What is valuable on this forum?

[MemeFan]

I have to tell that this forum is getting less valuable. I don't think I'm only one with this feeling. I remember time when missing one day resulted in 60+ unread posts, especially on weekend.

So what did you liked then or like now? We should bring back liked things and do them more.

This forum used to be way more fun. Even infamous Ukraine thread has good memories for me. Do you remember gopher termination section? Still bring laughter in my heart.

One reason is because threads usually never sticked to topic, so it was easier for somebody to write something funny. Additional reason are nuggets, some interesting info which enabled new avenues of exploration (off course, the reason for thread derailement).

Topics used to be more diverse. Current news and Internet findings were sources of much disscusion. How society finished in current situation had generated significant engagement. There was always way to learn something new.

Even fighting used to be better. Going against whole forum (like in 12 wives idea) and standing for what you consider right was interesting. I miss intelectual clashes and testing ideas on 2000+ Celsius.

Pure marriage simply doesn't generate enough value. Learning nuggets are rare, meetings are too far from me and can be better solved over email.

This forum used to be more fun, interesting and had possibility to learn something new. Now it's just visit, nothing happens.

And we need way to deal with political topics.

I do accept I could be part of problem. I have hard time accepting "losing idea conflict".

 

[HomesteadWife]

I have to tell that this forum is getting less valuable. I don't think I'm only one with this feeling. I remember time when missing one day resulted in 60+ unread posts, especially on weekend.

So what did you liked then or like now? We should bring back liked things and do them more.

This forum used to be way more fun. Even infamous Ukraine thread has good memories for me. Do you remember gopher termination section? Still bring laughter in my heart.

One reason is because threads usually never sticked to topic, so it was easier for somebody to write something funny. Additional reason are nuggets, some interesting info which enabled new avenues of exploration (off course, the reason for thread derailement).

Topics used to be more diverse. Current news and Internet findings were sources of much disscusion. How society finished in current situation had generated significant engagement. There was always way to learn something new.

Even fighting used to be better. Going against whole forum (like in 12 wives idea) and standing for what you consider right was interesting. I miss intelectual clashes and testing ideas on 2000+ Celsius.

Pure marriage simply doesn't generate enough value. Learning nuggets are rare, meetings are too far from me and can be better solved over email.

This forum used to be more fun, interesting and had possibility to learn something new. Now it's just visit, nothing happens.

And we need way to deal with political topics.

I do accept I could be part of problem. I have hard time accepting "losing idea conflict".

As a newer member here are some of my thoughts.

Because this forum has been around awhile there is a huge repository of older threads and discussions. If a thread is old enough and you ressurect it from the crypt its hard to engage any further discussion on it. This is understandable if the majority of members who were involved are currently active, but if it was a lot of names not active that is different. I think if a topic is old enough it might be a good idea to rehash it with new and different perspectives.

One of three things typically happen when someone has an idea to start a thread
1: They realize the thing they want to discuss already had a thread.
2: That topic has been discussed either past, or near present without the person realizing it. A link is provided to that discussion and things die there.
3:There seen only so many times a discussion can be rehashed before it burns out peoples interest in participating. Also, within the topic of marriage there are only so many thing you can talk about before you stumble into a common discussion point.

As a newer member I find it hard to come up with anything NEW to even try to start a thread on.

 

[Torahobservantmmck86]

I came here with the hope of knowing we are not alone in the search to live a polygyny life. to know there are lots more out there like us out there and that people are waking up to the truth. I wanted to see lots of life of other couples talking about the search for the lifestyle. I wanted to see the buzz of the breath of life of everyone's journey and see it thriving. I want to see couples posting about their search and singles posting about the search and coming together and making connections.

I did not want or care to see a very small niche of people endlessly debating theologies of who is right, I don't care to see anyone's fancy seminary style theological bantering back and forth. I don't care to see a website, blog, or ministry of individuals how I'm suppose to understand your way of all of scripture. There is already a massive amount of that on the internet. tons of people wanting to make merchandise of the masses to follow "the guy" and etc. I don't need to attach myself to anyone for "guidance". count me out.

It is already frustrating and disheartening on the internet to search for a wife and all you find is unmoral polyamory stuff, scammers, bots and etc. I have given up on the dating websites for that. so far I have come to the conclusions that no one is doing this or either the silent majority is just hiding from all the grief and is also tired and just wants breath and see the life. I don't know but right now there really is no place for a community to form around good moral polygyny marriage. the alienation is already at max for this lifestyle. I need to see life!


Just random thoughts of a person in the silent camp(if it exist), or just some random alienated person who is out of touch, I don't know...

 

[FollowingHim]

One major problem we have always faced is that once someone gets two wives they get too busy to be on the forum, so we end up a bunch of singles and monogamists talking about hypotheticals. The polygamists focus on attending retreats. That is all understandable but makes the forum less valuable for everyone seeking to understand this, which is most people's situation.

