Who's "Not Enough"?

Discussion in 'Seekers' started by SailNdom, Feb 23, 2017.

  1. SailNdom

    SailNdom New Member Male

    As you've probably seen in some of my other posts we're just getting started on our path to polygamy. You guys have been great so far so I thought I'd throw this out here. Hopefully I picked the right forum to post it in, I wasn't sure.

    On this road there's always the emotional ups and downs and a common thought that crosses my wife's mind is that she's not "enough". Overall she's good with the idea, in fact she's the one that really initiated the idea, but as with most she still has her doubts from time to time. I've been trying to help her when this comes up by reassuring her that she is enough and maybe it's not her that isn't enough.

    I think that idea that the first (or earlier) wives aren't enough is the most natural and stereotypical thing that would pop into most people's heads. I guess the case could be made that Eve was made to complete Adam so if she isn't enough then another would be needed, but it seems like there is more.

    It might be me that isn't enough, maybe there is something she needs from that other wife.

    It might be the other woman who isn't enough by herself and God feels she belongs with our family.

    Or maybe it's our family overall that isn't enough and God feels that other other woman can contribute something we need.

    Or does anybody really have to be the one who is "not enough"?

    Thoughts / Opinions?
  2. FollowingHim2

    FollowingHim2 Esteemed Member Female

    Because it's drummed into us from day dot that we need to be everything to our husbands. Especially in regards to sex. We're the only woman he gets to have sex with, so we need to be enough and we need to spice it up, or he's going to cheat on us, because we weren't enough. Make sense?

    The best response to this is in regards to children. I am currently pregnant with my 7th child. When I had my first I was quite happy with just him. He was my everything, my world. He was enough for me. I had more children not because anything changed, not because he wasn't enough, but because I loved him so much that I wanted more of that. There were blessings in having more children that as a 1 year old he couldn't see, but as an 8 year old he now does see. My children all have different personalities and different strengths and weaknesses. I don't love any of them more than another, and I am quite happy if I have 1 around me or all 6. Together though, we are a team! Yes, it's chaos, but the things they can achieve when they work together using their individual skills are incredible. Yes that translates to getting into trouble as well...

    Samuel and I were discussing getting another wife a few years ago, and he turned to me and said "If I never get another wife then that's completely fine with me, because you are everything I need." That meant everything to me. Because it showed that he doesn't want to replace me, he doesn't need someone else because I'm not being a good enough wife or anything, no, if I'm it then that's fine! Another woman will come along because it's the right timing, because he's fallen in love with her, and because together the 3 of us will be a much more effective team. Who knows what trouble we will get up to ;).
  3. MrB

    MrB Active Member Male

    My first thoughts are.
    The notion that a woman is needed to "complete" a man, I can't entertain.
    She adds to me certainty but I'm far from complete.
    God made Adam and completed him when he breathed life into him.
    My wife's purpose is to add to me and me to her (a helpmate)

    The notion that a woman completes a man sounds more like a fairy tale ending.
  4. Mojo

    Mojo Esteemed Member Male

    The old adage comes to mind...
    "Women are said to complete a man. It's true. When he says 'I do'....he's FINISHED!"
    Sonshine and Verifyveritas76 like this.
  5. kansascpl

    kansascpl New Member Female

    This is something I struggle with. The reality is - it has nothing to do with whether I'm "enough" for my husband. WE, as a family, are not complete currently. We've thought and prayed about it and even though we are in the process of explanding our family with kids (I'm pregnant with our 3rd), the fact remains that we do not feel like our family will be complete just by adding kids. We believe God has turned us to polygamy and I have to remind myself that it's because we both believe our family isn't complete. I am enough for my husband - else why have we lasted this long?? But it's more of a general understanding and realization that our family unit is not complete.
  6. EK8

    EK8 New Member Female

    God's vision for one of his servants can be so big that just one help meet isn't enough. My Sister Wife was stressed out and needed help. They are secure in their relationship and find each other enough, but adding me adds more. It's more options choices benefits and blessings. We are starting a buisness and while they work on construction together I take care of her 5 and my one. I'm finishing up my job and then we will rotate who helps with what once I'm free. That way there's always a mom with the kids and a wife to help with the project. Each mom or wife adds to the family (husband and kids). There's things I add that my Sister wife doesn't and visa versa. I love my family. It's such a blessing!
    rustywest4, ZecAustin and steve like this.
  7. Mikki G.

    Mikki G. Well-Known Member Female

    This is true for so many families. We are all in a place where God can truly move in our lives. Though I do have some insecurities about myself and what I can offer my husband and My God. But God is continuously changingnmy life and my heart. I am exactly who Gof needs me to be for my husband and my daughter. I know I have things to offer my husband that another woman might not be able to. But that doesn't mean that he would love me any less.
    rustywest4 likes this.
  8. cnystrom

    cnystrom Well-Known Member Male

    I think not. If God has blessed you with a child that you love dearly, and then you decide to have a second child does that mean that the first child was "not enough"? You see where I am going with this, right?
    rustywest4, IshChayil, Mojo and 3 others like this.