Well gee thanks, Steve...Yeah, that’s pretty much my fault.
I allowed my first wedding to a second wife get out of hand and it overwhelmed the retreat.
It was a nice ceremony, although it didn’t stick very well.
Holy cow!
It’s like you were there
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Your wedding day
- Thread starter Patricia C
- Start date
It’s tough because it is the joining of one man and one woman in marriage, but also a family event because someone is being added to the family. I think that the main ceremony really only has to do with the two people getting married, but the family should be there and it would be nice to have something like the wives exchanging rings at the end or something if the wives are up for it. I would have loved if @Sonshine was up for it at the wedding, but like @Isaac said, it was a really big surprise and meant so much to me when she decided to give me the ring on my birthday. 
I just think there should be some separation and the other wives shouldn’t necessarily be involved with the whole ceremony, but ultimately it’s up to the husband.
I just think there should be some separation and the other wives shouldn’t necessarily be involved with the whole ceremony, but ultimately it’s up to the husband.
I eloped - twice. Much cheaper than traditional weddings and both wives get the same deal. I'll see what happens if a third comes along.
I've discovered eloping helps eliminate the typical PM problems. It however creates more unique ones which distract attention from the plural marriage and gives your opponents more ammo in their war against you and your wives. So experience has taught me to only elope if you want a bigger war to fight on a larger front. My $0.02 worth.
Still a first and only wife I mainly would like to be present just to show my approval of the wedding to the bride's family and frankly to our husbands as well(and mine come to think of it lol). I don't need to participate just be there. However if I was asked to participate in some way I'd be more than happy.It’s tough because it is the joining of one man and one woman in marriage, but also a family event because someone is being added to the family. I think that the main ceremony really only has to do with the two people getting married, but the family should be there and it would be nice to have something like the wives exchanging rings at the end or something if the wives are up for it. I would have loved if @Sonshine was up for it at the wedding, but like @Isaac said, it was a really big surprise and meant so much to me when she decided to give me the ring on my birthday.
I just think there should be some separation and the other wives shouldn’t necessarily be involved with the whole ceremony, but ultimately it’s up to the husband.
I only offer this up because it is so common for family to be against PM on both sides. So I believe my presence would be a show of support.
I’m a first and only as of now. We had a very simple wedding. His brother had gotten licensed to marry online. We showed up at his house and said can you marry us. No fan fare, no dress nothing. No vowes even, he literally just said “I now pronounce you husband and wife, you may kiss the bride.” We gave each other rings, put them on, signed the papers and went on our way.
I will admit it was hard for me at first. I wanted the dress, the friends, the party. But, after we took that money and paid off our house it was all worth it. And actually we don’t even wear our rings anymore, him because of work, me because of arthritis.
We have talked about it. And depending on the woman would probably not have anything but a ring exchange for his second. We feel like it’s more about the unspoken commitment you make, the everyday side by side work that means soooo much more than a 1 day ceremony and party.
Just my 2 cents
I will admit it was hard for me at first. I wanted the dress, the friends, the party. But, after we took that money and paid off our house it was all worth it. And actually we don’t even wear our rings anymore, him because of work, me because of arthritis.
We have talked about it. And depending on the woman would probably not have anything but a ring exchange for his second. We feel like it’s more about the unspoken commitment you make, the everyday side by side work that means soooo much more than a 1 day ceremony and party.
Just my 2 cents
M
MontanaDaniel
Guest
It’s tough because it is the joining of one man and one woman in marriage, but also a family event because someone is being added to the family. I think that the main ceremony really only has to do with the two people getting married, but the family should be there and it would be nice to have something like the wives exchanging rings at the end or something if the wives are up for it. I would have loved if @Sonshine was up for it at the wedding, but like @Isaac said, it was a really big surprise and meant so much to me when she decided to give me the ring on my birthday.
I just think there should be some separation and the other wives shouldn’t necessarily be involved with the whole ceremony, but ultimately it’s up to the husband.
