What draws you to this lifestyle?

[indigenouspolygynist]

What is drawing you to the polygamous lifestyle?

I think for me, it mainly stems from my lonely childhood and my dysfunctional family. I wasn't born into the supportive, functional family I need. I'm hardly even in contact with my family now. It's really hard to raise a family with no support. (Same with my wife's family.)

I dream of having a healthy family. We've been working hard for years at creating healthy children, but that leaves us as the only family members in our generation. I want another peer for both of us.

For years, I've dreamed of it being three of us gathering around the table in the evenings to play board games and enjoy each other's company. I want to experience the closeness that only comes from doing life together forever. I want two best friends who will never leave me.

I also get a lot of satisfaction from being the provider for my family and I would love to provide for two women. I've been pretty successful financially and I can't think of anything more rewarding to do with my money than to care for someone I love.

 

[Joleneakamama]

I grew up with sisters, but never really had close female friends. Once you are married with children you have less time for relationships outside of family. I wanted to be able to build a relationship with someone I trust...be the kind of friend I would have found helpful when raising my little ones....and have another someone who would still be here after the children grow up and move out.

 

[indigenouspolygynist]

I grew up with sisters, but never really had close female friends. Once you are married with children you have less time for relationships outside of family. I wanted to be able to build a relationship with someone I trust...be the kind of friend I would have found helpful when raising my little ones....and have another someone who would still be here after the children grow up and move out.

You've been on this forum a long time. How long have you had a sister wife? How has it gone for you? Is it difficult? Are you best friends?

 

[FeministVampireQueen]

What is drawing you to the polygamous lifestyle?

I think for me, it mainly stems from my lonely childhood and my dysfunctional family. I wasn't born into the supportive, functional family I need. I'm hardly even in contact with my family now. It's really hard to raise a family with no support. (Same with my wife's family.)

I dream of having a healthy family. We've been working hard for years at creating healthy children, but that leaves us as the only family members in our generation. I want another peer for both of us.

For years, I've dreamed of it being three of us gathering around the table in the evenings to play board games and enjoy each other's company. I want to experience the closeness that only comes from doing life together forever. I want two best friends who will never leave me.

I also get a lot of satisfaction from being the provider for my family and I would love to provide for two women. I've been pretty successful financially and I can't think of anything more rewarding to do with my money than to care for someone I love.

It's actually super refreshing to see someone state reasons that aren't just "me, me, me." That's rare. Actually, what drew me to the idea of plural marriage to begin with, was the thought of just filling in whenever I was needed for a family, and actually genuinely enjoying a life with everyone involved. I still very much like that idea, even if I am a bit jaded from bad encounters early on when I was more serious about looking for a family. I did meet one family that I hit it off with well early on, and I still think about them often, but they live on the other side of the country, so it's just not feasible at the moment.

 

[indigenouspolygynist]

It's actually super refreshing to see someone state reasons that aren't just "me, me, me." That's rare. Actually, what drew me to the idea of plural marriage to begin with, was the thought of just filling in whenever I was needed for a family, and actually genuinely enjoying a life with everyone involved. I still very much like that idea, even if I am a bit jaded from bad encounters early on when I was more serious about looking for a family. I did meet one family that I hit it off with well early on, and I still think about them often, but they live on the other side of the country, so it's just not feasible at the moment.

It sounds like we have very similar perspectives (based off the comments in my other thread also). That's refreshing. After lurking here for a while and seeing some really disgusting comments (misogyny, clear signs of abuse, etc.), I was afraid I might not find like minded people here. I'm glad I was wrong.

 

[FeministVampireQueen]

It sounds like we have very similar perspectives (based off the comments in my other thread also). That's refreshing. After lurking here for a while and seeing some really disgusting comments (misogyny, clear signs of abuse, etc.), I was afraid I might not find like minded people here. I'm glad I was wrong.

That's actually one of the things that contributed to putting me off on the idea. I never seem to get along with the people biblical plural marriage attracts, lol. I don't want to discourage anyone from being on the forum though, I've learned a lot from the people here as well. There seems to be some new people here lately and I'm enjoying seeing new perspectives

 

[Joleneakamama]

You've been on this forum a long time. How long have you had a sister wife? How has it gone for you? Is it difficult? Are you best friends?

