Ok I want to do an experiment, in one word try to some up your greatest need in a relationship. I need as many people [ male and female] to reply. Just to let you know I am researching the differences between the logic of men and women for school project. Corey's word is respect my word is love.
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what is your greatest need in a relationship
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faithfulfatherof9
New Member
companionship
i dont do the alone thing very well.
Paul
i dont do the alone thing very well.
Paul
For me it is a place to belong and be accepted.
SweetLissa
SweetLissa
For me it's honesty.
Michelle
Michelle
Greatest need? Third hand in a game of cards. Next Greatest? Fourth hand 
(But seriously, it's more people at the dinner table)
(But seriously, it's more people at the dinner table)
A
Anonymous
Guest
Agape.
For me, the greatest need is to provide unconditional love to someone. True agape love is usually reciprocal, so in the same measure we give, we receive in kind.
David
For me, the greatest need is to provide unconditional love to someone. True agape love is usually reciprocal, so in the same measure we give, we receive in kind.
David
faithfulfatherof9
New Member
after reading some of the posts, i figger i better elaborate a bit;
ok, what is MY greatet need in a relationship,.. companionship.
What do i need most from the other person?.... honesty.
Paul
ok, what is MY greatet need in a relationship,.. companionship.
What do i need most from the other person?.... honesty.
Paul
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Anonymous
Guest
Trust or respect both trump love, in my experience. Love without trust and respect is hollow.
I contend that it is clear that women and men differ in this regard. But what is illustrative is to see what the Bible command us (almost like our Creator knew that what each part of a marriage most WANTED was not what He designed the other to want themself! )
I have yet to see where wives are COMMANDED to love their husband; only to respect him and "submit" to his Authority. The converse is very telling: it seems that He is telling us that wives need to be loved (as He showed us!) while husbands need to be respected.
It would seem that the kind of 'love' He has for us in marriage will follow (as a blessing, no doubt) when we are in obedience to His plan for it.
As for my own opinion, I will defer to Him. What I may at one time have said I wanted was arguably not what I needed.
(Aside: I have had a wife who said she loved me, but her actions consistently showed that she was not willing to honor (or "respect") me as her husband. She has left, and is in rebellion, but remains my wife. I will always love her, and continue to pray that one day she will learn to respect me as her husband, and return. I know that it is first necessary for her to respect YHVH, however, and repent before Him, before she will ever respect or trust any mortal man.)
)I have yet to see where wives are COMMANDED to love their husband; only to respect him and "submit" to his Authority. The converse is very telling: it seems that He is telling us that wives need to be loved (as He showed us!) while husbands need to be respected.
It would seem that the kind of 'love' He has for us in marriage will follow (as a blessing, no doubt) when we are in obedience to His plan for it.
As for my own opinion, I will defer to Him. What I may at one time have said I wanted was arguably not what I needed.
(Aside: I have had a wife who said she loved me, but her actions consistently showed that she was not willing to honor (or "respect") me as her husband. She has left, and is in rebellion, but remains my wife. I will always love her, and continue to pray that one day she will learn to respect me as her husband, and return. I know that it is first necessary for her to respect YHVH, however, and repent before Him, before she will ever respect or trust any mortal man.)
Respect/trust
Definately respect/trust
Definately respect/trust
It's interesting that if you are commanded to love, it is therefore an action and an attitude, not a "Feeling," or you couldn't fulfill the command.
Hugh McBryde said:
I could get off on a rant, but I won't.
I completely agree and I think that's where a lot of people now-a-days go wrong. They view love as just a feeling and if the feeling goes away for a certain period of time then they get rid of their person and try to find someone else that will give them that "high" again.
I agree that honesty and trust are necessary in a relationship. I took the question to mean "What is the greatest thing that you get out of a relationship." To me this asked me what I received out of a relationship. I think everyone would say they need honesty, trust, respect etc, but what is the motivation to get into a relationship to begin with. For me, it has to do with belonging somewhere. Having a place where they will miss you if you don't go home at night. Having a place where there is a warm hug and laughter waiting for you at the end of the day. The world is a harsh, mean place and for me, a relationship should be a comfortable and loving place to retreat to.
SweetLissa
SweetLissa
A
Anonymous
Guest
I notice that a lot of men have responded with "trust" and/or "respect". These are certainly important attributes in any relationship, to be sure, but I wonder whether they should be more important to us than to love.
In my limited experience, I've found that the best relationships have been where the wife truly desires to submit in all things and the husband truly desires to love in all things. Some of the worst relationships I've seen are where the wife is FORCED to submit or where the husband is FORCED to love. As Mark C pointed out, we are already commanded to these roles, but a marriage absolutely thrives where the wife's submitting and the husband's loving comes as natural as breathing, without having to be a chore.
For me, my GREATEST need would not be to trust or respect my wife, nor for her to trust or respect me (although both are vital for the relationship to work). Rather, it would be for me to have someone to provide agape love to, because that is what God designed me to do. When I demonstrate agape love, I am fulfilling the role that God put inside me. If I have a "need" for my wife to submit, it is secondary to my need to provide love. I could certainly get along without my wife submitting to me, but I could not get along without the ability for me to love her. As Hugh mentioned, true love has nothing to do with "feelings". It is a choice to determine to DO.
