Christ commands the church church to do some pretty horrid things. I’ll limit a husband’s authority as much as you’ll limit Christ’s.
I agree that a husband's authority is as Christ's to the church, but does Christ ask the church to sin? I don't see that in scripture. If we compare ourselves to Christ, then doesn't that also warrant righteous living like Christ. Which would dissolve this question completely.
The expectation is high for us, to not sin. Do we not agree that it is against the nature of Christ to condone our sin? Our master is in accordance with righteous living, unlike some earthly husbands.
If we're found to be evil servants in his return we will be cut asunder and our portions given to the hypocrites.
“But and if that evil servant shall say in his heart, My Lord delayeth his coming; and shall begin to smite his fellowservants, and to eat and drink with the drunken; the Lord of that servant shall come in a day when he looketh not for him, and in an hour that he is not aware of, and shall cut him asunder, and appoint him his portion with the hypocrites: there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth.”
Matthew 24:48-51
and told that if we name the name of Christ to depart from iniquity.
“Nevertheless the foundation of God standeth sure, having this seal, The Lord knoweth them that are his. And, Let every one that nameth the name of Christ depart from iniquity.”
2 Timothy 2:19
a second question, is the woman responsible for her own sin or is the man responsible for her sin? If he is responsible for her sin, then I agree even more with you that she should then obey in sin as well. But is there scripture for that, because I'd love to know how you feel about that question too.
If she is responsible for her own sin, then the argument would be greater for refusing to worship an idol, or get an abortion, or to sit back in subjection knowing that her children are getting molested(as i referenced was an actual experience written in my wife's book, earlier).
and in refusing and leaving, which i think is a great option, she would be definitely defying her husband in a biblical manner. In a way though, this would be circling back confirming my answer in the original dilemma. But this route has been afforded by the scriptures, as you say. Which is a fine middle ground that I am willing to admit.