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Worried about adding a sister wife to our family

Discussion in 'Ladies Only' started by Broncos4life, Nov 9, 2017.

  1. Broncos4life

    Broncos4life New Member Female

    Hello
    I'm new here and this is my first time posting. My husband and I have been talking about adding a sister wife to our growing family (I'm currently 18 weeks pregnant with my first a baby girl).I just feel if we did I would be less loved and cared about. My husband talks about getting multiple wives all the time and always brings it up it makes me feel like he needs to have other wives because I'm not doing something right. We have tried adding a sister wife before but it didn't turn out good.
    Sometimes my husband says I'm being selfish and disobeying God when I bring up my concerns to him so I don't know if it's normal to have these feeling. I would just love some ladies opinions on this topic and how to deal with this and someone to talk to. I know my husband would be happy with another wife so that's why I'm willing to do this for him.
     
  2. Joleneakamama

    Joleneakamama Well-Known Member Female

    First of all, welcome to Biblical Families!

    Many find this site looking for someone to talk with, or help them work through the personal issues they face when contemplating having a multiple wife family.

    Congratulations on your pregnancy! As a new mom you will pour a lot of love....and you may think it's all you have.... into your little daughter, but the amazing thing is, that when you have another baby, your ability and capacity for love just increases.
    I suspect it is much the same for a man who loves his wife/wives. Since each is unique, there is a place in his heart for each, and one can never replace another.

    That said, your feelings are very common, and normal, as I'm sure many here will confirm.

    I'm really glad you found this site, as this is the best, and most supportive place I know of.
    Best to you in your life, marriage, and pregnancy.
     
  3. JessicaP

    JessicaP Member Female

    welcome

    Have you ever looked at the difference between what you say and what he "hears"? My husband likes to tell me that when I think that I am saying something in the simplest way that it seems like I am being passive aggressive. I guess because of body language and tone. Over the 13 years we have been together we have learned that he "hears" something other than what I am saying for example I have some self-esteem issues and if I tell him that I love him alot in a day he doesn't hear me saying I love you he "hears" she doesn't love herself today. When I ask a question and he answers me but then I ask the same question a different way a little later he sees that as defiant because he has given his answer. Adding a sisterwife can be difficult. I thought that because the idea of PM came to me first i thought it would be easier but its not there is a big difference between the idea and the reality. It is never that you are not enough for your husband. It is G-d telling you in the future your husbands walk will require more than one help meet can bare.
     
  4. Lili

    Lili Well-Known Member Female

    I agree that you may be expressing yourself in a way that your husband is understanding something else than your intended message. Hopefully it's just a misunderstanding! Try asking him if he could point it out when you're sounding disagreeable.

    It does help to talk to your husband about your concerns though. There is nothing better than hearing words of encouragement and reassurance from your spouse when you're having a really hard day.

    As far as being loved less, that doesn't actually happen so much as far as I can tell. You're different people, and you will have your own strengths and weaknesses as well as your own marriage with your husband. You can't be replaced because you provide unique "bonuses" to your man and family.

    If you ever want to talk, my PMs are always open! :)
     
  5. windblown

    windblown Well-Known Member Female

    I think we all can relate to some extent or another. Our spirit is willing but our flesh is weak.
    May God give us the power, love, and sound mind to defeat the emotional battles within our minds. (Those fiery darts are mostly self-inflicted but I'm pretty sure the devil would like to take credit for them all!)

    Sending you virtual hugs, Sister.
    Many blessings to you and your first sweet baby. :)
    ~Moriah
     
  6. FollowingHim2

    FollowingHim2 Esteemed Member Female

    This. Also, the opposite. What is he saying, and what are you hearing? He may be thinking he occasionally mentions having another wife, and you think it's all. the. time.
    Working on both of your communication is really important, especially if you want to add a SW at some stage in the future.
    And keep hold of God. He'll guide you through any tough times and thoughts you're having, if you let Him.
     
  7. FollowingHim2

    FollowingHim2 Esteemed Member Female

    Oh and congratulations on the pregnancy! Children are such a wonderful blessing.
     
    Broncos4life likes this.
  8. Broncos4life

    Broncos4life New Member Female

    Hi ladies! Thank you for the warm welcome! Thank you for taking the time to reply to me. I agree me and my husbands communication needs to be better and we need to hear each other more. I'm glad I'm not alone in my feelings and that it's very common to feel the way that I do!
    Hugs & blessings to all you wonderful ladies!
     
    windblown and FollowingHim2 like this.
  9. OhMyStars

    OhMyStars Member Female

    @Broncos4life
    I completely understand and know where you are coming from. We just recently added to our family, a little girl also, our first also, and I can tell you during that time I was pregnant, with my emotions on a rollercoaster that would do Cedar Point proud, I struggled with feelings of insignificance, of hurt, of not feeling loved or cared for, because at that time we did have someone who had joined our family, but ended before baby arrived. It was a hard road for me. But I learned a lot about myself, and about communicating my feelings to my husband. More then once, we sat down and I asked him to truly listen to me, hear me out, ask if he didn't understand what I was saying, and we moved mountains those times of talking, and communication. We gained a deeper understanding of each other, and what we desired for this lifestyle, and how we wanted to make it safe for our daughter, but also in our relationship, keeping things strong and now we are better then ever. It was a rough road getting to where we are how. That relationship that ended during my pregnancy was extremely hard on my husband, it got so bad after she left I wondered if our relationship would even make it thru that, but thank God it did! And we have a beautiful baby to remind us everyday that we have to make time to keep our relationship strong.
    It is VERY normal to have feelings of jealousy, insignificance-not feeling enough, or that you've done something wrong, or that you aren't doin enough to make him happy/satisfied with you, I face that a lot still...its also human nature to feel this way. Plus hormones don't help. Lol
    So when he gets upset about you expressing your feelings, let him know you need him to communicate to you why he thinks that...maybe he doesn't know how to communicate to you or to respond to what you are saying so that's his reply. Men are wired differently....they 'think', women 'feel'...it took me years to understand that, but when I talk to my husband I don't ask how/ he feels, I ask how/what he thinks....wow that opened doors! Another thing that helped me.....writing down everything I felt, feared, wanted, needed, etc, and later went back and read over I just to find it was just my own fears and hurts, that it really wasn't how I saw it at that time...that helps me.
    OK, sorry for rambling....I don't have a lot of friends, and when I get to expressing myself I can't stop.
    I will keep you in my prayers....and if you need want to talk please feel free to message me.
    Take care of yourself and that baby girl! And congratulations to you.
     
    Kevin, Mojo, Lili and 1 other person like this.