I recently had this question from a lady struggling with why her covenant head would not confess Christ as being God in the flesh. The answer I gave to her helped her greatly and she has requested and given me permission to share her question (though not her name) and the answer I gave to her on this matter with others as I have opportunity. It may be of some value to others who might be in this situation as well.
____________________
[Jane Doe]
In response to your questions there is a reason the Word gives to us that applies to your situation I believe. I know these issues and questions are dear to your heart and personal life. First, before I get into answering your question know that I am praying for you and for the situation you face. Take courage and know that the Lord Jesus understands where you are at and what you are facing. His Spirit dwells in you and around you and through you your beloved man will see the difference in you in time I do believe. As Paul said, there is always "faith, hope, and love" (1 Cor. 13:13).
Now on to your specific questions:
Jane your husband sounds like he is a man of integrity in that he is a serious and moral person. Your situation reminds me of a story about a man in the Bible named Cornelius. We find him in Acts 10. He was a pagan and an unbeliever yet he was at the same time a devout moral man who feared God. The Bible tells us this, "Cornelius, a centurion of the Italion Court was a devout man who feared God with all his household, gave alms generously to the people, and prayed continually to God" (Acts 10:1-2).
It sounds to me that you are with a man like Cornelius. The quality of which you speak of him reminds me of a man who is moral, honorable, caring, and even religious. All of those qualities are good and valuable. Indeed with those qualities your children will also be blessed by him as a father. Thus, in every way for that praise the Lord for him and revere him in those areas as you display a 1 Peter 3 type spirit before him on a daily basis in your relationship. That can be a great aid in helping win him over to the Lord where he might be saved and born again.
Yet to your specific question which I just alluded to in the last sentence of the previous paragraph. As good of a man as he is, as nice of a man as he is, and as honorable of a man as he is, he is still like Cornelius in that he is a pagan or to use another term that sometimes carries nicer connotations, he is still an unbeliever in the Lord Jesus Christ and thus he is still in need of salvation to be born again.
You ask how is it that he can pray and be so religious yet still not confess Christ as his Lord. The Bible gives us an answer to that as well. If your man is not a liar then he will confess what truly is in his heart. If Jesus does not live in his heart through the Holy Spirit then he cannot confess Christ to be his God because he is honest about what is deep inside of his soul. The Bible tells us this when it speaks to this issue: "You know that when you were pagans you were led astray to mute idols, however you were led. Therefore I want you to understand that no one speaking in the Spirit of God ever says "Jesus is accursed!" and no one can say "Jesus is Lord" except in the Holy Spirit" (1 Cor. 12:2-3).
We can also see that to confess Christ personally it must be something initiated by the Spirit of God and not from the human flesh. Jesus said this to Peter in Matthew 16:16-17. Peter's confession of Jesus being the Christ was not from "his flesh and blood," meaning that he did not confess that from his own nature. We find this too in John 1:13 where those who are born again arrive at such a position not by their own doing or decision but by the will of God. This also parallels the teaching that Jesus gave to the religious man Nicodemus who too was a very good man, religious man, and one that might even be someone you would consider as a prime mate for one of your daughters. In other words, he was to the human eye a very noble and honorable man. But he was not born again and he was in need of the new birth and Christ Jesus told him that the new birth was something that took place not by the flesh but by the Spirit (John 3:3-8).
Your husband being overall an honest man means he cannot say to you and confess that Christ is Lord because he truly does not believe that Jesus is his personal God. He prays to God but not to Jesus who is truly very God of God and thus he is living right before your eyes the teaching that Paul gave on this matter. Unless he has the Holy Spirit inside of him in the special grace sense, that is indwelling from the new birth from above, then he will not and cannot confess Christ to be his Lord. For an honest man to confess that he must truly be born again.
We find too that Romans 10 teaches us this. For a person to be saved there must be that change of heart where they believe Christ is God and that they entrust themselves to him and then that belief will move them to a confession of that belief. Romans 10:10 gives a very clear picture of that: "For with the heart one believes and is justified, and with the mouth one confesses and is saved." When the Holy Spirit truly changes a person from the realm of the natural man into the realm of the supernatural man he or she will then see the light of the gospel and believe it and then confess it. Salvation is a supernatural work; it is a miracle and one that I still have hope your husband will one day experience.
