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Greetings from Canada!

Fledgling

Member
Male
I am not really new to this site since I've been lurking for a number of years (perhaps 5+), but I'm only making an account now and so I will be new to all of you.

I am an unmarried man (male?) in my late 20s. I've been a believer in Christ since a very young age. Despite these time ranges, I do not know that I have left the immature stages of being either a man or a follower of Christ. Hence, by "fledgling" I refer not to time but to maturity.

I can no longer remember the details of my path to discovering the "okay-ity" of polygyny. I do know that I, being very zealous in my beliefs, grew up forcefully sexually-repressing myself since I believed "every sexual thought is sin", and I was also traveling down the road to believing the wife was of far greater value and authority than the husband. I remember realizing once, whether it was just prior to or in the early stages of this path, that I believed that a woman should be treated as a queen and the man was no more than her servant, perhaps a knight. Something about that seemed wrong to me. On the topic of polygyny itself, I am uncertain whether I was against it, okay with it, or simply had an unformed opinion of it.

Anyway, somewhere on the journey of discovering what the Bible truly taught about sexuality and marriage I found this site. A lot of what I've come to believe about relevant topics has been informed by this site and a few others.

I doubt that I will ever take part in polygyny myself, unless something were to change in my circumstances. Firstly, I do not have even one wife, so why should I worry about getting a second? Additionally, the fact that such a thing is illegal in Canada without some of the loopholes that the USA has, as well as the fact that I would likely have great trouble within society and my family, are strong deterrents for me.

Rather, the knowledge of polygyny being acceptable to God is valuable enough to me. It provides a greater understanding of God and His Word. Also, as @PeteR pointed out in a recent video (I don't watch many but I did watch that one), it is a central topic to patriarchy and thus our understanding of marriage.

It also follows the pattern better than monogamy-only. Where else do we see an authority structure that is one-to-one? King to citizens, master to slaves, employer to employees, all are one-to-many top-to-bottom. The only exceptions that I can think of are parents to children (two-to-many? or is this one-to-many-to-many in the vein of employer-manager-employee?), and master to apprentice (though I'm not sure one-to-one is enforced here). The only example I can think of where one-to-one is enforced would be the Sith :)

That's a bit about me and my journey. I don't typically join forums or give introductions, so I will now awkwardly end with: Hello!
 
Welcome!
 
Shalom and welcome!!
 
Welcome!
Additionally, the fact that such a thing is illegal in Canada without some of the loopholes that the USA has
I think you'll find it's more legal in Canada (I'm in New Zealand, so our laws are from the same root). You're free to live with whoever you like, you just can't get a state marriage licence. In Commonwealth countries there are laws against bigamy (multiple marriage licences), but no laws against polygamy.

The USA has the same law as above, except that some states (the ones with the most polygamy historically) have specifically anti-polygamy laws targetting the Mormon church - laws against cohabitating with multiple wives. They haven't given them loopholes, they've tried unsuccessfully to stamp it out. Also, some states have laws against adultery, which by the way they are worded make polygamy technically illegal if you have one legal wife (but not if you have no marriage licences). These laws aren't enforced usually, but they are on the books and can be used for selective persecution of individuals. Don't mistake "more visible polygamy" to mean "legal loopholes", the opposite is the case.

The only countries with specifically anti-polygamy laws that I am aware of are the USA and the Philippines (which has laws against adultery and concubinage) - coincidentally being a country that used to be ruled by the USA, I don't know if that is the source of these laws but it's an interesting connection.
 
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Welcome!
 
Greetings and thank you for being bold enough to officially introduce yourself. It's encouraging to know you've been learning more from the resources on the site. Shalom
 
Thanks all!

I think you'll find it's more legal in Canada (I'm in New Zealand, so our laws are from the same root). You're free to live with whoever you like, you just can't get a state marriage licence. In Commonwealth countries there are laws against bigamy (multiple marriage licences), but no laws against polygamy.

I think you are correct. I had previously read an article on the government site that stated that "A common-law or conjugal partner relationship cannot be established with more than one person at the same time.", which I then interpreted to mean that there was a prohibition against it when in fact it likely means a legal recognition of the relationship. Another article I read just now indicates the desire to abolish polygyny due to discrimination of women (not sure how that makes sense) which would go against international law, thereby admitting that it is not illegal in and of itself. Thank you for the correction!
 
I am not really new to this site since I've been lurking for a number of years (perhaps 5+), but I'm only making an account now and so I will be new to all of you.

I am an unmarried man (male?) in my late 20s. I've been a believer in Christ since a very young age. Despite these time ranges, I do not know that I have left the immature stages of being either a man or a follower of Christ. Hence, by "fledgling" I refer not to time but to maturity.

