Absolutely agree here. But I'm hoping to address those specific fears, to shine light on them and show them for what they truly are. Like hearing a noise in the woods at night. Turn on a flashlight and it's just a mouse. Nothing to fear. Listing what those fears will pull them out of the darkness and shine a light full on it.
She will be prettier than me - Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and physical beauty is not the whole picture
More talented than me - You have strengths, so does she. Compliment each other rather than compete
She will make him smile more
She will be more fun to be around
He won’t like me anymore when he gets a new wife
He won’t want me anymore when he gets a new/better girlfriend
I won’t get the attention or affection I need
I’ll have to share him and I don’t want to share
What if he decides I’m not worth keeping anymore because she is _____.
When a woman is reading through the book, and that fear she is feeling is listed along with an explanation of how to deal with the fear and what it's really like from a man's perspective. I can address the fear and help shine light on why it might seem scary but it's much less of a problem than the fear says it will be. The adversary will be marching a parade of fears through her mind. They will be shadowy monsters in the dark with far more power than they actually hold. As a husband, one of my privileges is to set some bonfires of truth, that illuminate those big dark shadowy monsters and show them to be dumb and mute idols that some fool erected there in the forest. They have no power unless you give them power. Once you understand what they are, you can start the process of ignoring the fears. And if the fears are rooted in practical unmet needs like getting some one on one time alone. Then we can know, "hey, the moment I'm feeling this way, we all know what the real issue is. We know what the solution is, and it can be addressed right away instead of being shoved down and festering."
I've seen over and over where a wife will feel jealousy and decide she's just going to deal with the feelings. Shove em down in a hole, and "deal with" it. Then the jealousy turns into resentment, then into bitterness. All the while all she really needed was an afternoon alone with her man to chat, and get some tenderness and affection.
Likewise there seems to be a set of fears that if understood, lose most of their power. Love multiplies, it does not divide. It's rooted in a tiny bit of truth. He will have less time to love on the first child if there is a second child. That does not mean a father will love the second less. In fact, the two children playing together increases his love and affection for them both. Similarly a second wife may "take" some of his time from being given to the first. But that is His time, it does not belong to the first wife. And just because he gives the second some extra attention, does not mean he loves the first any less. From this we can root out the core issue of the matter. Feminism has created an entitlement idol. The first feels entitled to or ownership of all of that man's time and attention.
This entitlement creates a false sense of injustice when she doesn't get what she feels she deserves. Because someone is stealing what belongs to her. Or he is giving away something that is not his to give someone else! If this core component is not brought to light, the real issue can never be addressed. The infection can never be dealt with at the source. Because of this, she will only ever be able to fight against her emotions saying there is injustice and theft occurring. Rather than facing the truth that that time and affection belongs to her husband to dispense as he deems wise and productive. If that truth is embraced, she can only then begin to walk in truth and re-groove the path from jealousy and entitled posessiveness towards reverence and compersion (agape love).
Compersion is our wholehearted participation in the happiness of others. It is the sympathetic joy we feel for somebody else, even when their positive experience does not involve or benefit us directly. Thus, compersion can be thought of as the opposite of jealousy and possessiveness. (https://www.whatiscompersion.com/)
The above is taken from a secular website and polyamorous movement. While worldly, we can recognize in it a pre-existing element of truth found in God's word. That is Agape. A true and deep love for another that is self sacrificing and giving rather than entitled and focused on gain.
So, with all that Keith level of excessive wordsmithing. What are some of the specific "fears" a woman might be facing or hearing as lies from our adversary?