But I know in the meantime your heart is heavy and is so even in particular to your children. How do you handle this delicate matter of raising your children to thoroughly understand the truth of the gospel while your husband and father of your children is lost and on his way to an eternal hell without Christ Jesus the Lord? First, never criticize your husband in front of the children. If he says something that is anti-biblical go away privately with him and talk it over and then try and find a way to present the biblical view without being rude, ugly, or disrespectful. If for some reason there is a stand off and your husband wants something taught differently to your kids then one good way is to ask your husband if you can present two views to the children (if they are in the abstract realm of thinking, usually over 12 years of age) as an educational opportunity. A good and well-rounded education is one where various views are explored. Your husband sounds like he is an educated man and thus he would likely support that option if such an issue as that arises.
Also, be honest with your husband about where you fear he will end up. The worst thing you could ever do and the most unloving thing you could ever do is placate him in his unbelief and act as if he will be in heaven. Be honest with him about where he will spend eternity. This does not mean you need to be rude, abrasive, or arrogant. But it does mean to be loyal to the Word of God and thus unto Christ that you as his closest friend in life will be honest about his final home and destiny which will be hell. Through such a loving and yet honest answer over time God may use that as the very means to win his heart over. Too, if you talk to him in anger about that it will not be good either. In reality if you as his wife truly love him, which means you are out for his best interest, you will be heart broken and in tears over his lost condition. I recall an old evangelist preaching once when I was younger about how he was won to the Lord because his wife cried and prayed for his soul and how she respected him so much. He said one day he asked her: "why are you so good to me?" She replied: "Because this is the only heaven you will ever experience here in your current condition. I love you and want to make this earthly time the best ever for you since hell awaits you after you die." It tore his nerves up and the Spirit of God broke him and he began to weep. He was cut to the heart by her compassion and her concern for him. He was moved and touched from on high through her sincere love to the gospel and to him and he confessed Christ to be his God and was wonderfully saved. He then later devoted his life to the mission field seeking to win souls for Christ.
So my point to you is your heart must be right before the Lord. Any true godly man or woman when contemplating the reality of someone who rejects Jesus as their God is a sobering, humbling, and painful experience of the heart. From that broken spirit and from that pain one should speak to another about their lost condition and share with them the hope in Christ Jesus by confessing him to be their personal God as Savior. You can err in one of two key ways in this which can both be damaging to all involved: (1) You can ignore his lost condition and placate him and by that pave the road to his eternal damnation and be an aid to his eternal judgment, or (2) you can nag him and pressure him trying to make it happen in human strength and thus push him away further that way. In both ways Satan wins and you lose what is most precious to you, the man whom you love and adore.
In summary let me say this. The Bible is clear. Only through confessing Jesus Christ to be one's God can one enter the kingdom of heaven. Your husband as an honest man cannot do that because he lacks the Lord Jesus living inside of him. He is truly being honest with you from his heart. He is confessing to you that he believes in God but does not believe that God is Jesus Christ. He confesses what is truly in his heart and thus by that you know for sure where he stands in relation to Christ. The Bible says "Whoever believes in Christ is not condemned, but whoever does not believe is condemned already, because he has not believed in the name of the only Son of God. And this is the judgment: the light has come into the world, and people loved the darkness rather than the light because their works were evil" (John 3:17-18). Your beloved husband is judged already and he through his own confession stands under divine judgement now. This is the bad news of course. But the good news is this. You can know for sure what his condition is and thus work from there in faith and prayer and in love to try and be a means unto the end of his restoration. Some people do not know for sure if their wife or husband is lost or saved and that is an even worse place to be. At least in your case you know with certainty that your man does not confess Christ as Lord and the reason he cannot is because he is true about what is in his heart. He is thus clear and open about his condition. On the human level he is a moral man and you must still revere him and train your children to respect him. Yet too you must not placate him and be an aid to his own damnation. You do not want to stand there on judgment day my sister and your earthly husband stand there and be condemned to hell using your words before the Lord Jesus about how he was fine, ok, and so on and so forth. What a shame it would be and how unloving that would be for his closest friend in life to hide from him the real condition of his soul. If, and I pray to God this is not the case, he should die lost and in his current position then he should know from you what his future plight will be before he leaves this earth. Again that must be done in the Spirit and only through a broken and contrite heart lest you anger him and he sees it as you being a nag or disrespectful. But you should not and must not if faithful as a disciple of Jesus on the Great Commission placate him on further towards damnation. You can be gracious yet truthful with him of his plight to come if he does not experience the new birth. Take him to the Bible and let the Bible be his judge. By his own confession the Word condemns him as he is. You do not have to place yourself in that position since the eternal God of heaven has already judged him as he currently stands. Let the Word of God be your voice and pray with all your might in the Spirit for his soul to be saved.
My prayers are with you and may God guide you each step of the way.
