

and i have a question...can't the devil put the idea of poly into someone's head that god doesn't want to be poly? he is supposed to be a sneaky snake after all...
just something to think about
 
pinkpixies said:
i don't understand....i thought this site wasn't supportive of force poly. But from what i'm reading everyone is encouraging scaredwife to learn how to deal with it and that her husband doing poly despite her rejections is acceptable.
And no where in the scripture does it say that a wife should follow her husband into sin. What if he is not being called to poly and not following god's will but wanting this because of his secret fleshly desires.

"...fulfilling the desires of the flesh and of the mind and were by nature the children of wrath, even as others." EPH. 2:3
it basically says that there are people that are not doing what God wants. they are doing what their flesh and their mind wants and not always what god wants. they try to claim its god, but its not. why would god call the husband to poly, but not the wife?

my dad grew up where women had to submit to their husbands choices of adding wives. he does not practice that and i think that a woman should submit, but only as long as she KNOWS it is GOD'S will and not her husbands.

and i have a question...can't the devil put the idea of poly into someone's head that god doesn't want to be poly? he is supposed to be a sneaky snake after all...
just something to think about
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I don't think everyone believes in forcing their wife into polygamy, because I certainly wouldn't. Unless God tells me to go into polygamy, I'd want my wife's say on the matter. I really don't see any point in "pressuring" (as I'm sure some would call this situation rather than forcing) or "forcing" a wife into polygamy because I could not call myself a good husband in a "loving/happy" marriage if my wife is heartbroken. I mean I don't want to come off as if I would be too sensitive and always back down at the slightest unhappiness in the relationship, but for something like me adding another woman to the picture, then I would certainly believe that a woman's heartbrokeness would be very real and understandible especially if she's been raised in a culture that is not poly-friendly to where everyone thinks, relationships are ONLY for 2 people and those 2 alone.

Re: "the God told me so" line
I've mentinoned some of the exact things you've brought up here regarding a husband using the "God told me so" line to add pressure to his wife to submit, etc, etc. I was only assuming though that God really wasn't involved because I find it highly probable that the "God told me so" phrase is ABUSED. I literally have family who believe that every dream they can remember is a message from God, and of course there are PLENTY of FALSE PROPHETS out there, some which are husbands, etc. All this has led me to be reluctant to trust anyone telling me, "God told me so" unless I put that person to the test by seeing if their message is compatible with God's word, I see how they think and if it's highly unreasonable then that's a red flag for "superstitution" most times, like people telling me the Devil made me trip over my foot, or that God blessed the cake so that it wouldn't get burnt (or someone who thinks that nearly everything is supernatural or caused by only God or the Devil).
 
What is "Forced Poly?" Polygyny is based on the idea that men and women are different, and have decidedly different roles. You might as well be saying "rebellious jealous selfish monogamy" as opposed to "Forced Poly." God placed men at the head of a marriage for reasons having to do with the order of creation, according to the Apostle Paul.
 
I doubt I participated in this thread myself, but I think what many people where saying is in essence to give it a shot because it could work out and the only alternative breaks a family. As far as I know it turned out ok, scaredwife is still around and much less scared.

That is, we can't say what he should do since he is not here to talk too, so the best that can be done is suggest the course of action with the most potential to resolve the situation in a positive way.
 
I'll say this upfront, I'm a very stubborn person and I don't like changes that don't involve me. This whole poly thing came about in a rather roundabout way during a time of great stress in the family. I wouldn't necessarily say that it was force on me, but I was forced to make a decision to either stay with my husband, or leave his covering. The prospect of leaving his covering was far more disturbing than trying to work things out here. It has not been at all easy, but I have grown quite a bit since this whole thing started. I still have days where I don't like how things are going, but that's because again, I'm stubborn. Oh, and opinionated ;)

I was given many opportunities to either leave peacefully or stay and work through it, and while I've had plenty of times when I really wanted to leave, they are further and farther between than they were before. I would have liked to have years to prepare for this, would have loved to have a say in who he picked.... but that's not what God had in mind, and it probably would have never happened if it had gone that way. So to say I was forced is disingenuous at best.

That is, we can't say what he should do since he is not here to talk too, so the best that can be done is suggest the course of action with the most potential to resolve the situation in a positive way.
Thanks
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in the end i will stand by scaredwife. if she chooses to be with her hubs then its her choice. it seems like choosing between being poly when you don't want to be and having to leave your husband and home is trying to choose between the lesser of two evils. my daddy never handled it this way because that is how it was handled where he grew up. but if scaredwife has changed her mind and embraced poly then i guess its not force now anymore.

sorry if i upset anyone...i just joined and am trying to understand where everyone is coming from. i do follow the belief that a woman submits and hubs is hoh. that is how i grew up and i think it works just fine.
 
@ Scaredwife
I am always happy for a good report, it sounds like things are improving little by little :)

@ Pink

I don't think your intentions ought to have offended anyone, and I don't think what you said really did. There has been some discussion as to how much mutual consent is necessary for polygyny.

There is a thread at viewtopic.php?f=17&t=1064&start=0&st=0&sk=t&sd that gets into this topic. It is fairly long and has a lot of discussion and the views of many different members, it is locked so you can't add anything directly too it, but if you want to know where quite a few people stand on this issue and their reasons please take some time to peruse this thread.
 
After a year of discussing this, I still feel very strongly against the idea. The woman in question is still living with us for a variety of reasons, and every day I dislike her more.
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It sounds like you are in a very uncomfortable position and I sympathize with your hurt and feeling of betrayal. As a married man I am the leader of my household, but it is a poor leader that does not accept advice from knowledgeable subordinates. Ask any sergeant who has to bring a fresh 2nd lt up to speed. IMHO your husband has failed to show you the loving consideration he should have. All that being said however, he has already taken that step it sounds like. Now, you must submit as the Bible instructs, with grace and humility. I know it is hard, very hard, not to take out your irritation with your husband on the woman who is now, for better or worse, your sister-wife. I guess you need to be the stronger Christian here. I would strongly suggest reading Why Should I Be The First To Change by Nancy Missler. It's available thru KoiniaHouse.org. It has nothing to do with PM but everything to do with marriage. I've met Chuck and Nancy Missler and he gives her every credit for saving their marriage when his 'other woman' was business. They are both gracious, Godly, people.

Please let God lead you and remember hate is not healthy - forgiveness is.
 
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