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Greeting and genuine question

J

JayKillz1996

New Member
Hello, I was referred to the blog with questions regarding the act of Polygamy.

Brief background:
I am 26 years old and live in sunny Miami, FL with my beautiful wife of 2 years.
To make a very long story short, she cannot bear any children due to surgeries and medical reasons. I was introduced to this concept of polygamy as a means to produce my own children, but I have a few questions that I need answered about this practice.

1) How on Earth do you afford to keep a 2nd family and maintain a lifestyle?

2) you would obviously have to keep your 2nd marriage hidden from Govt entities, how do you accomplish this outside of small, more accepting, communities? (I.e living in a large city)

3) How do you keep a 2nd wife submissive when she could EASILY leave at her own will with your children a make you pay child-support?
 
Well, I would say don't have a second family...be one family

The Supreme Court has already ruled that two or more consenting adults can live together. What more do you want? If you think a legal marriage gives you any kind of security, you aren't paying attention to the divorce rate.

Staying together means commitment, and if the lady doesn't fear God there isn't much that will make her stick out tough times. So choose prayerfully, and live her in an understanding way.

Any aspect that applies to one, applies to two....but mistakes tend to get brought to the forefront with plural marriage. So do any insecurities your first wife may have.

There is lots of reading here at the site and much shared wisdom.
 
Welcome, I'm glad you found this place to ask your questions!

1) Firstly, we're not talking about a second family. We're talking about one family with extra members. That's not that much more expensive - unless you decide to maintain two houses for some reason.
This depends entirely on your means. If you are not rich, at least one wife will probably need to have a job. This is not strange - in our modern society most monogamous wives have to work to make ends meet. It's just the state of the economy.

2) No. Polygyny is not illegal. You can live with as many women as you like. We live in a secular society that doesn't care.
You cannot get a marriage licence for the second marriage - that would be illegal (bigamy), but it's just paperwork.

3) How do you keep one wife? Choose her carefully - find a woman who actually wants to commit to you for life, and then treat her well enough that she doesn't regret her decision and change her mind.
 
JayKillz1996 said:
Hello, I was referred to the blog with questions regarding the act of Polygamy.

Brief background:
I am 26 years old and live in sunny Miami, FL with my beautiful wife of 2 years.
To make a very long story short, she cannot bear any children due to surgeries and medical reasons. I was introduced to this concept of polygamy as a means to produce my own children, but I have a few questions that I need answered about this practice.

1) How on Earth do you afford to keep a 2nd family and maintain a lifestyle?

2) you would obviously have to keep your 2nd marriage hidden from Govt entities, how do you accomplish this outside of small, more accepting, communities? (I.e living in a large city)

3) How do you keep a 2nd wife submissive when she could EASILY leave at her own will with your children a make you pay child-support?
Click to expand...
Welcome...

Is this something you've been discussing with wife 1?

1) As other's said, a 2nd family is not the idea, it's one family, you're the head/patriarch. If you can't afford to add a wife, I would ask how you suppose to afford adding children?

2) Other's covered this ...

3) Any wife in America with or without a state marriage document can no-fault divorce you, snatch the kids, and demand child support, unfortunately. You need to choose very wisely, which is why this site is about biblical families, and that would mean you're leading as a faithful man, and only taking in faithful women, who will walk in the ways of the Lord.
 
FollowingHim said:
Welcome, I'm glad you found this place to ask your questions!

1) Firstly, we're not talking about a second family. We're talking about one family with extra members. That's not that much more expensive - unless you decide to maintain two houses for some reason.
This depends entirely on your means. If you are not rich, at least one wife will probably need to have a job. This is not strange - in our modern society most monogamous wives have to work to make ends meet. It's just the state of the economy.

2) No. Polygyny is not illegal. You can live with as many women as you like. We live in a secular society that doesn't care.
You cannot get a marriage licence for the second marriage - that would be illegal (bigamy), but it's just paperwork.