___________________________________________________
Maybe you are in similar situation. This is indeed a family struggle for many homes. Many men and women and children have a home made up up a believer and one or more unbelievers. May the Lord use something in this as an aid to you as well.
____________________
[Jane Doe]
In response to your questions there is a reason the Word gives to us that applies to your situation I believe. I know these issues and questions are dear to your heart and personal life. First, before I get into answering your question know that I am praying for you and for the situation you face. Take courage and know that the Lord Jesus understands where you are at and what you are facing. His Spirit dwells in you and around you and through you your beloved man will see the difference in you in time I do believe. As Paul said, there is always "faith, hope, and love" (1 Cor. 13:13).
Now on to your specific questions:
Jane your husband sounds like he is a man of integrity in that he is a serious and moral person. Your situation reminds me of a story about a man in the Bible named Cornelius. We find him in Acts 10. He was a pagan and an unbeliever yet he was at the same time a devout moral man who feared God. The Bible tells us this, "Cornelius, a centurion of the Italion Court was a devout man who feared God with all his household, gave alms generously to the people, and prayed continually to God" (Acts 10:1-2).
It sounds to me that you are with a man like Cornelius. The quality of which you speak of him reminds me of a man who is moral, honorable, caring, and even religious. All of those qualities are good and valuable. Indeed with those qualities your children will also be blessed by him as a father. Thus, in every way for that praise the Lord for him and revere him in those areas as you display a 1 Peter 3 type spirit before him on a daily basis in your relationship. That can be a great aid in helping win him over to the Lord where he might be saved and born again.
Yet to your specific question which I just alluded to in the last sentence of the previous paragraph. As good of a man as he is, as nice of a man as he is, and as honorable of a man as he is, he is still like Cornelius in that he is a pagan or to use another term that sometimes carries nicer connotations, he is still an unbeliever in the Lord Jesus Christ and thus he is still in need of salvation to be born again.
You ask how is it that he can pray and be so religious yet still not confess Christ as his Lord. The Bible gives us an answer to that as well. If your man is not a liar then he will confess what truly is in his heart. If Jesus does not live in his heart through the Holy Spirit then he cannot confess Christ to be his God because he is honest about what is deep inside of his soul. The Bible tells us this when it speaks to this issue: "You know that when you were pagans you were led astray to mute idols, however you were led. Therefore I want you to understand that no one speaking in the Spirit of God ever says "Jesus is accursed!" and no one can say "Jesus is Lord" except in the Holy Spirit" (1 Cor. 12:2-3).
We can also see that to confess Christ personally it must be something initiated by the Spirit of God and not from the human flesh. Jesus said this to Peter in Matthew 16:16-17. Peter's confession of Jesus being the Christ was not from "his flesh and blood," meaning that he did not confess that from his own nature. We find this too in John 1:13 where those who are born again arrive at such a position not by their own doing or decision but by the will of God. This also parallels the teaching that Jesus gave to the religious man Nicodemus who too was a very good man, religious man, and one that might even be someone you would consider as a prime mate for one of your daughters. In other words, he was to the human eye a very noble and honorable man. But he was not born again and he was in need of the new birth and Christ Jesus told him that the new birth was something that took place not by the flesh but by the Spirit (John 3:3-8).
Your husband being overall an honest man means he cannot say to you and confess that Christ is Lord because he truly does not believe that Jesus is his personal God. He prays to God but not to Jesus who is truly very God of God and thus he is living right before your eyes the teaching that Paul gave on this matter. Unless he has the Holy Spirit inside of him in the special grace sense, that is indwelling from the new birth from above, then he will not and cannot confess Christ to be his Lord. For an honest man to confess that he must truly be born again.
We find too that Romans 10 teaches us this. For a person to be saved there must be that change of heart where they believe Christ is God and that they entrust themselves to him and then that belief will move them to a confession of that belief. Romans 10:10 gives a very clear picture of that: "For with the heart one believes and is justified, and with the mouth one confesses and is saved." When the Holy Spirit truly changes a person from the realm of the natural man into the realm of the supernatural man he or she will then see the light of the gospel and believe it and then confess it. Salvation is a supernatural work; it is a miracle and one that I still have hope your husband will one day experience.
But I know in the meantime your heart is heavy and is so even in particular to your children. How do you handle this delicate matter of raising your children to thoroughly understand the truth of the gospel while your husband and father of your children is lost and on his way to an eternal hell without Christ Jesus the Lord? First, never criticize your husband in front of the children. If he says something that is anti-biblical go away privately with him and talk it over and then try and find a way to present the biblical view without being rude, ugly, or disrespectful. If for some reason there is a stand off and your husband wants something taught differently to your kids then one good way is to ask your husband if you can present two views to the children (if they are in the abstract realm of thinking, usually over 12 years of age) as an educational opportunity. A good and well-rounded education is one where various views are explored. Your husband sounds like he is an educated man and thus he would likely support that option if such an issue as that arises.
