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What's with the open minded claims?

paterfamilias

paterfamilias

Seasoned Member
Real Person
Male
I see woman seeking polygamy profiles and conversations about plural marriage and there is this pattern..litany perhaps...about how they are open minded. It is intended as a signal that yeah, I would deign to consider you people. Yeeeeah...
Open minded?
Polygamy needs an open mind? A practice older than modern humanity and certainly older than any culture we can potentially find the remains of when we start digging. The most progenic form of marriage on the planet requires an "open mind"? Truly?

This is one of those things where I can see the patterns of thought of those that..I don't have a gentile descriptor so I will just say those who don't think like me, I can see them like tracks in the dirt or literal rail road tracks. I can see them and follow them. I can predict their direction and they are simple to follow, but I don't GET them.

I get applying the label of open minded being applied to accepting those who deviate from the norm, to the fetish people or to gays or to the swinger people or to...I dont know...leftists maybe?
But how is marriage plus, newly reformulated marriage, extra strength marriage, now with 33% more for the same price marriage, extended dance remix marriage, marriage Grand Tour edition ie plural marriage seen as something that one has to have an open mind about? It is still just marriage. Yeah yeah there are more wives...big whoop. Been there and intend to do that but so what? It is still just marriage and people still go to work and wash dishes and watch lame shows together and mow lawns and listen to each others day and have kids and have happy making time and and and and...and it is just life and marriage. Not exotic and not nearly as odd as one might imagine so as to need the much vaunted but obviously maligned by me open mind to consider.
 
Kind of like Fundamentalists nowadays do not fit the true definition, or Evangelicals nowadays do not fit the definition. Things are woollywanky. You have to give the definition of the word you are using to define yourself.
 
I see what you're saying and you're probably right that it comes from that mindset, but when people used that term I always thought they meant that they were open to learning about things and practices that hadn't been normal for them or part of their culture growing up. Like an agnostic telling a Christian that they are open minded to the idea of a God but aren't settled on who what or if yet.
 
Ruth Elizabeth said:
I see what you're saying and you're probably right that it comes from that mindset, but when people used that term I always thought they meant that they were open to learning about things and practices that hadn't been normal for them or part of their culture growing up. Like an agnostic telling a Christian that they are open minded to the idea of a God but aren't settled on who what or if yet.
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Hmmmmm
You have a point
Won't pretend that I am not territorial or perhaps protective as it were about plig life and dislike the idea of being seen as the oddball that a woman has to signal that she is open to.
Suppose I will have to not assume and explicitly ask.
Humph
(Grumble grumble, aren't you suppose to be busy reading some classic lit rather than seeing a different point of view)
 
MarkH said:
Kind of like Fundamentalists nowadays do not fit the true definition, or Evangelicals nowadays do not fit the definition. Things are woollywanky. You have to give the definition of the word you are using to define yourself.
Click to expand...

obstreperous​

 
paterfamilias said:
Hmmmmm
You have a point
Won't pretend that I am not territorial or perhaps protective as it were about plig life and dislike the idea of being seen as the oddball that a woman has to signal that she is open to.
Suppose I will have to not assume and explicitly ask.
Humph
(Grumble grumble, aren't you suppose to be busy reading some classic lit rather than seeing a different point of view)
Click to expand...
One of our neighbors when she heard about our family said it was 'Fascinating." My sw said that made her feel like a science experiment!
It is far more mundane then most think....and far less strange. It feels (gasp) NORMAL to us....so those that DON'T "get it" are a bit slow on the uptake from this point of view.
 
paterfamilias said:
Won't pretend that I am not territorial or perhaps protective as it were about plig life and dislike the idea of being seen as the oddball that a woman has to signal that she is open to.
Suppose I will have to not assume and explicitly ask.
Humph
(Grumble grumble, aren't you suppose to be busy reading some classic lit rather than seeing a different point of view)
Click to expand...
Irony is I went to read "The Glassblowers" by Daphne Du Maurier after making that comment.

"Open to," I'm usually fine with hearing unless you can specifically tell that they are trying to deride you. It's when they say "If you need help..." or "I can save you from..." That I feel a boundary has been crossed.
 
Joleneakamama said:
One of our neighbors when she heard about our family said it was 'Fascinating." My sw said that made her feel like a science experiment!
It is far more mundane then most think....and far less strange. It feels (gasp) NORMAL to us....so those that DON'T "get it" are a bit slow on the uptake from this point of view.
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Bingo

I think most of my friends that came over and associated with us as a family were all open minded the way Ruth couches it but after spending time with us a a family, they apparently forget that we are supposed to be weirdos. Suddenly my new wife was just part of the group and we are back to normal in their minds, or as normal as I have ever managed.
Thinking on it, I am fairly sure that my ex proved to my friends that I am more or less normal and she was a balancing weight to my silly shenanigans.
 
Joleneakamama said:
One of our neighbors when she heard about our family said it was 'Fascinating." My sw said that made her feel like a science experiment!
Click to expand...
Hahaha! I feel a little bit bad because when I was in high school I totally wanted to meet some polygamists and thought it would be "cool" or "interesting" to have some polygamist friends. It wasn't meant to deride I kinda had friends from every walk of life, but whoops. That totally would have been me like 10 years ago
 
Ruth Elizabeth said:
Hahaha! I feel a little bit bad because when I was in high school I totally wanted to meet some polygamists and thought it would be "cool" or "interesting" to have some polygamist friends. It wasn't meant to deride I kinda had friends from every walk of life, but whoops. That totally would have been me like 10 years ago
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No need to feel bad. It's just that some words have a different impact on the hearer....especially when you're already wondering how someone will view your life choices. I was the same kind of interested I'll bet. I read a lot, asked very few questions, but appreciated any glimpse into what family life like that was about.