3) How do you keep one wife? Choose her carefully - find a woman who actually wants to commit to you for life, and then treat her well enough that she doesn't regret her decision and change her mind.
Click to expand...
All good things to consider. Forgive my lack of concise questioning as I had no idea this was even practiced in this day and age.
I was simply referred by a friend to view this blog, and others like it, as a potential solution to my Wife’s inability to have children of our own.
I have not made up my mind as to if we will seriously consider this as an option. If I’m being perfectly honest, being childless isn’t the worst fate I can image on this Earth. After all, every one of the cars I want are 2-seaters (all jokes).
I appreciate the warm welcome.
 
It's God's solution to barrenness. While IVF and all related medical interventions are the world's solution.

Of course, if you don't want a solution and are happy with your present lot in life, that's even easier! And seriously, being content with your life is the place to begin. Get content first, and wait for God to lead you where He will. There is a very good chance that He has deliberately allowed your wife to be barren in order to keep you both free for some sort of ministry that would be hindered by having children. That is the most likely way your life will go. But if His plan is instead to give you children through a second woman, He will bring her along and make that clear in His own time. You just need to know it is an option so you won't miss God's voice at the time.
 
Hi and welcome. All the advice above is excellent. One thing I would add and emphasise is this; all relationships have problems and challenges whether they are monogamous or polygamous. The relationships that survive and flourish are those where the people are 100% committed to solving the problems. Choose women to be wives who fear God and seek to serve Him above all else in this world. That way they will be committed to solving the problems. Shalom
 
Point of clarification as I foolishly left this out.
I am by no means a Christian. I understand that this is a Faith and Bible-based blog but I do NOT follow any faith.
I could be best described as a typical Agnostic. I believe god has to be real as the theories of time-extensive evolution, old world theorum, and even social psychology are utter nonsense. Simply put, God has to be real because without a god present everything we do is both simultaneously right and wrong based purely on emotion.
 
JayKillz1996 said:
Point of clarification as I foolishly left this out.
I am by no means a Christian. I understand that this is a Faith and Bible-based blog but I do NOT follow any faith.
I could be best described as a typical Agnostic. I believe god has to be real as the theories of time-extensive evolution, old world theorum, and even social psychology are utter nonsense. Simply put, God has to be real because without a god present everything we do is both simultaneously right and wrong based purely on emotion.
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Thanks for the clarification as that helps us understand your situation better. However, that really doesn't alter the advice we'd give. I might add that since you don't have a Rock-solid foundation to build upon, you may find polygamy more difficult in your culture.
 
Shalom and welcome.
 
Welcome.

If it's just about having kids, adopt instead. Your life will be much simpler. You will love the kids the same. My sister has one biological child and one adopted. She really does love them the same.

I do understand the barren wife situation. My wife and I are childless after more than twenty years of marriage. It sucks. I'm sorry that you guys have to deal with this difficulty.

It's part of what got me interested in polygamy (along with just reading the Bible honestly).

More importantly, I hope you someday come to have faith in Jesus Christ. He is the Son of God, died for the sins of man, rose again from the dead, and will someday return to judge the world and save those who hope in Him.
 
JayKillz1996 said:
Point of clarification as I foolishly left this out.
I am by no means a Christian. I understand that this is a Faith and Bible-based blog but I do NOT follow any faith.
I could be best described as a typical Agnostic. I believe god has to be real as the theories of time-extensive evolution, old world theorum, and even social psychology are utter nonsense. Simply put, God has to be real because without a god present everything we do is both simultaneously right and wrong based purely on emotion.
Click to expand...
That's a good place to start. The most important thing is to realise that God is real. You've figured that out already. The question remaining is simply: if there is a God, then who is he and what relevance does he have to my life? I'd encourage you to study that a bit more and try to figure it out.

The advice is still the same - except that a commitment to some moral / legal code beyond secular law is crucial to make this work. When pursuing a relationship outside "the system", the system offers no incentive for people to commit. The system incentivises monogamous marriages to stick together by making divorce difficult, and assists them in innumerable subtle ways simply by assuming they exist. But step outside the system, and you need a different system to define right and wrong in a way that is fair and just (for instance, what is "cheating" now?), and to help you get through difficulties. For us, this wider system is provided by Christian morality and faith in the God who designed it, and accountability to our peers within that system and to God himself.
 