Also, be honest with your husband about where you fear he will end up. The worst thing you could ever do and the most unloving thing you could ever do is placate him in his unbelief and act as if he will be in heaven. Be honest with him about where he will spend eternity. This does not mean you need to be rude, abrasive, or arrogant. But it does mean to be loyal to the Word of God and thus unto Christ that you as his closest friend in life will be honest about his final home and destiny which will be hell. Through such a loving and yet honest answer over time God may use that as the very means to win his heart over. Too, if you talk to him in anger about that it will not be good either. In reality if you as his wife truly love him, which means you are out for his best interest, you will be heart broken and in tears over his lost condition. I recall an old evangelist preaching once when I was younger about how he was won to the Lord because his wife cried and prayed for his soul and how she respected him so much. He said one day he asked her: "why are you so good to me?" She replied: "Because this is the only heaven you will ever experience here in your current condition. I love you and want to make this earthly time the best ever for you since hell awaits you after you die." It tore his nerves up and the Spirit of God broke him and he began to weep. He was cut to the heart by her compassion and her concern for him. He was moved and touched from on high through her sincere love to the gospel and to him and he confessed Christ to be his God and was wonderfully saved. He then later devoted his life to the mission field seeking to win souls for Christ.
So my point to you is your heart must be right before the Lord. Any true godly man or woman when contemplating the reality of someone who rejects Jesus as their God is a sobering, humbling, and painful experience of the heart. From that broken spirit and from that pain one should speak to another about their lost condition and share with them the hope in Christ Jesus by confessing him to be their personal God as Savior. You can err in one of two key ways in this which can both be damaging to all involved: (1) You can ignore his lost condition and placate him and by that pave the road to his eternal damnation and be an aid to his eternal judgment, or (2) you can nag him and pressure him trying to make it happen in human strength and thus push him away further that way. In both ways Satan wins and you lose what is most precious to you, the man whom you love and adore.
In summary let me say this. The Bible is clear. Only through confessing Jesus Christ to be one's God can one enter the kingdom of heaven. Your husband as an honest man cannot do that because he lacks the Lord Jesus living inside of him. He is truly being honest with you from his heart. He is confessing to you that he believes in God but does not believe that God is Jesus Christ. He confesses what is truly in his heart and thus by that you know for sure where he stands in relation to Christ. The Bible says "Whoever believes in Christ is not condemned, but whoever does not believe is condemned already, because he has not believed in the name of the only Son of God. And this is the judgment: the light has come into the world, and people loved the darkness rather than the light because their works were evil" (John 3:17-18). Your beloved husband is judged already and he through his own confession stands under divine judgement now. This is the bad news of course. But the good news is this. You can know for sure what his condition is and thus work from there in faith and prayer and in love to try and be a means unto the end of his restoration. Some people do not know for sure if their wife or husband is lost or saved and that is an even worse place to be. At least in your case you know with certainty that your man does not confess Christ as Lord and the reason he cannot is because he is true about what is in his heart. He is thus clear and open about his condition. On the human level he is a moral man and you must still revere him and train your children to respect him. Yet too you must not placate him and be an aid to his own damnation. You do not want to stand there on judgment day my sister and your earthly husband stand there and be condemned to hell using your words before the Lord Jesus about how he was fine, ok, and so on and so forth. What a shame it would be and how unloving that would be for his closest friend in life to hide from him the real condition of his soul. If, and I pray to God this is not the case, he should die lost and in his current position then he should know from you what his future plight will be before he leaves this earth. Again that must be done in the Spirit and only through a broken and contrite heart lest you anger him and he sees it as you being a nag or disrespectful. But you should not and must not if faithful as a disciple of Jesus on the Great Commission placate him on further towards damnation. You can be gracious yet truthful with him of his plight to come if he does not experience the new birth. Take him to the Bible and let the Bible be his judge. By his own confession the Word condemns him as he is. You do not have to place yourself in that position since the eternal God of heaven has already judged him as he currently stands. Let the Word of God be your voice and pray with all your might in the Spirit for his soul to be saved.
My prayers are with you and may God guide you each step of the way.
___________________________________________________
Maybe you are in similar situation. This is indeed a family struggle for many homes. Many men and women and children have a home made up up a believer and one or more unbelievers. May the Lord use something in this as an aid to you as well.