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Women, how do you feel about the forum?

Why do you not post outside the Ladies Only section of the forum?

  • I don't have time.

    Votes: 4 20.0%

  • I'm not interested in the topics.

    Votes: 2 10.0%

  • I'm worried that I will be attacked for my opinion.

    Votes: 11 55.0%

  • I don't feel I have enough biblical knowledge to participate or add anything helpful.

    Votes: 8 40.0%

  • I choose to talk to my husband/father about biblical matters, rather than asking a question here.

    Votes: 7 35.0%

  • Way too much testosterone around here!

    Votes: 0 0.0%

  • I don't like using internet forums at all, I only like chat and private messaging.

    Votes: 0 0.0%

  • I already comment outside the Ladies Only section and feel comfortable doing so.

    Votes: 8 40.0%
  • Total voters
    20
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FollowingHim2

FollowingHim2

Women's Ministry
Staff member
Real Person
Female
I've posted this on the general forum so that all people can comment, but I'd like only women to participate in the poll for obvious reasons. If your reason for not commenting is not in the poll then please let me know so I can change it if needed.

If you have any suggestions for improvement in the forum that would make you or others more comfortable then please add that to the comments.
 
I had another digression outside of here.. lol you put this up after that one. :)
 
So this has been up for 4 hours now, 7 women have responded (it doesn't say the total but you can work it out from back-calculating), and 5 of them, over 70%, have all said that they are worried they will be attacked for their opinion if they post. It's the most popular response.
Only 3 have said they are comfortable posting (though obviously at least one woman has picked both of those options).

Thanks for your responses so far ladies, this is basically what I was expecting people would say, it's what I've felt was the case for a long time but didn't have any firm data on. Keep the answers coming please.
 
I’d say I’m more interested in participating on more of the emotional posts lol I can relate more.

I don’t participate much in the other discussions because 1 who has time to keep up with the crazy long posts and discussions (no offense- many of the long posts I skip over all together) 2 any biblical matters, I ask my husband about and he does the leg work in leading me.
 
I read all posts on the forum. For real. I started it ages ago when Samuel was unwell and wasn't able to moderate, so I read every single post and just made sure no one was in need of moderation, and let him know if a thread seemed to be getting out of hand so he could make decisions on it. And now it's a habit. So, even all the guy's crazy posts that are 50 posts long debating one word I read. But, I don't have time to actually seriously contemplate most of it, or to respond at all. I skim read, so I get a general idea of what's going on on the forum, and what the general gist of each thread/post is. And because you all talk so much, I come on here in short bursts many times a day to catch up, rather than read 150 posts at the end of the day lol.

I stay out of a lot of threads for a few different reasons.
1. I really want to go ballistic at someone and if I start posting it won't end up well, so instead I rant to my husband and let it go ;).
2. I have no desire to discuss the historical use and significance of one single word in scripture that literally has no effect on how I live my life or relate to God or my family.
3. I'm not confident enough to be able to post in certain threads because of the fear of blowback, and that anxiety will eat away at me and destroy me. It's not worth it. The anxiety thing is my own problem, I take complete ownership of it and don't blame anyone on this forum for that in any way.
 
My reasons vary as I look at different topics.

I stay out of discussions about Scripture because I don't know enough to add anything useful. I might follow the discussion, but I usually don't even like any posts because I don't know enough to take a stance either.

I go back and forth quite a bit when it comes to practical discussions. I might start typing a response, but I usually end up deleting it because I worry too much. Like I said on another thread, I lean toward the sensitive side! :) I don't want to fight anyone.
I don't mean that I don't welcome criticism either. Just a note I wanted to add! :p

Finally I just don't have time for long discussions. I'm always on my phone when I'm online these days, and I pick it up and put it down and pick it up again as I do other things.
 
Lili said:
Finally I just don't have time for long discussions. I'm always on my phone when I'm online these days, and I pick it up and put it down and pick it up again as I do other things.
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This is probably my biggest thing.. Right now I can get on the computer pretty easily and it's easier to digest long posts but when I'm at work, my phone is it and when the posts scroll forever... I only have so much break time lol So ultimately i stick to trying to either talk to women for input or help women looking for input. and then talk to rockfox regarding Biblical matters. And since when work is going I don't have a lot of time at home with the family I'd just prefer to spend time with them anyway.. unless something really put a burr under my saddle as I said in another post.
 