Had a sisterwife over four years now. If wanting this had made me equipped I would have had no problems. There is really not much about monogamy that helps you with this. It changes pretty much everything. I have really never had a problem with my sisterwife. She is very sweet and easy to like and live with. It was partly not expecting issues that made it worse, but my husband didn't know how to support me with the adjusments, and I didn't know how to be what he needed either. I know God brought her into our lives and family....so this is right, but he and I did a lot wrong as in not beneficial or supportive for each other. Finding the book Magnetic Femininity that I recommended in another thread, then the Enneagram, and then finally information about attachment styles has helped me figure out my internal conflicts and fears. It has not been easy. ...but there is a lot of compatibility between us, a lot of love, and my sweet sisterwife has been very non judgemental and understanding. Like I said, wanting it doesnt mean you are good at it. Thank God He equips the called instead of calling the equipped! There are two beautiful little children here that I am not related to....who claim me and love me. .. and He keeps giving me insights and outside perspectives that help me understand what I need to change. I wouldn't go back if I could! Is it easy? Not always. It it worth it? YES! It is ALWAYS worth it!

 

[indigenouspolygynist]

That's actually one of the things that contributed to putting me off on the idea. I never seem to get along with the people biblical plural marriage attracts, lol. I don't want to discourage anyone from being on the forum though, I've learned a lot from the people here as well. There seems to be some new people here lately and I'm enjoying seeing new perspectives

If you'd like to talk, send me a DM. I'll give you my contact info. There are some things I don't feel comfortable sharing through the forum.

Had a sisterwife over four years now. If wanting this had made me equipped I would have had no problems. There is really not much about monogamy that helps you with this. It changes pretty much everything. I have really never had a problem with my sisterwife. She is very sweet and easy to like and live with. It was partly not expecting issues that made it worse, but my husband didn't know how to support me with the adjusments, and I didn't know how to be what he needed either. I know God brought her into our lives and family....so this is right, but he and I did a lot wrong as in not beneficial or supportive for each other. Finding the book Magnetic Femininity that I recommended in another thread, then the Enneagram, and then finally information about attachment styles has helped me figure out my internal conflicts and fears. It has not been easy. ...but there is a lot of compatibility between us, a lot of love, and my sweet sisterwife has been very non judgemental and understanding. Like I said, wanting it doesnt mean you are good at it. Thank God He equips the called instead of calling the equipped! There are two beautiful little children here that I am not related to....who claim me and love me. .. and He keeps giving me insights and outside perspectives that help me understand what I need to change. I wouldn't go back if I could! Is it easy? Not always. It it worth it? YES! It is ALWAYS worth it!

I'm really glad it's been going well for you. This is what I want for my family too. F2, as I'm calling her, is also very sweet and I think she will be best friends with my wife once they meet -- which is going to happen in about a week if all goes well. I'm really excited to see them interact. My wife has always been lonely, and I can't wait to see her have someone to share her life with.

That's actually the reason I started thinking about this several years ago. She had a good friend who's since moved away. I came home one night and saw the two of them together, playing a game at the table and she was smiling more than I had ever seen before. I want her to feel that way every day.

 

[indigenouspolygynist]

I'm really glad it's been going well for you.

Or is it? Rereading the comment, I'm a little confused. Is it going better now than it did initially? Also, how did you need your husband to support you? How can I support my wife if we do this?

 

[Mojo]

After lurking here for a while and seeing some really disgusting comments (misogyny, clear signs of abuse, etc.),

If you feel that this question would derail your original intent, feel free to let me know:

Do you have examples of what you consider misogynistic or abusive? I’m not saying they’re not on here. I’m just curious how you identify or define it.

 

[Joleneakamama]

My wife has always been lonely, and I can't wait to see her have someone to share her life with.

You might look at the attachment styles info and take the quiz. https://quiz.attachmentproject.com/

We can end up afraid of, or avoiding the very friendships and relationships we want.

 

[indigenouspolygynist]

If you feel that this question would derail your original intent, feel free to let me know:

Do you have examples of what you consider misogynistic or abusive? I’m not saying they’re not on here. I’m just curious how you identify or define it.

Here's an example of what I'd consider misogyny. I don't take issue with the fact that being a good cook is a positive trait for a wife, but the implication seems to be that her contrary views and independence make her otherwise unfit for marriage.

I also happen to agree with the views I've read from her posts. There's a lot of discouraging comments in the Trump thread in particular. But it would be best not to open up that can of worms here.

In regard to abuse, was one post that stood out to me in particular that I read a couple months ago, but it's too late tonight to go look for it. A guy was putting a lot of pressure on his wife to accept polygamy when, as I recall, he didn't even have a potential second spouse. He wrote about how he realized he hadn't been leading his family the way he should have as the patriarch, so he finally decided to put his foot down. I can't remember the details, but it was very clear that he was being abusive to his wife and kids. I don't remember anyone calling him out for it. I'll have to go dig it up now because it's really bugging me that I don't recall the details.