 

[The Revolting Man]

One major problem we have always faced is that once someone gets two wives they get too busy to be on the forum, so we end up a bunch of singles and monogamists talking about hypotheticals. The polygamists focus on attending retreats. That is all understandable but makes the forum less valuable for everyone seeking to understand this, which is most people's situation.

What about a signifier showing who is a practioner? If they’re willing to be so identified? It’s interaction with actual polygynists that many people are looking for.

 

[andrew]

What about a signifier showing who is a practioner? If they’re willing to be so identified? It’s interaction with actual polygynists that many people are looking for.

Mmmm, maybe not. Anybody who's been around a bit can start to tell who is and who ain't livin the life from the conversations, and you can always just ask somebody straight out (publicly or DM) if it matters to you. And there's nobody here that I know is living it that I think would want to be singled out in that way. Better—IMO, FWIW—to just let people get to know each other (as much as that is possible in an online forum) and see where that leads.

 

[andrew]

One major problem we have always faced is that once someone gets two wives they get too busy to be on the forum, so we end up a bunch of singles and monogamists talking about hypotheticals. The polygamists focus on attending retreats. That is all understandable but makes the forum less valuable for everyone seeking to understand this, which is most people's situation.

I had to think about this one for a minute. I agree with Samuel 100% that this is a major problem: There are only so many hours in a day, and every minute I spend here, or really every second, comes out of time I could be spending with my women, children, in-laws, grandkids, my life's work, my community, my hobbies and other interests, or to summarize, my real life. That's a very real cost that needs to be counted.

But there's a qualitative issue as well as the quantitative one that I'm mulling over, and unfortunately, as I'm typing this, I'm realizing that I don't have the time to sit here and see where my thoughts lead. So I'll toss my unformed thoughts into the mental crockpot and let this simmer while I do other stuff that has to get done today. If I don't get back before tonight I'll try again tomorrow. Y'all have a good Monday!

 

[The Revolting Man]

Mmmm, maybe not. Anybody who's been around a bit can start to tell who is and who ain't livin the life from the conversations, and you can always just ask somebody straight out (publicly or DM) if it matters to you. And there's nobody here that I know is living it that I think would want to be singled out in that way. Better—IMO, FWIW—to just let people get to know each other (as much as that is possible in an online forum) and see where that leads.

I completely get that.

 

[FollowingHim]

The other problem with trying to label polygamists is that there are good polygamists who we'd want people to respect and learn from - and then there are people who consider themselves "polygamists" but who we might consider to be something else and would not want to give a label to that suggested people listen to them more... We've seen a lot. I won't elaborate but I'm sure you can think of an example where there would be an argument over whether to give them such a label. It's not objective, and it would come down to a staff judgement over who gets the label and who does not, which there would be controversy around.

The last thing we want is to promote a foolish person who jumped into polygamy unwisely, has had two wives for a few months and is on the verge of losing both - and make them appear more worth listening to than a monogamist who could had the same disaster multiple times but wisely avoided it and has been successfully married for 40 years and going strong.

However, if polygamy was defined as "more than two years polygamous, still married to at least two women, and met in person at a retreat", that would be getting more objective and would mean labelling only those people who have the experience to be worth paying attention to.

And if it was accompanied by a label for long-term monogamists that would help to not skew people's perceptions of who to listen to also.

 

[NS4Liberty]

For me, the patriarchy topics are more important than the polygyny topics. More men can benefit from learning about how to be a God following patriarch than being focused on polygyny, which is really just a branch of patriarchy anyway.

 

[MeganC]

For me, the patriarchy topics are more important than the polygyny topics. More men can benefit from learning about how to be a God following patriarch than being focused on polygyny, which is really just a branch of patriarchy anyway.

Patriarchy should come before poly, agreed! Like you should learn how to drive before buying a car.

 

[NBTX11]

We all go through seasons in life when we are busy and can't devote as much time as we would like to forums. These forums are very valuable, but they do "waste" precious time when you have other things going on in your life. This even goes for the monogamous. The forum is very valuable for information, but at times, we aren't looking for information and are doing other things.

 

[Joleneakamama]

I came here with the hope of knowing we are not alone in the search to live a polygyny life. to know there are lots more out there like us out there and that people are waking up to the truth. I wanted to see lots of life of other couples talking about the search for the lifestyle.

That always was a big plus for me. I was a first wife who liked the idea though, and that made me feel a bit odd even here.

I want to see couples posting about their search and singles posting about the search and coming together and making connections.

Searching seems very next to impossible. Women interested in a married man are typically looking for a fling. So the women interested lack morals, and the women with morals aren't interested.
The other factor is serious couples probably outnumber the singles ten to one. This means single women can get overwhelmed and literally bombarded with messages from interested men and couples.