If God were to bless me with another wife someday, she would have an innate passion to submit, just as I have an innate passion to love. When my wife gets home, I'm going to have to run this question past her and see what she thinks. I'd also like to see more women answer this question as well.
In His love,
David
In my limited experience, I've found that the best relationships have been where the wife truly desires to submit in all things and the husband truly desires to love in all things. Some of the worst relationships I've seen are where the wife is FORCED to submit or where the husband is FORCED to love. As Mark C pointed out, we are already commanded to these roles, but a marriage absolutely thrives where the wife's submitting and the husband's loving comes as natural as breathing, without having to be a chore.
For me, my GREATEST need would not be to trust or respect my wife, nor for her to trust or respect me (although both are vital for the relationship to work). Rather, it would be for me to have someone to provide agape love to, because that is what God designed me to do. When I demonstrate agape love, I am fulfilling the role that God put inside me. If I have a "need" for my wife to submit, it is secondary to my need to provide love. I could certainly get along without my wife submitting to me, but I could not get along without the ability for me to love her. As Hugh mentioned, true love has nothing to do with "feelings". It is a choice to determine to DO.
If God were to bless me with another wife someday, she would have an innate passion to submit, just as I have an innate passion to love. When my wife gets home, I'm going to have to run this question past her and see what she thinks. I'd also like to see more women answer this question as well.
In His love,
David
I'm male: Respect. Sorry it's true. Lots of other things are necessary -- love, honest, trust, -- but without respect? Unworkable.
I think that God told women to respect their husbands because its the hardest thing to do. Why? Because we're not respectable? Nope. At least not completely or even primarily. Rather, because with-holding respect via sarcasm and insubordination and such are so very effective at destroying us and our ability to function in our God-delegated authority. We can be moved off-center from quiet authority to self-doubt on the one hand, or frustration (and too often, violence) on the other. Either is NOT the place where God put us fellas, as visible models of Father/Husband God in the physical world.
Similarly, God told fellas to love our wives with the same sort of unconditional, self-sacrificing, example-providing love that Jesus did. Why? Apparently we fellas find that to be equally difficult. Possibly because our heads are oriented around the whole respect thing, so we may be busy respecting our spouse when what she needs is to feel loved, and we (being from Mars instead of Venus) haven't the first clue!
I'm probably not presenting the ladies' side very well. Don't claim to UNDERSTAND the delightfully intriguing species, mind you. But it sure is fun TRYING, and hanging out with 'em, and ... I'll stop right there! :lol:
Sorry it's true. Lots of other things are necessary -- love, honest, trust, -- but without respect? Unworkable. I think that God told women to respect their husbands because its the hardest thing to do. Why? Because we're not respectable? Nope. At least not completely or even primarily. Rather, because with-holding respect via sarcasm and insubordination and such are so very effective at destroying us and our ability to function in our God-delegated authority. We can be moved off-center from quiet authority to self-doubt on the one hand, or frustration (and too often, violence) on the other. Either is NOT the place where God put us fellas, as visible models of Father/Husband God in the physical world.
Similarly, God told fellas to love our wives with the same sort of unconditional, self-sacrificing, example-providing love that Jesus did. Why? Apparently we fellas find that to be equally difficult. Possibly because our heads are oriented around the whole respect thing, so we may be busy respecting our spouse when what she needs is to feel loved, and we (being from Mars instead of Venus) haven't the first clue!
I'm probably not presenting the ladies' side very well. Don't claim to UNDERSTAND the delightfully intriguing species, mind you. But it sure is fun TRYING, and hanging out with 'em, and ... I'll stop right there! :lol:
Hi Brooke,
I sure enjoy reading your thoughts and questions. This one is good, too. All the responses are great: yes, the bible says what we need regardless of what we feel we need. Yet the bible is longer than just one word, and highlights much spiritual fruit that comes from knowing a multi-faceted, multi-named living Almighty God. How can I choose what I like about Him most, in only one word??? So God says to the girls, “Give your guy respect in everything.” He tells the guys, “Love her like I do.”
Part of the wonder and joy of a life-long marriage relationship is learning the specific priorities and personality traits of your amazing God-given spouse. How he interprets the application of respect, how he needs to be loved and supported in the vision God’s given him... I will never finish learning. He will keep growing, and I will, too. How I most need love is (sorry, can’t narrow it down to just one word) in his protective arms.
–Kelly Deanne
I sure enjoy reading your thoughts and questions. This one is good, too. All the responses are great: yes, the bible says what we need regardless of what we feel we need. Yet the bible is longer than just one word, and highlights much spiritual fruit that comes from knowing a multi-faceted, multi-named living Almighty God. How can I choose what I like about Him most, in only one word???
So God says to the girls, “Give your guy respect in everything.” He tells the guys, “Love her like I do.”Part of the wonder and joy of a life-long marriage relationship is learning the specific priorities and personality traits of your amazing God-given spouse. How he interprets the application of respect, how he needs to be loved and supported in the vision God’s given him... I will never finish learning. He will keep growing, and I will, too. How I most need love is (sorry, can’t narrow it down to just one word) in his protective arms.
–Kelly Deanne
A
Anonymous
Guest
Mine would be "Love and Protection", in that order.
Blessings,
Fairlight
Blessings,
Fairlight
withfresheyes
New Member
After years of abuse and mistrust, I now can say that in a relationship, TRUST is so very important! It really is awesome to be able to trust.