JayKillz1996 said:
1) How on Earth do you afford to keep a 2nd family and maintain a lifestyle?

2) you would obviously have to keep your 2nd marriage hidden from Govt entities, how do you accomplish this outside of small, more accepting, communities? (I.e living in a large city)

3) How do you keep a 2nd wife submissive when she could EASILY leave at her own will with your children a make you pay child-support?
Click to expand...
1) When you have a business, you hire help and the help adds cost to the business, but adds more wealth generation than cost, so the business grows. Add a woman to house, and you add substantially more wealth generation, but the "overhead" costs go up only slightly. The roof doesn't cost any more, the electric bill perhaps goes up slightly, and the food only goes up a little bit. So adding another woman adds far more value to the house than cost. I think it's generally good to try to run one's life like a business.

2) I've been surprised how unaccepting of poly city people can be. Any sort of stable poly arrangment is going to exhibit the man wearing the pants, and that's contrary to the zeitgeist, so they are offended.

3.a) You become sufficiently attractive to her that she will greatly desire to please you. I wrote a tiny introductory piece on the topic of becoming attractive, which is here; https://biblicalfamilies.org/forum/...en-spouse-rejects-her-faith.14962/post-191286 It's a big topic, and there is much redpill content on the topic of masculine attractiveness, and Game theory. If you don't already lift, that's something you'd definitely want to look into. Anything you can improve in these areas will help you with your current woman, regardless of finding a second.

3.b) You move out of the West. #PassportBros

Oh, and Welcome!
 
A man who leads an extended family becomes a beacon of light, which allows everyone in the family to lead better, more caring and productive lives. I feel that going through these doubts, and with the help of your wife, and any other ladies who you meet on the way, you are becoming a man who can lead a poly family. As ever, I have to defer to the wise writers here, but I do think it is better to try to build a single poly family under one roof- then the ladies can share tasks and companionship.
 
JayKillz1996 said:
Point of clarification as I foolishly left this out.
I am by no means a Christian. I understand that this is a Faith and Bible-based blog but I do NOT follow any faith.
I could be best described as a typical Agnostic. I believe god has to be real as the theories of time-extensive evolution, old world theorum, and even social psychology are utter nonsense. Simply put, God has to be real because without a god present everything we do is both simultaneously right and wrong based purely on emotion.
Click to expand...
So you acknowledge it was all set in motion on purpose, you just haven’t figured out what that that purpose is?
 
JayKillz1996 said:
Hello, I was referred to the blog with questions regarding the act of Polygamy.

Brief background:
I am 26 years old and live in sunny Miami, FL with my beautiful wife of 2 years.
To make a very long story short, she cannot bear any children due to surgeries and medical reasons. I was introduced to this concept of polygamy as a means to produce my own children, but I have a few questions that I need answered about this practice.

1) How on Earth do you afford to keep a 2nd family and maintain a lifestyle?

2) you would obviously have to keep your 2nd marriage hidden from Govt entities, how do you accomplish this outside of small, more accepting, communities? (I.e living in a large city)

3) How do you keep a 2nd wife submissive when she could EASILY leave at her own will with your children a make you pay child-support?
Click to expand...

1) You have one family that lives together...sometimes in a big house.
2) You do not need to be hidden from government but it's best not to make a show of yourself and shame them into 'doing something'.
3) Choose well.
 
MeganC said:
1) You have one family that lives together...sometimes in a big house.
2) You do not need to be hidden from government but it's best not to make a show of yourself and shame them into 'doing something'.
3) Choose well.
Click to expand...
it's probably also better to do it out in the country somewhere rather than in a big city like Miami.
 
Bartato said:
it's probably also better to do it out in the country somewhere rather than in a big city like Miami.
Click to expand...
Does anyone really care?
We keep it on the down-low because of ministry, but the neighbors and Sheriffs Department know and have no problem using our services.
We live in a subdivision.
 
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