That's probably why I don't mind questions now.....I welcome them!

(Welcoming doesn't mean I'll answer every question, but I'm a fairly open book....with folks that seem sincere)
 
Ruth Elizabeth said:
Irony is I went to read "The Glassblowers" by Daphne Du Maurier after making that comment.

"Open to," I'm usually fine with hearing unless you can specifically tell that they are trying to deride you. It's when they say "If you need help..." or "I can save you from..." That I feel a boundary has been crossed.
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Yeah...I would not do well with derision either and as the guy it is assumed that I am the cult leader, the manipulator and victimizer of the poor wee helpless lambs under my diabolical influence. Insert derisive snort here.
To date I have only received the if you are being held under duress just blink twice by my smart-ass friends who ran with the comedic line that having two wives must be twice as bad as one or cubed or what have you. That and it was just to twit me a bit and see if I could come out to play as it were.
I think that is more about projection though. I have never gotten the overused trope in comedy of the henpecked unhappy husband. Just doesn't scan to me
 
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paterfamilias said:
I see woman seeking polygamy profiles and conversations about plural marriage and there is this pattern..litany perhaps...about how they are open minded. It is intended as a signal that yeah, I would deign to consider you people. Yeeeeah...
Open minded?
Polygamy needs an open mind? A practice older than modern humanity and certainly older than any culture we can potentially find the remains of when we start digging. The most progenic form of marriage on the planet requires an "open mind"? Truly?

This is one of those things where I can see the patterns of thought of those that..I don't have a gentile descriptor so I will just say those who don't think like me, I can see them like tracks in the dirt or literal rail road tracks. I can see them and follow them. I can predict their direction and they are simple to follow, but I don't GET them.

I get applying the label of open minded being applied to accepting those who deviate from the norm, to the fetish people or to gays or to the swinger people or to...I dont know...leftists maybe?
But how is marriage plus, newly reformulated marriage, extra strength marriage, now with 33% more for the same price marriage, extended dance remix marriage, marriage Grand Tour edition ie plural marriage seen as something that one has to have an open mind about? It is still just marriage. Yeah yeah there are more wives...big whoop. Been there and intend to do that but so what? It is still just marriage and people still go to work and wash dishes and watch lame shows together and mow lawns and listen to each others day and have kids and have happy making time and and and and...and it is just life and marriage. Not exotic and not nearly as odd as one might imagine so as to need the much vaunted but obviously maligned by me open mind to consider.
Click to expand...
As someone who came from a very 'close minded' religious background I can understand why that term might be used. At the same time my religion had me outside of the norm of most of society and I early on accepted the fact we were always the odd ones out and that we never really fit it in. Also as someone who reads voraciously it makes sense as well.

If you have a world view and mindset that are defined by the people and culture around you. Going outside of the norms of them is ostracizing. It takes a lot of openness to go against or show that you are willing to live outside the normal bubble. It is really hard to find and make friends the further away from normal you swing.

Some labels we can be given Homeschooling, Torah Observant, Patriarchal, Polygyny, Off grid homesteading, Digital Privacy minded, well read, and etc. Even if we find some people who agree on one or a few thing it is hard to find those who are in the same mindset on many. So conversation and connection can be shallow instead of deep. Its something I struggle with on a personal level.
 
Joleneakamama said:
No need to feel bad. It's just that some words have a different impact on the hearer....especially when you're already wondering how someone will view your life choices. I was the same kind of interested I'll bet. I read a lot, asked very few questions, but appreciated any glimpse into what family life like that was about.

That's probably why I don't mind questions now.....I welcome them!

(Welcoming doesn't mean I'll answer every question, but I'm a fairly open book....with folks that seem sincere)
Click to expand...
You know, when I was a fresh faced newbie seeker, I always tried to find people who were living plural marriage to talk to and get them to confirm or deny my theories. Just going on things like Big Love and reading books about how I escaped the slavery of the evil plig compound blah blah are not going to give you an accurate view of nuts and bolts practical day to day life with plural marriage.

Now having lived it, I am surprised how little other seekers seem to want to learn about the practical aspects and how frequently people are disappointed that it is not salacious any more than any other family stories would be should they ask.
I figure they are generally better off for being disappointed than getting what they think they want and then messing up everyone's life by trying to live a corny fantasy
 
It’s understandable to me that women who are interested in learning more about plural would say they have an open mind. It’s a way of letting people know that you’re not judging them. It is funny though when I read a profile that says that because then I start wondering, ok how open minded are you... I don’t want someone who is so open minded that metaphorically their brain has fallen out. There are healthy limits to open mindedness, ya know. 🤔
 
We all should have minds open in the sense of being willing to receive instruction and learn new things. What is essential is the discernment of knowing what is good for our minds and what is not.

Proverbs 9:9, Give instruction to a wise man, and he will be still wiser; Teach a just man, and he will increase in learning.
 
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