Not to be confused with "what qualities do you look for in a wife". Let me explain.
Several days ago, I was probing the minds of my wives to see where their submission was at on a topic I know to be a hill for them, the topic of me taking an additional wife. I do this occasionally whenever I feel led to examine them on this or other issues that normally lay dormant. One of them said to me, "If you feel you need many wives and God tells you to do so then I don't want to say no...." There's a lot to unpack in just that, as well as there was more that she said that also was discussion-provoking, but I want to focus just on this part and posit a question to you. Why do men marry women? When she said that, it immediately occurred to me, "I don't need either of you. That's not why I married you." But, just as fast, the next thought occurred to me, "Well then, why did I marry either one of them?"
An easy answer, which the fallen world claims, is that we marry for "love." The world doesn't know love and mistakes attraction and desire for love. Indeed, they do marry for that so-called "love", and their marriages disintegrate predictably when that attraction fades. Even many Christians marry for that same romantic reason, and then for various reasons cling slightly more tenaciously than their secular counterparts through the difficult times of dimishing desire, sometimes finding grace sufficient for their ignorance.
Another answer, which my wife thought, a thought which I know most Christians and the lost share in part for different reasons, is that a man needs a wife. God did say it is not good for Adam to be alone, and this is observable to us as well. Years ago I would have said this is certainly the answer. However, this answer's veil evaporates under the heat of polygyny to reveal what it truly is, a misunderstanding. It is, in fact, sometimes used as ammunition against polygyny: "How could a man need more than one wife? God said he needs one and only one." It is also a mantelpiece of Christian feminists, used to browbeat and usurp authority.
I want to present to you what I think is the answer, why a man should take any wife at all, and see what your thoughts are. Going back to my wife's reply, I'd like to point out that she is my second wife. I married her for a very specific reason: she needed me. But it goes beyond that. Human nature is to say to someone in need, "keep warm and well-fed", but do nothing to inconvenience ourselves. It was a great inconvenience to marry her. I knew it would be. I knew it would be difficult, costly, and a long journey to take her as a second wife. And yet, I committed. Why? Because of love. Not "eros love", which the world calls love, and is just a tingle in your britches beyond your control, but "agape love", which God calls love and gives to those who will accept it. It was so clear to me in that time. God had brought His daughter to me and put His love for her in me. It was inexplicable, yet it was certain.
So, while the world answers with "falling in love" and "he needs her", I say those are perversions of the right answer, and that this way of thinking prevents us from seeing the marvelous image of God and mankind. I say the answer is she needs him, he needs her to need him, and unconditional and undeserved love given to him from God as an image of God's love for mankind is what responds by compelling the man to selflessly cover the weaker vessel. Woman gives man purpose. When He said, "It is not good for man to be alone," I believe He was demonstrating why He created mankind. In keeping with the image He was creating in making mankind male and female, but creating Adam first, He was essentially saying, "It is not good for God to be alone." What point is there in being male with no one to need all these muscles, drive, and cold logic? What point is there in being God with no one to need Him? He created us not to be served, but to serve, just like He is. The male serves the female through his acts of leadership, protection, and provision, just as God serves us...because He truly loves us. Love can't just exist. It is like electricity. It must flow to be of any substance. Otherwise it's just potential energy. Likewise, love must have an outlet, a receiver, or else it is void. The rest of His creation is expendable and was put in place solely for us, His bride, who He created solely for Him because love needs to be needed. We truly are fearfully and wonderfully made!
Several days ago, I was probing the minds of my wives to see where their submission was at on a topic I know to be a hill for them, the topic of me taking an additional wife. I do this occasionally whenever I feel led to examine them on this or other issues that normally lay dormant. One of them said to me, "If you feel you need many wives and God tells you to do so then I don't want to say no...." There's a lot to unpack in just that, as well as there was more that she said that also was discussion-provoking, but I want to focus just on this part and posit a question to you. Why do men marry women? When she said that, it immediately occurred to me, "I don't need either of you. That's not why I married you." But, just as fast, the next thought occurred to me, "Well then, why did I marry either one of them?"
An easy answer, which the fallen world claims, is that we marry for "love." The world doesn't know love and mistakes attraction and desire for love. Indeed, they do marry for that so-called "love", and their marriages disintegrate predictably when that attraction fades. Even many Christians marry for that same romantic reason, and then for various reasons cling slightly more tenaciously than their secular counterparts through the difficult times of dimishing desire, sometimes finding grace sufficient for their ignorance.
Another answer, which my wife thought, a thought which I know most Christians and the lost share in part for different reasons, is that a man needs a wife. God did say it is not good for Adam to be alone, and this is observable to us as well. Years ago I would have said this is certainly the answer. However, this answer's veil evaporates under the heat of polygyny to reveal what it truly is, a misunderstanding. It is, in fact, sometimes used as ammunition against polygyny: "How could a man need more than one wife? God said he needs one and only one." It is also a mantelpiece of Christian feminists, used to browbeat and usurp authority.
I want to present to you what I think is the answer, why a man should take any wife at all, and see what your thoughts are. Going back to my wife's reply, I'd like to point out that she is my second wife. I married her for a very specific reason: she needed me. But it goes beyond that. Human nature is to say to someone in need, "keep warm and well-fed", but do nothing to inconvenience ourselves. It was a great inconvenience to marry her. I knew it would be. I knew it would be difficult, costly, and a long journey to take her as a second wife. And yet, I committed. Why? Because of love. Not "eros love", which the world calls love, and is just a tingle in your britches beyond your control, but "agape love", which God calls love and gives to those who will accept it. It was so clear to me in that time. God had brought His daughter to me and put His love for her in me. It was inexplicable, yet it was certain.
So, while the world answers with "falling in love" and "he needs her", I say those are perversions of the right answer, and that this way of thinking prevents us from seeing the marvelous image of God and mankind. I say the answer is she needs him, he needs her to need him, and unconditional and undeserved love given to him from God as an image of God's love for mankind is what responds by compelling the man to selflessly cover the weaker vessel. Woman gives man purpose. When He said, "It is not good for man to be alone," I believe He was demonstrating why He created mankind. In keeping with the image He was creating in making mankind male and female, but creating Adam first, He was essentially saying, "It is not good for God to be alone." What point is there in being male with no one to need all these muscles, drive, and cold logic? What point is there in being God with no one to need Him? He created us not to be served, but to serve, just like He is. The male serves the female through his acts of leadership, protection, and provision, just as God serves us...because He truly loves us. Love can't just exist. It is like electricity. It must flow to be of any substance. Otherwise it's just potential energy. Likewise, love must have an outlet, a receiver, or else it is void. The rest of His creation is expendable and was put in place solely for us, His bride, who He created solely for Him because love needs to be needed. We truly are fearfully and wonderfully made!