Many of us, once here, have enjoyed discussing other controversial aspects of life and faith. Once you have polygyny in common conversation usually shifts to other things. At another site's poly chat room the conversation with the regulars was usually "What's for dinner?" (Frustrating maybe to newcomers who expected to hear poly folk comparing sleeping with hubby schedules or something.)

It is already frustrating and disheartening on the internet to search for a wife and all you find is unmoral polyamory stuff, scammers, bots and etc. I have given up on the dating websites for that.

There is a lot of anything goes out there in the world today. I heard from a lady who knows our family situation that "I have encountered many families that choose to share their homes and partners but never with good Christian ideals. Like you guys."

This is probably largely due to the Council of Trent, and monogamy being lifted up as the only lawful and holy form of matrimony for so many years....but I think it's sad. The lady I quoted also told me "
I don't think I've ever truly felt safe and protected" and also "I guess knowing that someone truly is committed...anyone..that is so beyond me. It seems so false, unreal and intangible for me. It's very very beautiful to see in your family and life."

My heart just hurts for people that don't have love and commitment.
Sadly, even shows like sisterwives that drew public attention to the lifestyle failed to show anyone that it works, or provides love and stability.

 

[Maddog]

I am transparent enough to say i have one wife and am not sure if another would/could/should join us. I want to hear the practical everyday aspect of polygyny and how wives deal with "sharing" their collective gardener.

 

[Joleneakamama]

I want to hear the practical everyday aspect of polygyny and how wives deal with "sharing" their collective gardener.

Practically, my sisterwife was hired to help hubby run the business, a job she still does that I don't miss at all. She also helps around the house with cleaning and organizing, makes meals, helps teach the children, helps with food preservation like canning. She is a wonderful sweet lady that I totally trust to help raise our children....and I am more comfortable going on overnight trips with hubby knowing she is home keeping things good while we're gone. She is someone I could never get tired of being around. I miss her when she's gone. A couple times a week she goes with hubby when he is out looking at/bidding jobs. Sometimes they go on trips too. I honestly am not, and never have been jealous....or envious. I tried to give them a lot of time last year when things were new to talk and get to know each other. I LOVE that she has seemed comfortable in our family from the start, and comfortable being affectionate with him. I always thought I'd be happy for both if he ever found another... I am. Now they have a cute lil daughter....and she is loved by everyone.
I want her to be happy and want to support her in her life and marriage, she feels the same about me. Her choosing to do life with us is no small thing. It feels like a very precious gift. I get to be there daily, and watch her babies grow up, and be known and loved by them too. Hubby makes me feel loved protected and safe, but having another feminine presence in the home adds another element of warmth and comfort for me. If I could go back and make a different choice...I wouldn't. Life is sweeter shared imho.

And am not sure if another would/could/should join us

I can relate. Life is seldom stress free and simple. I know before things changed I realized the aweful contradiction there was in being simultaneously happy with my life and family and feeling very blessed, and feeling like I wouldn't wish my life and responsibilities on anyone else. Like who would want to sign up for this?!?

We were open to it, but wanted to be confident that it was His will, not just ours. This kind of organic development was very natural. Things worked very well, and the time spent over a year of getting to know each other added up to a rapid switch from her being the sweet secretary, to family. About three weeks after a first date, they moved in. She said she was sure, and it just felt like they belonged here....still does.

 

[paterfamilias]

12 wives?
Ugh
No
Given that I want more kids, that means they need to be moderately young. So that means they can probably outrun me. You can take that to mean that I can't catch them or that I can't out distance them. Either way is unacceptable on that scale...no more than ten. That is my final offer


Followinghim is correct. When a second wife jumps on board things get busy and that means far more plural life and less plural theory

 

[Maddog]

12 wives?
Ugh
No
Given that I want more kids, that means they need to be moderately young. So that means they can probably outrun me. You can take that to mean that I can't catch them or that I can't out distance them. Either way is unacceptable on that scale...no more than ten. That is my final offer


Followinghim is correct. When a second wife jumps on board things get busy and that means far more plural life and less plural theory

Well I dont know about limitations but like the Lottery, my chances of winning are greater when I actually play. I don't know if 100 million bucks would ruin me or not but can I at least try?

 

[paterfamilias]

Well I dont know about limitations but like the Lottery, my chances of winning are greater when I actually play. I don't know if 100 million bucks would ruin me or not but can I at least try?

We are all out here swinging for the fences

 

[NBTX11]

I honestly am not, and never have been jealous....or envious.

Are you a unicorn? LOL.

 

[NBTX11]

Searching seems very next to impossible. Women interested in a married man are typically looking for a fling. So the women interested lack morals, and the women with morals aren't interested.

I seem (emphasize seem) to have been able to come across a couple women who were true God fearing Christians in the poly dating world.

One of them I am currently communicating with and has given me solid testimonies of her Christianity. TBD where it is going. As much as I feel comfortable saying right now.