Obviously, I'm not accusing everyone here of misogyny or abuse. I was just really discouraged by some of the comments I came across that went unchallenged. I hope to find more like minded people like FeministVampireQueen.

 

[frederick]

I was just really discouraged by some of the comments I came across that went unchallenged.

Sometimes the situation reaches a point where we try to apply the lesson from Proverbs; Where there is no wood, the fire goes out; And where there is no talebearer, strife ceases (Proverbs 26:20). Rather than continuing to pour fuel on the fire, we hope it will burn itself out. Not always successful, but we live in hope.

 

[indigenouspolygynist]

I found the post I was thinking of. I think I was misremembering some of the details, but this comment in particular is incredibly alarming to me. This guy has been trying to force this lifestyle on his wife for almost two decades and his 16 year old daughter decided to move out because of the stress it was causing the family.

There's obviously a lot more going on here than what the guy is letting on. I can't imagine how bad the situation is in order for his child to want to leave. I strongly suspect there's a lot of abuse involved beyond the information provided, but just the narrative he provided alone is harrowing. She doesn't want to be a sister wife and he's trying to force her to accept it. The disagreement has been going on for 17 years. He won't let it go and it's spilling out into their relationship with their daughter? That alone is not only toxic, but incredibly abusive.

There's also a comment in that thread where someone said women need to be trained like animals.

 

[indigenouspolygynist]

Sometimes the situation reaches a point where we try to apply the lesson from Proverbs; Where there is no wood, the fire goes out; And where there is no talebearer, strife ceases (Proverbs 26:20). Rather than continuing to pour fuel on the fire, we hope it will burn itself out. Not always successful, but we live in hope.

Yes, those are wise words!

 

[Kojent]

What is drawing you to the polygamous lifestyle?

Less and less, to be honest with you, even as someone who the Lord hand delivered a perfect person (humanly speaking) to.

The amount of ecumenism and false teaching that is not only tolerated but elevated by pro-polygyny proponents is simply staggering.

The amount of issues (related to stumbling blocks, logistics, jealousy, disunity, etc.) in even entertaining such a counter-cultural arrangement is also very humbling.

The mere fact that pursuing such an arrangement almost guarantees that you will be persona non grata in any orthodox Christian fellowship should be enough to give a genuine disciple of Christ serious, serious pause.

Thankfully the naysayers (such as one of the ladies on the main page at BibFam) aren’t being silenced on this forum, although they aren’t really being amplified either. You see this in secular niches too: transgender communities ostracize the de-transitioners, etc.

My view is that polygyny, even if lawful, is almost always inexpedient for the aforementioned reasons.

Not to mention, if the Lord Jesus Christ did in fact expand (or clarify or fulfil) the law in a way that is new and different in the New Covenant, then every Christian polygynist could find themselves in a grave state of self-deception on the Last Day. It would be a terrible, teeth gnashing scenario to ultimately discover that polygyny in the New Covenant is considered porneia (fornication or sexual immorality).

The juice just probably isn't worth the squeeze in most cases.

Lots of sincere people here who are proponents. But the majority of people can and have been sincerely wrong on matters of eternal weight and moment since even before the Fall.

 

[Mojo]

I found the post I was thinking of. I think I was misremembering some of the details, but this comment in particular is incredibly alarming to me. This guy has been trying to force this lifestyle on his wife for almost two decades and his 16 year old daughter decided to move out because of the stress it was causing the family.

There's obviously a lot more going on here than what the guy is letting on. I can't imagine how bad the situation is in order for his child to want to leave. I strongly suspect there's a lot of abuse involved beyond the information provided, but just the narrative he provided alone is harrowing. She doesn't want to be a sister wife and he's trying to force her to accept it. The disagreement has been going on for 17 years. He won't let it go and it's spilling out into their relationship with their daughter? That alone is not only toxic, but incredibly abusive.

There's also a comment in that thread where someone said women need to be trained like animals.

Thanks for the examples.

This ministry is unabashedly patriarchal (according to biblical extracts in the order of chain of submission). It’s a feature, not a secondary afterthought around here.

However, what that looks like in each house is up to each patriarch as he works within his dynamic. There are many takes on what that involves, but the average Joe Christian will feel uncomfortable with much of what is espoused here. It’s not because it’s unbiblical, it’s because culture has steered itself so far away from a patriarchal mindset that anyone with views on proper home order from 1935 (less than 100 years ago) is seen as being dangerous and yes, abusive.

That being said, there are plenty of fly by night posters on here who advocate for various pet theories on home rule. Still others who come on here are ranting about unsubmissive wives refusing to allow them to go on dates with randos after throwing polygyny on their laps last night. A whole family blowing up and disintegrating overnight usually indicates underlying issues that perhaps this husband is trying to resolve with polygyny (not a good idea). It could also indicate wolves in sheep’s clothing coming onto this site to throw bombs to see the reaction. Nefarious actors do come on here to stir up trouble, but they are often easily spotted.