FollowingHim2 said:
I wonder how much of the women thinking they're going to be attacked is true, or is it that we see men arguing so much on this forum and being quite harsh with each other, that we think that will happen to us if we even try?
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Do you mean like we assume that the way the men are treating the men is how we think they'll treat us and therefore we're afraid of the men? I think that's some of it. If I see guy pushing around guys on the street, I probably am going to keep some distance from that person and go around.

But even in some of my interactions with the women of the forum it feeeels like people are so highly opinionated that I sometimes avoid discussions here too. Does that make sense? I realize that some of this is my fault ; it's so awfully hard to gauge someone's tone through text and I am ISFJ - so sensitive and wants to avoid confrontation lol. So sometimes I just avoid to post if I think my comment may be taken apart and I'll be grilled or I will just decide to pm to the person. But it has been awhile since I felt like another person was really coming at me, so hey maybe I'll be commenting more. :)
 
The men can get blunt with each other, but that's among men. I expect that, I guess.

However, there have been instances over the years where I felt a woman was being treated more harshly than necessary.
I ask my husband to interpret things for me quite often because I am prone to anxiety and can easily project a negative attitude where it doesn't exist, but he does agree with me that there are times when he would take offense too.

I do want to start chatting more though, so I'm glad we were able to discuss the issue. The fact that it was taken seriously by the members of BF was a big deal for me! :) It is easier to go ahead, chat, and see how things happen because I know y'all care.
 
I’m also an ISFJ.... hmmm, very interesting.
There have been a few times where I’d say a woman was treated harshly.
The doctrine stuff I keep silent on, I ask my husband for clarity and what he believes, that’s good even for me.
 
So much of what you all are saying is exactly how I feel!
I am a mix between; if it’s a really deep topic I just go to my husband, if it’s something that I don’t know enough about I’d rather just learn from others. But, sometimes I’m absolutely positive that my skin’s not thick enough for some of the feedback.
But, I kind of figure maybe that’s my own malfunction since maybe I’m not tough enough. I guess it’s a balance. Because I don’t like the idea of censoring people either to cater to my female sensitivities.
I’m getting the impression a lot of us kind of feel the same way.
Also, I’m ISFP—sooooo close! ;)
 
I wonder if the personalities thing is the key to this. The women tend to be very strongly feminine and sensitive types. The men are the opposite of that, very strongly masculine, alpha type men.
Maybe we're overly sensitive, and they're overly not-sensitive. Combined with being in a text format (which is always more difficult), we're not actually understanding each other.
So this isn't women being attacked, or men against women, or anything like that. It's literally one giant miscommunication.
 
If there are one or two incidents in particular that stand out, and have resulted in you choosing to pull back from interacting on the forum, would you be able to post a link to this so the men can read and reflect on how this was perceived and the effect it has had?

Men: Do NOT argue about whether the incident posted was actually harsh or not, or justified, or misunderstood, or whatever. That would be completely counterproductive, and would just discourage the women involved even more. I expect the ladies will be quite nervous about sharing any specific examples, and the last thing we need is people reacting in a way that makes this worse. Please show them that it is safe to share this by saying NOTHING in response - and that includes private messages (don't start a private conversation with them to try and discuss it).

I'm trying to find out what things the women PERCEIVE negatively enough to cause them to not want to post. As Sarah's said, much of this will be one giant miscommunication, so things being perceived incorrectly goes without saying. The point is that we can read and consider if there are ways we could improve our communication in future.
 
FollowingHim said:
If there are one or two incidents in particular that stand out, and have resulted in you choosing to pull back from interacting on the forum, would you be able to post a link to this so the men can read and reflect on how this was perceived and the effect it has had?

Men: Do NOT argue about whether the incident posted was actually harsh or not, or justified, or misunderstood, or whatever. That would be completely counterproductive, and would just discourage the women involved even more. I expect the ladies will be quite nervous about sharing any specific examples, and the last thing we need is people reacting in a way that makes this worse. Please show them that it is safe to share this by saying NOTHING in response - and that includes private messages (don't start a private conversation with them to try and discuss it).

I'm trying to find out what things the women PERCEIVE negatively enough to cause them to not want to post. As Sarah's said, much of this will be one giant miscommunication, so things being perceived incorrectly goes without saying. The point is that we can read and consider if there are ways we could improve our communication in future.
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So much yes.
If they need a cutout, send it to Sarah
 
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