I can no longer remember the details of my path to discovering the "okay-ity" of polygyny. I do know that I, being very zealous in my beliefs, grew up forcefully sexually-repressing myself since I believed "every sexual thought is sin", and I was also traveling down the road to believing the wife was of far greater value and authority than the husband. I remember realizing once, whether it was just prior to or in the early stages of this path, that I believed that a woman should be treated as a queen and the man was no more than her servant, perhaps a knight. Something about that seemed wrong to me. On the topic of polygyny itself, I am uncertain whether I was against it, okay with it, or simply had an unformed opinion of it.

Anyway, somewhere on the journey of discovering what the Bible truly taught about sexuality and marriage I found this site. A lot of what I've come to believe about relevant topics has been informed by this site and a few others.

I doubt that I will ever take part in polygyny myself, unless something were to change in my circumstances. Firstly, I do not have even one wife, so why should I worry about getting a second? Additionally, the fact that such a thing is illegal in Canada without some of the loopholes that the USA has, as well as the fact that I would likely have great trouble within society and my family, are strong deterrents for me.

Rather, the knowledge of polygyny being acceptable to God is valuable enough to me. It provides a greater understanding of God and His Word. Also, as @PeteR pointed out in a recent video (I don't watch many but I did watch that one), it is a central topic to patriarchy and thus our understanding of marriage.

It also follows the pattern better than monogamy-only. Where else do we see an authority structure that is one-to-one? King to citizens, master to slaves, employer to employees, all are one-to-many top-to-bottom. The only exceptions that I can think of are parents to children (two-to-many? or is this one-to-many-to-many in the vein of employer-manager-employee?), and master to apprentice (though I'm not sure one-to-one is enforced here). The only example I can think of where one-to-one is enforced would be the Sith :)

That's a bit about me and my journey. I don't typically join forums or give introductions, so I will now awkwardly end with: Hello!
I loved the reference to the Sith!

I used to work for a christian man who would say, "If you hang out in the barbershop long enough, you're going to get a haircut." Perhaps if you hang out with this crowd long enough, your first wife will believe in polygyny. I also liked your authority structure analogy.
 
Certainly, headship and Biblical patriarchy should be squarely on the table. Those discussions may afford a natural opportunity to present the Biblical perspective of marriage... and how/why you take/reject certain vows, etc...
 
I've been leaning towards the idea of making it a talking point with whichever prospects I come across for a first wife. Seems like it would act as a good filter. Maybe too good of a filter.
Absolutely bring it up at some point. This is a tough issue and one you want to get out of the way first. If she's going to run away when she finds out you think this, you don't want to marry her. Better to have her run away first than later with your kids.
But if she accepts this you'll know she's a real keeper, a woman who will likely cope with the other shocks of life and stay by your side then also.
 
Certainly, headship and Biblical patriarchy should be squarely on the table. Those discussions may afford a natural opportunity to present the Biblical perspective of marriage... and how/why you take/reject certain vows, etc...

Absolutely bring it up at some point. This is a tough issue and one you want to get out of the way first. If she's going to run away when she finds out you think this, you don't want to marry her. Better to have her run away first than later with your kids.
But if she accepts this you'll know she's a real keeper, a woman who will likely cope with the other shocks of life and stay by your side then also.

Excellent points! I'm glad I'm here.
 
I agree with what has been said previously, but beware though, even if she appears to accept poly at first;
a) She might just be saying what she thinks you want to hear, or
b) To her, your talk of poly might be just pie in the sky, and her attitude might change dramatically when poly becomes pie in the oven.

Also in the case of (b), she might actually be cool with the idea at first, but after some time of being an only wife, she might get cold feet and not want things to change, or fear how they might change.

It has been said; "Start as you mean to go." Any poly-minded man who has no woman, might consider if it seems best to seek poly right from the start. Starting poly means the issue is real for her right from the start. So no getting cold feet later. It is also a gauge of her attraction to you; in that Is she willing to share you?; actually willing, not just saying she's willing. If she is, that's a good sign. But if she won't share you, that tells you her level of attraction; not good.

Starting poly also has the benefit of allowing you to see how the women interact with each other, where one might see the other as a "rival". It might be that the woman you find first is the one who can't take it, but the second is compatible. Whereas, if you make commitment to the first and later find she's incompatible with poly when you find number two, then you're stuck.

However you start, if you have one who truly is poly-compatible, then she can help you seek number two, and having her also gives you pre-selection, which can make it easier to find number two. A woman will find you more attractive if she sees that you're attractive to other women (that is the pre-selection). Also, she will be less on guard around a man who has with a woman with him, than a man who is alone.

Oh, and Welcome to BF!
 
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