Bottom line, if you expect modern, feminist views on home dynamics, you’ll find yourself lacking for too much company around here. You will be welcome with open arms and encouraged to stay but your views will likely be in the minority.

If you stick around long enough, I think you’ll start to see just who is full of bluster when it comes to the fringe extremes, and who is sensible and level headed according to sound biblical principles.

 

[FeministVampireQueen]

I also happen to agree with the views I've read from her posts. There's a lot of discouraging comments in the Trump thread in particular. But it would be best not to open up that can of worms here

There's also a comment in that thread where someone said women need to be trained like animals

I was just really discouraged by some of the comments I came across that went unchallenged

I don't want to derail the thread but I do agree with you here.

Bottom line, if you expect modern, feminist views on home dynamics, you’ll find yourself lacking for too much company around here

That's the thing though, some of the opposing views people have here aren't inherently that "modern" or even that "feminist," they're just labeled as such anytime there's a difference of opinion.

 

[indigenouspolygynist]

Thanks for the examples.

This ministry is unabashedly patriarchal (according to biblical extracts in the order of chain of submission). It’s a feature, not a secondary afterthought around here.

However, what that looks like in each house is up to each patriarch as he works within his dynamic. There are many takes on what that involves, but the average Joe Christian will feel uncomfortable with much of what is espoused here. It’s not because it’s unbiblical, it’s because culture has steered itself so far away from a patriarchal mindset that anyone with views on proper home order from 1935 (less than 100 years ago) is seen as being dangerous and yes, abusive.

That being said, there are plenty of fly by night posters on here who advocate for various pet theories on home rule. Still others who come on here are ranting about unsubmissive wives refusing to allow them to go on dates with randos after throwing polygyny on their laps last night. A whole family blowing up and disintegrating overnight usually indicates underlying issues that perhaps this husband is trying to resolve with polygyny (not a good idea). It could also indicate wolves in sheep’s clothing coming onto this site to throw bombs to see the reaction. Nefarious actors do come on here to stir up trouble, but they are often easily spotted.

Bottom line, if you expect modern, feminist views on home dynamics, you’ll find yourself lacking for too much company around here. You will be welcome with open arms and encouraged to stay but your views will likely be in the minority.

If you stick around long enough, I think you’ll start to see just who is full of bluster when it comes to the fringe extremes, and who is sensible and level headed according to sound biblical principles.

I wouldn't describe myself as a feminist. I believe in traditional gender roles. I believe that men should provide for their families and women's first priority should tending to her family when there are young children in the home. But I don't respect men who who mistreat women. I don't respect men who abuse women, treat them as subhuman, loaf while the wife does all the work, don't provide for their families, don't love and respect their wives, etc. These are some of the things I often see among people who obsess over patriarchy. Being a patriarch requires selflessness. It means putting your wife and children's needs above your own. It means sacrificing your own desires for the good of the family. It means setting the example for how the rest of your family should live and treat other people. Being a male and bossing around a woman doesn't make someone a patriarch.

Misogyny is treating a woman with disrespect because of her gender. Being an antimisogynist doesn't mean someone doesn't make someone a feminist and it doesn't mean they don't believe in traditional gender roles. It means that we treat people with the respect they deserve as a human being. Comparing women to animals and calling a minor teen unmarriable for having a differing opinion are examples of treating women (or a girl in the latter case) as subhuman. It's a disrespectful way to treat anyone, regardless of their gender.

That being said though, I appreciate the fact that people of differing opinions are welcome here. I expect that some people here won't like me, and that's ok. Just please understand that my background is that I've experienced a lot of abuse in my life and I have absolutely zero tolerance for anyone who mistreats vulnerable people. I can disagree with people on almost anything and still be friends, but I will always call someone out for abuse, no matter who they are.

It's not clear to me from your comment where you stand on these issues, so I don't know if I'm yelling at you in particular, haha. This is just something that's incredibly personal to me. I expect you're a very reasonable guy, and I hope we get along well.

I don't want to derail the thread but I do agree with you here.

That's the thing though, some of the opposing views people have here aren't inherently that "modern" or even that "feminist," they're just labeled as such anytime there's a difference of opinion.

It really just comes down to treating people with respect.

 

[Mojo]

Being a patriarch requires selflessness. It means putting your wife and children's needs above your own. It means sacrificing your own desires for the good of the family. It means setting the example for how the rest of your family should live and treat other people.

If this is what you believe, then you will find good company here.