I'm glad both of you ladies reflected this opinion back, its motivating to hear that for the future. When it comes to mine down the road, I would indeed like the wives to take very active roles in each and every marriage to a new wife, with the home ceremony being half about the new bride and her individual romance and vows and connection to the husband as a man and woman, but then the other half involving the other existing wife/wives, themselves also standing beside each other and dressed in some kind of symbolic traditional white marital apparel even if not decked out the same as the new bride. And I really like the idea of all the wives exchanging rings. I would add to that also for all wives to refresh their vows to the husband once more, and then also as a group taking "sisterwife vows" that were meant as much for the man as they were for the home and to each other as a single family unit, to establish peace and unity from the start. I think this would reinforce from the start the notion that it's truly a "plural" marriage and not a collection of shared individual marriages.
If and when the second wife were to come along, I would love to be present for their marriage as well as my children. She is not only marrying my Husband but joining the family as well. If she decides at any given moment that my children or I are not allowed then that would raise serious concerns to me and I would need to voice those concerns to my husband. That action would show me and my Husband that she is not willing to really enter this lifestyle or relationship. He would call the relationship off.
I totally agree! I know for myself I would want my sw to help me. Yes it would be my wedding day (correction my and our husband's wedding day) to my husband but it would also be the commitment ceremony for the wives/family.
This is a life long commitment not just for the we will see how it goes time period.
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I knowSorry, @Patricia C. Sadly, it’s par for the course with some.
Ok, I’ll bite.
After destroying a retreat with a big to-do that included bridesmaids dresses, flower arrangements, and a full sit down dinner, we were told that our family couldn’t have another retreat wedding for a full 25 retreats. (Ok, I’m exaggerating slightly)
So for the next one we dialed it way back.
A semi-formal fancy dress ceremony in our living room that included agreeing to the terms in our Katubah, rings for her, wedding cake, first wife and a good friend observing (first second wife still on extended vacation in the North of Tennessee). I’m sure that I will be gently reminded of what I have left out.
Overnight at a nice hotel in Birmingham and on down to Mobile to hangout and tour/explore the USS Alabama (something that she always wanted to do).
(I know, I know. Written like a true male)
Ah Steve you are a true romantic!
I really appreciate you sharing your side of the wedding story and honeymoon. It sounds like you tried to make it special for Karin... and yourself. If there was anything you could have done to make this day more Steve Style? Other than your Family Katuba did you incorporate Ali in the ceremony?
Typical woman.
I poured out my guts and it’s never enough.
JUST KIDDING!!!!!!!
You set it up perfectly and I just couldn’t resist the opportunity.
The thing is, I’m a guy and on the denser end of that spectrum. I couldn’t remember anything other than her playing the music. So I asked. Nope.
Karin had wanted to do a family candle lighting, but that was too much of a retread of the other wedding for me.
Addendum: You asked could I make it any more Steve Style. Not at all. All that I ask is that it be what ministers to the bride and still be within my comfort zone. It was well within my comfort zone.
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Touche Steve, I did leave the door wide open for that. It's a good thing I know and love you.Typical woman.
I poured out my guts and it’s never enough.
JUST KIDDING!!!!!!!
You set it up perfectly and I just couldn’t resist the opportunity.
The thing is, I’m a guy and on the denser end of that spectrum. I couldn’t remember anything other than her playing the music. So I asked. Nope.
Karin had wanted to do a family candle lighting, but that was too much of a retread of the other wedding for me.
I thought you wrote it was to much of a retard of the other wedding not retread LOL! I had to read that a couple times.
I very much appreciate you sharing your story. Thank you for helping get the thread back on track but also because I think there are people who want to know what it's like. I am sure each family will have their own way but the knowledge and experience you can share is so valuable. You have a great family!
J
James A
Guest
Everything comes down to God spend time praying reading the word the closer you are to God the clearer everything will be. It will be all black and white there will be no grey
I’m a second wife and we haven’t had a ceremony or reception or anything formal. My SW, our husband and I sat on the front porch and made a commitment to one another and that was it.
I would still love to have some sort of formal ceremony, but it’s the commitment that really matters, not any of the other stuff.
I would still love to have some sort of formal ceremony, but it’s the commitment that really matters, not any of the other stuff.
Hi! Dione. Great to see you on the forum! Welcome.